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The Outsiders Guide to driving in New Jersey
Welcome to New Jersey.  Enjoy our many theme parks, and shore resorts.
Remember, your New Jersey adventure begins as soon as you enter the Garden
State.  Driving in New Jersey is unlike driving in other states.  The rules
suddenly change when you enter the Garden State.  Here is your guide for
how residents drive in New Jersey:

1.  For residents, you need to answer 24 out of 30 questions right in order
    to pass the written test.  Don't worry.  Only 5 questions deal with
    common sense.  The other questions test your knowledge of fines for
    drunk driving, parking near a fire hydrant, and other stupid shit.
2.  The double yellow lines you see in other states really don't exist in
    New Jersey.  The "lines" you see in the Garden State are only figments of
    your imagination
3.  Passing:
3a. In New Jersey, it is legal to cross the imaginary double yellow line to
    pass
3b. It is legal to use a parking lane to pass
3c. It is legal to use the sidewalk to pass
3d. It is legal to use every inch of a lane that's about to end to pass
4.  Horn tooting is legal for the purpose of informing your friends when you
    drive by their house ONLY.  Don't let the fact that it's 4AM and your
    friends are probably in bed stop you from tooting your horn.  Bonus points
    are awarded for every neighbor you wake up.  Do not toot if you are cut 
    off in traffic.  Refer to rule 8 for further instructions.
5.  Speed limits:
5a. Freeways are posted at 65 mph.  Don't let that stop you from going 80
5b. Rural roads are posted at 50 mph.  Again, don't let that stop you from
    going 80.
5c. Other roads are posted from 20 to 50 mph.  Keep in mind, the maximum
    posted speed limit in New Jersey is 65 mph.  Don't let the speed limit
    signs on these local roads stop you from going at least 65.
6.  Traffic lights:
6a. Green means go (just like anywhere else)
6b. Yellow means accelerate like hell.
6c. Red means if you're one of the first 3 cars in line after the light turns
    red, you have an obligation to blow the light.  Screw the people on the
    other road that have the green light.
7.  Police are as useless as a fart in a windstorm, unless you're doing 36 in
    a 35mph zone.  Then, you have the whole town's police force riding your ass.
8.  When you get cut off, DO NOT toot your horn.  There are several options 
    open to you.  Use one or more of these as necessary.
8a. You can return the favor
8b. Blare your horn for at least 1/2 mile.  A fringe benefit would be if you have
    to stop behind them for a red light.  Then, you can keep your finger on the
    horn for a few more seconds.
8c. Flip the person off
8d. Yell at them
8e. Kick the shit out of them
8f. Tailgate.  Follow so closely that you couldn't fit a dime between your front
    bumper and their back bumper.
9.  Accidents:
9a. If you are at fault, you're screwed (just like anywhere else)
9b. If the other person is at fault, kick the shit out of them
10. Just because a road is striped as being a 2 lane road doesn't mean anything.
    Please feel free to create your own lane(s), thus making it a 4 lane road.
    Bonus points if you can make a road striped as 2 lanes into a 6 lane road.
    Yes, the sidewalk can qualify as another lane.

Above all, please enjoy driving through our wonderful state.  If you come out
of the state without losing your temper, maybe you're one of us after all.
Remember, New Jersey drivers are not as bad as they seem on the surface.  They're
much, much worse.

Click here for other driving guides.


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