It was nice out but i can't remember it, not that day. Small things still inger in my head and i remember a few little details, but i can't remember what happened, i can't tell if he's to blame. He picked me up, he said he wanted to dance, I asked him to kiss me, i forgot about the other one. He refused, i can remember him refusing, and i can remember myself crying, begging. I knew he hated to see me cry. He kissed me and it all flew around me and my head spun and it was so beautiful. It was light and slow but deep and fast and i know that in my condition he didn't enjoy it as much as i did. I knew it was wrong to kiss him, i knew it was wrong to lead him on that way. But what about all the times he led me on. what about all the times when i told him i loved him and he told me he loved me too but walked away laughing? I led him on that day and it was ok for me to do it, and i can't even remember doing it so i can't even enjoy it. And I haven't been right since i know i haven't. My head keeps spinning and i keep going back to that day. I keep going back and whenever i see him i want to kiss him, just one more time. And I see him looking at me, i see in his eyes that he remembers but wants to pretend he forgot, and i see that he wants to do it again, he wants me to kiss him again. And i know that if i did he would refuse but if i just came out and kissed him hes kiss me back, because thats what he did that day.
I don't know if i love him, i don't think i do, i know i love him but not in that oohh i love you lets get married and have 400 kids kind of way. I love him in that you're my best friend i never want to lose you kind of way. I don't think i'm in love with him but i don't know why i want to kiss him again, i don't know why i get the feelings i do everytime i see him and i don't know why hes acting different around me, like he wants to tell me something but s afraid of what i would say. I know he wants to say it, i know what he wants to say, he wants to tell me that he loves me and that everything is going to be ok but we both know it won't because we're forbidden to talk and i'm in lvoe and he can't have what he wants, not this time because for once i am standing my ground and forgetting about what happened on that day.
Inside Me
Unearthly Behavior
