unearthly
behavior
lights out on 7-22-99 at 1:07 a.m.
i'm not apologizing for anything i've done.. or anything i'm about to do or say. i still don't see where i've went wrong. but obviously it's finally hit me that this life i pretend to live on this machine is
really nonexistent. love, sex, friendships...i don't supose any of that really meant anything to me. a game.. of boredom. at one point was my life. i don't want this to be my life. i don't want to be swept up in all the technicalities of internet love. friends are cool, but with me it always goes further than that. i'm a sucker for affection, thats why i'm where i am now.
i'm sorry for everyone i've hurt, or broken throughout my path of destruction. laurel, kaitlin, mark, and john, you 4 have been my soul purpose of existance at different times in these 2 years, and no matter what i tell myself, you'll always hold a piece of my heart. i want to thank those 4 and everyone else who has helped me through my staged breakdowns and my pitiful attempts at getting attention. you all knew who i really was before i did.
i'm not perfect. online or in real life. i pretend i am, i pretend to be someone i'm not, and now i'm sick of it. no amount of talent can cover up someone like me. i do have a drug problem, and a love problem and a friend problem, and a family problem. but i never can take the blame. its always someone else. not anymore. i know the straitway now. i'm sorry to everyone i've hurt getting there.
i can still be reached by email on occasion at arrogant.bliss@vitality.zzn.com, but i'm not promising answers. goodbye to everyone who i've met along the way, and thank you to the ones who need it most. you know who you are.
