**Nick**
I could not sleep. I couldn't sleep last night either. I guess it was sleeping alone, I wasn't used to it yet but I don't think that I'll ever accept it when I think of Brian and Kayci in the same bed. I know he wouldn't do anything because of that whole belief of no sex before marriage. But if he was with Kayci, he doesn't know what he's missing out on.
I jumped ten feet in the air. There was a knock at my bedroom door. What the hell? Could Jess be back and not want to wake Kayci up because she didn't want to stay with A.J. again? No. I slowly got up and cautiously opened my door. My mind and body screamed. "Kayci? What are you doing here?" I stood back and she slowly walked into my room and sat down on the bed. I closed the door and went to turn on my night stand light. She looked really depressed and she was wearing the white silk lingerie that I had bought her for her birthday a while ago.
"I hope I didn't wake you up," she said looking down at her hands.
"No I couldn't sleep anyway." I went and sat down next to her. "Nice outfit. Looks familiar. Did Brian make you wear it?" Oh that just slipped out.
"I just wanted to come and see if you were okay. Are you eating? Are you feeling all right?" She wasn't for real. It was one o'clock in the morning. This had to do about something else.
"Kayci, is this about Brian?"
She snapped her head up and stared at me. "Do you hate me?"
That was a little abrupt. How could I possibly hate you Kayci? I love you! I love you so much. "No I don't hate you." It was all I could say.
She stood up. "I'm sorry I disturbed you. I just had to get out of there. I should leave."
I couldn't just let her leave. I jumped up and grabbed her arm. "Don't leave. Please." She gave me a strange look and let me lead her back over to the bed.
**Kayci**
What was I doing here? And he didn't want me to leave? Oh God. I just had to get away from Brian...Brian's hand. I didn't realize where I had ended up until Nick came to his bedroom door.
"Kayci, can I tell you something...truthfully...and not have you get upset?"
Uh oh. Now what? "Um, sure Nick. What is it?"
"You don't belong with Brian." Gee Nick, tell me something I don't know. "You belong with me. Brian doesn't love you like I do. And you don't love Brian like you love me. I bet, you don't love Brian. Do you even like Brian?" What was I going to tell him?
"Nick, I'm with Brian now. I should never have come here-"
"But I'm glad that you did." What? Why wouldn't he let me leave? "It shows that you still care about me that you came to see if I were all right." Nick, of course I still care about you! I love you!
"Oh." It was all I could say. I saw him staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and met his eyes...his gorgeous eyes. He leaned in closer to me and his lips softly met mine. I wanted to cry because I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I was with Brian now. I could do this to him. I tried to pull away but Nick wouldn't let me. So I didn't move. I could blame this kiss on him then, but as soon as I felt his tongue touch mine I jumped up. "Nick I have to leave." I got up and quickly walked out of his room.
I got back to my house and my room. Oh thank God Brian wasn't awake. I slipped underneath the covers and tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't stop thinking about seeing Nick and finally realizing just how wrong all of this really was.
**Brian**
I woke up and rolled over into the sun. Bad move. I rolled back over and reached for Kayci but she wasn't there. I looked at the clock. It was nine thirty. But Kayci is never up this early. Hmm, probably because when her and Nick were together they lingered in bed longer in the morning. I shrugged it off and stood up. I really and truly love Kayci and now I know that she loves me. But where had she gone last night? I pulled on my jeans and walked out into the living room to find the television on and her on the computer.
She looked up and smiled. "Good morning...Honey."
"G'morning, Kayci." She turned back to the computer. I sat down on the couch and groaned. "What are you watching this time?"
"It's a special morning edition of Talk Soup!" Why was she so immature? Talk Soup? Come on. "I love Hal Sparks! He's no John Henson, but he's pretty cute."
"Hey, I thought you loved me?"
"I do, Honey. Do you love me?"
"I love you, Kayci." She gave me a strange look. "How come you're always on the computer?"
"I'm not always on the computer."
"Yes you do. You live on that thing! How can you type and watch TV at the same time?" She just looked at me and stood up. "Where did you go last night?" She hesitated.
**Kayci**
Oh great. What was I going to tell him? Oh yeah Brian, by the way I went to go see Nick last night. I don't think so. "What do you mean 'where did I go last night'?"
"Well I woke up around two, and you weren't there."
"Oh, I just went to get something to eat. You know, my post midnight snacks."
"No, I don't. But it's cute."
"Thank you, Honey."
"You're welcome, Kayci."
"I'm gonna get something to drink. You want something?"
"No thanks." I smiled and walked into the kitchen. Damn it! Everything was so weird. Why were things...oh man. Everything is hitting me right now. Things are so weird because Nick and I have been together for so long, we just know the routine, I guess. Nick watches cartoons and I work on the computer. I guess that Nick and I got used to watching the same shows together at the same times everyday. And why wouldn't Brian call me anything but Kayci? I had called him Honey repeatedly, but he wouldn't call me like Sweetie or Babe...or anything! When Nick and I were together, I only called him Nick when I was mad at him, or really serious. Other than that, his name was Honey or Sweetie. Kayci, stop it! You're not with Nick anymore! Get used to it!
**Brian**
I have to do it now. She's starting to think about Nick again. No, not now, not after all of the work that I've done to get her. I'm going to keep her! I patted my pocket and she came back into the room carrying a glass of water. "Kayci, can we go onto the beach?"
"Now?"
"Yeah."
"Hold on. Let me go change."
"No you look fine."
"But-"
I grabbed her hand and started dragging her out of the door.
**Kayci**
I looked at Brian as we walked down the beach hand in hand. He only had his jeans on and boy, what a body. No, Nick didn't have his kind of body, but I loved Nick's body just the same. I guess that it was just the thought of knowing that his body was all mine. But I guess now Brian's body belonged to me, but it wasn't the same. I had made sure that we were walking in the opposite direction of Nick's house so he didn't have to see us together. We got to a spot on the beach and he stopped. Since this was a private beach for the people that lived on it, there was usually no one on the beach, not even on a nice day. I guess they were all stuck on the computer and watching cartoons like me.
He took my hands in his and looked into my eyes. Oh God. I had the strangest sense of dejá vu. I've seen that glazed over look before. Where had this happened before? Oh my God. I had done this with Nick. Brian dropped to the sand and reached into his pocket.
"Will you marry me?" He slipped a ring on my finger. Holy mother! This ring was twice the size of the one that Nick got me. I wasn't sure if I was even going to be able to lift my hand. He didn't say anything before asking me. No I love you...no I can't live without you...nothing. Talk about popping the question.
"Yes." Oh my God, oh my God. Did I just say yes? He picked me up and spun me around a couple of times. It was weird. With Nick, it was all about passion. I had been the happiest woman alive that day. This time, it just wasn't clicking for me. But I needed to move on, I needed to get away from Nick and all of his problems. Why did I care so much about Nick? I love Brian. I love Brian. I love Brian.
**Brian**
Kayci had said yes this morning! Oh my God! We had had practice after that, but since A.J. was still gone and Kevin was still laid up it was pretty bare. But also, Nick hadn't shown up. We were worried but decided that it was probably because I was with Kayci now so we just decided to cancel practice. Even though we hadn't done anything all day long, and Kayci and I had just eaten dinner, I was ready to go to bed...sorta. "Kayci, I'm ready to go to bed." I had other ideas in mind though.
"Yeah, me, too." She took my hand and led me to her bedroom.
"C-Could you wear that white night gown again?" I felt embarrassed about asking but I really wanted to see it on her again.
She smiled. "Sure Honey."
"Thanks Kayci." She smiled again and walked into her closet.
**Kayci**
I slipped into the night gown. God, I didn't want to wear it again, and why wouldn't he call me Honey? I quickly walked out of the closet, turned off the lights and closed the shades to see how dark I could get my room. I really didn't want Brian to see me. I climbed into bed next to him and immediately he rolled over and started kissing me. He eased on top of me and started to pull my dress off. I was shaking all over. Maybe if Brian and I made love it would make me feel closer to him. But it wouldn't be love and I knew it. It was just be sex.
"You know...I'm twenty-four and I've never had sex before." Yes I knew that.
He got the gown off and threw it aside and then he pulled off my underwear and started kissing me all over. "Nick." Oh my God. But I had whispered it so softly that Brian didn't hear it. Thank God. He couldn't see any of me because it was so dark in here. But he was fumbling around. I know he's not as experienced as I am. I mean Nick and I have done practically everything in bed...we've also had a lot of time to perfect things...together. I bet Brian's never even gotten this far before.
All of a sudden, I felt his fingers enter me.
"Is this what Nick does?" God, what a mood killer! It didn't even feel good. How could he just keep talking and talking? That's not how this works.
He stopped and sat up. I could tell he was trying to put on protection. This was not right. This wasn't right for either of us. He didn't believe in sex before marriage and I couldn't do this with him.
"Brian, stop!" I finally said.
"What?"
"Brian, this is wrong."
**Brian**
I stopped. This was all within the heat of the moment. I wanted her so badly but I didn't believe in no sex before marriage for twenty-four years just to give that up in one heated moment. This wasn't right and I'm glad that she stopped me.
"You aren't mad, are you?" she asked me.
"Oh God no. Kayci, I love you and you were so right to stop this before it went any further." All of a sudden she sat up.
"Oh my God, Jess is supposed to come home tomorrow. Isn't she?"
"I think so."
"Oh damn it. I was supposed to get something from her house and fill it out. Like a form or something." She got up and threw her night gown on. "I have to go do it or she'll kill me!"
"Okay. I'll go with you."
"No, you stay here. I'll be fine. It'll only take me a little while. Okay?"
"Um...okay." This was a little strange. She leaned over and kissed me and then hurried out of the room.
**Kayci**
Oh my God am I glad to get out of that house...that room. I had been stuck with Brian all day long. I had just wanted to watch TV all day, but he kept changing the channel and when I went onto the computer he whined and told me how boring I was. Nick had never done that.
Brian had told me about Nick not showing up for rehearsal and I had been worried sick about him all day. What if he's passed out somewhere? What if something worse happened to him? Stop thinking like that! Stop it! I started to run and everything was such a blur until I was standing in front of Nick's bedroom door. It was still pretty early. It was only about ten o'clock, unless he already went to bed. I knocked on the door. No answer.
I turned and started walking away.
"Kayci?" I turned around to see Nick standing there in his green boxers and a white tank top. I stopped myself from smiling.
"Did I wake you?"
He yawned. "Yeah, but I can deal. Step into my office." I walked in and sat down on the bed. His nightstand lamp was on and I looked down at myself. I blushed. I had forgotten the silk jacket. I crossed my arms over myself...I was a little cold too. "Are you cold, Kayci?" It was just like him to read my mind. I nodded my head. He walked into his closet and grabbed a blanket. He walked back over to the bed, sat down next to me and wrapped me in it.
"Thanks, Honey...I mean, Nick."
"It's okay." He paused. "So why are you here?"
A tear fell down my face. Everything started to hit me about what Brian and I almost did. "He...I...we...almost...I..."
"What's wrong?"
I looked at his concerned face. I couldn't tell him what had just happened. "I just wanted to see if you were okay." I looked down at my hands. "Brian...told me about you not showing up for practice today and I've been worried sick about you all day." I looked back up at him and just let go. I just started crying. "I thought that maybe something terrible had happened to you." I put my hands over my face and cried when all of a sudden he slowly pulled me into his arms. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as tightly as I could and I cried loudly.
He wrapped his arms so tightly around me. It felt so good to be back in his arms. I felt stronger now...protected again. Brian didn't love me. He didn't act like it at all. I don't know what he's really after. I just wanted him to hold me. He held me for about five minutes before I pulled back. "Nick, I'm marrying Brian." His eyes blinked a couple of times quickly and his arms fell from around me.
"Oh," was all he said. That just made it even harder. Oh God, his face was coming closer. His arms wrapped back around me and were tightening around me. I knew I wasn't getting out of this one. He pressed his lips to mine. I could feel his tongue forcing its way into my mouth...but I let it. I wanted it. He deepened the kiss and I kissed him back.
Brian popped into my head. This was so wrong. I jumped back and out of Nick's arms. I took one more look at him and ran out of the room. I slammed the door. The crying just overtook me and I started gasping for breath. I couldn't breathe. My mind started going from Nick...to Brian...to Nick...to Brian...to Nick...to Brian...to Nick...to Brian...to Nick. Things started getting darker. I could feel my knees collapsing and then I felt a sharp pain on my forehead.
**Nick**
I heard a noise outside my door. It was just Kayci leaving. She took my blanket, though and it really was kinda cold in here. I ran to my door and opened it. Oh my God. "Kayci?" I dropped to the ground where she had passed out. Oh God, I hope it isn't anything serious. I carefully picked her up into my arms and brought her back into my room. With just a little difficulty, I got her on my bed and underneath the covers. I was so worried. Wow, I guess this is how she's been feeling for the past...what? Month? Jeez, this sucks. I finally realized how much I had put her through and that I was the reason that she was with Brian. Me! This was my own fault. "Kayci, Baby, please wake up. Please." I started panicking. I don't know what to do! I picked up my phone and dialed A.J.'s number but then I remembered that he was in Virginia with Jessica. I went to hang up but someone answered.
"Hello?"
"A.J.?" I said, shocked.
"Yeah. Nick? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. What are you doing home?"
"It's a long story."
"Oh. A.J. something's wrong with Kayci."
"What happened?"
"She fainted outside my door. I'm really scared."
"I'll be right there." I noticed that A.J.'s sleepy tone quickly turned to a concerned tone. I figured that I should let her boyfriend know, too. I picked up the phone and dialed Kayci's number.
"Hello?"
"Brian, it's me."
"Nick? Do you know what the hell time it is?"
"Yeah, it's about ten-thirty. You weren't asleep were you?"
"Um, yeah." Liar!
"Well, something's wrong with Kayci."
"What? Oh my God. What happened?"
"She fainted outside of my door."
"Your door? Wasn't she supposed to go to Jess's house? Why was she at your house?"
Uh oh. I knew Kayci would be in trouble. She's gotten me out of so much crap before I guess this is one thing that I owe her. "Well I saw her walking over to Jess's, out of my kitchen window and I got worried that she was walking alone at night."
"Oh, I'll be right over."
Whoa, that was close. I put the phone down and sat down next to Kayci. I leaned down and brushed her lips with mine. Just then, A.J. walked in.
"What happened to her?" he asked.
"I'm not sure. She ran out of here and then I found her on the floor."
"What did you do now?"
Oh, A.J. didn't know, did he? "I guess Brian did something. She's with Brian now."
"What?"
"She'll explain later."
"What happened?" I turned around to see Brian rush through the door. He pushed me out of the way and sat down next to her. Okay, fine. He was her boyfriend, after all. It was sickening just watching the way that he touched her face. I guess that when we were together, we were ten times worse to everyone else. "I'll go get her an ice pack," I offered. I ran out of the room and grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer, but I slowly walked back to my room. When I got there, Brian was rubbing her forehead with a wet cloth. I hope it's not cold water.
Brian took the ice pack from my hand and handed me the cloth. God, it was freezing! The ice pack was okay, but she shouldn't have cold water on her forehead when she had been so cold before. I walked into my bathroom and ran the cloth underneath burning hot water. When I walked back into the room, Kayci was awake.
**Kayci**
I opened my eyes and realized that I was laying in Nick's bed and Brian, Nick and A.J. were there. A.J.? What had happened to me? I tried to sit up but I was all of a sudden being hit by a wave of pain and nausea, stemming from my head. Brian was rubbing a freezing ice pack on my head. I tried to tell him to stop but I couldn't find my voice.
"I'm going to go get you something to drink," Brian said. He leaned down and kissed me then stood up and walked out of the room. A.J. just stood away but Nick started walking towards me and finally sat down on the bed. My heart starting racing just having him this close. He looked into my eyes. There was so much love and concern within his eyes.
He gently started to rub a wet cloth across my face. Oh, it was so warm, it felt better than a freezing ice pack, and Nick was so much more gentle, so much more...loving? I could immediately see the difference between him and Brian. Nick's eyes never left mine...Brian's roamed around bored...Nick knew not to use cold...Brian froze me...Nick looked concerned...Brian didn't.