Author's note: Parts of this segment become a bit extreme and may not be suitable for all readers. Todd's depression causes some contemplation that touches on a very sensitive issue. Please be advised. ~m&m gal

*****

Tea traced the rim of her coffee cup with one finger, totally lost in thought. She had called in sick for the remainder of the day, to her secretary's great amazement and apparent distress.

Her voice raising several octaves, Ruth took on the kind of tone normally accompanied by several accusatory tsk-tsk's.

"Well, well! Now this is new! I've never known any bug to beat you before. Work drives you. That's what the whole office says, you know. That Ms. Delgado is all work and no…."

"And you can tell the whole office that THEY can just GO TO…" She paused in midsentence, and gathered herself before continuing. "You can just tell the whole office that they can just go home to their families a little early tonight." She rubbed her aching temples and hung up on that note. She started a second cup of coffee brewing and she made a beeline for the old ratty sweats that had always remained hidden at the Penthouse around Todd.

An hour later, she was still nursing the same cup of coffee. She had lost track of how long she had been sitting there, staring at the way the light danced off the diamond in her engagement ring, when Carlotta came home.

"Hiding out from the world for a while, Mija?" she asked gently, taking in the clothes, the cold cup of coffee and her lost demeanor.

Tea nodded, staring hard at the ring.

"Yeah, I was just feeling a little tired, you know…"

"Tea, you don't have to make excuses to me or to yourself. Even your average superhero would be down for the count by now."

"Don't you know? I'm supposed to be the Woman of Steel herself according to Ruth and The Entire Office." She laughed at the notion, half heartedly.

"Oh, is that how it is? Even steel armor can't protect the heart. And yours, my dear, is broken, and there is no doubt about that."

"I'm not 'broken', Carlotta."

Carlotta raised her eyebrows.

"I'm not! Just…temporarily out of commission, that's all. I still have…" she scrunched up her face in a look of concentration, working hard to convince herself, " …I still have my work."

Her eyes held a challenge, not for Carlotta, but for herself.

"Hmmm…" Tea wondered when Carlotta had mastered the art of the skeptical eyebrow.

"You know how much my work means to me. How hard I had to work for it…this just gives me more room to concentrate on that again."

Carlotta stopped her by covering her hand with her own calming one.

"Always be proud of that Tea. To become a lawyer was your dream, and you keep taking it to new heights, but …your dreams go way beyond being a successful lawyer these days, don't they, ? I think they always have, but now more than ever."

"How do you do that?" Tea asked after a pause.

"Do what?"

"See right through me like that?"

"Your not the only superwoman in the room. I have X-Ray vision. It's a Mom thing. That, and anyone who knows you can see all that you are there in those eyes of yours. You never were good at hide and seek, Tea."

Visions of Starr suddenly popped into Tea's head. Just as Carlotta was always there for her, she always wanted to be that for Starr. She didn't even know where to begin to fix what she had done.

"Let me get you a fresh cup of coffee and I'll get one for myself, and then we are going to figure out how to fix this."

Carlotta really could read her mind. Tea jumped up first.

"No, let me get it. You've been pouring coffee all day…"

"Stay put. I've got it."

"Well then let me get you something to eat…"

"Tea…I've got it. Sit down."

"Damn it Carlotta. I feel so helpless. So damn useless!" she cried as she pounded her fist on the table so hard she almost upset the cups. Carlotta knew this had nothing to do with who would prepare dinner.

"Tea…"

"No! I am just so damn tired of feeling this way. He needs help, Carlotta….he needs…something. All this running away! We are both such masters at it…how will we ever get near each other? We'll never get there. So close; we are so close, but we cannot let go of this fear and this need to protect each other enough to take that final leap over the chasm. I want to help him. Oh God, how I wish I could help him! Instead…he pushes me away, and I give up. Every time! I let him! Could there be two more messed up people in this world? And Starr? What about Starr? She's just out there, stuck in the middle!"

"Tea, you cannot help him until he wants help. You can't change the tides without the help of the moon. I don't think he's ready. And I don't think he has given you any help."

"I don't think he knows how to ask…"

"But can you wait? Tea, can you wait until he learns how? Is that fair of him to ask? How long Tea? How long can this go on? What if you wait forever, put yourself on hold, for something that never comes?"

"How do I know? How do I know when I should have faith and when it's time to….I don't know how to quit, Carlotta. I fight for everything…I always have. How do I know when I've truly reached the end? And if there is an end, is there anything for me after that? When all I''ve ever wanted I'm giving up on? Sometimes, it's just so strong. That feeling, that if I'm strong enough, it will happen. On days like that, I'm sure I COULD wait forever, even if forever never comes. Others, I'm sure I can't wait another day, not one more, without some sign…a touch, a smile, or the words I imagine are inside finding a voice. He's built up such armor to protect himself. Maybe it isn't my right to take that down. Maybe, there are things he can't live with without those walls. I keep coming to this place, and I never know what to do when I get there." She looked truly distraught and torn.

"I don't envy your position, Tea. I don't have the answer for you either, much as I wish I did." She gently squeezed her hand, and Tea thanked her for listening.

"You know how much I love you, right? Tea asked her surrogate mother.

"But of course," she grinned in response, "but I can never hear it too often, especially not with my Antonio worlds away and Christian needing his own mother less and less every day."

"Now Carlotta, I'm sure they would be knocking your door down if I wasn't always so busy blocking it. You just have to start a waiting list." They exchanged smiles, and Tea pulled her into an appreciative hug.

"And now, I AM making you something to eat." Carlotta was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Since her hands were already full, Tea went to answer it for her.

Her mouth fell open in surprise as she encountered Todd at the other side of the door. He backed off nervously from the door when she opened it, and then, he tried to regroup, and struck a James Dean-like pose leaning against the porch railing.

"Todd…um…what are you doing here?" The pose was beginning to fall apart and so was Todd's detached manner.

Todd grimaced to himself. He knew he had to keep the poker face on. He had argued with himself all the way over here. The part of him that couldn't stay away had finally overtaken the part of him that knew it should.

"I was in the neighborhood, ….passing through…from…the place I was coming from…"

"Do you want to come in?" She asked, tentatively.

"Yeah….no….whatever….I just…." He stared at her, hard for a second, and he couldn't hide a quick smile. "Nice outfit, Delgado," he teased.

"Yeah…well…I didn't have time to get all my things from the Penthouse, and…well…there is this…chill, in the air tonight, isn't there…." She crossed her arms self-consciously , and she rambled on in her embarrassment, feeling like Queen of the Frumps and Heartbroken Losers in her moth-eaten attire.

Todd just took off his jacket and stared at her for a minute, clearly uncomfortable. He held it out to her with one hand and raked the other nervously through his hair.

"Do I look that bad? Since when are you such a Prima donna?" she said, annoyance creeping into her voice.

"Delgado…would you relax? You said you were cold." He said, mild amusement flashing in his eyes.

"Oh…oh…yeah…the chill…" She still stood there, feeling like a self-conscious teenager in a clandestine meeting with her boyfriend, complete with Carlotta, who thought she was unseen, peeking out the window. Todd took matters into his own hands, and loosely draped his jacket over her shoulders. She closed her eyes as he adjusted the collar and moved her hair back over it, brushing her neck lightly. She cursed her knees which did a wonderful impersonation of cooked spaghetti at that exact moment. Her eyes still shut against the various sensations of having him near to her again, she tried to re-engage her brain's normal function.

"So…what….what are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?" His jacket smelled like the mix of spicy soap and light cologne he used, and she went slightly lightheaded at the combination.

"You mentioned…Carlotta, earlier. I know you go to her with stuff…Just call me Inspector… um…the short dude who could never catch the Pink Panther…"

She smiled. Then she caught herself smiling and stared down at the ground.

"Look, Tea…about before, the park, and Starr?"

A jolt ran through her different from the one he caused earlier.

"Todd…look…I don't think I want to go there…not yet, okay?" She had been trying all day to push what had happened aside.

"Delgado, just hang on a minute, okay? You know I can't usually find the words. Well I've got a couple that I've got to get out…something I need for you to hear. What you did…you knew what I was going to say, but you…you stepped in and played the fall guy…girl…whatever. Why?"

"Todd…" she said, trying to avoid the train of this conversation.

"No, Tea…don't brush me off…why?"

"Just because, Todd…."

"Tea, damn it, stop running…."

Her eyes grew piercing in the darkness.

"You're one to talk about running…"

He stared at the ground, newly fascinated with the shape he was making in the dirt with the toe of his shoe. After a moment, he looked up, and in a more gentle tone, he continued.

"You could have let me hang in front of my daughter. Hell, you could have tied the knot. You didn't have to do that, Tea."

"Yes, I did. Todd, Starr is your world. You've made that obvious, and you show that in everything you do...everything you've ever done. You'd give your life to protect her. I ….I had to give what I could to protect her….and to…." She let the rest of her thought trail off unfinished, but the wind carried it nonetheless…They both heard it.

And to protect you…

Between them, there were things that did not need to be said aloud to be understood.

"She loves you, too, though, Tea…you know that right?"

"But she has you…and she has Blair…her mother. I was only meant to be a stand-in…for Starr, and for you right? You hired me…isn't that what you said…the other night? I forgot my place, Todd. You reminded me. Plain and simple." She avoided his gaze, but even in the dark he could see her eyes bright with tears.

"Nothing is that simple, Tea." he responded softly. Beside himself, he reached out to brush her cheek and found it damp with tears. He pulled back quickly, catching himself as her eyes found his.

"My daughter…she loves you Tea. Don't stay away from her. What you did…thank you…but between the two of you…it doesn't have to stay this way. I know what it means to you. You don't have to let it end here. …and…I won't forget it." He turned quickly on his heel, and disappeared into the darkness before she could come to her senses.

Tea stared up into the night sky, already speckled with small sharp beams of light, and her eyes sought out the brightest one.

"Star light, Star bright…."

Todd crouched in the bushes, his head in his hands. He pounded the soil beneath his feet so hard he felt the force in his knuckles. He heard her speak…softly…

"Star light, Star bright…."

His lips moved in silence with hers…

"First Star I see tonight…I wish I may I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight…"

His mother had taught him that…long, long ago, and the words tripped off his tongue in a whisper that broke his heart. He fell silent, wondering how she would finish the old superstitious sentiment.

"…I don't know where I am, or where I'm going…I don't know what is in the cards for Todd….but don't let this be the end. This can't be the end….."

With a soft, muffled cry, he watched her sink down onto the stoop and bury her face in her hands. He sat there, concealed, mesmerized by her, for an eternity. He lost track of time. He almost got up several times, but his mind wouldn't let his heart have its way. He remained rooted in that spot until she disappeared inside the house with the comforting light on, waiting for her, leaving him to his world of shadows and darkness.

*****

Blair began to gather her things with a satisfied look on her face. She had as most productive day, AND she had just sent the paper to the presses early enough to go grab a drink somewhere. If it was in the cards, maybe she could even arrange to bump oh so conveniently and yet totally accidentally into Dr. Tim Lange again.

She spun around in a circle, enjoying the feeling of freedom, with her portfolio and jacket in hand. She felt more alive than she had in a long time. There were two things in this world that made her feel like a Somebody in this life; being a mother to Starr, and having a sense of control at the Sun. And both high points in her life seemed to be falling into place these days.

"And it is about time, too," she announced proudly to the empty room as she stopped her head from spinning.

"You got that right. Get out of my office. I've got real work to do." Todd stormed past her so quickly she felt the rush of wind that he left in his wake.

"And…what EXACTLY do you think went on here all day while you were playing hookie, no doubt tending to "the lame" and broken-hearted, hmmm??" She placed her hands on her hips and returned his glower.

"Gee…lemee think for a minute…knowing you, the day included batting your eyelashes at everything with higher levels of testosterone than you, you 'did lunch' with at least 2.5 members of the Clan Cramer, had time for a manicure, then you and Briggs gathered the entire office for a coffee and donuts Gossip fest to find out who is wearing what with whom or whom is wearing nothing doing what, and …oh yeah…in the last four minutes of the work day you threw together some miserable excuse for a newspaper and signed my name to the piece of crap." He scowled at her and then directed his attention to the edition of the Sun that was posted on the board, being run off as they spoke. "This headline sucks. Tell them to stop the presses on your way…wherever it is you keep your coffin after the sun goes down at night. I'm redoing this mess…"

"You Bastard!!! " She sneered at him in disgust. "I put together a stellar copy of the Sun and you are not going to lay a finger on it!! This paper is mine as much as it is yours, and I had control here today. You are not going to take that from me, Todd Manning, or make me anything less than I am. I am Blair Daimler and…"

"And whoop-di-do." He finished, and then turned away from her. He felt his anger building alongside the rest of the turmoil inside, and as irrational as it was to make Blair the target sometimes, he had to direct it somewhere, and she was making the bad mistake of getting up in his face at the wrong time.

The truth of the matter was, Blair ran the paper just as good as he could, and he knew it. She was an extremely competent Publisher, and she often made the same decisions he himself would make. That competence, combined with her drive, struck fear in him deep down. He couldn't lose something else…not again. He had to hold on even tighter to the only two things that would keep him waking up each day…that is…if sleep ever came and visited him in the first place. Blair was a recognized threat to both of those things. He could not sit back and let Starr or the Sun slip through his fingers as easily as grains of sand. He still had fight left in him, and Blair was egging it on.

"Listen to me, Blair, and you listen good. You can sit in the big chair and make all the decisions you want. In my name. But this…." he gestured to the Sun, his Empire and his world, "you remember that this is Todd Manning, and damn anyone who dares to think otherwise. Know that. Comprehend it. Hell, write it on the blackboard one hundred times before you leave here today," he said, his eyes boring his message and his meaning into hers, which were laced with ice.

He looked away from her, and in a voice that was almost inaudible, he whispered, "I'm only willing to give up so much. Don't test me Blair. This is mine. Starr is mine. I can't lose them. I won't."

"And what about what I want, huh? What I need? Your prostitute of a wife walks out on you, and we all have to pay, is that it, Todd? Well, do you know what? Let me tell YOU something! To hell with her, and to hell with you and what you want! I have just as much right to all of this, and to my daughter, and there are all kinds of ways to get my hands on both. Permanently. Completely. " She brushed at angry tears and darted him a dangerous look as he squared his shoulders and took a step towards her. "Go ahead, Todd…get your lawyers together. Give it your best shot. But you know something else? This town is all out of whores willing to sell you their bodies and souls for money and a few legal skills on the side, now isn't it?" She threw back her head and laughed. "I could take it all, Todd, and end you right here…and there is nothing you can do to stop me."

She turned quickly and marched out, feigning total confidence. She waited until she was down the hall and inside the elevator before she got a case of the shakes, realizing that there was no turning back. She had stood there in the Lion's den and thrown down the gauntlet, and now she had to follow up somehow and set things in motion.

"Where in the hell do I go from here?" She wondered out loud. She needed to head over to Dorian's. She had a way of sorting things out and making things happen.

*****

Todd paced like a caged animal, his emotions building with each step.

"What next?" he asked the walls through gritted teeth. "WHAT NEXT?????!!!"

In one sweep of his arm he cleared the desk of everything that had covered its surface. He kicked over the chair with a growl, and then he picked up a paperweight and hurled it at the door, cringing inside as he heard the crystal shatter into a million pieces.

In the silence that followed, he looked around the room and struggled to catch his breath.

He couldn't breathe, …so hard to breathe.

He looked around at the destruction he caused, and he felt shame travel up his spine and spread to every cell in his body.

You leave a wake of destruction in your path…just like any disaster. You are a disaster. You're life is a disaster.

He fell to his knees, and he struggled to push it aside somewhat, to the place that consumed so much of him, to that place where he tried to bottle up all the rage and the grief, the shame, and the regret for what he was, what he had become, and what made him that way.

His eyes fell on a photo of Tea that had been sitting prominently on his desk before he'd sent it flying. The glass was now in jagged shards.

"Did I break you Tea?" He whispered softly, pained.

He ran a finger tenderly along the picture, and then he pulled it out of the broken frame. As he stared fixedly at it, he began to toy with a particularly sharp piece of glass.

"It would be so easy, Tea. Would it make it easier for you to put yourself back together?…so easy…I can't have you….And Blair…Blair is trying to take my daughter again. She wants to take my little girl away from me. She wants to take my life….and the Sun…" He pressed the point of the glass tentatively against his skin…watched as it dented it…thinking that it would be so easy….

*****

Tea was on the phone with her Grandmother. Carlotta had called her in NY and insisted that Tea talk with her. She knew that Abuelita had a way of connecting with Tea, and that through their special relationship, maybe some sort of light would be there for Tea that she couldn't provide. Suddenly, a pain ripped through Tea's chest, and she froze for a second in mid-conversation. She had just admitted to her grandmother just how much Todd meant to her, and that yes…she did love him with everything she was.

"Tea? What is it? Are you there?" the voice on the other extension became full of concern.

"Um..yeah…yeah, I'm here…I just had a bad feeling….Something is wrong…" She closed her eyes hard and just let herself feel…everything that existed in her being for Todd…all that they were, all that they could be….all that she needed them to be….

Todd…I'm here. Don’t you give up…I'm here.

As sudden as it came, the feeling of urgency passed, and she felt her hand trembling against the receiver.

*****

Todd glanced up and suddenly was drawn in by her eyes…Even from the picture, those deep penetrating eyes, with all their emotions and all their secrets…they were so alive, so real and true. Knowing, loving, and….accepting. Gentle and pleading…all at the same time. He stood up slowly and let the glass slide to the floor. He walked slowly to the window…

"Star light, Star bright…" he began, his voice shaking with emotion.