America, Fuck Yeah! Coming again to save the motherfucking day, now!

I’m not sure what these opening lyrics mean to you, but it sure sounds like a kids movie to me.

I am often amazed by the stupidity of the average person. No, scratch that, I’m amused by the stupidity of the average person! So there I am at work, reading a paper during my break, when another employee walks in and sits down. Normally I wouldn’t care, but I soon found that her stupidity prevented me from continuing with the paper. Fine! I might as well listen to what she has to say.

She tells the others that she rented the movie, Team America: World Police, and was shocked that it wasn’t a kids movie. How I didn’t burst out laughing right there is a miracle, because I probably wouldn’t have heard the rest of her story.

It seems that she had a bunch of children in her home for some reason, and the only way to entertain them would be to rent a movie, and put them in front of the TV. Looking at the cover of Team America and seeing puppets, one can only assume that the movie is meant for children. I mean, come on, look at it, nothing says kids movie like UNCENSORED. So we can safely assume that she took one look at the cover, and instead of READING the back, she took it and plopped it in front of these children. I’m also going to open the floor up for a debate as to whether or not she could read. After all, a little could be forgiven then if she couldn’t.

Regardless, they watched the movie, and she first realized that the movie might not be for kids when the two puppets got it on. That’s right, it took a sex scene between two puppets to jostle this woman out of her stupor. Did I mention that these kids were under 10? I probably should. Then, she says, that one puppet told another puppet that he’d have to suck his dick to get back on the team.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up there, I’m thinking. The whole dick sucking comment comes waaaaaay after the sex scene. Like an hour or so. Then I’m thinking, if I did something this stupid, why would I ever share it with my peers? She claims that her 10 year old son took the remote, preventing her from turning the DVD off. I find several flaws in her “logic”, including the fact that she could have picked her fat ass up and turned the TV or DVD player off herself, or failing that, she could have unplugged the TV. Or better yet, send the kids away from the TV, so they don’t watch any more of this “kids” movie.

But for me it comes back to the fact that anybody with half a brain could probably figure out in the opening scene that Team America is not a kids movie. You’d think that the guy dying in a bloody battle in Paris would be clue enough. Or the Theme song itself, which was played two or three separate times. Or the whole, Film Actors Guild gag. Or the language used by any of the puppets. Or any of the other GLARING examples of how this woman needs to clue in and get these kids away from the TV.

The problem with a situation like this, is morons like her are usually pretty loud too. They get other loud-mouthed morons with similar opinions together, and suddenly we have a Moral Authority on the subject. They protest things of this nature saying that these types of things are corrupting children, conveniently forgetting that the movie was rated R. These are the same idiots who complained about Beavis and Butthead or South Park, using the justification that just because it’s a cartoon, it must be for children.

The fact of the matter is that I do agree in a sense, children are growing up way too fast, but the blame isn’t on Hollywood, it should be on the parents themselves. That’s not to say that the Entertainment Industry isn’t totally without blame, but that’s another topic entirely. Parents need to take a close look at what their kids watch, and set rules for what is appropriate. Even after the movie is over, she could have at least explained to the kids what types of language and behavior are appropriate and what isn’t. It doesn’t make up for the fact that they watched the entire movie, but it makes the best of a bad situation.

Anyway, it seems that the father of one of the kids called her up the next day, wondering why his 6 year old son had called him a cocksucker! I wonder where he picked that up?

Morons!