You could have given me a million reasons why
But it wouldn't change a thing
You said it all when you said goodbye
And you took off your wedding ring

I've been trying to get over you
I've been spending time alone
I've been trying to get over you
But it will take dying, to get it done

~~~~~

Her fingers were so small…so delicate

She was gone from his life again, and while he'd meant for it to stick this time, he was pretty sure that getting used to the idea was going to be as near to a physical impossibility as you could get. Tea had reminded him how to feel again, every emotional element that he had bottled, she brought back to the surface, and now there was no going back.

But what do I do with all of 'this'?

He directed the thoughts at her engagement ring. For what seemed like an eternity after Tea had walked out of the Penthouse, he had sat on the same spot on the floor, his back slumped against the couch, staring as if hypnotized at the loop of sparkling gold with eyes void of anything but a glassy stare that matched the facets of the diamond. On his own finger, the loop was so small he couldn't get it to budge beyond the first knuckle of his own finger, and yet he remembered how perfectly it had fit on hers. It could have been made for her. Although it almost seemed foreign in his head, the thought didn't escape him that it was just another indication that in a perfect world…they would belong to each other. All that foolishness about every person having that match that made them fit like puzzle pieces…imagine, Todd Manning buying into it!….when it was too late. But he couldn't ignore that feeling---the ring had come down through his family, Viki choosing to pass it on to him to give him the strength to do it, to propose a life that he wanted so much to give to her to Tea that night in the Palace Bar, when it became do or die…and that perfect fit had quieted his remaining doubts for those moments, as if they were destined to be at this place by some plan carried down through the ages.

Now, as Todd sat there, feeling the warmth fading from the gold which had felt almost alive in his hand in the moments after she had placed it there, all he could think of was how stupid he had been to believe. Or how cruel life was to open his eyes one minute, and now lead him to close them against the pain of finding out too late that you could have had it all…if you were someone else.

Someone…not like…Todd…Manning.

He returned his attention back to the ring, looking so strange on his finger---

…so small…so delicate…she wanted so much to believe….

He stared down at his hands.

These hands…so much bigger than hers….

He had an image of holding a bird in one of those hands…so delicate…breakable…so easy to love one minute and accidentally crush in one moment of anger that he couldn't control…

They could crush hope like that in a heartbeat…with one false move…

Her heartbeat…he still felt it, against him, in those times he'd found the courage to hold her, or when she'd found the courage to let him---he didn't know which way it actually worked---but it was there, this palpable sense of her…so alive…how she'd made him feel so alive…like a ghost that would haunt him through his senses. Would he always be this aware of her even when she wasn't there?

He opened his eyes, begging all the notions of her to leave this place. To leave him in some sort of peace…

. Peace…what's that?

Thanks to his father, Todd Manning didn't know the meaning of the word. Legacies of horror, fear in the dark, and the ultimate mistrust in the world, but even more so, of yourself.

He watched the beer bottle that dangled from his fingers, and then with a side-armed motion and a growl of rage…at his father…at himself…at silenced hope…he hurled it with everything he had in him into the darkened void of the fireplace where it shattered into a dazzling shower of glass. Leaning his head back, Todd shut his eyes again and wondered if the darkness and the ache behind them was all that he had left. He wasn't drunk, but he wanted to be. He wanted to be anyplace but here, and wanted to be anyone but who he was…

Is this all there is when the light goes away?…fades from your life?…Darkness…

At that moment, he felt a hand slide into his own, and he looked up into the eyes of his daughter, which seemed to hold a knowledge of things far beyond her years no matter how hard he tried to keep everything but the innocent from her. She sat down beside him and was silent. He scrambled to fill the void with something to pretend that everything was right with the world tonight. He moved the second bottle of unopened beer out of her reach.

"Nice try, Shorty, but looking all sweet at your old man is only going to get you a chocolate milk until you're thirty-five."

Starr just looked at him and then moved into his lap so she could look straight into his eyes. When she had looked deep enough, she leaned her head against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. After a minute, he pressed his face into her small shoulder and choked back the emotion that threatened when he considered the depth of the love that had never judged him.

"Daddy," she whispered against him, "just like you don't let the monsters get me, I won't let them get you either. Don't be sad. Tomorrow is another day."

"When did you take over the role of Scarlett O'Hara?" He attempted to override his emotions with a joke once again.

"Who's Scar-elt O'Hairy?" she asked in a serious tone.

"My cousin three times removed," he answered, his eyes dancing, "We had matching scars, she had this Bigfoot 'hair-growing-out-of-every place-syndrome', and she liked to wear curtains. I wanted to name you after her, but your Mom wanted to go with 'Starr'."

Starr screwed up her face in concentration. Then her face broke into a smile.

"Daaaaaaaaadddddddyyyyy!" She threw her arms around him again, and he hung on to her as if she was his last lifeline.

"Tomorrow is another day." He was glad it would find him with Starr. And at least he could be sure it would find Tea…unbroken and whole. That was the goal of all… of this.

~~~~~

Across town in Angel Square, Tea was sure that she'd never recover her heart again. Alone in her borrowed room…it seemed all things in her life were always borrowed, nothing was ever truly hers…she paced the floor, her thoughts and emotions running so wild she was trying to keep pace with them and failing miserably. She hated to fail at anything. Glancing down repeatedly at her ring finger which was now bare, she was sure she'd never failed anyone so badly before…Starr, Todd, herself. The feeling overwhelmed her. How do you give up on the best thing that ever happened to you?

"You have to accept that you just couldn't be what he needed…" She counseled herself out loud.

It was no use.

Where do we go from here? When 'we' became 'I' even though we ruled everything. And still does. Heart, thoughts, emotions, desires, soul. .

Her emotions all mixed in a dazzling swirl so intense it was beyond anything she'd ever known.

"Breath Delgado, damn it, just breathe!" She stopped pacing, her legs suddenly as heavy as lead.

Delgado

Suddenly, within her, and surrounding her on all sides, there was all this anger. Maybe later she would decide that it was irrational, or misplaced, or a substitute for something deeper that her heart couldn't allow her to feel, but suddenly, it was all she could tap into.

"DAMN YOU TODD MANNING!!! Damn you and your walls! I loved you! I would have given my life to you…we could have been something…more than you could ever know….more than either of us will ever have the chance to know. I have walls too! I have pain too! I was scared, and I let you in. I LET YOU IN! I promised myself…not again…you just couldn't return the favor…couldn’t or wouldn't?? BASTARD!! Tea Delgado Manning…Manning….I was supposed to belong to you…we were supposed to belong to each other….home…safe….yours…." She took a deep breath in the midst of this mix of rage and heartbreak, tears, and attempted to gather some sort of composure…

"It's just you Tea…it's always been just you…nothing to count on…nothing is forever…"

On the outside, looking in. Why did you ever let yourself dream it could be any different? What in God's name ever told you it could be any different than what it's always been…..

He doesn't want you.

Alone.

She grabbed a stray pillow and flung it at the wall.

"Damn you to hell, Todd….I love you. How am I supposed to get past all that?" This time there was no venom left in her words, only complete and utter devastation.

She sank to the ground and put her hands over her face as if she could block it all out…protect herself from it. At the very least, she could try to keep her dignity. No one would know that the Tough as Nails Tea Delgado was a complete mess. She didn't even hear her own lips steadily repeating the word 'no' like a dying whisper that got swallowed up by the night.

~~~~~

Stars All Seem to Weep Beth Orton

Stayed true to the things I knew when I was younger
Food and love was all that led to hunger
When I strayed from the truth as I grew older
Too much leaves an empty hollow hunger
I think about you in the moonlit night
And the stars all seem to weep
When there's so much love to lose
There's never any time for sleep
What did we do with all these things about you
We always laughed and you were so untrue
Where it was that we tried not to go to
I think that's where I finally came through
All the things we took for granted
Words still live on in my head
All the times I took for granted
All the things I never said
I think about you in the moonlit night
And the stars all seem to weep
When there's so much love to give
There's never any time for sleep…

~~~~~

"Good morning, Sunshine. Rise and Shine."

Blair reached over with a grimace forming on her features, still half lost to sleep, and tried to slam her alarm clock into silence.

"Nope, sorry, Baby, it's next to impossible to turn me off once I get going."

Blair's eyes shot open and she blinked in an attempt to clear the cobwebs.

"RJ??? What the hell…? Do you know what time it is?"

RJ just arched a brow and grinned.

"It's….what time is it?" She asked him finally.

"Early…"

"Right! There you go. It's EARLY."

"Do you always wake up so sparkly like that? I'd hate to see you when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"That's the beauty of sleeping alone. All the sides belong to me." She thought about that for a second and then frowned.

"Hmmm…an interesting consolation prize for those long lonely nights…" He reponded in a low voice.

"Ha Ha…boy, aren't you a prize in the morning…"She folded her arms and stared hard at him.

"I wasn't necessarily limiting that comment to you, you know." He looked away and suddenly remembered the glasses he held in his hand and the reason he had come by.

It was Blair's turn to arch an eyebrow over a gaze that quickly flicked over him from head to toe. He pretended not to notice, and he reached out and offered her one of two glasses of orange juice that he held in his hand.

"For me?" She regarded him…and the glass…nervously.

"For you," he said, gesturing for her to accept it. "It's not poisoned in case you have to worry about that sort of thing," he joked.

She took it, and brushed her hair out of her eyes with the other hand. He noticed that she was beautiful in the morning. Captivated…

He stared down at his own glass.

"For me…so that we may toast…to us."

Her eyes widened slightly for a minute, and then she regained herself.

"RJ, what is it that brings you here at…" she glanced down at her clock…"the crack of dawn. Tell me it's not a survey of the sleeping habits of the rich, beautiful, and single of Llanview…those get so tired after a while," she said, with a pretentious put on attitude and a smile to follow it.

"If that was why I was here, I would have to guard my notes like one wouldn't share the map to where the buried treasure lies. But no…sorry to be different. But I thought I'd bring you some early morning "Easy Listening" to start your day off on the right foot."

He produced a clear tape from his pocket.

"RJ…is that….?"

"Sir Mix-a-Lot said he'd come through…do you mean to say that you doubted the Master?"

She took it from his hand and stared down at it with an expression of pure glee.

"This is it, RJ…my ticket…"

"And a brilliant one it is at that, if I do say so myself. And just as you requested, there are additional copies ready to go wherever they are needed."

Blair raised her glass, and with a wicked smile and a matching gleam in her eye, she clinked her glass of orange juice with his.

"My fellow dream team partner, hang on to your breakfast. We are about to set in motion one for the ages…..To Getting What's ours…" she toasted.

Blair: And to making sure that Todd and Tea get just what's coming to them.

RJ: Ours…somehow, that has a nice ring to it…

~~~~~

Todd woke up on the floor of the Penthouse in the spot where exhaustion finally claimed him. Something was shrieking at him….he jumped up, a crick in his neck causing him to see spots in front of his eyes and to wince in discomfort.

The phone…

He walked over and stared a look at it, that, if it were alive, it would have scurried away from the heat of it. He picked it up and jumped in before the other person could get a word in edgewise.

"I like my long distance service…actually, that's not true. I don't give a damn about your long distance offer because I don't know anyone who lives in long distance range…"

A woman laughed on the other line…

Familiar, and not, all at once….

"Mr. Manning, that's not true…because here I am calling you all the way from New York, and you do know me…"

Todd rubbed his aching temple…he was about to ask what kind of game this person was playing and what was the quickest way to get rid of them, when he realized the voice was familiar also.

"You were supposed to be coming to see me, remember? I thought we had a deal…I have some information for you Mr. Manning. And I think it would be worth your while to come see me. There are things that need to be discussed…things that need to be fixed…and one way or another, you are going to help me decide how to do that." The voice continued on…he looked to the ceiling for a revelation that didn't come. He felt uneasy….and yet strangely calm all at the same time.

"Hold the pony…'to help you'? Well then what the hell am I in this for?"

"That's exactly what I want you to tell me. And depending on your answer, Mr. Manning, I'd say that I could either be your savior or your worst enemy right about now. But I'll leave my weapons under lock and key…come and see me, Mr. Manning…I'll leave the directions with your secretary. And the time…."

"I just want to make one thing clear in this game you've got going…I can play with the best of them…I hope you're up for the challenge, if that's what you're looking for."

The voice on the other line giggled in response.

"I'll start pumping iron the moment we hang up," the female voice replied after a moment.

In spite of everything, Todd found himself smiling….

what the hell?

"Okay Lady…play ball."

"It's up to you whether you strike out or hit it out of the park, Mr. Manning."

Somehow the comebacks on the phone again had that tone of familiarity to them….again, familiar, yet not. He glanced over at the sofa and saw a thin scarf of Tea's draped over the back. He closed his eyes against the sudden painful reminder, and tried to force himself back into the moment. If this little game player could get his mind off of Tea, even for a moment, maybe it would be worth it. He was consumed by her loss…and in order to let her go, it had to be that way. But every second was like a silent torture. He turned his attention to the best of his ability back to the issue at hand.

"I'll be there. Name your game time, and I'll be there before they sing the Star Spangled Banner."