My friend was sitting in the living room talking about the end of the world. I was in the kitchen having a nutritious breakfast of potatoes and ice cream (not mixed together). I was finding myself kind of irritated but I wasn't sure why.
I mean, who cares if the world ends, you know? Maybe it will, and maybe it won't, and there's precious little I can do about it in either case. My friend is a bit more optimistic than me about her role in selecting worthy people for a smooth transition through the end of the world. I have a policy about not worrying about the end of the world. You worry too much about that stuff, you go insane.
She said she was sad that so many people would have to die.
With a mouthful of potato, I asked: "Why? I say it's natural selection."
I'm a big fan of natural selection.
[If natural selection were a charity organization, I would donate all my money to it in order to keep it running efficiently. I'd probably try to get myself elected to the board of directors, too.]
My friend started talking about human potential. How she could look at people and see what they were capable of, everything they could possibly achieve. She thinks people are amazing because of their potential. She said she'd fallen in love with people because of their potential, only to discover that the individual(s) involved would not live up to that potential she had seen.
And spontaneously, I saw where my friend and I differed.
I don't really believe in potential. Potential isn't real. There is nothing genuine about it at all.
I was reminded of the words of Yoda: "Do, or do not; there is no try."
I wanted to say: "Be, or be not. There is no potential."
But I didn't say anything. These things sound much better in my head than they do coming out of my mouth most of the time. Especially when I'm stuffing my face with baked potato and sour cream.
And anyway, should anybody really listen to somebody who's so zealously in favor of natural selection? Shit, I wouldn't.
I'm going to go to the bathroom soon and perhaps take a long hot shower. I think I'll spend some time thinking, to try to determine if I came up with something wise, or if I'm full of cynical crap.
The mountain still hasn't blown up, although it appears to kind of have the volcanic hiccups. But, my friend Bennie got to meet Henry Rollins, which will do as the important news of the day.
Tomorrow is the fifth. Neil and I have a date in Olympia. It would be difficult for me to get any more impatient. Maybe I will chew some gum. Maybe that will alleviate some of my frustration with the concept of time, and the slowness of its passing.
Now, I am going to shower, and chew gum, and contemplate my own dumbassed wisdom.
~Helena*