Nora and Sam headed into the hospital. Despite her outward calm, Nora felt a wave of anxiety as she walked into the hospital elevator with Sam and pressed seven. It was almost as if she could feel Todd's presence in the building.

*****

Bill had been happy to hear from Susannah earlier that night. With Adam hopefully tucked in and sleeping peacefully for the night, Susannah hoped to be able to have a few hours with Bill. She didn't want to leave the hospital on Adam's first night and Bill was more than happy to come to her office with his arms loaded with his home cooked provisions, junk food and videos.

Susannah leaned back against the cushions of the couch in her office. "Are you trying to fatten me up, Commissioner?" Susannah joked, as she patted her stomach. "I think you are perfect just the way you are, but I wouldn't complain about having a little more of you to hold either," Bill kidded back.

In a more serious tone Susannah said, "I'm sorry I had to ask you to bring all of this here. It is hardly the setting for a romantic dinner." "Susannah, I would be happy to have dinner with you in a mud hole. This is fine. I don't blame you for wanting to hang around after all Todd and his family have been through today."

Susannah reached over and kissed Bill. "I promise we'll get some time to ourselves." "Don't you know that your devotion to Todd and his family is one of the first things I came to love about you," Bill admitted. He stroked Susannah's hair. Her heart quickened at the word love. Susannah knew she also felt love for Bill. For his good heart, his generosity, his intelligence, his patience and the way he made her come alive. Saying it out loud did not come easy for her.

"Bill . . ." Susannah's voice trailed off. Bill lifted Susannah's face towards him. "Susannah, you don't have to say the words. Your eyes say it for you." Susannah hugged Bill tightly. She wanted to be with him. For the first time she knew this without a doubt. Not just sexually, Susannah wanted to share her life with him and have him share hers. She wanted to get to know his children and hoped they would like her. She realized how very important that had become to her. Susannah still feared losing some control in her professional life if she allowed herself a private one, but that fear was lessening. Bill really did understand the long hours and missed meals and dates. He understood that Todd was not a typical patient and for now he came first. Bill was willing to take whatever Susannah had left to give. What she had was love for him. For the first time Susannah felt the kind of love she heard some of her patients talk about. The kind she read about. The kind she never thought she would feel.

Bill had brought some videos with him, old romantic black and white movies, the kind both he and Susannah liked. Things were quiet with Adam so they got to spend a good part of the evening snuggled up on Susannah's couch watching the videos and enjoying each other's company.

Both Téa and Kevin had volunteered to go look for Sam. Viki told them not to. She knew Sam needed some time to himself. Nonetheless, she was worried sick. Sam was acting like a stranger. It was especially not like him to go off and leave the hospital without telling someone where he would be. Viki thought of calling his cell phone, but since there really was no reason to, she let him be. Viki insisted Kevin and Téa go home. She promised to call them immediately if there was any problem with Adam or Sam or if Todd or any of the alters came back and needed either one of them. Viki headed for the lounge. She planned on going back to Todd's room later, to spend the night next to Adam.

Viki tried to sleep, but thoughts of Todd, Adam and Sam kept her from it. She finally gave up trying and made some entries in her journal. It had been a long time since she kept one, not since the days of her first therapy with Susannah. Now, since Susannah suggested it during their first session, right after Andy's disclosure; Viki was once again keeping a journal. Its pages, for the most part, had passages about Todd, the alters and all of their physical and mental illnesses. Viki wrote of her love for her brother and her fear for him. She wrote about being worried about Kevin, Téa and Sam. She wrote about how much she missed Joe. The one thing that took up little space in the journal was passages about Viki herself, about her feelings toward Sam, Clint, her father, Sloan and Dorian. Viki's kept her mind too occupied with all the misery around her to allow herself to think about those things.

Kevin had wanted to ask Téa out to dinner. He had to use every ounce of self-control he had not to. Kevin was still unsure of his motives. Yes, he liked Téa's company and yes he was sad and lonely, but was it more? Was it what Tom and Susannah suspected? Did he have feelings other than friendship towards Téa? Kevin wasn't sure. If he did, he could not admit them to himself, yet. What Kevin did know was that he needed to stay away from Téa until he figured it out. He had to stop any contact, outside the hospital. Todd had been betrayed enough in his life. Kevin would not be the next one to betray him by knowingly pursuing Téa. Kevin also desperately wanted a drink. He was afraid. He had not felt like this before. He didn't understand what was happening to him. He used his remaining self-control to keep himself from once again going out and trying to forget his problems in the bottom of a bottle. Kevin knew the one thing he needed to do was the thing he dreaded most. He needed to talk to Cassie. Kevin headed for the house he and Cassie had shared.

Téa could not believe everything that had transpired in this one day. Todd had actually wanted to see her. He had allowed her to touch him. He was afraid and wanted her to be there for him. He understood how he had made her feel that long ago snowy, winter night. He didn't just say he knew how she felt. He really knew. Téa realized that Todd still did not completely understand why feeling like he was being forced terrified him so, but he was starting to.

Téa was afraid for him. She was afraid for all he would have to face when more memories came. As much as she had been hoping he would start healing, she could not forget the agony he went through today. Every time she thought about what he will have to go through for that healing to happen tears would come to her eyes. Her first instinct was to rush to him and throw a blanket over him and take him away. Take him somewhere safe and warm. Téa always remembered the night she was able to make the nightmares go away. She wished she could just hold his hand until all of this passed and he was whole again.

Téa opened the door to her hotel room. She rested the bags she was carrying on the floor near the door. She threw her keys on the table. She had a flash to another long ago night. The night Pete came to her room and insisted they go out. She remembered him taking her car keys. It was the first time she knew that "the Todd" with those cold angry eyes was Pete. She remembered how frightened she had been to be alone with him. She had still been frightened of Pete when he came out while she and Tom were in the art room. Téa hated being afraid of any part of Todd. She understood Pete now, yet she was still afraid of him.

"What if Doctor Hanen is never able to fully integrate him? What if Pete will always be able to come out and Saber and who knows who else is in there that may be like them?" Téa thought to herself. Susannah had always told Téa about the vulnerable side of Pete that he had let slip out on occasion. The frightened fourteen years old part, the part that was terrified to show any weakness and had to prove to the world that he was strong and in control. He had to show them all that no one could hurt him. Pete who felt no pain, who tried not to feel, period! He refused to form any emotional attachment with anyone. He denied having parents. He denied ever being hurt.

Susannah once told Téa of an incident during the early months of Todd's hospitalization. Susannah had decided to go back to Chicago for a day to try to find out more about Todd's childhood. When Pete found out Susannah was leaving town, he had no reaction to it, but a couple of hours later he tore up his room. "Pete, you do feel. God help you. You do feel!" Téa thought.

Téa remembered how many times Todd had displayed panic, fear and rage at her leaving. How much of that was Todd and how much was Pete or one of the frightened children fearing abandonment? She remembered how Todd would bellow for her the moment he came in the door. She also remembered the terror in his eyes if she did not answer immediately.

Téa now knew that he came home expecting to be left again, expecting to find that note telling him that once again someone was abandoning him and ripping his heart out. Each and every time he realized that Téa was, in fact, still there was a surprise, if not a shock to him. Would Todd ever believe that love could be safe? Téa knew that lesson would not come easy. She would have to prove it to him over and over again. She was ready. Téa knew she was strong enough. She had no dreams of a storybook life with Todd. Their love would never be typical. A part of Téa never wanted typical for them. She finally understood enough about herself to realize that the kind of relationship she had always heard about and dreamt about was not what she wanted after all. What she wanted was Todd and the kind of love he had. The askew, at times dangerous, at times thrilling and exciting and never normal, average love that Téa had felt from Todd before he became so sick was what she wanted more than anything she had ever wanted before. She believed, with all her heart that someday she and Todd would share that kind of love again. In his own way, Todd gave her what she needed and she would do the same for him. She would give Todd what he needed. No matter how many times he needed that reassurance, she would give it to him until he believed it and felt secure.

Téa headed for her computer. Now in addition to epilepsy, medications and all of Todd's other disorders, Téa was determined to learn all she could about autism. Téa thought about that one second when she got Adam to make eye contact with her. She smiled at the memory. She was so happy that she was able to do that. "You knew I was there, Adam. For that split second you came into our world," Téa said out loud. Then Téa thought about that sweet baby not being able to tell anyone he was in pain. "I'll help you Adam. I won't let you stay lost. I'll be strong enough to do all the things Doctor Hanen says we need to do in order to help you," Téa swore out loud.

Kevin thought about calling first, but he was afraid that if he did he would lose his nerve. It felt odd to ring the bell and not use the key to the house he used to live in. "Who is it?" He heard Cassie's voice call out. Kevin's heart was pounding loudly in his ear. "It's me, Kevin." He noticed a pause before Cassie unlocked the door and held it open.

Cassie looked as beautiful as ever. Her long dark hair was flowing over the rose colored silk robe and matching silk nightgown she wore. Kevin remembered buying that for her. "I guess I should have called," Kevin mumbled. Cassie took a long look at him. He didn't look well. He was a little thinner than she remembered. He looked tired and drawn. His eyes were slightly bloodshot.

"Kevin, are you all right? Are you feeling okay?" Cassie asked. Kevin could hear genuine concern in her voice. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired. I'm kind of running the show now that dad is in Arizona and mom spends all her time with Todd." "Blair and mother told me Todd isn't doing very well. I'm sorry to hear that." "I can imagine what Blair and Dorian must have told you," Kevin's tone was sarcastic.

"Don't start on my family, Kevin! Mother and Blair are very concerned for Todd, and from what they've told me they should be." Kevin didn't know if Cassie was referring to his medical treatment or if they had come to her with their tales of his alleged affair with Téa.

"I don't know what they've told you, but I'm telling you that everyone is doing what's best for Todd. No one is harming him in any way." Cassie walked into the living room. "Would you like some coffee or something?" Cassie offered. Kevin almost asked for a drink, then stopped himself. "Nothing, thank you. Cassie we need to talk."

Cassie looked him directly in the eye. "Yes, Kevin, we do." Kevin rubbed his hands through his hair. "How's River?" "He's fine. Andrew has him tonight," Cassie answered coldly. "Does he ever ask about me, about us?" Kevin asked, but wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Yes, Kevin! He asks about you! Did you think he wouldn't? Did you think you could walk into a child's life and then simply walk out and he wouldn't notice?" "No . . . I-I" Kevin felt himself choking up. "What does he ask?" Kevin finally choked out. "He asks where you are and if you're ever coming back. He asks if you're still his friend."

A tear escaped and slowly made its way down Kevin's cheek. "What did you tell him?" "What do you think I told him? Do you think I told him that Kevin is on some kind of crusade to rescue Todd Manning and on the way he rediscovered the charms of the lovely Ms. Delgado?"

"Cassie, I don't know what filthy lies Blair and Dorian are filling your head with. There is nothing going on between Téa and me. We are friends! We both care about Todd. We both feel guilty for some of the ways we've treated him." Kevin didn't even sound convincing to himself.

"Oh, I understand," Cassie nodded, "you and Téa are just friends. Just like you and Barbara were just friends. Just like you and I were once friends! You certainly put yourself out to keep your friends happy, don't you, sweetheart!" "Téa and I are not sleeping together!" Kevin stated sharply and firmly.

Cassie pulled her robe tightly around her. "Why do I get the feeling if that is true it is because of Téa's feelings for Todd and not your feelings for me." Kevin looked into Cassie's eyes. He expected tears, but none were there. "The love is gone," Kevin thought to himself."

"Cassie, I'm sorry about River. I know those words sound hollow, but I am so sorry. I would not have hurt that child for the world." "You never intentionally mean to hurt anyone, but you do Kevin!" Cassie felt months worth of anger bubbling up inside her. "You don't have to worry about River. He'll get over you. He has a father who adores him and whom he adores right back. He has me and his grandmother and his aunts."

A part of Kevin hoped that was true. He hoped that his leaving was not that traumatic to River. Another part of him did not want the child to forget him. "Do you think I should talk to him and try to explain?" Kevin offered. "Explain what! Explain that you have devoted your life to a man who is a rapist, a murderer, and let you stand falsely accused for rape? Explain that what time you don't spend with Todd you spend cavorting naked with Todd's wife! Is that why you have done this amazing one eighty where Todd is concerned? Was it so that you could be close to Téa!"

"God! If you think that then you don't know me at all, Cassie! If you think that little of me how could you have ever gotten involved with me in the first place?" "I have spent months asking myself that. I sit alone in this house and I think back to what I had with Andrew and I ask myself that exact question. I gave up my family for you, Kevin! And for what! I thought I knew you, but I don't. You've changed, ever since the fire. It's like the part of you that I fell in loved with was just burned away. Kevin, I'm sorry. I know you came to Canton for me. I will never forget that, but you have changed. The Kevin I fell in love with would not have abandon his family for Todd Manning or slept with Barbara or Téa."

Kevin grabbed Cassie's shoulders. "I did not, nor am I sleeping with Téa! That is a figment of Blair's sick mind! I will not apologize for caring about Todd. He is my family! How would you feel if I asked you to stop caring about Addie, or Melinda?" "Don't you dare compare them to Todd. Addie and Melinda are sweet and gentle and good." "So are parts of Todd!" Kevin shot back. "Cassie, I don't understand you. You can see how much Blair still cares about Todd. Even Dorian has come around where he's concerned. Do you tell them that they shouldn't care about him, that they are somehow sick for it?" Kevin could not understand Cassie's unforgiving nature when it came to his relationship with Todd.

"No, I don't. Dorian has a soft spot for abused children and Blair is still in love with him, but you! I don't understand the about face. Especially after what he did at Asa's cabin?" Kevin realized that was it. Like him, Cassie needed someone else to blame for what happened with Barbara. As much as she paid lip service to putting the blame squarely on Kevin's shoulder's, where it belonged, she needed to blame Todd for what happened. If she didn't she would have to look at the fact that she and Kevin were in trouble long before Todd locked Barbara and him in the wine cellar.

"Cassie, as much as I want to blame Todd for what happened between Barbara and me, he didn't force me to have sex with her. I did that all on my own and I take full responsibility for it. I don't even blame Barbara. She's a sick woman. There is a part of me that is still angry with Todd for locking me in the cellar and giving me the opportunity to be a cheating bastard, but I'm working on that. Todd was already very ill when he did that. He wouldn't have done it at all if my family and I were not out to get him. He wasn't being paranoid about that. We were trying to pin a murder he didn't do on him. He never intended to hurt anyone. He was just trying to get to the truth. No one else was concerned with the truth and the real killer. All the rest of us wanted was to find a way to put Todd back into prison."

Cassie thought for a minute about what Kevin had to say. "Well, you've certainly become one of Todd's chief defenders. I understand what you're saying and I'm not saying Todd is to blame for your actions." Cassie sat down. She rested her head against the back of the chair she was sitting in. She drew her hands through her hair.

"Kevin, I have spent many nights alone in this house thinking about the choices I've made in the last couple of years." Kevin started to say something. "Wait, let me finish. This isn't easy for me either. I've also thought about the choices you've made. I'm not blaming you for my choices. Obviously if my marriage to Andrew had been stronger, you and I never would have happened. It is just as obvious to me that if there hadn't already been problems with our relationship you and Barbara never would have happened. I know I married you already knowing about Barbara. I thought I could get over it. I thought I could get over living with the stranger you've become."

Kevin looked away from Cassie. He knew there was truth in her words and he felt ashamed. However, he did not interrupt her. "Kevin, you're right. It isn't Todd I'm angry with. Yes, I will never forget what he did to Marty, but Marty came to an understanding with him. At least until the end. I don't think she can ever forgive him for Patrick. They did come to some kind of understanding about the rape, so it is not my place to forgive or not forgive Todd. I still don't understand your obsession with him, but again, that really isn't what this is about, is it?"

Kevin and Cassie looked deeply into each other's eyes. They both saw something besides tears . They saw the death of a dream. They saw the end of hope. "Do you want a divorce?" Kevin's voice cracked as he asked that. "I think that would be the best thing for both of us. Kevin, can you honestly say to me that you want this marriage to continue?"