I would like you to always have a warm, safe place to sleep, enough food, and something to do. I hope you are always close in proximity to your family, and that they always remain family to you.

I hope you learn gratitude for the things you have. I hope you know that the world doesn't ever owe you anything, not even if you work very hard for it, not even if you're really nice, not even if it seems "fair" that you get something or another that you want. I want you to be thankful for everything. I want you to see that everything you have is a blessing. I hope that when you sit down to eat a hot dog, you close your eyes for a moment and thank the myriad animals that gave their lives for your meal, and thank the universe for allowing you to partake of that hot dog. It is wonderful to know that you have been chosen to receive things -- even little things -- by the forces that be. It's the difference between a loved one buying you a birthday present, and having to buy it yourself.

I hope you aren't ever afraid of dark alleys, or big drunk men who may or may not be following you. I hope that when you go out exploring at night, the words "assault," and "rape," and "mugging" never enter your mind. I hope you're a badass in mind and body, and know damned well you can take care of yourself.

I would like it if you weren't afraid of being alone. I hope you are secure enough with yourself and your own interests that you feel safe and happy when you have a little bit of solitary time.

I hope you have an artform, a calling. It's easiest that way, when you don't have to take "career counseling" tests and agonize over your major in school, but when you've known since childhood what you're good at and what you want to do.

I hope you have better coordination than your mother. I hope you can learn dance steps without your brain going blank and your body betraying you. I hope that if you're playing a video game, you don't leap halfway across the couch every time you're trying to get your character to jump over something.

I want you to have friends who love you and who are infinitely loyal to you. I hope you never have to endure backstabbing and betrayal. I hope that if you tell your best girl friend about your super-secret crush, she doesn't spread the word all over the place to humiliate you. I hope that if you're sad, you know exactly whose shoulder you can cry on. I hope that when you find these people, you're aware that this is family, and you treat them better than you'd treat even your most treasured possessions.

I hope you never have to endure serious illness, and that if you must have an occasional sickness, that you recover quickly in the briefest amount of time possible. I hope you inherit genes for good health and strength. Good blood pressure and good cholesterol and all of that business. I hope you don't get those horrible childhood ear infections. I hope you'll be able to see reasonably well without glasses. I hope you never experience the discomfort of bladder infections, hemorrhoids, sinus headaches, or hangovers. You will be genetically prone to a number of unpleasant things, including migraines, osteoporosis, mental illness, wacked out blood pressure, and a couple of kinds of cancer. I hope that those genes have mutated into better ones, so you may live a very long, very healthy life.

I hope you never make the mistake of getting yourself fucked up on hard drugs. Experimenting is one thing. Getting yourself fucked up is another thing entirely. But sometimes experimenting leads to being pretty fucked up. I hope that you always have reasonable control of your faculties, and that you always have a fair amount of common sense.

I hope you grow up at a pretty even pace. None of the sudden starts and stops that I had as a kid -- or at least not so many. I hope you learn things at the right times, and that you never become too overwhelmed.

I wish that you never have to experience a broken heart. Disappointments, sure. Tears, sure. Those are normal. Horrible sometimes, but normal. One can live through them without too much lasting damage. But a broken heart doesn't ever really heal correctly. Broken hearts are like badly-set broken arms. Or sometimes like amputations. I would wrap your heart in concrete casing if I thought it would protect you from that kind of hurt, but I know that to do so would only do you more harm.

I hope that you can always trust your parents. I hope that we are open enough, and that we trust you enough, and that you know we have your best interests at heart. I suppose we're going to screw up a lot. I suppose you're going to be pretty pissed off at us. But I hope you always trust that we're trying to do the right things for you.

I want you to have a sense of magic, to understand that the world is alive around you, and that you're never really alone in it. I want you to sense these things even in the most desolate places. Little bits of broken glass have just as much power in them as expensive crystals. The coffeehouse is as holy as the church. All things have the Divine in them, including the last spaghetti-o in the can. I hope you know these things, or at least sense them somehow. Christians call it "God's peace," and things like that. I don't care what you call it; I just hope you live in it.

I hope that you can give adequate credit to beauty. I hope your breath catches when you stand at the edge of a nice lake, or when you look out the window on a misty morning, or when hear a gorgeous song on the radio. I hope you treasure these things, and actively work to rid your world of ugliness. I hope you value pretty sunsets over having the right labels on your clothing or having all the latest toys. I hope you see that places like Wal*Mart -- among PLENTY of others -- are destroying fields and swamps and forests in order to persuade you to buy useless pieces of plastic. I hope you value nature and beauty above useless pieces of plastic. I hope that you don't even place beauty and commerce on the same scale.

I hope you have a love of words. You don't have to be a writer like me, and you don't have to read thousand-page novels every week like your dad, but I hope you're impressed by words and language. If I could, I'd make sure you grew up knowing three or four languages. Maybe I can find some babysitters for you who are fluent in other languages. Pretty ones, like Russian, or Arabic, or Spanish. Words are wonderful, and I would like you to take great enjoyment in them.

I hope you never see math and science as "classes." I hope they're never exasperating to you, or a waste of your time. I hope you see mathematical laws and physical laws of nature as beautiful.

I hope you laugh a LOT. I hope you see lots of things as hilariously funny, even when other people don't. I hope you have the capacity to make others laugh, too.

I want you to be attractive. It doesn't matter if you're the prettiest girl in the world or not, as long as you feel like you are, and carry yourself as though you are. I hope you know that you're beautiful. If you know you're beautiful and you act like it, you WILL be the prettiest girl in the world. I hope you like what you look like and feel like you fit well into your body.

I hope you have no idea that I don't exactly know what I'm doing. I hope you just take it on faith that, as your mom, I have some clue of how to take care of you. I want you to think I know what I'm doing, even when I clearly don't. I haven't changed a diaper since your Uncle John was about three; that's fifteen years. I know that you're supposed to heat up bottled milk and then test the temperature on your forearm, but I don't know if it's supposed to feel lukewarm or bathwater warm or somewhere in between. I know that bandaids and kisses make most scrapes and cuts feel better, but I'm not so good with things like needing stitches or having a fever. I hope that I can do the right things for you at the right times, and that you never have to stop and wonder what the fuck I'm attempting to do. I hope I actually HAVE enough of a maternal instinct to figure certain things out intuitively. I hope that when I fail, somebody else is close by to pick up my slack and fix my mistakes. Somebody else who is much wiser than I am, preferably. I hope that, twenty years from now, you're not crying in a therapist's office about all the things I did that fucked you up. I hope I don't fuck you up too badly. I know I'm not really prepared for you yet. I hope I figure things out REAL quick.

I wish you the good things that I had as a child: running around on covered-up fountains in the mall, racing around the airport pretending to be a plane, things like that... I wish you spiedies, and real maple syrup, and pizza that tastes like pizza instead of pine needles or curry. I wish you snow tunnels and hot cocoa, leaf piles and thunderstorms... I hope that your childhood is happy and fun, and that you never have any inkling that we're probably going to be poor as hell most of the time. I hope you grow up never equating money with fun.

I hope you don't buy into bullshit propaganda. Any of it, be it Republican or Democrat, capitalist or communist, ultra-conservative or ultra-liberal. Or anything else. I know you'll have a brain, and I know it'll take a lot to brainwash you. But it happens to the best of us -- nearly everyone, really -- at some point. I hope you have a very critical mind and that you never fail to use it.

I hope my friends and family love you as much as I do. I hope your Uncle Aaron teaches you about all of the things in a car that can break, and that your Grandma Susannah shows you how to cook without burning anything down. I hope your Aunt Q. doesn't scare the shit out of you with bedtime stories about the end of the world. I hope your Aunt Ferret doesn't knock you out with strong hair bleach when she teaches you to dye your hair freaky colors. Your dad and I have chosen our family members well, I think. I think they will accept you and love you. This is very important to me.

I hope you don't have any idea about some of the terrible things people have said about you. I hope you're oblivious to dead-baby jokes and reassurances that abortion is legal in Washington State. That shit is fucked up, and it makes me sick. It's true that you were not planned. I didn't expect to get pregnant when I did. I was astonished and scared when I found out. But I never, for one minute, didn't want you. Know THAT. And never, ever listen to what anybody else says about where you came from, unless it's just exactly that: that you have always been loved and wanted.

I hope you play with dirt and slugs and worms and other messy "boy" things. Those things are way more fun than plastic dolls ANY day. You can play with plastic dolls too, if you want, but I hope you see the enjoyment in slugs. I suspect you will. Maybe someday I'll give you an old mailbox for a toy and you can play Mailman like I did when I was a kid. That's a good game. So are games that involve sticks and rocks and anything you dig out of the ground.