jokes

MAKE ME OPEN TO THE BRIGHT SUN RAYS

Make me open to the bright sun rays

Make me open to the bright night stars

Take a moment and think of nature around us

Raindrops on fresh picked roses

The sweet smell of fresh cut grass

The winter sky of falling leaves

Browns, tans, and grays

The cool wind in my hair

Make me open to the bright sun rays.

The smell of smoke coming out of chimneys

The glow of the sun coming off the snow

The clean fresh scent of a rainy day

The sweet smell of pine trees cut for Christmas

The sound of children laughing while playing in new snow

I feel cool from the snow, yet warm from the sun

Now take a moment and look at the sunset

All the colors - oranges, pinks, and grays

Make me open to the bright sun rays.

Victoria Lynn Tharp

Be nice to your kids....they'll be the ones choosing your nursing home!

Did you ever stop to think ....and forget to start again?

Don't be so open minded your brain falls out!

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

It' not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere!

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

My idea of housework isto sweep the room with a glance.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Eat well, stay fit,die anyway!

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Junk is something you throw away weeks before you need it.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends!

DID YOU KNOW???????

What bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

All were invented by women!

What trivial fact about Mel Blance (voice of Bugs Bunn) is the most ironic?

He was allergic to carrots!

DID YOU EVER WONDER????????????

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is out of Whack?

6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why is it called 'after dark' when it is really 'after light'?

11. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?

12. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

13. Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?

14. Why is phonics not spelled the way is sounds?

15. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

16. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

17. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Your house leans slightly toward the side where your genealogical records are stored.

Out of respect for your best friend's unquestioned reputation for honesty and integrity, you are willing to turn off that noisy surveillance camera while she reviews your 57 genealogical research notebooks in your home. The armed security guard, however, will remain!

Ed McMahon, several TV cameras and an envelope from Publishers Clearing House arrive at your front door on Super Bowl Sunday, and the first thing you say is,

"Are you related to the McMahons of Ohio?"

A magical genie appears and agrees to grant you any one wish, and you ask that the 1890 census be restored.

You decide to take a 2 week break from genealogy, and

the post office immediately lays-off 1,500 employees.

Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to two more!

It's 2000....Do you know where your Gr-Gr-Grandparents are?

I should have asked them BEFORE they died!

I'm always late....My ancestors arrived on the JUNEflower.

That's strange....half my ancestors were WOMEN!