A Boy and his Mini-Van
Being a teenaged male, and driving a mini-van is a very bad thing. Within the context of this essay, I hope to describe of few unfortunate facts of mini-van ownership.
I should have you know that the van that will be discussed in this essay belongs not to me, but to my parents. The mini-van is a 1997 Dodge Caravan. It is a bizarre grayish-purple color, and has a large dent on one of its two rear sliding doors. This van is not only unattractive, but also quite noisy. The sound that comes from under the hood is much like that of an aircraft at takeoff, and the brakes (although recently fixed) emit a horrible screeching noise upon any attempt to bring the vehicle to a stop.
The first problem is one that relates more to myself than to an average driver. I am approximately six feet, four inches tall. These vans have obviously been designed with a smaller passenger in mind. If I am driving, I am forced to wedge my knee into the bottom of the steering wheel, and place my left elbow on the edge of the window. I am always driving, as a person of my height is incapable of folding enough to be placed into the row of seats in the rear of the van.
I can tell you from experience that my fellow commuters fail to respect a guy in a mini-van. Often, my passengers and myself receive strange looks from men who expect to see a family in such a vehicle. Many of these same people speed up when it becomes evident that I am going to pass them. They find it humiliating to be passed by a mini-van. I can’t even be upset with these folks, because I feel guilty passing them. These semi-embarrassing situations have led to my friends referring to our automobile as the “Mini-F’N-Van”.
Another problem is the color of this van. I am a 19-year old male. I drive a purple van. Purple is not in my opinion, a very manly color. The result of this is that many of my male peers choose to mock me due to my appearance while travelling.
Without a doubt, the biggest mini-van related problem is girls. I defy you to try and pick up a young lady while driving one of these machines (especially a purple one). You are more concerned with getting the first look than the second, because when the girls see your mode of transportation they assume that you are a member of their sex. If you manage to get that first look, giggling often follows it. Sometimes, you are met by full-fledged laughter. It is enough to break a guy’s spirit.
Hopefully, the day will soon come where the public decides to stop purchasing mini-vans. To put it bluntly, it is not only uncomfortable to drive one, it can also be very harmful to one’s self-esteem.
~Official Property of Bronson Creations Inc.~
Email: thebronsman@yahoo.com
