Secrets Kept

By Karahkwa

Summary: The start of the "real" story. It's basically part of Chakotay's time in the Maquis and the start of his relationship with Tom Paris, such as it is.

Disclaimer: See Main Fan Fic Page

Part 01/03

Chakotay rubbed his forehead and sighed. The tattoo he now wore was still new enough to feel…odd. Over time, he knew, he would get used to it.

He still couldn't believe his father was gone. They'd disagreed on nearly everything, including Chakotay's decision to return to the Academy after his first Sun Dance. He had taken part at age sixteen, afterall. He'd made his decision during the ritual and knew, even if his father didn't, that he had made the right choice.

Or at least he'd thought he knew.

When the Federation had simply handed Dorvan over to the Cardassians, Chakotay had been shocked. He'd sent impassioned letter after letter to various captains and admirals. Surely someone would realize what would happen.

Less than three days after the signing of that treaty, Chakotay had prophesized the Maquis. "We may be simple people living simple lives, but we cherish what we have. We won't let the Cardassians, or anyone else, take it away from us. This isn't a treaty of peace that you've signed. It's a declaration of war."

Chakotay rubbed his forehead again. If only he'd known that his father would be one of the first casualties of that war. There were so many things he'd never get to say to Kolopak now, things he'd put off for too long and now had missed the chance.

That's why he'd taken his father's tattoo. It wasn't much but in this he was a living testament to how much his father had been valued. That all seven of his siblings had also taken the symbol showed just how honorable his father had been.

So honorable that he'd been willing to bare the dishonor that would have come if I'd changed back. Chakotay sighed. It had been one of the hardest decisions of his life. Choosing between his dream, his father's honor, and the chance to be normal… How could a sixteen-year-old kid really make the right choice? He'd done what he could to do the right thing. He'd let his father have his honor, taken a shot at his dream and told himself that as long as no one knew, he was normal.

"Hey Chakotay! You keep rubbing your forehead like that and you'll rub away that tattoo!"

The young man looked up to see Gregor Ayala and B'Elanna Torres. They were fellow Maquis and Chakotay felt a strong affinity to them. Greogor was from a planet just like Dorvan. He was fighting for the same reason Chakotay was. And Torres… The half-Klingon was ex-'Fleet; quit as a second-year cadet. She had so much energy and passion. She just needed a focus for both and the Academy wasn't it. She was now the best engineer the Maquis would ever find.

"Gregor. B'Elanna. Have a seat." Chakotay's manners were to engrained for him not to ask them to join him. Even when he wanted to be alone. He knew that neither would have sought him out without a reason and a damn good one at that. "What's up?"

"We've been talking to some of the others and… We want to form a new cell. We want you to lead it."

"Before you say anything, let us tell you the details we've worked out."


Chakotay looked at Torres and thought she was nuts. "I fail to see the relevance of this, Torres."

"Torres, is it? You only use that because you don't have a last name. I hate it when you do that."

It was hard for Chakotay not to smile. He did so love to irritate his best friend. In the last few years he'd gotten closer to the woman and to Gregor. The two of them were without a doubt two of the best friends he'd ever had. They were right up there with his brother, Motsqueh, James Wolfe, and Tecumseh, his friend since the age of seven. "Don't change the subject. We were talking about that pilot."

"His name is Paris and he's the best any where. And if you say anything about Calik Prime…"

"He messed that up, didn't he?"

"Any one would have. He messed by not telling the truth, yes. But he did come clean."

"Why does any of this make you think we should buy his services?"

"He's ex-'Fleet, just like you and me. You know he went the same training as you if not more so since that was his concentration. He's desperate; he'll do what we ask. And besides, Seska doesn't like him."

"There's a point in his favor." Chakotay had tried again and again to stop Seska from spreading the rumor they were lovers. He hated to say it but he didn't like women. And men… they weren't an option but at least they got his attention. "He's a 'Fleet-brat. He could be playing both sides."

"Yeah. But I think we both know better than that. Calik Prime was a hell of a way to set up a cover. I don't think so."

"I agree. But… We can't be too sure. Tell Seska to hire the pilot. But tell her you only barely convinced me. Let's be very cautious from here on in."


"I smell a rat. Only I don't know what kind."


Tom Paris sat alone in his new quarters. He'd been hired by the Maquis to fly and he couldn't be happier. Nothing was better than flying. Nothing. He'd been grounded since Calik Prime and he couldn't wait to get his hands on the controls. Still…

He didn't know what to think of this crew. He'd met three so far as well as seen several others. Seska, a Bajoran, seemed to hate him. Torres, a hot little Klingon, and Ayala both seemed wary. Hell, that he could understand. But why hadn't this captain been to see him? Check out the new member of the crew. Tom wasn't looking forward to his first visit to the bridge in ten minutes.


Chakotay waited for the pilot. If he was so much as one minute late, Seska would be enraged. She'd expect him to light into the man. He didn't want to… Spirits help him, he didn't want to do anything that woman wanted. Yet at the same time he knew that it would probably make the most sense with the new game he, Torres, and Ayala were playing. How does one catch a rat…

Just then the doors came open. As the slim blond man walked out of the 'lift, Chakotay's breath and thought processes seemed to go into it. Never, never had he ever met anyone so… sexy and beautiful and…

The sight of Tom Paris made Chakotay regret he was a man.

Chakotay jerked at the thought. He was attratched; hell, who wouldn't be? But he'd be damned before that man made him start feeling like a freak again.

"So you're the pilot?"


"I don't trust you. I don't like 'Fleet-brats in general and I don't like you in particular. You screw this up or in any way endanger this crew and I will personally tear you limb from limb. Any questions?"

Chakotay saw something flicker in Tom's eyes and felt a moment's guilt. However the man's cockiness as he replied killed any sort of loosening of the threat. "What shift do you want me on?"

End Part 01

Secrets Kept

By Karahkwa

Summary: See Part 01

Disclaimer: See Main Fan Fic Page

Part 02/03

Chakotay sat alone in his quarters. Torres had just broken the news to him. Paris, along with two others had been captured. Not for a single minute did the man think it was any of the three's fault. No, there was a spy in this cell but who?

Chakotay didn't trust half of this crew. A lot of them were fighting simply because they love the thrill. He didn't like that. He'd never liked killing other beings. His faith had given him a deep respect for all life.

For Seska, Gerron, and Jarvin, he could understand the deep hate of Cardassians. As Bajorans, they knew better than anyone the ways the Cardies could make life hell. Still Gerron was the sweetest man. He was quiet but there was a peace around him. He'd seen hell but still had his soul in tact.

The others, Chakotay couldn't say that for. It worried him that three-fourth of his crew could be the spy he was looking for. Torres didn't think there was one. Ayala wasn't sure, he knew; but the man had kept his doubts. He knew that Chakotay was going on instinct and that was one thing men from "backwater worlds" respected.


Well, I found the rat, Chakotay thought with a sigh. Tuvok was a Federation spy. Well, he supposed he wasn't too surprised. But something still wasn't right. He'd had that odd feeling that there wasn't something quite right before the Vulcan had joined his cell. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if it had to due with his secret.

He'd never worried about it much. He'd known that he could always go to that doctor. The man had felt such guilt that twice he'd smuggled Chakotay's prescription to him. But now… Now he was serving as the First Officer on a Federation ship. It was his dream. And his nightmare.

There was no way he could let his secret be known. He'd have to spend seventy years with this crew, give or take, and he couldn't live that long as a freak. At the same time, he couldn't ask for more med when he ran out. The doctor here was a hologram, not one to be swayed by an emotional appeal like the others had been.

I only have one choice then…


Tom Paris kept his eyes on his console. His former captain was sitting behind him and he still couldn't forget the seen that had taken place just days before.

Chakotay had been furious to know he'd sold him out. Even though the man had made it obvious from the very beginning that he didn't trust him, the Indian had felt the betrayal more that anyone could imagine.

Not even Torres understood. Torres was friends with Harry and Harry… Well, Tom was still surprised that the young man hadn't run screaming when he'd learned who he was. If only Chakotay was so understanding.

"Mr. Paris."

"Yes, Commander."

"Stop that humming."

"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't realize I was. It won't happen again."

"See that is doesn't, Leuitenent."


Captain Kathryn Janeway watched the by-play between her first officer and senior helmsman. There was something going on there. She just didn't know what.

It seemed that everyone had a secret on Voyager.

End Part 02

Secrets Kept

By Karahkwa

Summary: See Part 01

Disclaimer: See Main Fan Fic Page

Part 03/03

Chakotay swallowed hard. He’d been ordered to have a check up by the holographic doctor. He always chafed at trips to sickbay no matter which sickbay it was. He was especially nervous now. He’d been careless the last few days and hadn’t been regulating his med quite right. Hell, he’d barely had time to take the four hyposprays, let alone have the time to scan himself to make sure the levels were even.

“Ah, Commander,” the Doctor said as he saw him walk in. “If you’ll just wait one moment, I’ll finished here with Mr. Chell and then I’ll get to you.”

Chakotay looked past the Doctor’s shoulder. Chell, one of the Maquis, was sitting on the biobed looking like he’d just taken a trip through the Badlands without a ship. Damn, the commander thought as he watched the Doctor begin yet another scan, I could be in trouble here.

Two minutes later Chakotay was sitting on the bed that Chell had vacated. “I feel just great, Doctor. You really don’t need to run all those tests. It’s a long trip home. We need the resources.”

“Why do I get the impression you have something to hide?”

Chakotay shrugged. He could only hope that he’s been taking the right doses lately and that the drugs wouldn’t be detectable. He sat quietly for a moment. But he was so nervous, he had to do something.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Commander.” The Doctor didn’t even look up from his scans.

“I’ve been wondering something… Well, I don’t really know how to say this but… My sister was very sick when she was little. She was put a medicine to control her condition. When my family became Maquis, she was no longer able to get her medicine. She has some stored but I’ve been worried lately about what happens when she runs out.”

“Your question, Commander?”

Damn, he sounds so inhuman. Despite this, Chakotay didn’t balk. He had to have the answer to his questions. “If a person was put on a medicine to stabilize a medical condition and was told never to come off it, what would happen if they did stop taking it?”

“I would have to know more. What type of condition, what type of medication, and other factors. However, I would say that if a patient were told to take a medicine for the rest of his or her life then, unless they’re switched to another, the removal of the drugs effect could be severe.”

“How severe?”

“It would very again depending on the condition and the medicine.”

“Worst case scenario?”

“It could be deadly.”

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