Girls are evil

Author: =][= Morok
evilcanofjoy@kidsloveguns.com

I’ve come to the stark conclusion that girls suck. Why do I say this? Probably because girls are the craziest, schizoid, vindictive, and jealous creatures on the face of the planet. How the hell are you supposed to negotiate a world where creatures like this live? God help us all if all intelligent life in the universe has to deal with female creatures of this sort.

I’ve in the past lauded girls as a divine and perfect creature, most of my friends are girls and, at least towards me, they were (and are) a great resource when you need to talk seriously about anything. Of coarse, for me that’s where everything seems to stop. It’s like I’m stuck in Chris Rock’s idea of a “friend zone” with every girl I know. So, in frustration and depression, I’m going to continue with everything that drives me nuts about girls.

NOTE: You can pretty much stop reading this rant now. It’s not good, and I’ve finished writing it and re-read it. It only gets posted for lack of good material.

The phrase, “Your a nice guy, but...” Stop right there. You can’t tell me “you’re a nice guy but...” when all you girls ever talk about is finding a nice guy. Either one of two things is happening: A you’re full of bullshit and rather have an asshole for a boy friend or B something else is the matter. Don’t give me that shit taken straight from the bullshit-o-matic. What’s wrong? Is a guy who’s nice, attentive and sensitive too much for you? Well I’m sorry that I’m not obnoxious, self-centered and have the inane ability to call you “bitch” to you’re face. Go find another asshole and quit wasting my time.

I seem to have the uncanny knack for finding girls that have the biggest problems in the world or are already taken/engaged. I guess that they just flock to my signals, since they are all I know. It’s always nice that the ones that are already “in love” would also “go out with me.” Even though I find that latter line utter bullshit when it comes out of their mouth. Maybe I’m just cynical about it, but in my experience it’s the same bullshit I hear everyday.

If a girl doesn’t like you, sometimes she won’t say anything, but instead just stop hanging around with you. I’ve had girls that stop being around me for the stupidest of reasons. Maybe I TALK to them too much or do something else. Look, if I’m being annoying or something, just tell me to shut the fuck up. Unlike other self-centered assholes, I’ll just stop talking all together.

Girls who decide they hate other girls for no reasons at all. Sometimes girls just decide they don’t like another girl. Maybe it’s instinct and maybe it’s just PMS setting in early. And they won’t just “not like” the other girl, they’ll do everything in their power to hate and stop the other girl’s normal life from operating. Of coarse, this usually takes place in the form of starting rumors and dumb shit like putting a hateful message in a web- or something, but it’s still ridiculous.

Girls seem to have an infatuation with musicians and poets and artists. Now, I shouldn’t be complaining about this since I’m an artist, but to me it’s utter bullshit. The only difference that these three people have to the rest of the population is that they are more full of shit (for the most part) than any other kind of person. I’ve met musicians, artists and poets more than I’d like to remember and most of them are just everyone else except way more self-centered and much more full of “artistic” shit.

Girls are jealous of everything. If you have a girlfriend, they seem to get mad at the stupidest of things. You can’t look, mention or even scientifically refer to anything related to another girl. Especially looking at other girls or saying that another girl is “cute” or “pretty.” This definitely goes to far when they tell you to stop watching porn. Here’s some advise to you ladies: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. If we really weren’t interested in you, then we wouldn’t be going out with you in the first place. I’m going to watch porn, think other girls are cute, and do what ever no matter what the fuck you think. So shut your mouth and stop being so insecure about yourself.

Body image is also utter bullshit. Girls are always thinking that they are ugly and whatnot. Now I know this is another cliche thing that every guy complains about, but it’s so true. You’re hot. We want to fuck your brains out all the time. If you weren’t appealing in some way to us, we wouldn’t be fucking you or wanting to be fucked by you. This is another thing that falls into the self-confidence category.