*Kayci*
"What is your problem?" he asked me. "I thought we settled this problem a long time ago."
"Yeah, well maybe we didn't," I said back to him. "It's nothing for you to just go away for months at a time, and get millions of dollars just to have girls throw themselves at you. But that's not my idea of good, enjoyable memories."
"You know all of those interviews when I said that all of us were just too busy? Well they've proven true."
"I guess so!"
"Well, I came over here to say good bye, again. We start our tour tomorrow. I wanted to ask you to come with me, but that is totally out of the question now. Isn't it?"
"I guess it is, because it's over between us."
"Fine. See ya later."
I watched him walk out of my large condominium. I didn't care. We had been going around in circles on an endless roller coaster ever since we had met. We never really were boyfriend and girlfriend, just dating, you could say. But I felt so attached to him, everytime I saw him on television, or on stage with the other four guys in the group. Then it hit me. I had just told him that it was over between us. I slumped down on my couch, and realized that I wouldn't see him, or the other guys for three months.
"Damn it," I said aloud. "I won't even see Jessica for three months. I can't believe she went with them! Just calm down, Kayci."
I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Everywhere I turned, I would see them. I would see him. Jessica, my sister, was head over heels in love with one of the guys in the group. The one that they nicknamed Bone because he is so skinny and wears a lot of jewellry, but his real name was A.J.
Then there was Brian, one of my best friends, and the one that my friend, Jasmine, had always been in love with, but never got enough courage to tell him. Sure I had helped out by introducing them one time, but Jasmine had passed out as soon as Brian had touched her to shake her hand. Since then, Jasmine had been too embarrassed and had never wanted to see him again.
Kevin was the oldest in the group, and was also loved from a far by another one of my friends, Rose. Rose refused to let me introduce them, for fear that she would, too, pass out just like her sister, Jasmine. Jasmine and Rose, who were sisters, lived in the condo next to me and Jessica. Jessica had left early this morning to join A.J.
Then there was Nick. The one that I had gone out a couple of times with in the past year, but it was never very serious. He was always gone somewhere. I never really knew what he had thought about our relationship, or even if what we had could be considered a relationship. I had never known where I had stood. "Why should I let a guy clog the arteries in my heart?" I thought. It just wasn't worth it. Sure the dates that we had gone on were romantic, extremely romantic, and I loved being with him every second. His touch, the scent of his clothes, the softness of his hair...
Three hours later, I was still sitting on my couch, in my living room. A zombie staring at the wall. I finally moved and grabbed the remote.
"Weren't they playing at Sea World tonight?" I asked myself. I turned on the television, and sure enough, standing there on stage, were the five guys. I felt a little thirsty so I got up and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. My attention was grabbed suddenly, when I heard Nick's voice.
"Our next song, I, personally would like to dedicate to someone. She knows who she is." I was now intrigued with what he was talking about. So I sat down on the couch with my glass of water in hand.
"Oh God," I whispered as I realized that the song that they were about to sing, was called 'Quit Playing Games With My Heart'. I listened to Brian sing, and thought about what a beautiful voice he had. But when Nick started singing, the words he said touched me. They touched me deeply, and I didn't like it.
"...Everything I do, is for you, so what is it that you can't see? Sometimes I wish I could, turn back time. Impossible as it may seem, but I wish I could. So bad, baby..."
I stared at Nick dancing. As A.J started singing, I was completely oblivious to his voice. I just continued to stare at the gorgeous blonde boy dancing on my television screen, who had been standing in my condo only a matter of hours ago, and who I had told to leave.
"He lost me," I told myself. "I'm probably the only one that actually loved him for who he was, and not what he was-" I stopped. Did she just say loved? Of course I didn't. Maybe it was just a slip. I didn't mean it, not in the least bit.
When their song had finished, I shut off the television, and went into the bedroom, locking the door. "You're crazy, Kayci," I scolded myself. "He wouldn't come back here. Not tonight. Why are you locking your bedroom door?" I shook my head, but kept the door locked as I jumped onto my bed. Thoughts raced through my mind. Thoughts of Nick, in particular. Do I love him? I don't know, I wasn't sure. We hadn't really broken up, we hadn't really been a couple in the first place. Although, I had wished that we were. Would things have been different? "Ugh," I said in frustration.
Grabbing the bottle of sleeping pills on my nightstand, I swallowed two of them. Good thing it was a Friday, I could sleep in tomorrow. But sleep wasn't coming easily. My thoughts revolved around Nick. My mind craved the image of him. But all I saw was the scene from tonight, and it played over and over again in my mind. It played with different words said, different looks in each other's eyes, different outcomes until it was too much. I shot up from my bed, my heart racing.
I did love him, even if just the slightest bit, it was there, and now he was gone again. The darkness was too much so I turned on my light and reached for the phone. I looked over and noticed on my clock that it was only one in the morning. I dialed Nick's cell phone number, but when he answered in a very sleepy tone, I froze.
"Hello?"
I couldn't find my voice, nor the courage to actually say anything. Absentmindedly, my hand guided the phone back down to the cradle, and I shrank back under the covers for security.
"I wonder if...no wait. Jessica wouldn't be home, because she's still on tour with the guys. Just like she will be for the next couple of months. Maybe I'll go see Jasmine and Rose tomorrow," I said to myself. I shut my light off, but as soon as it clicked, I heard a continuous high, shrill scream in my head. It made me want to scream, but I forced my eyes shut and forced myself to fall asleep.