J. Dog's Personal Collection:

THE DAILY SLIME & MadLads

Musa:

Is there really such a country as Guinea Bissau or did you make it up? I have 
never heard of it. Are you sure it is not a city in Nigeria or something?

Swanson

GREETINGS,

CONGRATULATIONS THAT I AM IN TOUCH WITH YOU .

AND NOW FOR A LAD ASEM:

DEAR.

WE ARE HAPPY TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE SOLD THE GOLD.WE ARE RDY TO PROCEED. KINDLY SEND YOR PHONE SO THAT WE CAN TALK.WENEED YOU TO ADVICE HOW YOU WANT RECEICE HIS FUND/

GOD BLESS YOU

God deliverly revealed to me to Invest in His

Kingdom through you and your Ministry/organisation 

and also give to the needies,orphanages,widows,and 

charities.

Dear Friend ,

I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the widow of the late Gen. Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of Cardiac Arrest.

DEAR BELOVED FRIEND,

I SIEZE THIS OPPORTUNITY AT THIS MOST PAINFUL MOMENT

OF MY LIFE IN A MIXED FEELINGS OF TEARS OF JOY AND

Dear friend,

Greeting from me to you,i am Precious Eguasa ,

the eldest daughther of the spiritual head of 

christ chosen church of God inc,Most Snr Apostle 

Dr Eguasa,he was the general overseer of the 

church,but he died last two years after a 

brief illness...

THIS LETTER MAY COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE,

My Dear in the Lord,

Your first reaction to this mail might be total rejection, scare and may be unbelief,owing largely to the atrocities people commit these days through the internet.

Next, a few "True Christians" speak from the Gospel of 419:

If you have to die says the Lord, keep fit and I
will give you  the crown of life. (How does one keep fit and die?)

Of all people, Benny Hinn next appears in a 419 letter:

Next, another Dead Swanson Letter for my collection:

Before I introduce myself, I wish to inform you that this letter is not
a hoax mail and I urge you to treat it serious. I am Barr. E.A. Peters.
A Caribbean citizen resident in London. I am the personal Attorney to one Mr. Phillips Swanson, I handle all his legal matters. Mr. Philips Swanson  the successful London based business man had been my client for years.

This next one is the first of the new Arafat 419 letters making the rounds. Arafat is estimated to have died with one billion dollars and yet this criminal who is posing as Mrs. Arafat's attorney insults me with an offer of only $37,000,000

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally. I am Barrister Micheal Haba the personal attorney Mrs. Suha Arafat the wife of Yasser Arafat the  late palestinian leader, I got your contact through the Chamber of commerce&Industry in your country. hence I decided to write you. Before the death of Mr Arafat, he had notified her about the money. the sum is $37 million dollars he deposited in a madrid Bank account as if he fore saw the looming danger in his life.right now the new palestinian government have got information of this fund and want to confisicate the fund. so i want it to be transfer out of spain for security reason.
 

Arafat hasn't been dead for a week and already the 419 vultures are picking his bones clean. The lads are so utterly vile. This letter shows that, while the lads constantly attack the West and use their Third World status as a badge of honor and a justification to steal from the West, they have absolutely no respect for the Palestinian people in their time of national loss. The lads do not respect the dead -- as we see when they use victims of 911 -- nor do the lads respect a people who have lost their leader of 30 years.  

Here is a truly convincing and articulate letter from a citizen of the UK. He made a truly Freudian and very funny mistake in the spelling of his name:

I am  Mr. donlad, male of  35 years old and an EUROPEAN from BRITISH,and iwant to invest millions of $ into land & oil business in your country...

I cannot wire the fund to it’s designated account primarily because I am yet to receive information to that effect and more importantly because Mr. Yassar Arafat is Dead....

I have contacted a financial consultant in Europe who is an expert in receiving huge funds and lodging them into the banking system without violating money laundry regulations. 

AS GOD WILL WANT THINGS EARLY THIS YEAR 2004,ONE OF HIS FAITHFUL
LAWYERS SECRETLY CAME TO ME WITH SOME DOCUMENTS COVERING MY
LATE HUSBAND AS THE BENEFICIARY OF SOME FUNDS AMOUNTING TO
THE TUNE OF US$24.350,000.000...

PLEASE IF YOU ARE THE GOD SENT TO HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS
FROM THIS HARDSHIP,I WILL WANT YOU TO INDICATE YOUR
WILLINGNESS TO HELP...

I'AM  MR OGO RALPH, ACCOUNTANT WITH THE WARMART BANK PLC LAGOS
 

My mother died when I was just 4 years old, and
since then my father took me so special.

THIS OFFER IS NOT A JOKE OR JUNK, IT IS FOR
REAL AND IT COST YOU NOTHING TO BE LOOSE

Recently, my Doctor told me that my condition with the
special grace of God would soon be okay.Though what
disturbs me most is that am diagonised to be having
spinal abnormalty.


This document must be handle with great care, cause it 
a vital document which not play with.

OOD- DAY- MY- DEAR,
I AM PETER GEORGE,THE ATTORNEY TO MR, MARK GROVE
.WHO WAS A CONTRACTOR WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF
NIGERIA.

Another LADASEM:

DEAR Harold Swanson,

I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT, WE HAVE A PENDING PAYMENT 
IN OUR BANK IN YOUR NAME, THOUGH WE HAVE ALSO MAKE 
ATTEMPT TO REACH YOU BUT NO RESPONSE. PLEASE DO 
GET BACT TO US WITH YOUR BANK INFO AMOUNT AS SOON AS 
POSSIBLE TO EFFECT PAYMENT.

THANKS GARRY.

I figured I owed Garry an answer:

HI GARRY:

IS THIS THE MONEY KENNY OWES ME FOR SETTING 
THE BIG FIRE OVER AT THE PONDEROSA RANCH? 
BEN CARTWRIGHT SHOT AT ME BUT HE DIDN'T SEE ME 
IN THE SMOKE & FIRE. SO YEAH, YOU CAN JUST SEND 
ME THE MONEY VIA WESTERN UNION:

BOB WIGGLESWORTH
PORCUPINE GROVE, WYOMING, USA

TEST QUESTION: YA' LIKE IT ROUGH? 

ANSWER: YEAH, MAYBE. 

THANKS & GIVE GENE A PAT ON THE ASS FOR ME!

BOB   

(why do i do this shit?)

MY NAME IS RAPHAEL EDEMA. (Hmmm? You should get that checked!)

Next, a relative of Dr. Linus Momoh?


I decided to contact you because of the urgency of 
my situation here and with this, let me introduce 
myself. I am Mr. Momoh Jnr (25 yrs.), The son of 
the former head of interim government of Sierra 
Leone, late Major General Joseph Momoh who is now 
dead... 

Next, bad news: 

Dear Harold,
 I got your mail and i am here commiserating with you 
epecially on the demise of your dear pet Toto and your 
auntie Em. How does this happen? Is it annual or 
sporadic in nature. Well one just have to be very 
careful. 

Despite these words of consolation, the lad wants to get
back to the money; this although I have just seen my 
dear pet Toto and my beloved Auntie Em killed by a
tornado, or as they say in the South, a "terrnadie":

i have seen your details but i really do not know if we 
have to wait till your shock is over or do we proceed?.

TOP SECRET
Dear friend, 

I know this may come as surprise and sceptic to you....

ATTENTION:

I am delibeately disclose this informations to you hoping that you will
understand my predicament....

GOODDAY SIR,
WELLDONE AND GOD'S BLESSING AS YOU ASSIMILIATE
THIS PIECE OF MESSAGE.

From time immemorial, those who have been inspired to bring 
change have all employed one thing in common; innovation, 
creative tools, and most Importantly through good thinking. I 
say this in respect of my business proposal, which I want 
to execute with you.I have no doubt in my mind 
that there will be a complete life turn around, 
by the end of this deal. 

I am deaf after surviving a Mortal Explosion 
from a mine planted by Rebels.

I am pastor Alex Moses, pastor incharge Revival Church of 
Christ here in Abidjan

I am evangelise Timoty Adela from cote'd ivory Africa,i gave my
life to christ jesus on the 4th day of april 1984 and ever since i
never had failure in my life and stongly belive my God i save 
(Jesus christ)will see me through.

Dear in Christ,

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ,
knowing the truth and the truth have set me free.
Having known the truth, I had no choice than to do
what is lawful and right in the sight of God for
eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of
God?s mercy and glory upon my life.

MY FRIEND, WHY DO YOU KEEP ME WAITING? I WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE 
PROBLEM IN FURTURE FOR THIS TRANSACTION. WELL YOU SHOULD KNOW NO 
BETTER.
AHMED.

DEAR FRIEND,
PERMIT ME TO USE THIS MEDIUM TO EXPLAIN MY PROBLEM TO YOU
IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY GOD WHOM WE SERVE AND WHO IS
THE GREATEST.  BUTFIRSTLY, I WILL LIKE TO TELL YOU WHO I AM....


i am waiting to hear from you 

The Nigerian Ports Authority(NPA) hereby require Contractors for
Category "B" Contract supply of Electronics Dictative Gadgets for
security to our various Ports... (What are "Dictative Gadgets"?)

What a name: 
MRS. BLESSING KUTTY
NO 64 JEAN PAUL AVENUE.
LOME REP. OF TOGO

Another case of top Nigerian officials using Yahoo:
presidency senate <presidency_senateoffice@yahoo.co.uk>
Feel free to write. 

Next, two products in one:

My name is DONNA..I am a polish and an orphan.

The message could be strange but reality will definitely dawn 

on you, if you pay some attention to it's content. 

My late father until his death was an importer of iron and steel in Laiberia.

I am Dr. MATTHEW DAVIDSON, Barrister at Law and Attorney to late Sir Robert
Stephan Finkelstein a Greek Merchant