Swallow me

He was a free lance spirit, wandering alone in the world.
I was a lonely Girl, destined for nothing more then my home town parade
both alone and scared, neither knew'
promises headed for dry land , alone in a foreign sea of dank forgotten
dreams
we boasted private thoughts
and sank away to nothingness
then he surfaced, brillant in the darkness that surrounded me
He was my utopia...where i went to hide
He broke down my barrier....left me with fullness no other has ever done
Yet now i am alone again..
Please don't take away my private thoughts...
my aspirations come from somewhere...
deep mists of fog swiled at my feet..
how do i tell the one i live for, that i can't take it anymore
painstakingly
i ponder whats right....to say to the beauty before me
yet i still am alone..
promises were empty..cold and dark in the winter
I sit..by the fire...wondering why the the good ones finish last
you think you can trust the one who's most dear to you...
then they truth is unraveled
and you don't know what to say.
hes your mirror...you can't lie, he'd see into you
he's your savior, you can't cover up, he'd know
you look deep within him.... and see what he feels
and you tell him...
hes not alone

I lie mercifuless at the hands of him... his smooth jawline moves mecanically as he chews on his lower lip gently , and looks at me through wide dark eyes, hollow with remorse for the things he could have said or done to save the life that he just took..and the other lives that now lay in his hands.. hes undauntingly evil... his presence in any room making the hairs on the back of peoples necks stand up..He stares through people..yet you know hes looking into you and trying to pull your insides out with only a single glance... Again he looks at me, lying pale and alone on the floor a candle sitting by my side...I look back at him.. its amazingly hard not to, hes so beautiful, yet so deadly, like the jellyfish on the beach when you were a child..He opens his mouth slightly, showing me a row of even white teeth..the tips of them red with blood.. I smile gently at him..telling him in his mind that he shouldn't hurt me.. i am good.. i could help him.. make him something he needs to be.. and wants to be.. his life goal is set upon my shoulders.. so how can he destroy me now..He knows this.. theres a breif flash of terror in his eyes...as he realizes i now hold the power... I have no clue what do do with this new found royalty...i sit and look at him deply, glancing into his insides and seeing his stomach turn in anticipation of what my decison will be..i smile at him slowly...a calming smile that reassures him that i am not out to hurt him... i am out to set him strait with himself...then he sees a glint in my eye, that tells him i DID end up like him..i am the one who holds his life in my hands..and a sudden movement would disrupt the ring... and his life would go sprawling across thre span of the earth, and he would be nevermore He starts toward me suddenly...deciding to do this his way after all..i back up slowly..into a wall...terror runs through my veins as he draws nearer and nearer....Death is on me now.. i close my eyes and slide down the wall to sit on the floor...i do not cry... there are no tears in my shaken and battered body...i have no more left... i am weak... i am giving in... he picks me up gently...not hurting me , i know not why or how he does this.. i only feel the sheer terror and panic coursing inside me...i am slowly losing confidence inm myself and drowning slowly in unconsiousness, caused by the fear i have...then all is black..i am left with washed out emotions, no one will ever see.. they cannt feel my vibes...for i am long ago wrecked by the ones who mean most to me.. i am no longer alive... my spirit has left me.

what are you doing right now..what are you thinking...are you thinking about me? I'm thinking about you.. your in my head... your in me.....i want to get rough.. i want to write everything i feel, i want to be uncensored and pornographic... And i want it to all be with you...I want tapes... i want pictures.... i want you.... I want to hear you scream.. i want you to make me scream...i want you to make me explode with utter pleasure... screaming your name... i want blood....i want sweat...i want tears...I want you..i want you to know the feeling of my lips along your body....my hands wandering freely...i want i want i want i want....This was ment for you to see.. .for this is all you can see...yet close your eyes...there, what do you see.... not my basis...not a screen... you see me don't you...what am i doing....what do you hear... can you hear me? you hear me don't you? Whispering softly in your ear...Can you feel me.... close your eyes once more love...you feel me now don't you.. do you feel me tense... clutching you....tight....or am i relaxed....running my hands along you... loose....Can you taste me? .....what is it...what does it make you do....its your dream my love... i am what you say....I am you.. you are me...the basis of me is you and the basis of you is me...we are one now..never shall we be torn apart...your inside me... spiritully...nothing will keep us from being one...from here...to eternity

You tell me you understand
You tell me you know what I mean
You tell me you know what I feel
Then It breaks
The Delicate Heart woven box that held my everything
Its in pieces around our feet
I gaze upward, into your eyes
Its oblivios to you what my life is to me
you feel undaunted, unreliable..yet you know not why
Could it be that when you now stare into my eyes you see an empty space
where you used to see light, beauty..and poise
nothing is there now but an empty shell
then you look at me, and you know what has happened
You've torn out my feelings, unknowingly, yet torn apart just the same..
You know i'll no longer smile...or be the person i once was.
Because you Lied...
you told me you loved me
you told me you understood my feeling
and i thought you were the only damn one who knew me
The only one who i trusted in this place...this hell ripping apart me on earth...
You ripped down my golden barrier..and surfaced in front of me...
It changed you say
I stare at you through wide eyes
you realize, my innocence...through this matter..
you realize... through my eyes..
you see
You see your blame.. your fault..
but yet it doesn't matter..
for ..you know i'll never go...
you refuse to talk about it...
you know i'll forget about it..
but i look up at you deep into your eyes, and you think you see a glint
of the me that used to be
it still remains..
the me who would not bare hard on facts that mean nothing to me..
you say i will never leave
you say i will forget
you say i will be the old me once again
you say all these things
yet...you doubt yourself...
why do you..
because you know i am already gone.
Knowing you don't understand
Knowing you don't know what i mean
Knowing you don't know how i feel
I am already gone.

Why do you pull me apart
Rip me open like I am nothing
Nothing but something you saw and had to get
Then once you got it, you wanted it no longer.
You throw it on the ground
Kick it
Jump on it
Watch it bleed
Listen to it beg you for mercy
Yet you laugh
your laughter is contagious
I find myself laughing
yet the joke is on me
for i am the joke
The one Noone listens to
the one people forget is there..
even when i am the center of attention
I am not really there, even thoguh i am.
I wish that i had a center to run to ..
someone to hold onto me
To tell me how important i can actually be..
Not treat me as if i am dirty
As if its wrong to love me
because i am dark
because theres truth in my lies
because I am me and you are not
Because deep in you you know you long for me.
you know you wish you could see deep into me and know me
yet you can't
and you never will
because you had me once
you had the chance
you lost the chance
an now your alone
while i sit here and look at you.
looking deep into you
and i see, myself
in a different body
its you, yet me
i see this now
i hope you do soon
because your destoying you
trying to figure why you feel this way...what the feeling means
you look to me to show you what i know
yet all i do is stare blankly
so your alone
again alone