Kappa Kappa Psi, Theta Beta Chapter
Sigma Class
Like I said, the Sigma Class has officially been inducted in the Kappa Kappa Psi-Theta Beta chapter at Boston University. We had a lot of work to do to get there, but it was a lot of fun doing it! We are extremely proud of our MEP. Here is the list of the new Brothers:
#144, Brother Sequel: Nancy M. Furey
#145, Brother Rev: Carl R. Foss
#146, Brother Bend Over: Jeffrey E. Goodman
#147, Brother Floored: Giles A. Hunt
#148, Brother Position: Melissa R. Meloy
#149, Brother Holmes: Russel G. Mills
#150, Brother Attitude: Nick J. Quintanilla
#151, Brother Diva: Lisa M. Tornatore
#152, Brother Tapped: Kenichi Yamada
If you would like to see a picture of us from our First Degree, along with our VPM Seth (and my big brother!) and Raff, who did not finish the MEP, click here. It's kind of big, hence the link. The order is as follows:
Front Row: Cocky Ass Son of a Bitch
Second Row: Floored, Rev, Sequel, Holmes
Third Row: Bend Over, Raff, Tapped
Back Row: Position, Attitude, Diva
For a complete Active Brother Roster, click here.
And here, my friends, are the stories behind the names:
#152: The first thing out of Ken's mouth, no matter who he's talking to or what he has to get done, is, "You got any beer? Hey, man, can I have some beer?" So, his big brother (Brother Thespian) was reminded of a keg and named him Tapped.
#151: Part of our Fundraiser was the 80's Pin Opera, which took a bunch of 80's songs and made them into the story of how Lisa lost her pin and ended up getting the Big Pin. Since Lisa was the star of this skit, Brother Gladiator named her Diva.
#150: Snick has, and always will have, an attitude. Period. Seriously, almost every roll of film anyone used during the MEP has a picture of him flipping the camera off, and that's just one example. For this, he is Attitude.
#149: Russ is oblivious. To almost everything. He was sitting next to a schedule for Brotherhood Night and didn't even notice it. And so, Brother Mouth named him Holmes, because, like the great Sherlock, he is always looking for the answers, but never quite finding them.
#148: We had to do something on Brotherhood Night which involved gifts for the active brothers. While we were deciding what to give to Fellatio, Melissa volunteers that an evil friend gave her the Kama Sutra, and since she didn't plan to use it, we were free to give it away. And so, Brother Phlegmatic named her Position.
#147: Giles got toasted at a party. VERY toasted. He was passed out on the bathroom floor, then on his big brother's bed. When they tried to wake him the next morning, he stumbled into the bathroom, only to pass out on the floor again for a half hour or so. Hence, Brother Stickie named him Floored.
#146: Jeff is a great guy, and we all love him dearly, but he can kiss ass indeed sometimes. He got blasted for "insincere ass-kissing" on one of the extra credit questions on one of our tests. And so, because of this tendency, Brother Faux Pas calls him Bend Over.
#145: Another skit involved The Reverend Carl Foss. I don't know why he was called Reverend, but he was, so we made it into a skit. Brother Seaman was so impressed, he named him Rev.
#144: And finally we get to me. My big brother is Brother Cocky Ass Son of a Bitch. He is very appropriately named. The joke through the MEP was that I was turning into him. Indeed, it is fairly true. We had a lot of similar mannerisms to begin with, but I guess some of mine became more similar as the months wore on. I picked up the tendency to ramble and tell stories, as well as the horrible habit of forgetting important things. Heck, I even defiled the seal. (long story) And I'm fairly cocky myself, and continued to be throughout the MEP. The joke with the MCs was that they would call me Seth and constantly check on the size of my ears and whether or not I was going bald. (this makes more sense if you've seen my big brother) The joke between me and Seth was that he wasn't going to bother with a new nickname for me, he would simply give me his shirt and number. He was contemplating "Bitch", just to keep it in the line and finally have someone named Brother Bitch, but decided I needed a cooler nickname than that. And so, I became Sequel, and I am probably the only sequel better than the original. (see? rambled through that whole thing. good thing I don't have stories about going to Cincinnati in '96 for the NCAA hockey finals...)
One of the highlights of our MEP was our Fundraiser. It followed in the Dinner Theater tradition (started by Mu class), with two differences: it was a Lunch Theater, since it was held in the afternoon; and we didn't just do a bunch of skits, we had songs as well. I'll go through the "set list", as it came to be called:
- Robe Skit: "Boys in dresses" is a very important theme here at Theta Beta. So in my opening speech, I told them we'd get it out of the way now. Enter the six Sigma boys in robes and wigs. On three, they took off the robes, and only Russ had a dress on. The rest had on boxers and a t-shirt.
- Wannabe: Now we bring on the boys in dresses! Jeff, Ken, Carl, and Nick perform Wannabe, with altered lyrics, of course. The best moment was Carl with the line, "My legs are pasty up to my thigh/Tried to make me shave them but I'd rather die!" Also very funny was watching the boys try to put on stockings and dresses for the first time. ("There's a crotch thing here! I can't fix the tights!")
- Poem: Jeff wrote these poems to serve as transitions into skits. So we dressed Giles up as a beatnik, gave Ken two empty cans of fruit cocktail, had Carl sing a bassline, and Russ did "interprative dancing" behind the reading. This one had to do with marching band and how we got to go to Montreal ("What do you cook in this big thing?"), and the events that took place after the game.
- Gig Book Chant: There's a tradition in the founding line to hand out binders as gig books, as opposed to nifty pocket sized ones. Melissa and I had the binders. So we did a chant about not losing your gig book, and we hit ourselves in the head with our gig books, like the monks in Monty Python's Holy Grail.
- Canada: Hee hee... my favorite. Apparently, when we're out on things like this, Seth will sing "Baby Got Back" a la karaoke. I've never seen it done, but I'm told it's highly amusing. So the Sigmas insisted we put it in the fundraiser. Well, as his little brother, guess who had to sing it? Right. The absolute whitest girl in the class. I was not about to make a fool of myself alone, so I struck a deal: I sing, and everyone else has to wear dresses and dance. They readily agreed, and the song turned into one of the funniest things to see. The dance was hilarious, especially the "butt fishing" and the anaconda line.
- Sleeping Bag Uses: After a sleepover in the basement of the PA house, Melissa and I came up with seven nutty uses for a sleeping bag, all of which came from the night before. Wanna hear 'em? Hitting people with them, spinning on the floor, acting like a mermaid, shooting yourself off the wall, being a giant anaconda, giant sock puppets, and pillow fights!
- Theta Wars/Beta Trek: What happens when Capt. James T. Ferrisi, 1st Officer Mr. Seth, Chief Engineer Dani, and Dr. McHutch of the Starship KKPsi team up with Greg Skywalker, Tom Solo, Princess Miller, and Meredith3PO and Butulis2D2 of the Thetabago Falcon to defeat the evil Darth Silber?? A rather amusing skit where we make fun of our big brothers, that's what!
- What 3 Things Are Good?: Another tribute to Monty Python. Me galloping, Melissa with the coconuts, Lisa barring the way. "What is your name?" "I am the Bitchmaster." (cue Bitchmaster theme, which is the Superman theme sung with 'Bitchmaster' as the lyrics -- you have to hear it.) "What is your quest?" :To cpmplete the MEP." "What 3 things are good?" "What d'you mean?" "I don't know!" "AAH!! Run away! Run away!"
- Poem: Another poem about getting gig books and MC pins. This time, Russ came out with his fly down and desperately tried to hide it, making things even funnier.
- The Pin Opera: Definitely the highlight of the show. Lisa lost her pin, and had to wear the big pin. Suckage. But it made for a good skit. We put together a bunch of 80's songs to chronicle Lisa losing her pin, telling Seth, and having to endure the meeting where she gets her big pin. The best moment came when I (as Seth) burst into another wordy tirade during the "meeting" and said, "I just can't stop myself from talking!" We closed with the closing to the Carmina Burana, and just kept saying the same phrase over and over (we couldn't come up with anything else to say, but Russ was adamant about having the song in it). It rocked. Other songs include: "Sweet Dreams" ("Bad Dreams"); "Papa Don't Preach" ("VP Don't Preach"); "Billie Jean" ("Lisa T"); "Sunday Bloody Sunday" ("Sunday Meeting Sunday"); "Careless Whisper" ("Careless MC"); and then "O Fortuna".
- Bring Out Your Alumni!: Yet a third Monty Python. Remember "Bring out your dead!"? We changed it to alumni. Lisa yelled with the cowbell, and Melissa asked what she wanted the alumni for. The answer? "To play the tuba, because everyone else is in bloody Maine!" (the previous weekend, all of the tuba section went to Precincts at Univ. of Maine, and two alumni came and covered for them.)
- X-Files: Russ and I as Mulder and Scully, Giles as the Cigarette Smoking Man, and Carl as the Rebel Alien. I discover a boxing alien in Jeff's chest, Russ fights it till it dies. ("It's a fricken' alien, Scully! Human, alien! Human, alien! Human! Alien!") CSM says we're getting too close to the secrets of KKPsi, especially AEA, their most closely guarded secret. Russ and I are trying to figure out AEA, while our informant (Ken)runs on to tell us the truth (but quickly, he doesn't have his gig book, and Big Brother is watching). CSM shoots him. (Another "Oh, my God! He killed Kenichi! You bastards!" moment. There were others, too.) Mulder checks Scully out, and finally comes to the conclusion she's hot. As they're about to "get it on", CSM holds the agents at gunpoint, and the Rebel Alien starts to drag Scully off. Cue Ken with the "To Be Continued" sign. Carl peels off his face and promises full disclosure "February 27th -- I mean 21st", yet another slam on Seth for changing the degree date on us.
- Dave Matthews: Jeff comes on as Jen (his big) to the tune of "Crash" talking about how it's his favorite song. You then see him start to unbutton his pants and run offstage. He then cuts throught the back (where we had a huge open space) with his pants around his ankles. Long story, inside joke, but totally unexpected, and totally un-Jeff. We were so proud.
- The Hawaiian: Ken and ukelele and aloha song. Until I stop him and make him tell/sing the Polar Bear joke, another long story.
- Pretty Fly For An MC: Yup, "Pretty Fly For a White Guy" got a makeover. A very funny closing song.
- The Reverend Carl Foss: Welcome to the Church of Kappa Kappa Psi, where the Honorable, etc., Rev. Carl Foss presides. He healed a crippled band member, had a testimonial from Eddie T. Anvil (Snick) himself, and exorcised the demons from Bob Charles Eagle (Jeff in a Superfans shirt), B.C. for short. Complete with "organist" and choir, too.
- Closer: Thought it was over? Did a closing song, brought out the Rev for an encore...what could be left? I forgot to thank the big brothers (Cocky Ass Son of a Bitch, Faux Pas, Seaman, Stickie, Phlegmatic, Mouth, Gladiator, and Thespian), so I called them onstage, where they were pied by their littles. It was just whipped cream and cherries, but deifnitely an awesome thing to do.
That's really about it for the Sigma class for now. I'll put the Theta Beta logo and link up here, too, so you can go there if you want:
Yeah, I know it doesn't match this page, but I like it!
Here's the link to our official page, too:
Kappa Kappa Psi, Theta Beta Chapter -- Sigma Class