*****

Tea's Penthouse

Del was the only person that Tea could count on. Her angel, he was, protecting her whether she wanted it or not. To him, she would eternally be the "little sister," while cute when they were younger; it plain annoyed her as an adult. He had the bad habit of interfering when she needed it the least. He meant well, but she needed to live her own life. Which was why she hesitated to call him.

They had a close relationship, very close by the standards of brothers and sisters. Nothing incestuous...just an unnatural closeness just the same. Most brothers and sisters spent as much time arguing as they did getting along, they never had that problem. Even when Annarosa was pregnant with Tea, he never felt a twinge of jealousy. In fact, he would practice his reading by lying on their mother's stomach and reciting the sentences aloud to the unborn baby. When she was born, he would stand over her crib while everyone else was asleep, and watch over her.

They had their problems, mostly during her rebellious teenage years. She thought he didn't know about the way she acted outside of their basement apartment, but he knew how she vehemently denied her heritage. Even denied him a couple of times, though she didn't know he knew. Sometimes, he would come home bloodied and battered, with some elaborate tale of how he had gotten into it with someone in school over some trivial matter. The truth was, he was beaten because of her. He heard the names they called her behind her back, while smiling to her face. Those names, words of hate that spewed from their lips, were things he didn't want her to hear. Didn't want her to be soiled by hatred. So he fought for her and her honor, thanklessly, dutifully.

Tea perceived him differently. She loved him, counted on him, adored him. Still, there was that part of her that cried for freedom and viewed him as the chain that kept her from breaking free. As a young child, she idolized him. As a young woman, she loathed him. As a grown woman, she loved him from a distance, which was probably best for both of them. He knew her too well, and that irritated her. She never had been able to flutter her eyelids and bullshit him into giving her her way. It was a tough sort of love that he gave to her, unconditional; he didn't take any of her shit.

She didn't want to call him for that very reason. They had not spoken since her wedding from hell, and she preferred to keep it that way…for the time being. He was off doing his thing with the FBI, the last thing he needed was his broken hearted little sister spilling her guts. He would sense a something wrongness in her voice. She didn't want to talk about Todd, or any other aspect of her life. Her hope was that she could hide her own "shit" behind her concern for Roseanne. Then again, could not betray her by telling her secret. Everything was so damned complicated.

She must have picked up the phone a hundred times, intent on calling him. She would rehearse the conversation in her head, practicing on her lying. It came easily to her as a lawyer, but in her own life, it was so difficult. She had gotten better at it, lying, since she and Todd split up. She lied to herself everyday, and to everybody around her. Every time someone asked her how she was doing and she replied, "fine," she was lying. It was different, lying to strangers, she kept them at arm's length, and they didn't know her well enough to detect her lies. Del, he knew her better than anyone else, once he put on his "bullshit" detector, there was no use in even trying to lie.

"Fuck it," she said, dialing Del's private number.

"Hello?" He picked up on the first ring, sounding sleepy.

"Hey, it's me."

"Little sister?"

"The one and only. How are you?" She spoke softly, trying to avoid waking Roseanne. From the way she looked, it was obvious she hadn't slept in days.

"I'm fine baby. You?"

"Good, good."

"Uh, huh." He was skeptical...whenever she "double-answered" a question she was lying. "What's up?"

"Listen, I was trying to reach Enrique, but the number I have is not in service. Do you have a working number for him?"

"That's a surprise. What's up?"

"Nothing, nothing…I just need to talk to him, that's all."

"Okay. Hang on, I'll get it for you."

She could hear some rustling in the background, and what sounded like another voice…a female voice. It didn't come as a surprise; he was a bit of a ladies man. Women were attracted to his cool smoothness; he was a serial dater. Probably where I got it from.

"Okay, you got a pen?"

"Yes, go ahead."

He spouted off the numbers and repeated them for her. A long silence followed, it was his voice that broke it.

"Talk to me chica."

"What? What are you talking about?" Here we go. She had a beer on standby, for the moment when he would try to break her down. Twisting the cap off, she took a long sip, moving the phone from her ear so he would not hear her swallow.

"You know what I'm talking about. Don't you know by now you can't keep anything from your big brother?"

"Del, I am a big girl and if there was something going on, which there is not by the way, but if there was, I could take care of it. I love you, but I have to go now."

"Always the strong, independent woman, huh?"

"Always."

"Well, Ms. Strong Independent woman, I know you didn't think you were going to get away with a five minute phone call and that's it?" She didn't respond, so he continued. "So, how's that lowlife husband of yours?"

He was playing with her, testing her to see if she would tell the truth. Everyone knew about her disastrous marriage. Even if they didn't know the details, they knew it ended. "That lowlife, as you call him, is no longer my husband."

"I can't say that I'm sorry to hear that. You want me to find that boy and put him out of his misery?"

He would do that for her, in a minute. Five months ago, she probably would have accepted that offer. Would have given him the gun and told him to "shoot to kill." Her anger ran deep, wide, consumed the sanest parts of her. She didn't want that anymore, not after being around him. The life that he was living was quite possibly worse than death, and plenty of punishment. "No, no, it's not like that. I am fine Del. Trust me."

"I know you little sister, and I know when something is bothering you. But hey, you don't want to talk about it, that's your decision. So, what happened between you two?"

"Things just didn't work out," she stated vaguely. She cracked open another beer, taking a long swig. Nervously, she tore at her fingernails with her teeth. Only with Del did she revert to her childhood nail-biting ways. With other people, her inability to look them in the eyes, told her lying ways. Del's eyes were as intense as hers; he made her look at him, straight in the eyes when she told him something. She did, but there was a reflex action that drew her nails to her mouth, forcing her to bite them, muffling the sound of her lying voice.

"Uh, huh. So, you're not upset about things not working out, as you put it?"

"We've been apart for over a year, I think I've had time to work out any feelings I've had."

"M-hm. You don't have to be tough for me, you know that."

I'm not being tough for you…I'm being tough for me. "I know."

"Yeah, right. So, are you seeing anybody? I remember how you used to deal with breakups. Yeah, you would throw yourself into work and date anything with a pair of pants."

"No, I'm not seeing anybody and I don't want to discuss it anymore."

"I see you haven't changed that much. That boy is not worth it...you know that. He's not worthy of anybody, so forget about him. Tell you what you do…go on a nice, long vacation. Go someplace warm, pack some of little bikinis you used to love, spend some time with yourself. Love yourself again, 'cause you are so worth it."

Oh, Del, you are the only one that thinks so. "You know what, it is really late here, I need to get going."

"Avoid and evade, nothing has changed. Listen, I'm here if you need me, okay? I love you baby."

"Love you too."

*****

Tea loved hot baths. A bath wasn't just a bath...it was an experience. The bath salts, oil balls, bubble bath, candles, soft music…all of those things were involved in the "experience." Time did not allow for many baths the way she wanted to take them, with all of the luxuries.

She didn't know anything about luxurious baths until she married Todd. Money was too tight when she was single, she couldn't afford to indulge in the extras. She had grown up taking baths, but not with the sweet, flowery scents, or the fancy lotion. No, she had to sneak and squirt some of the Dawn dish detergent to make the little bubbles.

Being married to Todd has spoiled her. In her private bathroom, in the middle, was a black marble tub with gold claw feet. Old fashioned. When they first married, it was just a bathroom, nothing special, nothing extraordinary. It had a shower stall, with a regular black tub, black marble countertops, gold faucets...a regular looking bathroom. It was nice, comfortable and large.

He looked over her shoulder once while she was flipping through an interior design magazine. Pretended like he really wasn't interested, he nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders as she showed him different designs. He was paying attention, just not necessarily to the pictures she showed him. He was watching her, her expressions and how her eyes lit up when she saw something she liked. Only then would he look down at the page and memorize the page number she was looking at.

While she was in the hospital, recovering from the damage that Blair inflicted, the night she pushed Tea out the window, he called an interior designer. Sent them the interior design magazine; marked the pages and told them to "make the penthouse look like this." In record time, they pitched the old, dark furniture in the living room, and replaced it with bright colors, shades of white, Italian fabric furniture, carpet from Paris. "Doesn't matter how much it costs, just get it," he instructed. For a fortune, he disposed of his old life, the darker one he had with Blair, and replaced it with light, warmth, Tea.

She came home from the hospital in awe of her new surroundings. She hadn't a clue how nervous he was that she might not like it, or how much he wanted her to love it. He didn't know himself, not until she hobbled inside for the first time and he felt the butterflies swirling around in his stomach. She was in agony, but seeing what he had done for her, took away every feeling other than happiness.

He hadn't mentioned the tub. She limped up the stairs, with him right behind her, into her bathroom. She stopped, froze in the doorway when she saw the black, marble, claw foot bathtub. She turned to him, with tears in her eyes, unable to speak.

"You just gonna stand there or what Delgado?" He carefully maneuvered around her, to the tub. "What, you gonna make me do all the work?" He turned on the water, letting it flow over his hands until it was the perfect temperature. Pouring a large amount of bubble bath into the water, he watched it fill with foam. "You just gonna stand with your mouth open, or are you gonna say something?"

"Todd, this is beautiful. I can't believe you did all this for me."

"Yeah, well, I figure, it's the least I can do. I mean, you went out a window for me and my kid, what's a few bucks spent on making you feel comfortable?"

"Comfortable? I've always been comfortable here. This is…incredible. Thank you," she choked out the words, and slowly walked over to him. They stared at one another for a long time, with nothing but the sound of running water filling the air.

"Um, yeah, well, I'm outta here." He jumped up suddenly and left her alone in the bathroom.

She tested the water with her foot, lowering herself into the steaming water. She kept the lights off, leaving the candles to be the only source of illumination. She relaxed her muscles in the warmth, letting it embrace her. She could have fallen asleep if her mind had stopped racing.

Del knew the deal with her. Even over the telephone, he could sense her inner turmoil. Maintaining the façade was becoming increasingly difficult. She felt that at any given moment, her life would come crumbling around her. She wondered what would be left of her, if everything as she knew it…changed. Did she have anything else to lose?

Del would say that she had to make herself happy, or something close to that. He encouraged her in every way he knew how, told her how beautiful she was, inside and out. She was special, gifted, a survivor, he said. But when she looked in the mirror, she saw none of that. A plain, unspecial, endurer was the image that was reflected back to her.

What she was feeling was not all about Todd; it was about her and what her life had become. He was a small part of it, the sadness and depression, but there was so much more lurking beneath the surface. And it was so out of control; she was out of control.

She thought that she had settled into a life that was comfortable. Her practice was flourishing, her personal life was pretty much non-existent, at least her needs were met. The most important thing was she was in control of her mind and of her thoughts, not the other way around. Then, it all changed. The practice was still doing well, the personal life was a complete mess, her physical needs were not even a priority and her mind did whatever it wanted.

God, I have got to pull myself together. You are in control of your thoughts. You are in control of your life. Do not think back. Focus. Focus. Breathe. You are in control of your life.

"What is going on with me? I have tried to do the right things. Why are you testing me like this? Can't I forget about it? Why won't you let me move past the past?" She didn't expect an answer from the Higher Power; she had been abandoned long ago. She sunk deeper into the water, leaned her head back, closed her eyes and tried to get a little peace.