Well, I've finally managed tpo put this on the site...
Poor Stephen sent it to me at the beginning of May and I've been promising to put it here since then!
Hope it comes out OK Ste, it was a pain trying to convert it all from that xls file ;-)

Armand Van Helden
Koochy" Two CD formats: Yellow or Green cover
Released 8th May

What does the song "Cars" mean to you? One of the simplest yet best songs ever written? The most well known Numan song? Is it the most played Numan song on the radio, next to `Are "Friends" Electric?` ? Or is it the most duplicated Numan song ever?

To some people it may be all of those things, and just when you thought it was safe to believe that not a lot more could be done with this particular piece of electronic musical history, either by remixing or fiddling about, along comes the reason for this review. I was browsing through HMV in Oxford Street, as is my want on the odd occaision, when, on the in-store `radio`, comes a record I' ve not heard before, and at the end of it the DJ announces that it's Armand Van Helden, I missed the title at the time, but I stood there thinking "Hang on a minute, I know `Cars` when I hear it!", so I asked a couple of members of staff about it but all they could tell me was that it indeed was Armand Van Helden and that it would be released soon. This was a couple of weeks ago now.

So every Monday since then I have been scouring all the nearby record stores looking for the damn thing in the New Releases section. What makes it stand out rather well is the choice of colour for the cover(s), the most lurid and fluorescent shades of yellow and green that I' ve seen for a good long while, and the writing on both discs is all in a special code but thankfully the record company has very kindly provided a translation section. Oh, yes and a very handy sticker on the front telling you what it is anyway. Green CD features the edited version of "Koochy", a longer version and another track which didn't interest me in the slightest for reasons I'll make clearer later on, while the yellow features again the edited version and two additional tracks, but as I bought the green one I don't know about these other tracks and am unlikely to find out anything about them.

I don't know much about Armand Van Helden but some hip and trendy people I' ve spoken to tell me he's one of the top dance artists around at the moment, so I was intrigued before I even bought the thing, even more so when other people started to mention the fact that it was receiving regular airplay on a number of different stations.

The title "Koochy" is not something you hear that often these days, and what's more scary as far as I'm concerned is that the only title that even comes close is "Kooka Choo" by Alvin Stardust from back in the Dark Ages, and I apologise to any Stardust fans for any mis-spellings, but it only goes to show how much of a dinosaur I am. So, what does it sound like? A big bass drum dance beat underpins the whole thing, and features a loop of the opening bars to "Cars" repeated throughout the song. Just imagine "Here in my car," and the music that accompanies it, done over and over, take out the vocal and you'll see what I mean. It has echoes of the 2XLC Talla remix of "Cars" from the 1996 Techno Army album, the start of that particular track only not so fast.The clinical, almost Kraftwerk - like synthesized monotone vocal features two short verses telling us that he "Wants that Koochy" . There is unfortunately a lot of that brutal cacophony of noise commonly referred to as "scratching" which, for me, spoils the whole idea and doesn't allow the record to stretch it's legs fully, unless you concentrate on the longer version, where the scratching is still there but there is more of other, more pleasing bits, to listen to.

Strip out those annoying bits and it's not a bad record,and going back to my earlier comment, I am of an age now where I can state categorically that I am not part of the clubbing scene, but this has the potential to be huge, especially in the clubs, where it may already be so, it has the right elements to achieve this. It' s getting airplay, and it sticks close enough to the original, admittedly only to the part it uses, to attract the attention of those who can recognise it for what it is based on, and it has enough originality on it's own to strike for new ground. Because of all these factors it may well score reasonably well in the charts too, and no matter what your opinion of the charts or whether you are a fan of Numan's music or not, it is always good to see anything of the Numan catalogue receiving up front full on mainstream attention as far I am concerned.

Recognition is going to be the key as far as the success of "Koochy" goes, but while listening to it I find myself always waiting for the rest of "Cars" to come along and being a little disappointed that it's not there. It makes some interesting noises along the way, but essentially you will probably accept it for what it actually is, as a fan, it's another go at remixing a classic, if you're a clubber you may like it to have a good bop to it, you may even strike that rare balance and fall somewhere in between.
Does it work though? That's up to you.
Happy listening.

Well thanks for that Ste. Always nice to let someone else do my work for me!
Feel free to send in anything else that you want people to see years after you intended them to!