Happy New Year.
Many events happened in the shitty year known as 2004. Here at COMPLAINT, we (that means “me”) would like to wish you a happy and safe year. Unless you disagree with the staff here (again, “me”) to which you get a warm “Go fuck yourself.”
I’d like to take some time, though, and go over some of the more eventful things that happened this year. So, I hope you enjoy… or go rot in Hell. One or the other.
Ben and JLo nearly got married 50 times: Who honestly really gave that much of a shit that this or any celebrity event happened? All I can say is Lopez avoided a crisis in marrying Afleck. Have you seen any of his movies? They all blow. Not that Lopez is any better. She needs more ass in her movies, and I’m not talking about Ben in Gigli either.
GWB was re-elected: In probably the biggest news of the year (because American news is the most important) George W got re-elected. Michael Moore be damned he did it. Of coarse, having a legal retard running the country does pose some problems, it’s nothing a few wars won’t get us out of.
We’re still in Iraq: That’s still going on? Yawn. At least we’re still kicking ass in our own “Make sure we don’t shoot innocents way.” Screw that, go fully auto. No one cares anyway.
Crisis in Sudan: Thank God the UN and Kofi Anan got a hold of this one and stopped another atrocity in Africa. Does it surprise anyone that the UN didn’t do anything? The AIDs crisis, apartide, Rwanda, Zimbabwe, and the Congo weren’t helped any. Hell, the UN’s leader is from the fucking continent, you’d think he’d do something. Drop some condoms… drop some napalm… drop ANYTHING. Oh, he dropped some sanctions. Everyone clap so he doesn’t feel useless.
France lost 2 Billion in trade: That’s right, and that is from US sales ALONE! Seems we can get our wine and cheese from somewhere else. Who knew?
Scott Peterson will die: Unless the liberal California legislature and appeals system has any say in it (i.e. he’s not gonna get the needle). He killed his pregnant wife for Christ’s Sake! What else did he have to do to get executed? Rape a 6 year old, burn a forest and host a Saturday Night Live episode.
Saturday Night Live… no one watches it anymore: Was this even news? Spanish soap operas get more ratings. And I can understand them better anyway.
Rock the Vote got Rocked: Some may not think this is anything big. I think so. Shows that musicians, celebrities and Woopie Goldburg have no sway over the general populace. About damned time.
I’m sure there is more things that happened, but either you think they were more important than they actually are, or they were stupid anyway and I didn’t give a shit about them. At least Mother Nature knows how to party and ring in the New Year. She lights a firecracker and hundreds of thousands die. Rock on!
Author: =][= Morok
Email: evilcanofjoy@kidsloveguns.com
