PREVIOUSLY

Dr. Boyd: (Unsure:) That I'm not going to lock you up for saying "no"?

Todd: (Quietly:) Yes.

Dr. Boyd: (Carefully:) Did someone do that to you?

Todd: Other than prison?

Dr. Boyd: Yes.

Todd: Yes.

Dr. Boyd: I see.

[Scene ends.]

*****

Asa: (On phone:) Yes, and I've just sent you $20 million dollars into the corporate account to do it with. I want to see results! I want that paper! I will bury Manning! (Slams the receiver back into its cradle.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Todd's bedroom, 3 days later. Music: REM's "Try Not To Breathe". He is lying on his bed, hair in a ponytail, not looking physically well, seems to be lying eerily still staring at the ceiling. Suddenly he takes off running into the bathroom. The sound of vomiting can be heard multiple times. Then the toilet flushing, the sound of water running from the tap, and splashing and spitting. Todd emerges from the bathroom, looking shaky, his face and shirt front wet. He sits on the edge of the bed, and puts his head in his hands. It seems to require an effort to steady his breathing. Makes his way downstairs, shakily. Lays himself out on the floor of the livingroom carefully, his head towards the fireplace, feet towards the couch at stage left and to the stage right of the leftmost overstuffed chair. Scene ends.]

[Scene: PH2 livingroom. Todd is lying on the floor on his back, his eyes closed, resting. He looks unwell, a little pale, perhaps greenish and deathly still. Tea comes in, and panics at the sight.]

Tea: (Alarmed and worried:) Oh, no.... Not again. (Hand to her mouth:) Oh, no..... Todd??!

Todd: (Eyelids flutter open. He remains otherwise still, looking up at her.)

Tea: (Screaming:) I don't ever want to see you out on the floor again!

Todd: (Sits up fast, very startled. Slowly, almost deliberately folds his legs and sits up, listening, makes a face, a hand to his stomach. Calmly, but upset:) I didn't pass out in the pretrial deliberately.

Tea: (Quite shaken. Still screaming:) Do you know I thought you were dead then?!

Todd: (A little defensive:) I didn't do it on purpose. I was sick!

Tea: (Irrational:) That's NO EXCUSE!!

Todd: (Laughs, still feeling very ill. Takes a shaky breath, puts hands on floor next to himself for balance.)

Tea: (Stops.) WHAT?! What's so funny?!

Todd: (Gently prompts, smiling:) Listen to yourself.

Tea: What?! (Realizes. Laughs. Seriously:) I was so mad at you and so scared when you fainted that day. I come in here, and you're out on the floor. You look terrible.

Todd: (Serious, looking up at her:) I've hurt you again. I'm sorry.

Tea: You didn't hurt me, you scared me.

Todd: I'm sorry I scared you, then.

Tea: I didn't know that time if you were faking it or not... until you just didn't wake up. It's like when I thought you'd drowned. (Deep breath, exhales.) It's a long time ago. Just please don't do it again.

Todd: (Quietly:) I don't have control over it.

Tea: (Teasing:) You mean there's something you don't have control over??

Todd: (Serious:) More than you know.... You.... I don't have control over you. No control ....over how... (starts to get tongue-tied) ...how much I-I-I... love you. (Shaking head as he speaks:) No control. (Looks down.)

Tea: (Watching his face:) Me, neither.

Todd: (Looks up, searches her eyes.)

Tea: (Looks in his eyes.) Really.

Todd: (Reaches for her.)

Tea: (Takes his hand.)

Todd: (Draws her to him.)

Tea: (Holds him, kneeling next to him.)

[Camera behind Tea: Todd's eyes are closed, his expression is a mixture of relief and deep emotions as he holds Tea hesitantly and gently. He also looks tired.]

Todd: (Pulls away from Tea.) I'm not well. I hurt all over.

Tea: (Searches his face.) What's wrong? You look terrible. Are you ok?

Todd: (Uncomfortable:) No.

Tea: (Concerned:) What's wrong? (Feels his forehead, he pulls away, frowning.)

Todd: (Quietly, not looking at her, looking at his hands now in his lap:) Threw up.

Tea: (Rather concerned:) You're not extra warm. Is that why you were on the floor?

Todd: (A little morose, nodding, looks up, into her eyes:) Yeah. The room stopped spinning about when you came home. No. Wait. (Puzzled expression, thinking.) There's this gap before I heard you come in.

Tea: Another episode?

Todd: (A little surprised.) No. (Looks at her a moment, then looks away.) I think I fell asleep.

Tea: (A little relieved, she encourages:) Good!

Todd: (Makes a little skeptical face:) I guess.

Tea: (Confident:) No, this is good. Maybe things are getting better. No nightmare?

Todd: (Sarcastic:) Only waking up to you screaming at me.

Tea: (Relenting a little:) Oh. Well, you really scared me. You really do look awful. Are you sure you're ok now?

Todd: (Truthfully:) No.

Tea: Did you eat something bad?

Todd: (Truthfully:) No. Haven't been eating much for a while now. Practically living on coffee.

Tea: (Concerned:) Not eating? No, I guess you haven't been. I haven't seen you eat much in weeks. You need to eat, Todd.

Todd: Not sleeping, either. I can't eat. I've tried and a few times I just threw it up again. This really sux. I can keep coffee down. (Morose sarcasm:) If I live to tell this secret maybe I'll start eating more. Maybe it'll stay down.

Tea: Nightmares?

Todd: (Frowns a moment.) Yeah.

Tea: (Beginning to grasp things:) You're still very spooked by this, aren't you?

Todd: Totally weirded out. The gun, the cabin, all of it. I'm a mess. (Voice cracks.)

Tea: (Gently probing:) Can you talk about it yet?

Todd: (Agitated:) No. No. Don't ask..... See, this is part of the darkness inside I never wanted you to see, I try to protect you from.

Tea: (Reassuringly:) When you do share this you'll stop throwing up, you'll be able to eat. Maybe even sleep. You've already lost weight and I'm worried. You're already thin.

Todd: (Bristling:) Don't be. I can take care of myself.

Tea: (Pressing carefully:) I think it's beyond that. I'm worried.

Todd: (Coldly:) Don't push it.

Tea: (Concilliatory:) We already know what happens when I push so hard and I ignore you when you say stop. When I don't listen to you or to my heart.

Todd: (Uneasy, but firmly:) Look, I need you to stop when I say stop. I need you to listen like you used to. I need to trust you, but I can't if you won't do that. I can't trust myself not to hurt you when you keep pushing and pushing and pushing. I'll hurt you to keep from hurting you worse, or I'll run away from you. I shut down, and then I shut you out. I can't help it. Please, when I say stop stop before it gets out of hand.

Tea: Oh my god.... You asked me for help! You've been asking for help the whole time, haven't you?

Todd: (Quietly, anxious, looking away from her:) Yes.

Tea: You actually came out and said this. For someone who hates words so much, you were very eloquent and articulate just now. I got it. You didn't hide.

Todd: (Anxious, looks away:) I want to, right about now.

Tea: (Puts her hand on his forearm. He looks at her.) You've trusted me this whole time, haven't you?

Todd: (Looks at her:) I've tried to. It hasn't always worked out. I've been trying to trust you since I saw you and Del in that hotel room and I ended up in jail when they thought I'd raped that nurse, and you were bandaging my hand. Sometimes I don't even trust myself. Remember that whole talk about trust?

Tea: (Nods.) You've been trying very hard to.

Todd: Very..... I've.... I've... umm.... I let you see me crying.... let you hold me.... at the bus depot (speech seems almost beyond him.).... I-uh-a-actually.... slept. I wouldn't've slept the night of the nightmare when you held my hand if you hadn't held my hand.

Tea: You tested me constantly last year, and I kept missing it as testing me and thought it was only that you were cold and kept pushing me away. I thought you didn't really love me. I thought it was about me.

Todd: (Anguish:) It was me. It was never you. I do love you.

Tea: (Searches his eyes:) You kept thinking I was failing your tests, didn't you?

Todd: Yes.

Tea: You test all of us, and on the same points, don't you?

Todd: All the time.

Tea: I'm an idiot.

Todd: (Protective, looking at her, gasps:) No....

Tea: (Firm:) No, I am. I've missed all these clues and hints you've been sending me for months. I should've remembered this, I missed them all since the night you proposed to me, the night Georgie died. I saw a lot of them and missed many more. I didn't understand what you were doing and thought it was something it only looks like. You wanted me to save you, only I can't.

Todd: (Intensely:) Yes, you can. You do. You-you.... can see in the dark.

Tea: Not as well as you think. Not as well as you want me to, need me to.

Todd: But you do.

Tea: (Quietly:) I am not your saviour.

Todd: (Blurts out:) You're my heart.... Oops. (Tomlike:) That's pretty mushy. (Embarassed.) Sorry.... It's hard to come out and say things like that and live with myself sometimes.

Tea: Am I?

Todd: (Nods, gulping, watching for her reaction.)

Tea: Why do you tell me these things now, when you wouldn't say them before, not even on our wedding day?

Todd: I was so scared then. I don't want to lose you again. For years now you keep asking me to tell you how I feel. That's hard for me, see? I keep pushing myself and pushing myself now even though I'm really scared, Tea. I didn't want to tell you I've been throwing up, either. You made me tell you.

Tea: I didn't make you. You pushed yourself. Why did you throw up? Should I call Larry? He might have something to give you to help you calm down.

Todd: (Prickly:) No. Listen. No doctors. No drugs. This.... this is just stress, ok?

Tea: (Pressing:) It's not "just stress" when my husband is throwing up.

Todd: (Agitated:) Look. Oh, I should never have told you. I don't want to worry you, ok? Forget I told you. It's nothing.

Tea: (Firmly:) Throwing up is not "nothing".

Todd: (Bristling:) It is if I say it is.

Tea: You're not nothing. (Sees his discomfort.) I'm pushing. I see. Sorry.

Todd: Smart girl. (Nodding. Proud:) My girl is smart.

Tea: (Offended:) "My girl"?

Todd: (Softening:) Yeah, you're my girl. You're the only girl for me.

Tea: (Bristling:) Oh. That sounded possessive the first time.

Todd: I am possessive. You're my lifeline. You bring me to shore when I'm drowning.

Tea: I try. You usually fight me.

Todd: I fight you the least.

[Scene ends]