So True
What can I say? I love to hear about all the odd stuff that happens in real life, so I had to have a page for it. Most of it, so far though, is from me, so if you have anything you want to share, please, send it in.
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Key chain sayings-
*I have PMS and a GUN. Excuse me, did you have something to say?
*I smile because I have no idea WHAT'S GOING ON.
*My foot and your ass need to meet.*
*Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most.
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Ever notice how large people don't seem to really try to lose weight? Take this for example. A woman of the above description walks into a McDonalds restaurant and says, "I'll have a double cheeseburger, large fires, and a diet coke." Um, yeah, that's some good diet planning.
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Parents are the world's biggest hypocrites. Really. They tell YOU not to do something, and then THEY go do that exact same ten times more, worse, or longer. Ever heard the saying, teach by example?
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Have you heard about the ice hotel in Quebec? The entire thing was made from ice. When they did the inspection, they insisted that the owners installed fire extinguishers. Excuse me, the whole BUILDING is a fire extinguisher.
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Men are like......
Computers. They seem to crash more than they work.
Wine coolers. The really sweet ones make you want to puke.
Dogs. They're nice to have around but they don't really do much.
Parrots. They're fun to train but after a while you just want to shut them up.
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You know you have been in french immersion too long when....
Instead of iron, tin, and silver, your paper talks about fer, etain, and argent.
You start adding e's to the end of words that don't have them in english.
Oxide becomes oxyde, and you start reversing the order of nouns and adjectives.
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I pity telemarketers. Really, I do. They get yelled at, hung up on, and basically treated like dirt, the whole time just trying to do their job and earn a few bucks. We should complain about the employers instead. After all, they put them up to it.
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Thoughful Thoughts-
"Women call it off-white. Men call it close." -J. Dunnet
"Your curve isn't straight." -M. Crowell
"Girls don't lie. We simply alter the truth." -C. Osborne
"She's going nowhere fast, and slowly getting there." -K. Banks
"I'm not late, you're just early." -C. Fitzgerald
"What button does this do?" -M. MacClean
"Jonathan, you have /got/ to get laid." -S. Nickerson
"'To be or not to be,' that's not a question, it's a double infinitive." -S. Newhook
Quotes-
Max-"Two things a girl should not have at the same time are PMS and a gun."
Jayn-"Well, I already have one of those things."
Max-"Please say a gun, please say a gun..."
Brian-"I can't find the page!"
Teacher-"The pages are numbered, Brian."
Brian-"Yeah, but they all got different numbers on 'em."
Tiffany-"If you grow boobs, can I touch them?"
Tiffany-*Burps* "Excuse me."
Jayn-"Geishunteit."
Tiffany-"But I didn't sneeze!"
RJ-"It's not gay, it's just not straight."
Catherine-"Could you pass me the salt, please? My grandparents taught me manners,
dammit."
Randall-"Now that it's bent, I can get it in there."
Tiffany-"Sorry, but I'm not that spinnable." (If you don't think this is funny,
well, you had to be there)
Christina-"It's good that your parents left you with a full gank of tas."
Jayn-"Shawn, don't try to look cool, you're bad at it."
Tiffany-"Shawn, no one thinks of you long enough to say that about you."
Teacher-"Some things are worth responding to, and then there's Chris."
Shawn-(typing)"Marjolaine is mean."
Jayn-"So what's your point?"
Shawn-(reading search results)"I love you, Billy."
Supa-"What kind of drugs are you on and where can I get some?"
Jayn-"My pork chop tastes like chicken."
Katie-"My chicken tastes like pork chop."
Kelley-"I'm talking to all the residence students
and all the first year students
and all the frosh leaders,
and you're an idiot."
Jayn-"I think therefore I am, I think."
Max-"You want a kitten?"
Jayn-"No."
Max-"You want and older, five month old kitten?"
Jayn-"No."
Max-"You want a full grown cat?"
Jayn-"No."
Max-"C'mon, these are the sweetest cats you've ever seen...OH FAAAAAAAAAA.......!"
Teacher-"Name somethign else that you find ironic."
Student-"Well, all the people here that think badly of the media,
this is a journalism class, I think that's ironic."
Teacher-"Should unused condom be recycled?"
Student A-"NO, it would be unhygenic."
Student B-"UNUSED."
Andrew-"If a tree fell on me, I would buckle, I would bend, I would do
whatever the tree told me to do. I would be the tree's bitch."
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There is one thing I just don't get about Newfies. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them, but what is it with you and your h's? You take 'em out of where they're supposed to be, and put 'em back in where they hain't.
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I am really bad when I get nervous. I don't get nervous often, but when I do, I get physically sick. Especially for exams. This year, though, I thought I'd be fine. I woke up and felt great. Then Dad wished me good luck on my exam. Which is when I started feeling sick. Gee, thanx.
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Can we say annoying? Why is it that, generally, the more a person talks, the less intelligent the things that he/she says are?
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So, I went to a dance with a guy for our first date. As usual, there were pop bottles everywhere, all over the floor. This time, however, someone got bored and started throwing them at us. Because of how we were standing, my boyfriend was blocking most of them. He said to me, "Good thing I'm standing here, they're all hitting me and not you." And as soon as he finished speaking.....PLUNK! Right on top of my head. "You were saying?"
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Just plain weird....
Trash in pig-latin is ashtray.
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My memory is like a steel chest, only someone's drilled the lock.
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At school, we were preparing a Family Feud game for the seniors, and they polled soem of the juniors for it. Some of the ansers were stupid, weird, and just plain hilarious.
-Name a former Prime Minister of Canada (not Jean Chretien). Among the given answers--Mr. Bush, George Washington, and Hitler.
-Average age of the teachers at our school--70
-And on a sweeter note: What would be the best Valentines day gift ever? 11 real roses and one fake one with a card that read, "I'll love you until the last one dies".
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Why do we tell people to look up words in the dictionary when the need a spelling? Don't you need ot know the spelling before you can look the word up?
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Ok, I have a confession to make, and nobody laugh....I play the Pokemon card game. That's ok, I'll wait. Ok, now that you're done laughing, I was playing in league and won a jumbo sized Hitmonchan card. It's pretty cool, about 5" by 7" (guessing here, haven't bothered to measure it). But whoever made it must have thought the game was only played by idiots. Why, do you ask? Well, on the back of the card, they acctually had the nerve to print "Not For Play Use". Um, yeah, I kinda figured that out myself. I can see it now, someone trying to shuffle their deck with that card in there. "Ok, this isn't working....how about I just shuffle the rest of the cards and then stick this one in the middle afterwards. Don't worry, I dont' know what card it is..."
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Actual question on a university residence application:
How do you like to keep your room?
-Very Organised
-Semi-organised
-Freestyle
Guess which one I checked.
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When I was in high school, it often happened that there would be a snowstorm in teh winter, and while we didn't get hit particularly hard, other places would be and so we ended up with a day off school because the entire board was closed. There were literally times when we had 'snowdays' and yet there wasn't a flake of snow to be seen. Anyways, in my last year there was a big storm, and no one thought that there would be school the next day, the premise being if a little snow can get us out of school, so can a lot. One of my friends even asked a teacher if he thought that there would be school the next day. HIs response? If there was, then he would recite a poem while standing one his head. What happened? Well, let me put it this way...the next day during English class, we found out that while he could certainly do the former, the latter was somewhat beyond his capabilities. And the yearbook shot of that particular escapade is far from the most flattering picture he's ever had taken.>
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Email: jayn_newell@hotmail.com
