Little Sparrow
The Complication of your glory
is hard for me to contemplate
YouÕre the one
my treasure
DonÕt go away
DonÕt go away
from me
DonÕt wander
little sparrow
donÕt flutter away
Stay on my shoulder
I promise youÕll never
fall
I promise not to let you
fall
to the ground
---------------------------
it's all over now
we're just friends
you love her
we've reached our end
it's over now
we go our ways
not a chance in the world
not a chance that you'd stay
over now
we say goodbye
I cry for you
away you fly.
-----
Listening to that childhood song
thinking of all the things that went wrong
why'd you leave me dad? yes, you left me too.
don't you see you've made me so blue?
I know you said you'd always love me dad, and that you'd never lie.
but why than did you tell me, dad, we'd never say goodbye?
I'd like to think you're proud of me dad, even though you never call
I can't help but remeber, dad, when you lived right down the hall.
Why'd you have to go dad? I just don't understand.
Why you couldn't stick around dad and lend that helping hand.
-------
I am the girl you call blue. the whispy and fragile appearance, the frailtys of my soft from, they give not a hint to the tidal wave of emotion that scrapes inside my being. sullen and strung-out yes, i am the girl you call blue.
-------------
this grey shirt of mine
itÕs soaked up so many tears
so many tears
you'd think i'd
run out of them
and I get so cold
so very fridged here
typing while the tears fall
it's so fitting
that you would be gray
---------
have you realized how i missed you
every night, how i longed to kiss you, even if just on the cheek
Did you ever wonder
why at the first sign of thunder, i came running to you. I was so weak.
I thought you were my savior;
did you not notice from my behavior;
i guess you never realized
guess you never saw the love in my eyes.
how many days have passed with you not there
i doubt you care, that i worshiped you
you showed no gratitude
only left me in solitude
You were the greatest
dissapointment
in
my
life
You caused me so much more pain than strife
you hurt me so bad
yeah i've grown up now
I've finally found out
I
don't
need
you.
I finally know it's true
don't have to miss you
anymore
the song you sing, it's such a bore.
Hey, listen, you're old news,
i
don't
need
you
anymore.
---------------
------
why were you so nice to me?
didn't you understand that I had just too many problems for you to solve.
I wasn't expecting
not that I'm objecting, to what you attempted to do.
I'm sorry I hurt you. --------
She's good enough to lay with you but not good enough to hold. You kiss her on the forehead to make everything alright, The baby girl wonders if your heart's turned cold. Don't you know her tears are caused by you? Don't you understand that you're the one who makes that baby girl so blue? How many times have you kissed that forehead thinking that it makes it all okay? I wonder why she loves you, I wonder why she stays. Don't you know her tears are caused by you? Don't you understand you're the one who makes that baby girl so blue?
Don't know how many times I've told her 'he's using you', 'you can do better', still she thinks you'll change. Poor baby girl, she don't understand this is all just your game.
Good enough to lay with you, but not good enough to hold. You kiss her on the forehead to make everthing okay. The baby girl wonders if your heart's turned cold. Don't you know her tears are caused by you? Don't you understand, you're the one who makes that baby girl so blue?
------
You entered my world in a wife beater and a baseball cap, yes you and your comrad came'a trotting, inturupting my nap. Apparently you mistook me for perfection, and apparently I mistook you for kind. We were both bound to find out the truth sometime, but not until you had your way, and made me cry. Pretending to be the pillar of support while you scoped for something better. You talk about shattered worlds, well hunny you shattered mine. I had to pick up the peices, I think you broke my heart in record time. I was so independant, lost in my own little magical world, you waltzed into my life, got me attached, now you say, "Jenni let go..." "Don't be so dependant, you have to support yourself", Well Darlin' my back's breaking from supporting everyone else.
-----
Did you know I use to wear faery wings, and she use to call me tink? She use to write me poetry, and tell me all sorts of things. I use to take care of her, how our children grow up so fast. How quickly the roles are reversed, how different the presence is from the past.
---
No one depends on snowflakes-No one wishes on tiny stars-No one asks flower petals for help.
------------------
and it's the end of the road
I've got no where left to go, even if i was welcome
and the rain it's pouring down
do you know I feel like a clown, for listenin' to your lies
you never dried my eyes, yeah the night it's fallin'.
and I say you hurt me bad
and you know you left me sad, though you could care less
Could you ever comprehend
that I'd love you to the end, that doesn't matter
left my world shattered, yeah the night it's fallin'
------------------------- Do you remember that I let you,let you hold my hand
Do you understand that I fell for you, was that all of your plan
Was I just an object. A prize that you once craved.
Won, or lost. Lost or saved. Was I just a flower, to be worn,
then thrown away.
------------------------------------------------------- When you are little, it seems that you can open anything, even the things that you're not suppose to. Why is it that when you are older, it seems that the things you should be able to open, well you can't. Young people always want to be older, and older people want to be younger. I wonder why that is.
When I was little, I could open the garage door no matter what. My mother called it the magic touch. About a month after I turned 16, I lost that magic touch. I stood there for 2-3 minutes fighting with the blasted thing, untill I finally got it to open. Do you lose your magic touch along with your eyesight? -------------------------------------------
(note, this is just for gags) It's been 4 years, almost 5. I am still waiting for a random blunt object to bring me to my end. My end must be random, Why? Because if it is not, my survival instinks will attempt to save my life, that I so very often wish away.
Now I'm sure you are saying, "Well, that is all well and good but blunt? Why not sharp?"
It must be blunt because clubt is more funny, my end must have some kind of comical value.
My personal preferance: A) a falling piano, or B) a truck.
A) a falling piano. A falling piano is both random and blunt. Not to mention it contains massive amounts of humor and uniqueness. I want to be the only person on the block to be killed in a particular way, and how many people do you know that were killed by a piano, never the less a falling one? That's what I thought!
B) A truck. Now you are prolly saying to yourself, "A truck, what's not very unique!" Ahh my friend, that's where you are wrong! I want a random truck! A random truck that comes out of nowhere and mawls me over. Perhaps I will be sitting in the middle of a feild reading poetry, sipping my cup of herbal tea and a truck, out of nowhere mind you, runs me over. See?? Very Unique!
So Anyways, I have been waiting for my very fortunate, and comical demise for sometime now. My friend Max says perhaps there is a reason, a purpose and thus why I have not reached my blunt object end. My comment to that is, I wish my purpose would hurry up, because I am getting pretty sick of waiting. I mean I HAVE been waiting for almost 5 years!
It' can't be a murder, it can't be suicide, they just are as funny as a random blunt object, A)falling from the sky, or B) Mawling me over. And it has to be random, not intentional.
So here I am...waiting..and Waiting...waiting..
----------------------------------------------------
I think in moonlight I've seen you creep. While half the world was fast asleep. Soundless were your steps upon the ground, so sure was I magic I had found. A real man who walks in silvery, stead of golden beams, how was I to know your figure was no trick, though it had seemed. SO moon-beam-man of starlit night, hold me close and let me join you, hidden from the golden light.
---------------------------------------------------- Even the Demons weap for out fate. Cursed are the star crossed lovers. Society rips us apart, but destiny linked my heart w/ his long before the heavens had built their pearly gates, seperating me from him, but not seperating our fate. ---------------------------------------------- SuCh a hap+hazord child of li ght
Becareful w/ her, I'm sure her wings easily break! Such a sm all creature, filled w/ such might soft and sweet, fierce and pure. Speak to her and your day she'll make. There one second the next a blur Quickly flittering flying away. Looking for the right worlds or maybe looking for her fellow fae
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Walking in autumn, leaves crunching under my feet. I think of the summer, The Summer of the Dragon. I remember warm breezes that blew my hair, and I remember you. You turned my world upside down, opening my eyes to things I'd never seen. Now alone in autumn, leaves crunch under my feet.
Did you realize that you changed me, you aged me? How was I to understand that so much pain could be locked inside one man. I never thought I was to share the path with someone, never did I think I would share it with a Dragon. How many times did I cry for you, and wish on stars that you could be healed? I only wanted you to smile again. My mother never warned me that dragons come in human form, and that they had the power to leave scorch marks upon the heart.
Wasted summer days, I tried to heal you. Never did I know that Dragons are hard to heal. You said I was jaded, and that people had done me wrong. You thought you were speaking wisdom that my youthful ears had not heard. Arrogant are the hearts of Dragons, though I never had nerve to say it to you. Wasted summer days, I tried to heal you.
Your fire soared across my summer skies. You saw the lies that my eyes told, and I understood the truth in yours. I never understood why a Dragon came to me, exspecailly when they donÕt exist.
----------------------------------------------------
Do you walk in the rain so no one can tell you're crying?
My ash tray is filling with rain water, and I just don't know what to do, can't seem to do it without you.
Doesn't seem like you're coming back, better get on track, better forget you.
Do you walk in the rain so no one can tell you're crying?
I know now you're not my savior, maybe I was yours. Hey babe could you do me a favor and empty my ash tray on your way out.
----------------------------------------------------
I am Jenni's sense of despair. I am the brick in her throat. I am the ulcer in her stomach. I am the constant nagging at the edge of her mind. I am the weights that weigh her down. I am the lack everything constant. I am a wilted potted plant. My soil lacks all nutrients, and I no longer have any fruit to bare. I am a reflection in a mirror. Someone else, but now that person is gone, I am a lost reflection. My mirror is broken, no one to pick up the pieces. Everything is shattered. I am wilted. I am despair.
-------------------------------
If I could turn the world upside down , what would I change?
iÕd make it so the world wasnÕt so cruel and strange.
iÕd take away the hurt, and leave myself alone
and IÕd make it so IÕd never rember the love IÕve shown
I would have no feelings
nothing to hold me back
only moving foward, staying on track.
Why canÕt I just leave and never feel this pain agian
stuck in my own mind , itÕs a hell I live in
never feel
never care
never have any pain to bare
just moving on with out you
moving on without you
thatÕs all I would have to do
I would never cry again
Never feel this pain
wonÕt remember your games
walk down the street with my head held high
wouldnÕt sigh
Why canÕt I just leave and never feel this pain again
stuck in my own mind, itÕs a hell I live in
never feel
never care
never have any pain to bare
just moving on without you
moving on without you
thatÕs all IÕd have to do
I would never cry again ----------------------------
I wanna run around and kill myself is that such a bad thing I wanna kill myself and you and watch the whole world die. I wanna kill you I wanna kill you. Why canÕt I .
whatÕs the matter with the world today with all these kids that play in the streets. Why canÕt I hurt you the way that you hurt me? why canÕt I tell? tell me. Can I break your back, can I hear it crack? I want to . To watch you writhe in pain would be so nice, the cat with the mice and all. I want to watch you hurt I want to curse you. Why canÕt I? Well Why canÕt I? I want to make you cry, I want to watch you die.
How could you do this to me. you said you cared. How could you do this to me after all we shared. Why do you say you love me, with all this pain it couldnÕt be.
you are what puts the cross on my back, I feel the slap across my face
Look at what you did, you put the thrones on head.
you made me dead. you made me like this. Do you like? well do you? DO you think itÕs swell, that you sent me to hell. Do, you like it? Tell me. Oh Master, how could you? How could you? You crucified me. --------------- Jonathon-where've you gone?(written 1997-the day I lost my brother)
Will remebering him, will it bring him back<.P
Will my love disprove the facts.
Will I show them that love never dies
Not even when that love says goodbye
Mommy told me his soul went to the sky
I wonder than, why in the ground he Lyes
In my dreams I still see his face
But when I reach for him, he is not in this place
Will remebering bring him back?
Can speaking his name erase the past?
Does he still kiss my tears?
He use to chase away all my fears
Am I really now alone
Without him, I have no home
I feel no peace
I feel no joy
Only hurt
Tracing his name in the dirt,
that he rests in.
Will I show them that love never dies
Not even when that love says goodbye
My only love..will you come back to me?
Show them IÕm not lost at sea
Safe in your embrace
Seeing your face again
Will remembering bring him back?
Can speaking his name erase the past? --------------- Some things a Heart wonÕt Listen to
Even though our time is gone
Our Dance is through
The Music Still goes on
I still remember your gentle touch
Those Jade eyes
my love for you is still so much
Even though our Dance is through
Some things a Heart wonÕt Listen to.
------------------
6 months. Practically half of a year. He was an accident. He wasnÕt suppose to happen. I wasnÕt suppose to meet him.
He was the first one that I loved, and yeah, he was a dick. He made me feel, unique, understood. He could read my eyes, and he made me feel pretty. He made me feel pretty, but now that I think about it, I bet he made them all feel pretty. Trophy. ThatÕs really all it ever was. Winning something. He conqured the land and then... he was done. Sure, he still hung out with you. Still used you on occasions to satisify things, but I knew that there was nothing. Just another little girl.
You werenÕt pretty enough anymore. You were too self-centered. The funny thing is, anyone who wasnÕt completely absorbed in him, was self-centered.
I cried every night for three weeks for him. Every night. I guess I was doomed from the start. I started to wear make up. Started wearing nice clothes. All of that effort, that uniqueness, well all of it got thrown away.
People tell you to stick with your ideals. Apparently they never lived in America, and apparently they were never a teenager. They never met someone whom they totally adored, and was used. IÕm second hand now, maybe. IÕm not even being advertized in the thirft store window. I guess it had to happen sometime...
------------------------------------
If I could tell you how I feel.
If I could only make my dream real
than maybe someday you would see
that all I wish is that you loved me
Maybe if I could bring something to your life
Maybe if I could show you
How I feel inside
I never wanted to believe in make believe
I never thought you would turn me into a fool
All I ever wanted was someone who could love me. Someone Like you.
---------------
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