Jhonen Vasquez's Squee Comic.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens you chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. you build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...you give them a peice of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." --Neil Gaiman (creator of The Sandman, The Endless, and many others)
"Lord, what fools these mortals be." --Morpheus Neil Gaiman's The Sandman: Sleep of the Just
"When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. As far as I can tell so far it seems to involve lots of foreign travel and not having to get up too early in the morning." - Neil Gaiman
John Constatine: "And I can see the clouds. They look kind of solid. And the ground below them. That looks really solid. It's a long way to fall. And I'm falling... I don't want to die. I don't want to fall. I tell myself it's not the fall, falling doesn't hurt... it's when you stop." -- Neil Gaiman's The Sandman: Dream a Little Dream of Me
"You know the best thing about aeroplanes? Apart from the peanuts in the little silver bags, I mean. It's looking out of the windows at the clouds, and thinking, maybe I could go walking there. Maybe it's a special place where everything's okay. Sometimes I do go walking in the clouds. But it's just cold and wet and empty, but when you look out of a plane it's a special world..." -- Delirium, 'Sandman: Brief Lives' by Neil Gaiman
"Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no one's ever eaten before? Like chicken and telephone ice cream? ...Green mouse ice cream was the worst. I didn't like that at all." --Delerium, Neil Gaiman's The Sandman
"And I ran out into the open, but it was snowing. Only it wasn't snow. It was the skeletons of birds, falling from the sky. They crunched underfoot as I ran. And then I saw that they were trying to move. Even the ones I had crunched to bits. The whole world was covered with dead birds...trying to fly." --Charles Rowland, Neil Gaiman's Season Of The Mist
Sextor Furnival: "I think maybe the whole world's gone mad."
Lucifer: ""The devil made me do it". I have never made one of them do anything. Never. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them."
-- Neil Gaiman "The Sandman: Season of Mists"
"I could never again be an angel... Innocence, once lost, can never be regained." -Lucifer, in "The Sandman: Season of Mists"
"When the first living thing existed, I was there waiting. When the last living thing dies, my job will be finished. I'll put the chairs on the tables, turn out the lights, and lock the universe behind me as I leave." -Death, Neil Gaiman's The Sandman
"I will be a wise and tolerant monarch, dispensing justice fairly, and only setting nightmares to rip out the minds of the evil and wicked. Or just anybody I don't like." --John Dee, Neil Gaiman's Sound and Fury
"I tell you, I'm sick and tired of women in our line being stereotyped as black widows or killer nurses. I'm a serial killer, and a woman, and I'm proud of it." -- Dog Soup, Neil Gaiman's Collectors
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows when to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories -- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death." --Neil Gaiman's The Sandman: 24 Hours
"You are mortal: it is the mortal way. You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell. You grieve. Then you continue with your life. And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will happen less and less as time goes on. She is dead. You are alive. So live." --Dream, Neil Gaiman's The Sandman: Special #1
"When you dream, sometimes you remember. When you wake, you always forget." --Dream, Neil Gaiman's The Sandman: Brief Lives
"He's gotta be the tragic figure standing in the rain, mourning the loss of his beloved. So down comes the rain, right on cue." -- Mervyn Pumpkinhead, Neil Gaiman's The Sandman
"I can pretend that things last." -- Destruction, Neil Gaiman's The Sandman
"You is my elf ho!" Happy Noodle Boy
"Spank my ass and call me Debbie!" Happy Noodle Boy
"Holy pigshit Batman!" Happy Noodle Boy
"You fucking idiot!! Admire me?!! You shit!!! I'm the villain in this fucking story!" --Johnny The Homicidal Maniac
Futurama
Lela: "Who knew that hell would actually exist. . . and it would be in New Jersey?"
"I'm only trying to get into heaven, I'm not running for Jesus" - Homer Simpson
"Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin." - Homer Simpson
"Guess how many boobs I saw today...!" - Homer Simpson
"Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us: Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him! Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow." - Homer Simpson drunk
Bart: "Dad, we did something terrible."
Marge: "Homer, I've got someone here who can help you?"
Flanders: "I think we hit something."
Doctor: "This procedure could increase your brain power. Or may possibly kill you."
"I'd like to visit that Long Island Place, if only it were real." -- Marge Simpson, drinking a Long Island Iced Tea
"You can't say 'sex' on the internet!!" -- Marge Simpson
"(After Lisa implies that God might be female) HER?! (addressing God) She's just kidding, Mister Lord!" --Marge Simpson
"It's Fuhrerific." -- Bart Simpson, referring to Hitler's car.
"Why would God punish a kid? I mean.... an American kid?" -- Bart Simpson
Bart: "Oh, I'm starving! Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and booze?"
Homer: "So, how was everybody's day at school?"
Marge: "Dirty word drinks, adult boardgames; I'm so glad I sent the kids to Grandpa's to protect their innocent minds."
"Aye! Naranjas en la cabesa!" -- Bumblebee Man, The Simpsons
"Donde esta mi tequila?" -- Bumblebee Man, The Simpsons
Mr. Burns, The Simpsons: "I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing there's too many fat kids."
Krusty: "So, have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a kwaazy Kwanza, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn, dignified, Ramadan. And now a word from MY god, our sponsors!"
Bart: "Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."
Barney: "Jesus must be spinning in his grave!"
Grandpa: "Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot."
Grandpa Simpson: "The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few."
Abe: "That doll is EVIL, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!"
Bart: "What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding ..."
Ralph: "Me fail English? That's unpossible."
Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): "I...M...P"
Ralph: "When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar."
Ralph: "I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning."
Ralph: "Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking!"
Bart: "Grandpa, didn't you wonder why you got money for doing absolutely nothing?"
"I'll leave this world the same way I came into it, dirty, screaming, and ripped away from the woman I love." - Homer Simpson
"What's the point of going out? We're gonna wind up back here anyway." -Homer Simpson
"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such." Homer Simpson
"What good is money when you can't inspire terror in your fellow man?" -Montgomery Burns
"There's a 4:30 in the morning now?" -Bart Simpson
"Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, goblins and eskimos." - Homer Simpson
"Soooo, what do you say honey? Feelin stupid? I KNOW I AM!!!" - Homer to Lisa
"Fat Tony is the cancer of this city, and I am the... What cures cancer?" - Chief Wiggum, The Simpsons
"Your great-uncle Horace had a saying: "Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out." Of course, one day he put his theory into use, and it took thirty U.S. Marshalls to bring him down." -Marge, The Simpsons
Homer: "It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone."
Bart: "There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."
"Lisa, you don't quit your job if you don't like it. You just go to work every day and do it half - assed. That's the American way." - Homer Simpson
Ralph: "That's where I saw the leprechaun! He told me to burn things."
"Lies make Baby Jesus cry." Todd Flanders, The Simpsons
Dr. Nick: "Inflammable means flammable? What a country!"
Carl yells at Homer: "I can't feed my family with a codpiece!"
"I hate to dance and prance and sing. That's really more of a Milhouse thing." - Bart Simpson
"Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then, suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." -- Matt Groening, creator of the Simpsons.
"I'm not in denial, I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept." -- Calvin and Hobbes
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere is the fact that none of it has tried to contact us." --Calvin & Hobbes
"I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point." -- Calvin & Hobbes
"Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what." -- Calvin & Hobbes
"Calvin will probably have trouble getting dates when he's older." -- Bill Watterson, author of Calvin and Hobbes
"Childhood is short, maturity is forever." -- Calvin & Hobbes
"Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. Sincerely, Calvin." -- Calvin, The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book
"You know, LeBeau, you are indeed something of a jerk." Bishop, Uncanny X-Men 331
"I'm a t'ief when all else fails... an' all else failed." Gambit, Uncanny X-Men #361
" 'Sides -- y'keep sayin' ya never 'spected t'survive this throwdown right? Might as well go out in style!" Gambit and the X-Ternals #3
"You be surprised Erik...the sacrifices a boy could make in the name of love." Gambit and the X-Ternals #1
"Some might say ah was crazy to walk right into the lion's den. But then again...when did ah ever listen to anybody?" Rogue, Rogue #3
"You are not too big for me to put over my knee, boy!" Tante Mattie, Gambit 2nd LS #1
"I be the thief, chere...and there you go off stealin' my heart." Gambit, Rogue #2
"Nothing like a good suicide mission to start the day off right. Maybe after we stop de cullings, we can liberate de pits and overthrow the big "A" altogether? 'Course dat don't leave much for de afternoon but..." Gambit, Astonishing X-Men #1
"Everyone can relax. Gambit has returned." Gambit, X-Men Advertures Cartoon Series Episode: "Day's Of Future's Past"
Grumpy: “Angel, ha! She's a female! And all females is poison! They're full of wicked wiles!”
"Revenge is a dish best served with pinto beans and muffins!" --Freakazoid
"Don't let me fall into nothingness! I won't be happy there!" --Freakazoid
"Once again, the trousers of evil are yanked down by the mocking hands of justice!" --Earthworm Jim
"My goal is not to wake up at 40 with the bitter realization that I wasted half my life at a job I hate
'cause I was forced to choose a career in my teens." -Daria
"Music should come from the soul. It's not about tours sponsored by pseudo-cool sodas or posing in leather pants for
glossy magazine covers. It's not about groupies or partying or tossing TVs out hotel windows. It's about delving into the
deepest depths of your being and channeling your emotions into art. The groupies and partying are just icing on the cake. The leather pants, too. (And with those cable mounts that go right into the wall, tossing TVs is just a hassle anyway.)" -- Trent (From Daria)
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' " -- Charlie Brown
"Jinkies... isn't that some kind of breakfast cereal?" -- Johnny Bravo
Peter: "I'm getting something really special too... and by special, I don't mean like that Klinemann boy down the street. More special like, Special K, the cereal. What did they do with the regular K? And for that matter, whatever happened to Kaye Ballard? You know, if you said "mallard" with a cold, it would sound like "Ballard." "
Police Officer: License and reg... hey, aren't you the guy who found out he's part black?
Peter Griffin: "I'm looking for some toilet training books."
TV Announcer: "This is a state of emergency. We now go to the White House for an announcement from the President of the United States."
Neil Gaiman's The Sandman: Dream a Little Dream of Me
Neil Gaiman's The Sandman: A Hope in Hell
Two dreamers, Neil Gaiman's The Wake.
Clark Kent to Batman, Neil Gaiman's The Wake.
Death: "Uh-huh. It's always been like this. You probably just don't get out much."
-- Neil Gaiman "Death: The high cost of living"
Fry: "Well actually. . ."
Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"
Bart: "No."
Homer: "Did you raise the dead?"
Bart: "Yes."
Homer: "But the car's ok?"
Bart: "Yea but--"
Homer: "Ok then."
Homer: "Batman?"
Marge: "He's a scientist..."
Homer: "Batman's a scientist."
Marge: "It's not Batman!"
Homer: "I hope its Flanders."
Homer: "Hummm. Increase my killing powers, hey? Let's do it!"
Marge: "No, no one's going Catholic. Three children is enough, thank you!"
Bart: "Horrifying!"
Lisa: "Pointless!"
Marge: "Exhausting. It took the children forty minutes to locate Canada on the map."
Homer: "Marge, anyone can miss Canada, all tucked away down there."
Grandpa: (showing Bart and Lisa a photo album) And here are some more Germans we killed. That flamethrower really sausaged their waffles."
Bart/Lisa: "Ewwww! Gross!"
Lisa: "Grandpa, how do you sleep at night?!?"
Grandpa: "They drug us."
Apu: "Shiva H. Vishnu!"
Marge: "Grandpa, you said that about all the presents."
Abe: "I just want attention."
Nelson: "Bart is pee!"
Ralph Wiggum: "I made Bart in my pants!"
Grandpa: "No, I just thought the Democrats were back in office."
Brian: "Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?"
Peter: "I drift in and out."
Peter Griffin:: Yes I am.
Police Officer [into walkie-talkie]: Report of a possible stolen vehicle.
Peter Griffin:: But this is my car.
Police Officer: Suspect becoming beligerent.
Peter Griffin:: Wha...
Police Officer: Officer down.
[Officer falls to ground, police cars surround Peter]
Salesman: "We have the popular 'everybody poops", or the less popular 'nobody poops but you'."
Peter Griffin: "Well, you see, we're catholic..."
Salesman: "Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'."
Bill Clinton: "My fellow Americans, at five a.m. today, a day which will live in infamy, the Canadians have bombed the Baldwins. In response to this, the US has declared war on Canada."
All Children: "-gasping-"
Chef: "Oh, no!"
Stan: "War?"
Wendy: "No! Gregory, no!"
Gregory: "No, this is bad. Wendy, hold on to me."
Mr. Garrison (frantically): "All the Baldwins are dead?"
"South Park - Bigger, Longer, & Uncut"
