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More Funny Things Children Say

The Heartbeat

A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones' chests would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe. But she never got a response to equal four year old David's.

Gently he tucked the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart. "Listen", she said, "What do you suppose that is?" He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin. "Is that Jesus knocking?" he asked.

Great Truths About Life Kids Have Learned

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your cat food.

Reading what people write on their desks can teach you a lot.

Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

School lunches stick to the wall.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

A desperate young mother had two incorrigible boys. Having exhausted all suggestions for controlling the little hellions, she tried one last approach: she took them to the meanest preacher in town for a lecture.

First the older boy was admitted into the stern minister's study. Glaring at the boy from behind the desk, the preacher waited a few moments, then challenged the boy: "Young man, where is God?" The boy was stunned to silence. The preacher rose part way out of his chair and repeated the question: "I asked you, Where Is God?" The boy began to quake with dread.... this was no ordinary lecture for being bad! Stepping around from behind the desk, the impassioned preacher now shouted his question, "WHERE IS GOD!?" At this, the boy leaped from his chair and bolted out the door, running headlong into his little brother.

"What's wrong? What's the matter?" his brother asked.

"...It's awful! The church has LOST GOD and they're BLAMING US!"