...And Preserve Me From Temptation

Monday, 3rd February

Sonny couldn't hide his smile when confronted by the plainly expressed disgust with which the younger Kindred regarded the pile of paper on his desk. "I swear, Sonny, if I've to do this one more day, I'll go crazy! For almost six weeks I've done nothing else. And I hate it. I want to go out where we're really needed." Obviously frustrated, Frank put the report he had been working on back on the table and stood up.

"I know. But there is no other way. We've to be absolutely sure that you can control yourself before we can go out into the field again." Sympathetically, Sonny put a hand on Frank's shoulder. For a man of action like his partner, it wasn't easy to be locked up behind a desk. But his understanding didn't change the situation. While Julian was satisfied with Frank's progress, he couldn't return to street-work as long as they couldn't be sure that the young Kindred could really control the beast within him.

Frank glared at him. "Yeah. That I get to hear from Julian and you all the time." The dissatisfaction in the young Brujah's voice was obvious. Sonny frowned. During the last two weeks Frank's sudden changes of mood had increased to an almost alarming level. And it couldn't be the aftermath of his embrace; not anymore. Quite the opposite; Frank had adapted faster to his new life than they had hoped for.

"Believe me, we have our reasons. Even for me it isn't always easy to master the beast when I enter a crime scene. It takes time and a lot of control. But you'll get there."

"Whatever you say." Worried, Sonny watched his partner. What was going on in his mind?

"Why don't we call it a night and go have a drink?"

"No. I'd rather have some time alone, if you don't mind," Frank said as he grabbed his leather jacket and took his leave before Sonny had a chance to answer.

Motionless, Frank stared into the water below him. It was exactly the same spot where he, only five months ago, had seen Alexandra for the last time before she had gone up in flames. Had it really only been five months? To Frank it felt much longer. So much had happened since... And not exactly according to his wishes. His thoughts and emotions were in turmoil.
 

... Julian's bootlicker ... traitor ... Ventrue lover ...

Frank closed his eyes when he remembered his first visit after his embrace in the Haven yesterday and the unavoidable confrontation with his Clan. For weeks he had managed to avoid Cameron and his gang, having feared exactly this outcome. Why had he allowed Julian to convince him that he couldn't hide all time? As long as Julian and Lillie had been with him everything had been fine. Nothing more than a few meaningful glances in his direction. But as soon as Julian had left with the other Primogens for the Conclave, the drama had started.
 

... Do you really think that Julian likes you? He hates us. And you're one of us, like it or not. The only thing he feels for you, if there is anything at all, is pity...

... You're nothing to him and his Clan but a lapdog ...

... A Brujah who is blood bonded to a Ventrue Prince ...

And these were only some of the nicer comments. The words hadn't been the worst anyway, though they hadn't missed their target either. The worst had been the glances, the almost tangible rejection with which he had been confronted. The unspoken sayings, the lack of understanding and the distrust had been intolerable. Frank had had to put all his willpower together to keep his face a mask, as not to betray any emotions, when he had retreated from the Haven into the peacefulness of the night. Alone, like the outcast he had become.

A heartfelt sigh escaped Frank. Yes, that he was. An outsider. Tolerated but not accepted by the Ventrue and hated by the Brujah. Not to speak of the other Clans who didn't know what to make of him. And even though it was a role he should have been used to, after all that was what he had been for the past few months, it was different now. He felt like he was being torn apart. The pain was so intense that it seemed to burn him. And with the pain came the rage. Rage for everyone who was responsible for his situation. Alexandra who had told him about Kindred in the first place and so opened the door to a dangerous and enticing new world, Sonny for making a fool out of him and Julian for various reasons. The nameless Brujah who had cursed him with this new existence, those who hurt him now and even himself for being so naive to think that he could cope with all this. He didn't know who he hated more and to be truthful, didn't even know if he cared about that. He felt terrible. That was the only important thing to him right now. He felt a need to explode, to let out the burning rage that threatened to absorb him.

What if the Brujah were right? If pity was the only thing Julian felt for him? What if everything else had been nothing but a good performance? If he was nothing but a toy for the Prince's amusement? It couldn't be, could it?
 

... If it wouldn't have been for Alexandra, you wouldn't have survived one day after her death ... I like you and that is the main reason for me helping you now ...

... The only thing he feels for you is pity ...

Who was right? Certainly Julian wouldn't lie to him, would he? But then again, he had lied to him about Sonny's true nature, or at least had withheld the truth. Angrily, Frank shook his head. His emotions rode in a roller-coaster. He didn't know what to make of it, nor what to do next. Instead of becoming easier, his life got even more complicated with every new day.

"You should pay more attention to your surroundings. Carelessness can get you killed very fast in our world." Irritated, Frank turned around and glared at the Kindred who had dared to interrupt his pondering.

"What do you want, Cameron?"

"My, is that any way to greet your Primogen? You should have respect for your elders, didn't Julian teach you that?"

"You are nothing to me."

The previous slightly mocking tone had vanished out of Cameron's voice when he approached Frank who, instinctively, took a step back. "And there you're wrong. You might be blood bonded to the Prince, but you're still Brujah."

"If you say so ... And now, why don't you simply tell me what you want from me so that I can go on with what I was doing?"

"And what would that be? Staring holes into the water?"

"*That* should be none of your concern." It took all of Frank's willpower to hold back the new wave of rage that coursed through him in search of a way out. How did this bastard always manage to get the best out of him?

"Oh yes, we are in a really bad mood tonight, I can see that. You should mask your emotions better. It makes you vulnerable to show the whole world what you are feeling."

"Any more lessons or can I continue with my life now?" Frank knew that he was standing on shaky ground. He would be no match for the older Kindred if Cameron decided that he had had enough of Frank. Still, he couldn't persuade himself to be any friendlier to the Brujah Primogen. After all, he had not only threatened him before, but it had also been one of his Clan who had embraced him. But obviously Cameron was in a good mood, for he chuckled.

"Yes, you cannot deny your heritage. The blood in you is already working its magic. It's like I told you. Your passion betrays you. And that neither Julian nor you can change. By the way, where is our Prince tonight?"

"Not here."

"Oh, the honeymoon is already over? I didn't think that it would be so fast." During their talk Cameron had slowly approached Frank until they stood so close to each other, that Frank could see a gleam in the other man's eyes. It was unsettling. Almost like a hunter who observed his prey, ready to strike at any time. Frank shifted uncomfortably under Cameron's gaze. Yet there was no escape, except if he fancied a night swim. "But I'm not here for that anyway. I heard what took place yesterday and I want to apologize for my - our - people. The idea of a Brujah who willingly blood binds to a Prince is a bit ... uh ... odd, to formulate it carefully. Julian and his Clan are a pain in the ass. They don't accept anyone else besides them. For them we are inferior beings which they can use and then throw away. But that's something you'll discover for yourself in due time. I just hope that it won't be too painful a lesson for you."

Amazed, Frank stared at the Brujah Primogen. He had expected laughter, mocking, maybe even anger, but certainly not the compassion he could see in the older Kindred's eyes and hear in his words. His surprise grew when Cameron's hand reached for him and softly stroked an unruly strand of hair out of his face. Frank closed his eyes when Cameron's face came even closer. Breath touched his face, almost caressing, when Cameron spoke again, his voice barely more than a whisper," You know the saying that eyes are the windows to your soul? In your case it fits. Your eyes reflect your conflicting emotions. Your anger, your passion, your need. Even now you're struggling with what you want to be, - what Julian wants you to be -, and what you really are. You can't decide if you should fight or love him. Rage and adoration burn alongside the blood through your veins with a passion that is so intense that it seems to burn you from the inside out. That is the essence of what we are, Frank."

The voice was pure silk, caressing every fiber in the younger Kindred's body. And, maybe for the first time since the Change, Frank felt understood. For that was exactly what he had been feeling during the last two weeks, a torment of emotions which he was unable to control or to escape from. "Fighting it will not help you. You've got to learn to live with it. It is what we are, what keeps us alive and going. That is what makes us Brujah and what the other Clans are lacking, for that they envy us. That is --"

"Nice speech, Cameron." Shocked, Frank's eyes flew open when the familiar voice cut through the night and broke the spell. Not three feet away from them, stood Julian and watched them out of golden gleaming eyes.

"Julian. Nice to see you too. I just told Frank a few important things about his bloodline."

"I could hear that." The voice of the Prince was cold. "But I think it is time for you to go now. The school is closed for tonight."

"Why are you trying to keep his legacy from him? Are you afraid that he might like it? That he would chose this over you?" Through his link to Julian, Frank could feel seething anger and before he could do anything, Julian had grabbed the Brujah Primogen and pushed him away from Frank, onto the ground. Catlike, Cameron came to his feet again, only a growl betraying the calmness he wore on the surface to be a lie.

"I don't know what you hope to gain through this, Cameron. But I would advise you to stay away from Frank. Otherwise you won't live long enough to regret it. He is mine! And I'll teach him everything he needs to know. Even about you and your Clan."

Cameron didn't react to Julian's words but held eye contact with Frank. "You see, Frank, that is what I meant. The perfect example. And it will never change. So think about my words. If you need me, you know where to find me. I'll be there for you." And with these last words and a meaningful look towards Julian, he transformed into a wolf and left.

Lost at words, Frank gazed after Cameron, before he turned around to Julian who was watching him. "Are you ok? Did he hurt you?"

Frank shook his head to clear his mind. What had just really happened here? "No, he didn't. We just ... talked."

"Yes, I heard that much. Be careful with Cameron. Like all Brujah he searches for something that will gain him more power. Don't let him use you as his pawn."

Frank felt as if he had been hit. "Then you think just the same about me? I'm also Brujah."

"Of course I do not think that! But I know Cameron and I know what he is capable of and willing to pay. He would use you without a second thought if he could get to me through you and when you've outlived your usefulness he will throw you away."

"Seems to be common in this world. He just told me the same about you." For a moment Julian only stared at him, silently.

"Well, Frank, it is up to you to decide whom you believe more."

"To be truthful, I don't know anymore whom or what I should believe. Everybody tells me something different and everybody makes it plausible." Frank took a step away from the overwhelming presence of his Prince and lover. For unlike other times it felt not comforting but threatening.  "Do you know what they are saying? That you did it just because you pity me. That there are no other feelings involved for you. Is that so? Am I just your good deed for the year?"

Frank winced when his eyes met the ones of his Prince. Julian's disbelief was plain. "And you believe them? I thought I had proven the opposite." The younger Kindred closed his eyes when the Ventrue approached him. The conflicting emotions were tearing him apart. Love, pain, longing, fury, need, hate ... Frank felt like he was balancing on a razor-edge. Lost and alone, not knowing where to go next or what to do next. He was helpless in the face of the battle that was raging in him.

"Look at me, Frank." Hesitatingly, yet unable not to follow the softly spoken order, Frank opened his eyes. His lover stood right in front of him, his dark eyes clouded with worry. "I cannot prove to you anymore than I already have what I feel for you, that you are not only my good deed for the year or just a new project. I would never have suggested a blood bond, if it would have been only for pity. But deep in you, you know that my words are the truth or you would have gone with Cameron. It is the Brujah in you that tries to rebel. We both know that I could enforce your loyalty through our bond, but I will not do that as long as you don't endanger yourself, the Masquerade or me and my Clan. You have to decide for yourself what it is that you really feel, what you want. I can help you by being there for you and with my blood, but the final decision is yours. But never doubt my feelings for you. Nothing of what I have told you, of what we have shared was done lightly. You are important to me and I do not play games with people who mean something to me. "

Silently, Frank watched the older Kindred. Calm had settled over him while he had listened to Julian. The storm of his emotions had settled down. Exhaustion and a wonderful feeling of peace were the only things left in him. They were all wrong. Cameron and his Clan knew nothing about Julian and him, of what they shared. How could he have ever doubted Julian and his motivation? Yet he couldn't really stifle the low voice in him that expressed its mistrust, that still questioned Julian's words and the feelings that coursed through their link. "Is there anything I can do for you, Frank?"

"Just hold me, will you?" He needed the physical contact. Needed to know that he wasn't alone, that Julian was with him.

Wednesday, 5th February

"Do you mind if I join you? We could stare into space together." A light smile on his lips, Frank turned around to the speaker. "Or maybe we could just talk?"

"Lillie," Frank greeted the Toreador Primogen who had already taken a seat beside him.

"You are early."

"I needed some time off. The desk work was getting to me. Once in a while I need to see something different than piles of paper." The laugh that accompanied his words sounded forced.

"And?"

"You are not one to waste many words, are you?"

"Not if I see a friend in trouble. And you look distressed. Not to speak of the fact that you are here alone. For weeks we didn't get to see you at all, then only with Sonny and/or Julian and now you're sitting here not only alone but also brooding. So you can't blame me for being curious."

"I don't. I needed a change of surroundings. Life isn't exactly easy at the moment."

"Are you and Julian having problems?"

"Yes ... no, not exactly. It is more ... me." Frank broke eye contact and looked around the almost empty club. Only a few early customers were standing around, except for the waitress behind the bar, all of them were mortals. Frank didn't mind the absence of Kindred; to be truthful, he was even glad about it. He didn't think that he could stand more comments or meaningful glances, nor the worried look of his partner and Julian. Not yet, anyway. "I feel strange things. Not the way I felt after ... after my embrace." It was still difficult for Frank to talk about what had taken place not even two months ago when his life had changed forever. "It is ... my emotions are a complete mess," he tried to explain what was going on inside of him. "Half of the time I don't even know what I'm really feeling."

"Especially when it comes to Julian."

Frank nodded. "He makes me crazy: Frank you can't work in the field yet, first you have to master your beast; not yet, Frank, but we will get there," he mimicked Julian.

"He just wants to protect you. He feels, and is, responsible for you and your actions."

"But I'm not a child who doesn't know what is right and what is wrong. I feel like I'm in a cage. As if he could control my whole life! "

"Well, in our terms you are a child, Frank. A newborn Kindred who first has to learn our ways. But the problems between Julian and you were to be expected. As a Ventrue and your Prince, Julian represents everything your Clan hates. He is an authority person and Brujah don't like to be controlled. Well, that would apply to all Clans," Lillie explained with a slight smile. "But it is even more difficult for Brujah. Your Clan is driven by passion and rage. That is what keeps you going, what you are. But this can make your life very difficult too. Especially in a relationship like yours and Julian's. Brujah love and hate with the same passion and most of times it merges until you can't tell the difference anymore."

"Yeah, Cameron told me something like that."

"You and Cameron spoke?" Lillie sounded amazed. When Frank nodded she continued, "I thought he would still be too angry for that."

"I thought so too, especially after my past experiences with my Clan. They don't take my decision very well. So it was nice to hear something other than insults for a change. He made me feel understood; maybe for the first time since ... since this happened to me."

"He is Brujah, your bloodline and so family. It isn't a surprise that you feel this way."

"He offered me his help."

Lillie hesitated for a short moment before she spoke again. "And what will you do?"

"I don't know. I still don't trust him, but what he said made sense."

"Do you know Sasha? " Confused by the sudden change of topic, Frank just looked at her. "She is Julian's great granddaughter and Cash's girlfriend. You should talk to her. Maybe you can help each other. She too has been forcefully embraced by the Brujah. "

"But Cash is Gangrel. I thought our Clans hate each other?"

Lillie nodded. " She has to cope with the same problems as you. She isn't really accepted by her Clan because of her relationship with Cash and her relationship to Julian isn't easy either. You two are balancing on a razors edge, struggling with your emotions without losing yourself in them. Or you go to Cameron. Maybe he will be able to help you. But be careful and don't allow yourself to be used, to become a tool in Cameron's campaign against Julian."

"I'd never hurt Julian knowingly," Frank stated firmly before he stood up to take his leave.

"I know."

"I've to go before Sonny sends a search party after me. Thank you, Lillie. It was good talking to someone who is not that involved."

"Any time, Frank. Just take care."

Saturday, 15th February

"Sire? Do you have a moment?" Not even trying to hide his irritation at the unwelcome interruption, Julian stood up and turned around.

"What is it Sonny?"

Hesitantly, obviously aware of Julian's agitation, Sonny approached. "I'm worried about Frank. He has changed." The tension Julian could feel through their bond almost matched his own.

"That was to be expected. We all changed one way or another after our Embrace."

"It isn't just the normal result of the Change, Julian. He is different. It is almost impossible to reason with him. The Brujah in him seems to be fully awakened."

Julian nodded. Just what he had feared. The problems weren't restricted to their own relationship, something he had expected when he had blood bonded Frank, but had far reaching innuendoes. The rebel in the young Brujah did not only revolt against Julian himself but against everything that implicated control or authority. It was a development he had seen for a few weeks now. A serious talk was not only in order, but overdue.

"Find him and send him to me. Tonight. I will talk to him." Confusion spread over Sonny's face at the order. "He wanted to return to his flat and I thought it a good idea to allow him this freedom."

His Childe didn't comment on his statement, but nodded. "I will do so, my Prince." And with these words and the obligatorily kiss on the Prince's hand to pay Julian his respect, Sonny left him alone again with his thoughts.

What was going on with Frank? No, wrong question, for he knew exactly what was happening to the young Kindred. More important was how they would deal with it. Frank's confusion had been plain when he had last seen him almost a week ago, before the Cop had left him after another fight in which he had explained to the Prince that he was a bit too old to be treated like a baby. At this time Julian had thought it for the best to give him a break, to allow Frank the freedom he so desperately wanted. And since then he hadn't seen him anymore. Julian's plan to seek him out had been thwarted by important businesses he couldn't delay. His link to the young Brujah hadn't indicated problems, but had radiated a sense of peace, he hadn't felt anymore from the Cop since their first days together.

"Julian?" Silently, Julian watched Daedulus' approach.  "I sense a strong tension in you." A statement that brought an involuntary smile to Julian's face.

"I was never able to hide anything from you, my friend. You know me too well. Why don't you sit down with me and enjoy the fire and a drink?"

Daedulus accepted his invitation and took a seat in front of the vivid burning fire. With a smile he accepted the filled glass. Only after Julian had taken a seat also, he spoke again. "It would be almost impossible to ignore your anxiety, my Prince. Do you mind my asking what it is that is bothering you?"

Absently, Julian filled his own glass with the bottle that stood on the small wooden table between them. "Frank. I'm worried about him."

"Why is that? I got the impression that he adjusted well to his new life after he had gotten over his first shock. Does he have problems? "

"Nothing serious, at least not yet. But Sonny just told me that the situation is heating up. The Brujah in him is making his presence known."

"You know that this would happen one day. It is his heritage. And the call of one's blood is almost impossible to overcome. It might be controlled, but never defeated. And you are the only one who can control it. This is the advantage of your bond to Frank."

"I know. I had just hoped that my blood would gain us a bit more time, that it might have been strong enough to protect him."

"How does Frank feel about it? It must be confusing for him, I imagine."

"I don't know. Not for sure." A raised eyebrow was the only reaction to his statement. A sigh escaped Julian. "I allowed him to return to his flat, to have a bit of peace. He was stable then, but obviously it was a mistake."

"The young ones shouldn't be left alone so early. Even if they seem stable and settled in our world. I've seen more than once the result of those. Only a few of them can survive on their own. Most fall for the beast or madness. And although Frank lives among us, so that these aren't real risks for him, his situation isn't less dangerous. I talked to Lillie yesterday and she told me that there, according to Frank, has been trouble in the club."

Coldness got hold of Julian. "What kind of trouble?"

"The Brujah have made it known to Frank their displeasure about the fact that he chose you over his own Clan."

"Cameron! I will kill him if he harmed Frank in any way." Julian's voice had gotten dangerously cold and he could feel rage welling up inside of him.

"It wasn't Cameron. Frank told Lillie that he even apologized later for what had taken place. And they didn't harm him physically. That they would not dare. Not with you having adopted him. But sometimes words can cause even more pain." A hand that had settled on his shoulder let Julian realize that he was already half up from his chair, ready to strike against anybody who dared to go against the fledging under his protection. "He does need you, Julian. He is drifting. He doesn't feel like belonging anywhere. His own Clan rejects him because of what he has with you and he doesn't feel welcome in one of the other clans because of his blood. You are his only chance. If he doesn't feel like you are there for him, Cameron will have an easy game with him and take him from you by giving him what he needs most at the moment. The feeling of belonging somewhere; love and protection."

"What is it now, Sonny? Don't give me another one of your wonderful speeches. I've had enough of them during the last few weeks."

Sonny shook his head in resignation before he sat down in front of the young Kindred. It was like he had told Julian; there was no reasoning anymore with Frank. His whole purpose lately seemed to be to rebel against everything others said or did. But that, although bad and dangerous, wasn't even the worst. That was the suffering his partner was in. Sonny could not even begin to imagine what it must be like to be torn apart by such conflicting emotions like the Brujah felt. "No, even though your life could be much easier if you would realize that we're just trying to help you."

"I know. You all want what is best for me. And of course you are not even interested to hear my opinion about it."

Frank's voice dripped with sarcasm, causing Sonny to flinch. "If it would be possible to talk with you, we would certainly do so. But at the moment I've some real doubts if you even know for yourself what it is that you want. Do you?"

The hard look with which Frank had observed the older Kindred was replaced with an unsettling mix of emotions when Frank thought over his question. "No, I don't. I don't even know what I'm feeling. And to be truthful, I'm not even sure if I, or in this case, anybody else, really want to find out." The despair in the younger Kindred's words was impossible to ignore. "I don't even recognize myself anymore, Sonny. I hurt the people I care about, who are important to me. And I don't even know why or how I should stop it. You don't know how that feels." Before Sonny could think of an answer, the moment was over and Frank had withdrawn once more. "But I'm sure that that is not why you are here on your day off. So why don't tell me what you have to say so that I can continue with my fascinating paperwork and you with whatever you have to do?"

"Julian wants to have a talk with you."

"Oh yes, the almighty Prince."

Sonny took a deep breath to calm the rage that had welled up within him at Frank's insult towards his Sire. Enough was enough. And with that thought, he ripped the report Frank had pretended to be busy with from his hands and leaned over the desk. "That he is. And whatever you're going through, you would do very well to remember that he is the one you owe your life to. If not for him, you would have been dead long ago. Never forget that you were the one who agreed to the blood bond. You belong to him like I do. You owe him your loyalty. Julian has been very patient during the last few weeks, but even that will have an end one day. If I were you, I'd be careful not to cross him." Wide-eyed, the fledging stared at him. Satisfied that Frank obviously had gotten his point, Sonny added in a calmer voice, "Don't jeopardize something you are not ready to lose, Frank. Think carefully about what you really want and then think if the price is worth paying. He wants to see you and you should. Tonight."

And with these words, Sonny let his obviously dumbfounded partner behind and took his leave. He wanted Frank to think about his words carefully, and for that he couldn't take the chance of Frank recovering from his surprise and reacting with another remark he didn't really mean.
 

***
 

Frank was completely taken aback by his partner's unexpected outburst. It hadn't been the Sonny he knew. Even if Sonny had never been one to hide his opinion, it was the first time he had voiced his displeasure so clearly. And Frank knew that Sonny was serious about what he had said. Not to speak of the truth his words contained. Frank owed Julian. But this knowledge didn't make it easier to bear. On the contrary, it was eating at him. While he loved Julian and was grateful for his help, another part of him revolted at just the thought of not only being so close to the Prince, but even more of being indebted to him. For it meant that it was one more thing with which Julian could control him. Just another point that was slowly tearing him apart. He wanted to be with Julian, wished for nothing more. It was only with Julian that he felt completely home and at peace with himself. But on the other hand, he couldn't stand the closeness anymore, the feeling of being so completely open to someone; of being so completely possessed. Especially the last point was extremely scary. When he was with Julian, he wished for nothing more. But as soon as he was separated from the Prince doubts began to nag at Frank until he didn't know what he should feel anymore.

... Anger ... love ... hate ... fear ... Brujah love and hate with the same passion and most of the time it merges until you can't tell the difference anymore ... Lillie's words turned up in his mind, uninvited. Why couldn't his life be easier? Why couldn't things happen the way he wished for; just once? But no, that would be too much to ask for. Every time he thought that the roller-coaster he called his life would finally slow down, that he would finally find a way to live a simple, normal life, something else would turn up and thwart his plans. First Lisa's death, then Alexandra and her world and then that damned Brujah who, for whatever reason, had decided not to kill him but to embrace him. Not to forget all the nice side-effects that came with her bloodline and with which he had to deal now. How did  the others of his Clan manage to live with these feelings? Or did they affect only him so strongly because of his relationship to Julian? A depressing frustration took hold of Frank and in one swift motion, he cleared the papers off his desk. Although his action got the attention of his colleagues, glances were their only reaction. Of course. They had already learned to live with him being different. There was not much left that would really surprise them when it came to him. With a silent curse on his lips, Frank left his chair and went to his knees to clear up the mess he had made.

"Need any help, Detective?" For a short moment Frank closed his eyes when he heard the soft mocking voice that belonged to the last person on earth he wished to see this evening. When he could be sure that he had regained enough control over his pent-up emotions as not to attack the older Kindred, he lifted his head and found himself face to face with his Primogen.

"No. I'm just finished. But thank you anyway," he stated in a flat voice while he came to his feet again and took the file Cameron held in his hands. Without paying any more attention to the other Kindred, he returned to his desk and began to put  the files in order, hoping that Cameron would get the hint and leave him alone. Fitting the mood he was in, he had no such luck. Cameron took the free chair, put it beside Frank and sat down. Much too close to Frank's liking, who finally couldn't stand any longer the enervating silence with which the older Brujah studied him and looked up. "What do you want Cameron?"

"Just checking on the newest addition to my Clan."

"Well, now that you know that I'm still alive, you certainly won't mind if I continue with my job, do you?"

"Of course not. Though I'd hoped that we could continue our conversation where we stopped when Julian interrupted us. But I have time. I'll wait until you're finished. Just ignore me." Bewildered, Frank watched as Cameron fetched the 'San Francisco Times' from the desk and leaned back into the chair, making himself comfortable.

"Are you out of your mind?" The question was asked loud. Too loud to be left unnoticed by the others present in the room who by now were watching them curiously. Angrily, Frank ripped the paper from the other man's hand and threw it back on the table before he asked in a sharp whisper, "What do you think you're doing here? This is not a waiting room."

"Not? And here I thought that --"

Cameron's persistence and cheerfulness was getting to Frank. "Would you stop that and leave? Besides that I'm busy, I have no real desire to talk to you!"

"Well, you see that is exactly the problem because I think that we should really have a talk. And I'll stay here until you're finished. If necessary, the whole night."

A slight smile on his lips, Frank watched his victim leaving. From the movement of the young woman he could tell that she was still dazed from him feeding on her. An incident she had already forgotten about. Yes, Julian's lessons paid off. He was getting better and better. Fascinated, Frank listened to his own heartbeat. It didn't cease to amaze him that it took just a bit of blood to make him feel so vivid. Only just after the hunt, when the blood of his victims with all what they were, was still rushing through his body, he felt truly alive again. It was a good feeling, that ended too fast. And if it hadn't been for Julian's urgent warnings never to take more than necessary for preventing the beast to take permanent control over him, it could have become his favorite activity in his life as a Kindred. But the price was too high for the short moment of pleasure. He didn't want to end up like his dead Sire. His tongue flicked over his lips to savor the last taste of the young woman before it could fade. She had been so innocent, not knowing what the price would be for following his invitation; and never would. That was her blessing. With any luck she would never find out what creatures lived among her. She was so young, so full of hopes and dreams. Just like Lisa when they had met first ...

"Did you ever feel anything that could compare to the taste and rush of blood when you were mortal?" Frank rolled his eyes when he heard Cameron's voice from behind him. When he had left Kwan's office not even an hour ago and saw that Cameron's patience to wait for him obviously had come to an end, he had hoped to have gotten rid of him for the rest of the evening. Well, obviously he had hoped for too much. And while he still was not really in the mood for a talk with the older Brujah, he thought his presence not half as annoying anymore as a few hours ago. It was as if the blood had not only fed his primary hunger, but also eased his turmoil.

"Have you?"

"No."

"I thought so. It is something special. It does not only allow us to survive, but is so much more. Close your eyes," Cameron ordered, causing Frank to frown. What kind of game was this? As if having read his thoughts, the elder added," Just do it. I won't jump you and kill you if you are worried about that. If that was my intention, I could have done so weeks ago."

It was a convincing argument and Frank closed his eyes. "Concentrate on the blood in you. Can you feel it circulating through your veins? How it caresses your whole body from the inside? How it makes you feel alive? Let your mind wander with it, wherever it takes you." A soft, unnoticed moan escaped Frank when he allowed his mind to become one with the blood; when he began to flow with it through his whole body. "Very good, Frank and now try to direct it. Will it to go where you want to have it. You can do so."

Not questioning the older Brujah, Frank followed his order and, after a moment, opened his eyes again. Surprised, he watched Cameron, who had approached him. "What was that?"

A satisfied smile lightened the older Kindred's features. "I knew you could do it, despite your young age. Young in our terms," Cameron hurried to add as if not wanting to destroy the calmness that had settled between them. But Frank was still so absorbed in what he had just discovered, that he didn't care. "It is a very useful ability if you get hurt. You can redirect the stream of your blood to where you're injured and heal so much faster. How does it feel?"

"Wow. That was an interesting experience. Almost as if I could completely master it."

"You can. It just needs a bit exercise."

Frank nodded and graced Cameron with a slight smile before his eyes narrowed. "Not that I'm not grateful, but why are you doing this?" Cameron's eyes expressed confusion, though if it was serious or just feigned, Frank didn't know. "When we first met, you wanted to kill me, and now you're turning up all the time. Why is that? You can't really make me believe that all of sudden you discovered your love for me just because I accidentally became part of your Clan."

Calmly, Frank observed his Primogen, waiting for him to answer. "You think me so wrong for wanting to look out for those of my bloodline? Blood bonded to a Ventrue or not, in the first place you *are* a Brujah. And being one myself, I know what our blood can do to a fledging. And I'll make sure that you're fine, like it or not."

"And you're sure that it has nothing to do with Julian? And wanting to use me against him?"

"Everything is about power, isn't it? That you should recall from your life as a mortal. But no, I've no plans. Not yet, anyway. I think, that one day you'll realize that Julian isn't the benefactor who helps for no reason. He is just another Ventrue who thinks he has the right to rule us just because of his bloodline and already has plans for you to fit in in his grand scheme to gain even more power. But I'm in no hurry. I can wait until you'll see it for yourself. And this moment will come. Believe me." The voice of the Primogen wasn't more than a whisper when he ended.

"Why do you hate them so much?"

"Whom? Julian?"

"Not just him. The Ventrue in general."

"It is in our blood. We cannot stand each other. We are like fire and water. I thought Julian would have told you this by now?"

Frank ignored the last question deliberately. Cameron was the last person on earth he wanted to talk with about Julian. Instead he concentrated on Cameron's statement. He couldn't exactly put a finger on it, but he was almost sure that there was more. Seriousness, maybe even grief had taken hold of the Brujah Primogen. "The blood issue is not everything, is it?"

"No, it isn't. Just ask Julian. Ask him about Manzanita. He can tell you the whole story; if he has the courage." The bitterness Cameron radiated prevented Frank from asking more questions. Yet, even so it was obvious that there was something that hurt him, very much. The feelings Frank could sense were too strong to be just pretended. "You're too compassionate for your own good. You have to learn to stop this or it will get you killed one day."

Cameron had reached out with his hand and caressed Frank's face. The unreadable gaze with which the elder graced him was spellbinding. "The day I stop feeling is the day I can just as well go out and take a sunbathe. Where is the reason in living without being able to feel?"

"Getting all philosophic, yes?" The words were accompanied by a low chuckle. "But that is not what I meant. Of course you should not stop feeling. Just mask them better. Hide your emotions and don't carry them on the outside for everybody to see. What reason is there to feel, if it will get you killed in the wrong situation with the wrong people?"

An uneasy laugh escaped Frank. "And to what category do you belong? Let me guess, the right sort of people who, of course, would never use it against me?" The closeness to the older Brujah was suddenly very discomforting and Frank draw back until his retreat was stopped by a rough stonewall that marked the end of the narrow lane. The grin, with which Cameron followed him, was not really reassuring.

"That is up to you to find out." The voice was nothing more than a soft mumble, yet to Frank it echoed uncomfortable loud into the night. Wide-eyed he watched Cameron reaching out with his hands to prop himself up against the wall, trapping Frank effectively between the stone-wall and his body. The young Brujah's mind was in a state of chaos when Cameron's face slowly neared his own until he could feel the breath of the older Kindred on his face; caressing, soothing, teasing. Cool lips lightly brushed his hair, his forehead, his eyes, his cheeks. A soft growl escaped unnoticed when teeth scraped his throat, not breaking the skin, before they wandered up again to meet his own. And with the first kiss Frank was lost. He felt himself flying on emotions; passion and lust were befuddling him, preventing any rational thought. First hesitatingly then with equal passion he returned the kiss; not only wanting, but needing it, desperately. The need for feeling loved and desired was overwhelming, banishing everything else for the moment. Frank needed a closeness he hadn't allowed himself for the past few weeks since he and Julian had *really* been together for the last time.
 

... Never forget it, Frank: You are mine! ... .

.. You belong to him like I do ...

... He is mine! ...

... Don't jeopardize something you are not ready to lose, Frank ...

Julian! As soon as this thought found a way through the veil of lust that had clouded his consciousness, he pushed Cameron aside. He couldn't do it, couldn't risk that which was most important to him; emotional chaos or not. Not now, not ever. Apologizing he turned around to the Brujah Primogen who watched him with plain confusion. "I'm sorry, but I can't ..." And with these words, he turned around and fled into the night; away from Cameron and the disturbing emotions he'd set free within him, away from the overpowering presence of the man he loved, yet could never really have and away from himself and the battling emotions in him.

With one last glance towards the slowly illuminating sky, Frank entered the house and stepped into the elevator. There was no time left anymore to follow Julian's order. For while he could go out during the daylight if he had fed enough, he was still not comfortable with it. Even filled with blood the sunlight had the discomforting effect of a burning sensation all over. With a shudder at the memories of his first and last daylight excursion, Frank left the elevator. It hadn't been an experience he cared to repeat.

His whole flat was dipped in darkness. The windows, covered with thick curtains, didn't even allow the slightest shimmer of light into his refuge. With an involuntary sigh, Frank closed the door behind him, made his way towards the sofa, switched on the lamp that stood on the table and almost jumped in surprise when its light illuminated the figure of the Brujah Primogen standing in the door-frame to his bedroom.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." Ask a stupid question and you'll get a stupid answer, Frank thought and shook his head warily. The situation was just too surreal to be true. "What are you running from? Afraid that you could like it? Or are you afraid that our dear Julian will not approve of it?" Frank could feel anger replacing the unpleasant surprise of Cameron's visit. "Well, let me tell you something; he won't approve, not because he loves you, but because it threatens his claim, his dominance over you." Slowly, yet unstoppable, Frank's rage increased. It burned its way from the deepest corner of his mind where he had banished it, onto the surface. With every word with which Cameron voiced his own tacit fears as if he had read his mind, it became stronger, more demanding. "Do you really want to be controlled every minute of your life, Frank? By a Ventrue? Or do you want the freedom to live out the Brujah in you without all the restrictions Julian put on you? Don't allow yourself to be just Julian's lapdog; not when you're so much more. Be strong! Accept the feelings in you; dwell in them."

The anger Frank felt started to cloud his mind. Focussing on Cameron's words became almost impossible. A barely noticed twinge in his fingers showed Frank that he was about to transform, that his claws had grown. The beast lurked right on the surface, ready to emerge and strike at any time. And, maybe for the first time, Frank wasn't afraid of it. On the contrary. It felt good, powerful. "I can show you what it really means to be Brujah, Frank. Forget about Julian; just for today, and let me lead you." Not able to form a straight thought anymore, Frank jumped over the coffee table that separated him from his prey and onto the Brujah elder who observed his movements with a satisfied smirk. The impact sent them to the floor with Frank landing on top of his Primogen, pinning him down with his weight. His eyes were golden with fury when their gaze locked for an instant before he took hold of Cameron's head and wrenched it aside, laying bare the other Kindred's throat. The view of the inviting, blood-pulsing vein in front of him distracted him just one moment too long. Before he could position himself for the bite that his beast demanded, he was pushed away hard, his head making contact with one of the wooden legs of his bed. Before he could recover from the surprising attack, Cameron was on him. "Nice try, Childe. But not good enough yet." The voice was almost a purr when Cameron pressed their bodies together, preventing any possibility of escape. Still, Frank couldn't give up. Almost frantically he struggled against the elder. Cameron let him. Obviously already knowing that it was to no avail. Frank was no match for the older Kindred. This realization was accompanied by a growl that didn't sound really dangerous anymore and let him realize that the beast had retreated.

The darkness in him and the fierce anger he had felt just a few moments ago, were replaced by a pleasant exhaustion. "Lesson number one; use your feelings to gain strength. To let the beast out to play now and then will also help you to control it better at other times." The voice was soft, and Frank could feel Cameron's lips at his ears. An involuntary shudder escaped him by this not entirely unpleasant intimacy. "Lesson number two; never get too distracted by the anticipation of the blood; it can get you killed very fast. And, maybe even more important," Cameron stopped for a moment to let his tongue play with Frank's earlobe, causing the young Brujah to quiver. When Cameron spoke next, his voice had become even lower, almost seductive and Frank found it very difficult to concentrate on the actual meaning of his words instead of just on the voice. "Never ever challenge your Primogen if you're not able to deal with the consequences." Frank cried out in surprise when sharp fangs pierced the sensitive skin just below his ear. The few drops of blood that found their way out were immediately lapped up. Passion began to stir within him and a wave of ecstasy rushed through the younger Kindred. He wanted, no, needed more. More of the closeness, more of the slowly growing passion, more of the feeling of being really wanted. And he got it. Slowly, teasingly, Cameron worked down his neck. Ever so lightly scraping the soft skin with his teeth, but never breaking it. The brush of lips against his flesh sent a chill of anticipation through the fledgling's body. Completely lost in passion, Frank first realized that Cameron had loosened his hold on him, when the warm air of the room caressed his bare body, indicating that Cameron had stripped him out of his clothes. But he didn't feel the pressing urge to escape anymore. For now he just wanted everything the older Brujah had to offer. Tomorrow he could think about the consequences. But not yet. With a loud moan he arched into the mouth that had suddenly enclosed his nipple, alternately licking and biting it, drawing small amounts of blood. A pale alternative to the *real* kiss, the rush of feeding and being fed by another Kindred, but still enchanting on its own.

An involuntary growl of disappointment escaped him when Cameron stopped. His hands were taken in a strong grip before they could reach out to pull the other man back. His hands were held immobile, when Cameron pressed their bodies together once more. The sharp hiss that had been ripped from him when their erections pressed together was cut off by a fierce kiss that Frank answered with equal passion. Tongues still entwined, Frank bathed in Cameron's taste when his own mouth suddenly filled with blood. Not his own, Frank realized, slowly drinking. It was more intense than that of a mortal, but different from Julian's, the only Kindred blood he had tasted since his embrace. Untamed wildness, passion, strength, rage and lust streamed through Frank with every sip he took. So similar to his own feelings, only stronger. Frank groaned when Cameron suddenly separated from him, leaving him only with the lingering taste of the older Brujah. "Lesson number four," Cameron cut through the silence that had settled between them, "Even we have to show patience. At least sometimes." The only thing that kept Frank from the temptation of rolling his eyes, was the intense gaze of the Brujah Primogen. "And lesson number five, the last for today for it will take some time to teach you: Focussing your rage before it will wake the beast. Preferable to do with another Kindred since mortals are often too fragile." Confused, his mind too dazed by the ecstasy he had just experienced and his still not completely satisfied lust for the other man, Frank just watched Cameron, waiting for him to explain himself. The Brujah, having settled down again on the bed, this time beside Frank, began to let his hands wander down the younger Kindred's body until he reached the hard cock and began to tease it with light strokes. Frank closed his eyes at the exquisite torment. "Kindred love," Cameron explained never quitting his teasing, but coming to a temporary stop whenever Frank arched into the touch in the hope of gaining more contact. An action that exacted a desperate whimper from Frank. "Patience; lesson number four."

Frank opened his golden gleaming eyes at these words. "I'll skip lesson number four for tonight if you don't mind," he growled at Cameron, before he rolled on top of the older Brujah who regarded him with a wide grin.

"I just knew you would be a prefect, attentive student." It was the last thing Cameron said, for Frank had silenced him with a kiss. After he made sure that Cameron had lost his interest in talking, he, without further hesitation or finesse, tore away Cameron's dark red shirt and began to kiss the soft, cold skin under it.

Sunday, 16th February

"Are you expecting someone?"

"Not that I know of," Frank murmured, disentangling himself from Cameron's embrace. Groggily, eyes still half closed and covered only with a blanket, Frank made his way towards his door to end the insistent ringing.

His eyes widened in surprise when he opened his door. "Sonny? What are you doing here?"

"You were supposed to be at work two hours ago. I was worried when you didn't show up." Every trace of lingering tiredness had completely disappeared at his partner's strangely cold spoken words.

A glance backwards to his watch showed him that he had indeed slept in. "Shit. Just give me a few moments and I'll be ready." Before he could invite Sonny in, Cameron had stepped behind him, showing himself to Sonny. The eyes of the Ventrue Primogen first widened in surprise, before they got dangerously cold, causing Frank to almost flinch. "Why don't you come in and wait?" Frank stepped aside to give his partner room to pass. How much worse could the situation become?

"A Ventrue the first thing to see in the evening, it really can't get any worse," Cameron sighed dramatically with a meaningful glance towards Sonny. A sharp growl and clenched fists were the Ventrue's only reaction. Before anything worse could happen, Frank stepped between the two Kindred. A fight was the last thing he needed right now.

"Just stop it! Both of you. Sonny, I can explain this." His partner just watched him, his face bare of any emotion.

"You don't need to explain anything to him, Frank. You're Brujah and can do as you wish!"

"Cameron," pleadingly, he laid his hand onto the older Brujah's arm, hoping that Cameron would understand.

Obviously he did. "I have to go anyway. Business," he stated curtly, before he turned around and vanished into the bedroom again.

"Let me guess, Frank. He is the reason you didn't go to see Julian yesterday?"

"It's not like it seems, Sonny."

"Well, I think the situation is pretty obvious." Sonny studied him unemotionally. "But this is not my business." He stopped when Cameron appeared again, this time fully clothed.

"Julian will have your head for this," Sonny promised him, when Cameron approached the door.

"I don't think you'll have the pleasure to see this. I did nothing to Frank that he didn't want. So I think you've to put up with me a bit longer. Frank," he shifted his attention to the young Brujah. "If you need a break from them, you know where to find me."

"Thank you, Cameron. For everything."

The cool gaze of the Brujah Primogen softened. "It was my pleasure," and with these last words, Cameron passed them and took his leave.

Almost disgusted, Sonny looked after him. "If you come in, I can close the door and get ready for work."

"I think I'd rather wait in the car," Sonny stated and retreated into the corridor.
 

***
 

"Sonny, if you would just --"

"Shut up, Frank. I don't think I want to hear any explanation. I don't even think that one is necessary. The situation I stumbled in on was pretty obvious. Besides, you still have his smell all over you. But that is not my business, it is Julian's and yours."

"All right, maybe he will be able to listen."

"I wouldn't count on that."

The words sent a cold chill down his spine. "Why? Just because I didn't show up yesterday?"

"Are you really that stupid, Frank? You don't not show up when the Prince summons you! You don't disobey his orders; at least not without a very good reason. It doesn't matter how peaceful and patient he seems, Julian is the Prince. He is *your* Prince and as that you've to obey him. You have learned our traditions and our law. To defy a Prince is one of the fastest ways to put an end to your life."

Uncomfortable, Frank shifted on the seat. "I'm in deep shit."

"Yes you are," Sonny agreed. "And your encounter with Cameron will not make it better."

Absently, Frank tapped the fingers of his right hand against his leg while he made his way through the storm. To say that he was nervous would have been the understatement of the millennium. An almost unbearable tension had gotten hold of him as soon as they had left the department after, in Frank's opinion, a far too short shift. Determined, he had refused Sonny's offer to drive him to the Mansion. He needed the time to prepare himself for the confrontation with a, how Sonny had put it, not very happy Prince. Frank could just imagine how angry Julian was. Not to speak about how furious he would be when he discovered that Frank had been with Cameron instead of following his order. And there was no way he wouldn't know. Cameron's smell was all over him, how Sonny had told him. So there was only the question, if Julian would give him the possibility to explain himself and if he would understand him. Frank didn't regret what he had with Cameron. He couldn't. Cameron had not only shown him a few very important things about himself, but also taught him how to deal with his emotional chaos. It was the first night in at least two weeks, that he felt really at peace. The rage had almost completely retreated, something not even Sonny and his little speech could change. Besides, there had been no way that he could have withstood the temptation of Cameron's seduction and the mind-blowing, in parts almost animalistic sex they had. It had been what he had needed. It had set him free. But even though it had been a wonderful experience, it was nothing compared to what he and Julian shared. It hadn't been about love, but merely lust to satisfy the Brujah within him. A one-time experience to allow Frank to understand himself and what he had become. A possibility for him to accept and embrace his very nature. Something they both had been aware of from the start. And while Cameron still could not understand Frank's feelings towards Julian, they had come to a certain understanding and acceptance during the day.

More crawling than really driving, Frank turned into the street that would lead him straight towards the Mansion. The weather did nothing to ease his mood and his worries. Would Julian understand his motivations? He only could hope so. He wasn't ready or willing to give up what they had. Despite their differences during the past few weeks and the turmoil Frank had found himself in when his heritage had awoken, he needed Julian. Maybe even more than before. But it was not just about need. Not anymore. Julian had become a very important part in his life.

Slowly, he drove halfway around the building after he had passed the gate, and towards the parking spots. Time to face the music, he thought with a wary smile. Accompanied by loud thunder, rain poured down on him and soaked his clothes immediately. But Frank ignored the discomfort. All his senses were directed towards the link between Julian and him, that now, that he was so near, pulsated vividly. It was something he had missed since he had returned to his apartment. While even then he hadn't been really alone, the bond had been noticeably weaker. And Frank had to admit, that he had missed the comfort of feeling Julian all around him; the special sense of peace it gave him. Julian was waiting for him, that much he could feel, but no other emotions seeped through their bond. It worried Frank, it meant that Julian was either really angry, or very busy and somehow he didn't believe that it was the latter.

Without further hesitation he took to the stairs. Frank was pretty sure that it wouldn't do him any good to delay the confrontation any longer. For once he had no eyes for the pictures and weapons that decorated the wall. When he had reached the door to Julian's study, he had to take all his willpower together to knock. He was afraid. Maybe more than he had been after his embrace. "Come in." The familiar voice was bare of any emotion. For Frank it was even worse than anything else could be. With outbursts he could deal, somehow. But not with indifference.

Taking a last deep breath, Frank opened the door. Julian was alone, only a fire and a few candles lighted the room. The Prince stood with his back to him, apparently looking out of the window . "You wanted to see me?" When he saw the body tense, he added hastily, "My Prince?" Better not to take any chances. The situation was bad enough as it was and there was no reason to make it any worse by not showing the proper respect. Not that Julian had ever demanded extra respect of him, but Frank preferred to be on the safe side for tonight.

"Actually, I expected you to show up yesterday." Frank winced when Julian turned around to face him. The dark eyes were watching him without even the tiniest bit of affection. Julian had crossed his arms over his chest, a posture of rejection. And the young Brujah realized, that it wasn't his lover and friend he was talking to here, but the Prince of the city. And he was not only displeased, but Frank was the target of his anger. A realization that scared him. Never before had he experienced Julian in such a mood. The Julian he knew was caring, patient and forgiving. But then again, he hadn't seen Julian in the full 'I'm the Prince and you do what I say' state yet.

For a moment Frank closed his eyes at the display of absolute power. "I'm sorry. I wanted to come ..."

"But?"

"But I was busy." A raised eyebrow was the only reaction. "Cameron and I had a few things to talk about."

"A talk?" Julian's voice was impassive.

Damn you, Julian! As if you don't know what took place. But please, if it's is your wish, send me to hell and back. I'd be pleased to lay myself bare to you. Any details? Frank thought, suddenly feeling his anger reawakening. "He told me a few things about my bloodline and showed me how to keep control over my emotions."

"And that was it?"

"Don't tell me you don't know it already, Julian!" Frank exploded, suddenly, not longer able to hold that part of him at bay, that rebelled against Julian's power game. "Just tell me what you want me to do and let's get over with it." Frank hadn't even finished the last word, when Julian suddenly stood in front of him. And he was angry. Silver gleaming eyes flashed dangerously and before Frank could react in any way, he found himself lifted from his feet and pinned to the door by the older, more powerful Kindred.

"That is more than enough, Frank! I am the Prince and I can demand of you what I want when I want it. And you have to do it or otherwise pay the price like everybody else in my domain. I won't tolerate your insolence anymore. Your feelings are one point, but your defiance towards me is a different one. One I won't tolerate any longer. Do you understand me?" Shocked by Julian's sudden outburst, Frank managed a slight nod despite the unnatural position he was in. An action that obviously satisfied the Prince for he released his hold immediately and Frank found himself on the floor, kneeling. "It would be impossible to ignore what took place between you two. Even without our bond I would have known. His scent is all over you. But I want you to tell me, why you ended up with the one you implored me to protect you from!"

The just demonstrated exercise of power, convinced Frank that refusal wasn't an option. And so, with a shaking voice, he began to tell Julian exactly what had taken place the previous night. "I wanted it, Julian. I needed it," he finally ended in a whisper, watching the floor in front of him for he didn't dare to meet the eyes of the man he had pledged himself to.

"And why didn't you come to me?" The question was asked in this terrible impassive voice that was even worse than Julian's explosion earlier.

Frank closed his eyes in desperation. "I simply couldn't. I needed to clear my feelings first."

"And for that you had to go to bed with Cameron?" Julian asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them.

"He helped me to find my balance again. He showed me ways to control the tumult within me and he helped me to sort out my feelings. Hell, it simply happened. But it wasn't about love, not even affection, just a moment of shared lust." And with these words, Frank finally looked up, searching for something like reassurance in his lover's eyes. There was none. Julian squatted in front of him and looked down at him with a glimmer in his eyes, that didn't promise anything good.

"Really?" Julian's voice had taken on a dangerous edge, causing Frank to flinch. "And that is your excuse for not only not coming when I send for you, but also appearing in
front of me, reeking like Cameron and defying me? Well, it's not good enough." And with those words Julian stood up and paced through the room.
 

... maybe he will be able to listen ...

  ... I wouldn't count on that ...

And suddenly something in Frank snapped. The rage, he had managed to repress so far, was boiling at the surface. If Julian couldn't understand him, if he didn't even try, Frank couldn't help him. Angrily, the Brujah stood up from the floor and the degrading position he had been in. "Fine, since the jury judged me guilty already, maybe the judge can pass his sentence now so that I don't have to wait too long for the executioner," he snarled at the older Kindred, not in the mood anymore to justify his actions. As soon as the words were spoken, Frank knew that he had made a mistake. Julian's features changed from temporary bewilderment to anger and in the next moment he was in front of him, his face only inches away from Frank's. The burst of emotions he could sense through their bond were of a frightening intensity.

 "Somehow you don't understand me, do you Frank? *You* committed yourself to me with all that comes with it. In plain this means that you belong to me. Body, blood and soul. It is on me to decide if you'll live or die. I can decide with whom you will meet when or with whom you'll go to bed. It would even be my right to decide about your eating habits if I should wish so. But I can't remember that I did anything of this. You had more freedom to do what you want than my own Childer. And do you know why? Because I trusted you to be able to decide what is good for you - for us - and what is not. But obviously I was wrong. The last two weeks showed me that. You are not only rebellious, but also, from all the Kindred possible, had to chose Cameron to have a nice night? That is inexcusable!" The last words were no more than an angry whisper.

 "It is very unlikely to forget such things if you give yourself over to someone. And I haven't changed my mind about it. What happened between us, what we've shared, was and is one of the best things in my life. I would never betray you. Not to Cameron and not to anybody else. I'm yours, just liked you said. But not because you own me, but because I want it this way!"  Carefully, Frank reached out his hand to touch Julian. The Prince slapped his hand aside and took a step back. The rejection pained the young Brujah more than Julian's words. His eyes were burning with unshed tears. "I accept you as my Prince, completely and without question. I'm grateful for what you did for me. I don't think I'd have managed it without you. But I ask you, to at least try to understand why I couldn't act differently. Maybe, in your eyes, I made a mistake when I got involved with Cameron. But he gave me something you couldn't, even if you had tried. Since he is Brujah too, he could understand what I was going through. He knows the feeling of being consumed by rage and passion until you can't tell the difference anymore, until you simply have to hurt the people you care about most. And that is not a nice feeling. That was one reason for my moving out of here. I couldn't trust myself not to defy and hurt you." Julian watched him with an unreadable gaze, but didn't stop Frank when he passed him to pace through the room.

 "And I was lonely. My Clan rejects me because of our bond, and the other Clans don't trust me. And you, if not telling me what all I'm not allowed to do, was busy with your Prince-stuff. It is not exactly easy if you don't really belong anywhere. And then Cameron appeared and showed me ways to deal with the darkness in me. To not only control it before it can take control over me, but also how to make use of it. Sex was just a part of it, very enjoyable part, but nothing more. And while I'm grateful for his help, it was a one time experience, something we we were both aware of from the start." Frank stopped in front of the fire, enjoying for a short moment the warmth it radiated before he finally turned around again to face his Prince. "Cameron means nothing to me, though it is good to know, that he has other interests besides killing me. You are important to me. Very much. And to see the result of my action now is something I *do* regret. I need and want you, Julian; as an active part in my life. But I also respect you as my Prince. I might have needed some time to realize it, but you are not only the best choice for the Kindred society, but also the only one I do trust with my life and for whom I'd give my life. I'm yours, body and soul and I wouldn't want to have it any other way. And if I've defied or offended you in any way, I apologize for it and ask for your forgiveness, my Prince."

Although these words didn't come easily to his lips, Frank knew that they were true. To emphasize his seriousness, he opened up completely to the older Kindred, allowed Julian to see the truth in their shared bond, not hiding anything. Slowly and gracefully, predator-like, Julian crossed the room until he stood in front of Frank. Yet the young Brujah didn't reach out for him, regardless of his desire for Julian. He didn't think he could bear another rejection like the last. So Frank waited for Julian to do something, anything, that would put an end to the crushing silence that had settled between them.

 "Tell me, Frank. What exactly was it that you could only learn by having sex with Cameron?" The voice was calm, yet it held an edge that warned Frank that he was still treading on slippery ground, that Julian was still angry.

"Focusing my rage before it will wake the beast; Kindred love."

Julian's nod appeared absent as if he was lost in his thoughts. Then, without warning, he took Frank's head in a strong enough grip to leave bruises on a mortal and jerked it aside. Having laid bare the throat, he sunk his fangs in Frank's neck, causing the younger Kindred to cry out in surprise. For an instant everything in Frank urged him to fight off the assailant and it took all his willpower not to do so. Successful. And with the retreat of the beast, the pleasure of being fed from set in. Frank gave himself to Julian, entirely. With a sigh he closed his eyes and melted against the muscular body in front of him, submitting to the - his - Prince for whatever Julian wished to do to him. The rush he felt was nothing compared to what he and Cameron had shared. This was what he wanted. Julian could properly decide to drain him now, to reclaim his blood, and Frank would go joyfully. But the other Kindred stopped before doing so and Frank had to admit, that he was rather glad. After all he had just gotten used to this life and if he was to be honest, it wasn't so bad that he wanted to give it up again. Julian's gaze was serious when Frank opened his eyes again. "Never forget Frank, you are mine! And I don't like to share. Especially not with this Brujah!"

"Yours, always." Frank barely recognized the rough voice as his own.

"I am glad we agree on this. Now strip!" The words, although not spoken in the terrible indifferent voice, held only a fragment of the deep affection Frank was used to. "You still reek of Cameron. His scent is all over you. It is disgusting." Without hesitation, Frank followed the order. He wasn't afraid anymore. If Julian had wanted to hurt or kill him, he would have done so already. And if he wanted to reestablish his claim over him this way, Frank certainly wouldn't mind. Not that he had much to say in this matter, not after he had just told Julian again that he was his.

 When Frank was finished undressing, his clothes scattered over the large wooden table, he turned around again to Julian - and caught his breath. The flames of the burning candles emphasized the strong, now also nude, body in front of him with their soft light. Even without clothing his lover was the perfect embodiment of power. Ravishing. It was a view Frank never got tired of. "On the table," Julian ordered, a dark, hungry look in his eyes that made Frank shudder with anticipation. The Brujah turned away from the inviting picture in front of him, went to the table and leaned over, chest against the warm wood. "Turn around. I want you to see me. We have to make sure that you are aware of who is doing this to you, to whom you belong. Not that you'll mistake me for Cameron." Frank's eyes widened by the tone. What was that? Jealousy? Even after their last weeks together, he didn't dare to hope that his feelings weren't only one-sided, but that Julian felt the same. But whatever it really was, he liked it, Frank decided before he rose from the table and turned around to do Julian's bidding.

 Frank wasn't able to tear his eyes away when Julian slowly approached him. Like a big cat, he mused. Maybe a panther; graceful, dangerous, seductive and deadly at once. Then Julian stood in front of him, studied him out of unreadable eyes; a gaze that caused Frank to shiver. Hesitatingly, he reached out to touch him, caressed his cheek. When there was no resistance, Frank got bolder and let his hand slide down towards the elder's chest, never breaking the eye contact. Gently, he stroked the soft chest hair, moved his hand towards the right nipple, caressing it until he could feel it harden under his touch. Unable to detain himself any longer, the young Brujah bowed his head and flicked his tongue across the nipple before taking it in his mouth to suck it. When it stood hard and proud away from the body, Frank released it. Lightly kissing the skin in between, he moved to the left nipple, repeating the action. He was so absorbed in what he was doing, that he first realized that Julian tried to get his attention when the Ventrue pushed him away from his chest. Questioningly, Frank lifted his head. "Lay down." The voice was low, and, Frank realized not without a certain satisfaction, husky.

Reluctantly, sad at the sudden loss of contact to the other Kindred, he reposed his upper body onto the smooth surface of the table. A sigh escaped him when Julian's hands were suddenly on him. The feel of Julian's hands on his body, seemingly all over to the same time, caused Frank to moan in delight. Sure fingers were stroking down his chest and Frank involuntary arched into the touch. First ticklishly light, then rougher, he felt Julian's thumbs on his nipples, followed by a gentle tugging that soon become stronger, more demanding, at the border of pain, yet never really crossing it. Frank allowed himself to fall into the sensation Julian created in him. His whole world circled around the pleasure of the hands, which were now wandering down his body. Teasingly soft, no more than light brushes, they touched his thighs, his cock, his balls. Frank felt on fire. Yet it wasn't enough. He needed more, wanted everything Julian had to offer. Then the touch was gone, leaving him feeling bereft, exposed.

"Open your eyes, Frank. Look at me." His eyes, which at some point earlier had closed without Frank being aware of it, snapped open. Slightly confused, he blinked, trying to find his way back into reality. With no real success. The view of Julian, whose arms were propped up right and left of him, did nothing to help him. "That's better," Julian told him softly, an unreadable smile on his lips, before he bent down and began to kiss and nibble his way up from Frank's chest, over his throat, causing the fledging to growl softly. Seemingly out of their own accord, his hands reached up to embrace the older Kindred, pulling their bodies together. For a moment Julian allowed the touch, before he stopped his caress and took the Brujah's hands in his own, set them left and right of his head onto the table. The movement pressed their bodies together even more, causing Frank to groan. The intense gaze with which Julian watched him, did nothing to ease the youngster's hunger for his Prince.

"Please." His voice was no more than a desperate whisper when he arched up, trying to rub their erections together in a desperate attempt to find either relief, or to convince Julian to continue. But the older Kindred showed an estimable control. Without breaking the eye contact, he pulled Frank's arms over his head where he held them down with one hand. The other hand now free, he used it to softly stroked the Brujah's hair before he let it wander down to his face, tracing with his forefinger every line which mortality had left on him. The light touches were a tingling sensation to Frank's senses. When the finger reached his lips, the young Kindred's tongue involuntarily darted out to lick it. Then, finally, Julian's head bent down for a kiss. First light, not more than a teasing brush, then harder, more passionate, the two Kindred's lips and tongues met. Frank lost himself in the taste of the other man. It was so different than what he had  had with Cameron, so much more familiar, so much more longed for. It was simply right. A disappointed growl escaped him when Julian stopped the kiss, depriving Frank of the much needed contact. Instinctively, he struggled against the hand that held his arms down, wanting nothing more but to be free to drag back the other Kindred. In vein, for Julian only strengthened his grasp. And with the realization that fighting was completely useless, that this was exactly how Julian wanted him, he relaxed again; at least as much as was possible in a situation where every fiber of his body was on fire, where his whole being was dedicated to the intense desire for the Kindred on top of him.

"Who do you belong to?" Julian's soft voice broke through the haze of passion Frank was in. Thinking became almost impossible when suddenly two sharp teeth were scratching the skin at his throat. With a sigh, Frank rolled his head aside, allowing his lover easier access. The older Kindred hadn't taken more than a few sips, when he, much to the young Brujah's regret, withdrew.

Frank turned his head around, to meet the intense gaze of the Ventrue once more. "You. I'm yours, my Prince."

"That is right. Mine. Completely. To do with as I wish." The intense gaze in combination with the possessive words, caused Frank to shudder. He felt soothed and comforted. The words drove away the last doubts and loneliness which had tormented him during the past few weeks. It was like coming home. He was surrounded by love and a peace he couldn't feel anywhere else. "Never ever forget this again. If you need something, you will come to me and we will find a way. Don't even think of going to Cameron again."

"Never," Frank promised. A promise he meant to keep. For as pleasurable as his encounter with Cameron had been, he knew that the other Brujah could never give him what he had found with Julian. And that was something he was not willing to put at risk.

Julian's eyes had softened by his promise and for the first time this evening, he saw something like affection in them. "What do you want, Frank?" The voice was soft, seductive.

"You," the confession was accompanied by a deep groan when the other Kindred began to suck at his earlobe. "Please ... Julian ... I need you," Frank pleaded weakly, sure that he couldn't take much more teasing.

And, with a last hard kiss, Julian released his hold on Frank's arms, lifted himself up from the younger Kindred. Through waves of lust and passion, Frank felt the blunt pressure of Julian's cock against the crack of his ass, demanding entry. Acting by pure instinct, Frank swung his feet on the table, offering himself to the other Kindred. His whole body convulsed with pleasure when Julian, slowly, but steadily entered him. Somewhere in his mind, Frank realized that Julian must have prepared himself at some time, for he didn't even feel the slightest discomfort by the penetration. Frank's legs wrapped around Julian's waist, capturing him, never ever wanting to let go. The Ventrue began to move and all rational thought fled. The feeling of being filled by Julian set his every nerve on fire. Frank's world had narrowed to this one point of contact between them when Julian claimed him with hard thrusts. He was lost in a sea of intense passion. A cry escaped him when Julian touched his hard cock. The touch in combination with the pressure against his prostate was too much. Frank's body began to thrash when he felt the first waves of orgasm approach. Without being aware of it, he reached blindly for Julian when the beast was about to emerge; needed him to fulfill the bloodlust that came with the culmination of the overwhelming pleasure. Then Julian was on him, jerking his head aside, he sunk his fangs into Frank's neck, offering him his wrist at the same time. The powerful blood of the Prince and his hard cock squashed between their bodies was enough to send the young Brujah over the edge. His world exploded into a ball of fire and he came, dimly aware that Julian followed him only a short moment later with a last powerful thrust and a hoarsely spoken 'mine'.

Affectionately, Julian stroked the hair of the sleeping Kindred in his arms before he disentangled himself from the almost clutching embrace and stood up to pour himself a drink. While he was exhausted, he couldn't find his much needed rest. His thoughts and emotions rode in a roller-coaster, even though the anger at the young Brujah's supposed betrayal to his Prince was no longer among them. In parts he could even understand why Frank had fallen for Cameron, why he couldn't resist the temptation. The damned Brujah Primogen could give Frank something, Julian obviously couldn't. And that, Julian had to admit, hurt. Where was the sense of being the Prince, of ruling his people, if he couldn't even keep safe the people he loved? Stevie Ray's and Alexandra's death, Sasha and her never-ending struggles between the call of her blood and her desires, then Archon's pointless death, and now Frank.

... It's not the events that determine. We can't control them. It's the reaction to the event ..., he suddenly heard his Sire's voice. Or was it just in his mind? It didn't matter, not really. For only the contents of the message was important. Something Julian had had to learn the hard way. Had he overreacted to the recent events? When he had allowed his emotions to overcome his rationality? His plan, of having an urgent talk with Frank, to make him see that he couldn't continue this way and to help him, had been forgotten with the fledgling's arrival, reeking of Cameron. From that moment on, Julian couldn't think straight anymore. He had felt like being torn apart by blinding rage and a hunger to reclaim what was his, to erase Frank's memory of his encounter with Cameron in body and mind. Had it been a mistake to lose control? To follow his primary instincts? Julian didn't know. And to be truthful, he didn't care. The only thing that really counted was, that Frank was once more safe where he was supposed to be. Here, and at Julian's side. And he would do almost everything to keep it this way. He would try to give Frank what he needed, to keep him away from the absorbing darkness of his bloodline. He wouldn't allow Cameron the triumph of taking the young Brujah away from him.

Julian had been so absorbed in his thoughts, that he hadn't realized that Frank had awoken. He first became aware of it, when the young Kindred embraced him from behind, pressing their bodies together, kissing Julian's neck softly. "Do you ever sleep?"

An involuntary smile escaped Julian and he swung around to return the embrace. "Sometimes."

"Then come back to bed with me. I need to feel you close."

"Oh Frank, what am I supposed to do with you?" Julian asked, gently.

"Just love me."

"That could be arranged," Julian explained with a low chuckle. If you only knew how much I do already ...

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Seriousness in the young Kindred's voice had replaced the last traces of drowsiness.

"You are. Just don't do it ever again. I can't say how much I hate the thought of you and Cameron together ..."

"I won't." Love you too much to take the risk of losing you. The last was sent through their bond, accompanied by a wave of overwhelming emotions, which emphasized Frank's statement. A wave of love for the young Brujah flooded through Julian and he had to swallow hard.

Somehow everything would work out, it had to.
 
 

  -- The End --