Some Advise for my younger readers

I’m 19. In dog years, that makes me a wise man. And, since I’m way more wise than all you younger fucks are, I’m gonna go out and give you advise. That advise will be in the form of a list. And, since I’m tired of typing in paragraph form, on goes the list.

1. You should all watch porn. Porn is good as a guidebook, entertainment, and comedy. Watch porn.
2. Always keep a condom in your wallet. You never know when you need to go at it in a stall or you need to store two liters of water while in a desert.
3. Be an art major. Art majors do 50% less real work than all other majors and all for the cost of the books you didn’t spend the money on (i.e. art supplies).
4. When your driving in New Jersey, make sure the driver is from New Jersey or you’ll die.
5. Don’t date girls from Budd Lake, NJ. They are the skankiest girls imaginable.
6. When singing for American Idol auditions, don’t sing like a bitch and then complain when they make fun of you. Usually because the rest of America is laughing at you too.
7. If girls say anything, it’s usually bad for you to answer one way or the other.
8. If you smell, take a fucking shower.
9. All girls in amateur porn are either nasty sluts or not amateurs.
10. There is no such thing as a free porn site. You pay one way or the other. Do yourself a favor, and go and buy the porn.
11. (This one is for the gamers) Never get in front of anything you don’t intend to kill easily.
12. Any video game promising zombies, shotguns, and a madman with a chainsaw on his arm is a golden game.
13. All really good games were on Nintendo or Super Nintendo.
14. Pirates and ninjas are always in a battle to the death. Both are equally cool, and thus the battle will never end.
15. Macs and COMPAQS are the worst possible computers a person can get.
16. Never trust the internet on video games. The internet people hate all games that don’t have 5 billion fps frame-rates and too complicated story lines. Real man’s games like Fire Warrior and Evil Dead are bad games on the internet, but good games when you play them.
17. Optical mice rule.
18. No matter what, StarCraft will always be the coolest game for the computer (maybe after PlanetSide).
19. This site will never die.
20. Never become a liberal. Liberals are stupid. Are you stupid? No? Then you shouldn’t be a liberal.

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