Prenuptial Agreement*

On this _________day of _________, year two thousand and ___, I, njcomputerchick, do hereby agree to sign your prenuptial agreement if you agree and sign this agreement, presented on above said date.

I enter into this agreement hereto freely, without coercion or malice.

During the course of said union, we both agree to the following conditions:

Sex
Sex during this union shall be hot and steamy. When I require said activity, you shall NOT lay there like some dead log. Passion is required, or I have the option of pushing you off the bed.

Details are as follows:
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________

Looks
If you require me to stay fit and attractive, so to shall you. If I am unable to see your belt buckle, I will hire a full time trainer for you, all of which shall be fully funded by you for the restoration of your body. If you are unable to view your private parts while washing in the shower, it should be considered an indication for you to act upon and dealing with the mutual physical requirements you set.

THATS RIGHT...It applies to you also, bucko.
Showers
While tending to your personal hygiene in the shower (specifically; washing your private parts), under NO circumstances shall you do the typical shampooing the hair-using the suds to foam up the penis and scrotum, then proceeding to flop them up and down motion.

Under NO circumstances shall this be considered clean by any means. In otherwords; Flop-flop-flop, swish-swish-swish with suds is just pure nasty. If you require instructions as to how to properly wash, I shall find a large assistant to assist you on this quest, all of which shall be fully funded by you.

Kindly tend to your personal hygiene in an adequate manner.
Cooking and Cleaning
At no time will I be required to cook a meal for anyone but myself, and/or my guests. At no time will I be expected to clean up or pick up our home. This includes, but is not limited to: picking up your socks stuffed down the couch, cleaning out the shower drain with your hair, belly button lint, etc. etc.

Also, picking or flicking any body parts (from inside or outside your body) is caveman behavior and is appreciated if you kindly refrain from such.
In Sickness and Health
In the event you fall, I reserve the right and option to help (it is after all, your body). This includes, but is not limited to: helping pick up your old crusty, wreck of an ass or to call an ambulance for any reason. If your simply too heavy or I am too frail to pick you up, I can exercise my right to leave.

In the event you get into an accident, auto or otherwise, I reserve the right to refuse to wipe your drooling, your nose, bottom, sponge bath you, feed you ice chips, apply cool towels to your head, etc. I can also exercise my right to leave.

If you get sick, I am not required to help in any way, shape or form. This means, not cleaning up any vomit, fetching a bucket, making toast and tea, or going to drug store for your medications, at any time. Also included to my options are taking you to the hospital or doctors, or make appointments for such, including, but not limited to, medical testing also.
BODY HAIR
Never will I be required to maintain any part of your body; I am also not responsible to trim your toe nails, or any other part of your body. This includes but is not limited to, your ear, nose or stray hairs, or even to notify you if it exists. Lotions, body rubs and back scratches are at my discretion.
Expiration
Upon your earthly expiration I have no desire to retain anything from you, including, but not limited to, your Estate or remains. Since during the course of said union, what was yours remained yours...nothing was ours and all material items were of the utmost concern and/or priority to you.

Since that was the case, I reserve right and/or option(s) including, but not limited to: donation of all material items to the local bird sanctuary, zoo or NAACP if I so desire.

I also reserve the right to donate your remains to science.

If you would like specific items from your estate to be reserved to take with you; kindly submit a detailed list within 30 days of this prenuptial agreement and I will make the arrangements to have them inserted into your rectum prior to your shipment to science.

If said list contains any of your money (which more than likely, it shall), please specify as to how you would like said currency; folded, rolled or balled up; along with a legal consent form from your attorney, dated and notarized, all of which are also to be inserted up your rectum.

When your children, of this union or not, start to fight over any material items acquired prior to this union, I am not required to intervene in any way, shape or form.

Also, when your offspring squanders all that you worked hard for (all of your life, suffering to save), I am not required intervene in any way.

Codicils
At no time will any Codicils be accepted or added to this agreement, without both of our signatures and notarization to such codicils.

Signed,
_________________________ ___________
njcomputerchick Date

_________________________ ___________
F-er Date

Notary seal here __________________________ name and date of notary
*just kidding-LMAO

Prenuptial Agreements

Of course I'll sign your prenup...if you sign mine (see below)

Prenuptial Agreement*

Sex

Looks

Showers

Cooking and Cleaning

In Sickness and Health

BODY HAIR

Expiration

Codicils

Hows that?

BaHahahaha

Thats right ladies, to some men, its all about the money...they can keep it too.