Adam held up the small sandwich quarter and stared at it. He started to turn it over and over in his hands. He seemed to be fascinated with it. He began making a clucking sound again

They all exchanged looks. "I think we can let him be for now. I'd like him to start getting sleepy. It's nearly his bedtime. I'm discontinuing his sleep meds for the night. I want to see how he does without them," Susannah informed them. "Do you think it would be all right if I touched him. He seemed to tolerated being tickled," Viki asked. She looked longingly at Adam. She wanted to hug this child so badly. "Why don't you try," Susannah suggested.

Viki approached him and knelt next to him. "Adam," she whispered lovingly and stroked his head. He didn't respond, but he didn't flinch or pull away. "Good! He's not as sensitive to touch as I had feared," Susannah was relieved. Viki cautiously put her arms around Adam. He squirmed a little, but tolerated it. Adam continued to stare, peripherally, at the small piece of sandwich, he continued to turn over and over in his hand. He also continued his clucking sound.

Viki held him for just another second and kissed the top of his head. She could have held him forever, but let go. She stroked his silky hair one more time and stood up and joined the others.

Since no one had really been hungry to start with, they all helped Angelo and Don clean away the food. The floor would be cleaned after Adam stood up. Adam sat near the table, where he had landed. He paid no attention to the people walking around him.

"Would you like to try hugging him?" Susannah asked Sam. Sam shook his head and went to stare out the window again. Kevin started to go to him. Susannah and Viki held their hands up. They knew this would not be a good time.

After about twenty minutes Adam stood up. He ran around the room for a few minutes, only stopping to sniff and lick a few objects. He discovered the light switch by the door and spent fifteen minutes turning the lights on and off. It soon became apparent that Adam was not toilet trained. The necessary precautions would have to be taken in the future. "Should we try to give him a bath?" Angelo asked. "Yes, let's get him back to his room and then you can fill the tub. Connie, Carl, Marcia and I will get him ready. Susannah asked Todd's family to wait outside. "Susannah, please don't force him if he doesn't want to." Viki knew Susannah wouldn't but she felt compelled to say it. "I won't. If he becomes frightened of the water we will give him a bed bath," Susannah gently responded.

Carl placed his hands on Adam's shoulder. "Bath time," he informed Adam. He gently led him away from the light switch and back to his room. Adam cried all the way, however, he did not tantrum. Susannah did not reinforce him every few steps. When he was back in his room she handed him one more M&M and praised, "Excellent walking to your room, Adam." Susannah turned to her staff. "I think the best way is to get him into the bathroom and get him undressed in there. If we try to do it out here we will have to make too many demands on him. This way will be simpler. If he is resistant to the tub and or bathroom we will have to get him back to the bed. One way or the other he needs to be cleaned up," Susannah instructed Marcia, Connie and Carl, and Nancy, who had come in to assist.

"Bath time!" Susannah repeated, as she and Connie approached Adam, who had made his way over to the window again. He had not yet started to play with the shade. Very gently, Susannah and Connie turned him around. He didn't resist. They guided him to toward the bathroom by his shoulders. He went in willingly and immediately headed for the tub of water. He put his entire arm in, up to the shoulder, getting the sleeve of his sweatshirt soaked. He kept trying to pick the water up and seemed surprised that it slipped through his fingers. He started to splash his hand in it and then attempted to get into the tub with his clothes still on.

"Whoa! Hey there buddy. We have to take your clothes off first. Then you can play in the water." Don spoke gently, but firmly. "Aaahhhh!" Adam protested loudly and started to jump up and down when they held him back. "Aaahhhh, super talking, Adam!" Angelo praised and tickled his neck. "I think we found another reinforcer. He seems to like water," Susannah spoke loudly, to be heard over Adam's protests. "Make sure to leave the toilet lid closed at all times," Susannah then cautioned. She had seen children with autism who liked water play to the point that if bathtubs or sinks were not filled for them, they would attempt to play in the toilet.

It took six of them, but despite his crying and trying to pull away they got Adam undressed and quickly did a preliminary cleaning, with disposable wipes, before putting him in the tub. Connie had added a little more warm water as soon as she saw he was almost ready.

Adam stopped crying the second he was allowed in the tub. He immediately sat down and once again tried to pick up the water. They gave him some bath toys. He ignored them. His fascination was the water itself.

Bathing him went smoothly. He didn't seem to even be aware of them washing him. All his concentration was given to the water. Cautiously, they flossed and brushed his teeth. They had expected him to try to bite them or at the very least to resist, but his fascination with the water was all encompassing. He didn't even seem to realize they were doing it. They all dreaded having to remove him from the tub. Just as they had feared he began to scream and cry as soon as they stood him up and attempted to take him out of the bathtub.

"Honey, maybe we should go for some coffee," Viki suggested to Sam as he began pacing the second he heard Adam's screams. "I don't want any coffee!" Sam's tone was a mixture of anger and annoyance. He knew Viki was trying to get him to leave the area. He not only wanted to stay, he wanted to rush in there and pull them away from Adam. He wanted to do whatever it took to keep this child happy. Sam knew that if it were up to him he would allow Adam to do whatever he pleased. He did not want to allow Susannah to put him through the ABA program.

The bathroom was a slippery mess. Adam's crying increased as they dried him off and even more so when they slipped one of the towels around him. They managed to get him to the bed and sat him down on it. His crying and screaming became louder. He started to bite his own hands and wrists. He attempted to bite Marcia when she took his hand down from his mouth, but she had been quick and careful and managed to avoid the assault. Susannah hoped to avoid sedating him. Normally they would ignore this kind of tantrum, but they had to get him into absorbent briefs and pajamas.

Viki, Kevin and Téa looked anxiously at each other. They were all getting more and more concerned about Sam, who continued to pace. They were all having a hard time listening to Adam's high pitched, piercing, screams. It seemed like a hundred years ago since that day had begun with Peep being out and then Storm and finally Todd, remembering abuse so traumatizing that Adam had come out.

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!," Sam shouted. He headed for Adam. "Sam wait, Susannah said to wait out here," Kevin declared. "I don't care what Susannah said!" Sam exclaimed angrily and continued to Todd's room. Viki followed Sam. Téa and Kevin stayed in the lounge. Kevin because he felt it was best to follow Susannah's orders and Téa because she did not want to invade Todd's privacy by seeing him undressed. Todd had gone to great lengths, in their marriage, to keep himself covered whenever he came from the shower. Téa hardly remembered even seeing him in a robe or pajamas. At times he would even sleep dressed. Of course more often than not he would leave the house in the middle of the night to walk in the park or down by the docks. Then, after Georgie had been killed, he had taken to staying at that paper many nights. Téa sometimes wondered if she had gotten help for him then if things may not have gotten that far.

"What the hell are you doing to him!" Sam was close to shouting. "Sam you need to wait outside," Susannah ordered. They had managed to get Adam into the briefs but were struggling to get his pajamas on. Susannah was just about to tell them to put him in a hospital gown instead.

Ignoring Susannah, Sam went over to the toy box and grabbed Mr. Rabbit. He approached the bed held it out to Adam. Adam continued to scream and cry. He nearly bit Sam's hand as he brought the stuffed toy close to Adam's face. Adam started to hit himself in the face. Carl quickly held his hands down. The one thing they all noticed, this time even more than last, was that this child had so little strength. He had less than any of the others, except for the Baby. He was very easy to restrain.

They all assumed that his tantrum had to do with being taken out of the bath. It had started because of that. What they didn't realize was that although the pajama material was a soft flannel, Adam wanted the very soft and fluffy comfort of the sweatsuit he had been wearing. The pajamas, and the robe and towels before them, caused him great discomfort, only he had no way of getting that message to anyone. His only means of communication was screaming and crying.

Sam was getting more upset by the minute. Not because Adam had tried to bite him, but because he didn't know what to do for this child. He didn't know how to help him. Viki too was becoming upset. She was afraid that Todd's physical health was going to be compromised. She knew Susannah would not allow that to happen, but she was still afraid.

As they sat in the lounge, Kevin noticed the sad expression on Téa's face and the tears in her eyes. "He'll be all right. He is just freaking out over everything now. You were great with him today. You actually got him to make eye contact with you and smile for a second. Remember, Susannah said that eye contact was one of the really hard things for some kids with autism to do." Kevin tried to sound encouraging. He could see his words did little to make Téa feel better. "What is it? Is it his screaming?" Kevin pressed.

Téa stood for a minute. She looked towards Todd's room. She listened to the sound of Adam's screams and cries. Téa sat down again. She put her face in her hands for a second and then threw her head back, brushing her hands through her long hair as she did.

"I wonder if it would have made any difference if I tried to get Todd into therapy right after Georgie died? I knew something really awful was happening to him. I saw it every time I looked at him." "Téa," Kevin began, "you know as well as I do that no one could have gotten Todd into therapy. Todd hated therapy. He hated it in prison and he never would have gone voluntarily. What would you have done, have him committed?" "No, of course not. Todd wasn't that far-gone then . . . maybe he was. I don't know." Téa's voice trailed off for a second. "I did know something was very wrong. He was acting so strangely, even for Todd," she added.

Kevin was not going to let her blame herself for something that wasn't her fault. "We all noticed that, mom, Sam and I, all of us. None of us tried to force Todd to get help. Téa, Todd has always been terrified of being mentally ill. He has been terrified of his secrets coming out. He covered up what was happening to him all his life. He buried the things that were done to him so deep that even now he can't face them. Everyone has told Todd to get help from the day he came to this town. The part of him that knew what he would have to go through in therapy kept him from it and I can't say that I blame him. No one wants to go through that kind of pain. I sure as hell wouldn't. Wouldn't! I couldn't! Todd is strong. Even now, in his own way, he is stronger than any of us."

Téa looked at Kevin. She wanted to believe that Todd was strong. She needed to believe that, desperately. No matter what had happened Téa never allowed herself to give up her dream of a life with Todd and she never would. She was not naive or stupid. She knew that it might never be the kind of life most people dream of. Todd might need to be in therapy for a good part of his life. He may always have problems and needs that most men don't. Téa didn't care. Whatever his needs were she would provide them. She had seen the other side of Todd, the side that wasn't needy. She had seen the nurturing side of him. Not only had she seen that side displayed to Starr, but to her as well. She remembered how lovingly Todd had cared for her after she had fallen through the window. She remembered him rushing to her after she had been the one to have a nightmare.

Téa also remembered one night when Todd came into her room. It was shortly after they had one of the best moments of their marriage. It was one of the only relaxed carefree moments they had ever shared. They had accidentally discovered that Todd's bird was named Moose. Later that night Todd had peeked into Téa's bedroom to see if she was sleeping. Todd had started to leave when Téa began to talk to him. She had pointed out that he still had strong feelings for Blair, which he of course denied. Téa explained that she didn't mind him having feelings for Blair, that in fact she found them reassuring because it showed that he was capable of human emotions after all.

Téa remembered how she realized that Todd did not even think of himself as a human being. She finally got him to begrudgingly admit to being human, but even then he knew that happiness was probably beyond his grasp. Téa had admitted to him that she liked him. She could see he didn't believe her. Then, when he realized she was serious he tried to warn her. She could still hear his words. "Look, I'm not kidding around, Okay? Liking me is stupid. It's . . . it's like playing golf in a lightening storm." In her best courtroom voice and logical attorney manner she listed her reasons, reminding Todd that he had the "ultimate irreverent sense of humor, and was a wizard with kids and animals, and as smart as hell."

Todd had opened up to her that night. He reminded her about her own mother leaving her. He had been able to see the pain she still felt over that. Then he had spoken about his childhood and the six days he got to spend with his mother. Téa remembered the look in his eyes as he spoke of those days with his mom. She saw a spark of happiness then the longing and then the pain. He spoke about his father "disciplining" him. He told her how he would use Peter as a role model of how never to treat Starr. She remembered his words there too. "She's never going to feel like she's a joke or a mistake or like she's dirt. Cause I'm gonna tell her how special she is. That little girl is always gonna know how much her father loves her." Téa had felt such closeness to Todd that night. She had begun to see how alike they were in many ways. She remembered her words to him too. "I feel this . . . this push in me . . . to take all the pain I had as a kid and turn it into something really sweet for Starr, something safe." She then went on to tell him, "you're not going to become your father, the tyrant, and I'm not gonna become my mother, who'd abandon her little girl when the going got rough. We're on the same path together Todd."

"Todd," Téa thought, "you've lost your way. I'll help you. No matter what I have to do or how long it takes, I'll help you find your way back on that path. We'll take it together. I promise, mi corazon].

"Téa?" Kevin interrupted Téa's thoughts" "I'm sorry, I was just thinking back to one night when Todd did open up to me . . ." Before Téa had a chance to continue Adam let out an even louder and more piercing scream.

They had him sitting at the edge of the bed. They had managed to put a hospital gown on him and that material made his skin feel as if it were on fire. He could not tell them. His tantruming had gone on for almost fifteen minutes. His face was red, blotchy and swollen from crying. Sam couldn't stand it any more. "DO SOMETHING! HELP HIM!" He shouted. "Please Susannah! He seems to be suffering," Viki pleaded. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Susannah was beginning to realize this was more than his wanting to stay in the tub. She knew something was bothering him. She just didn't know what. "Get him into the bed," Susannah ordered loudly, to be heard over Adam's screams.

Susannah wanted to hold off sedating him as long as possible. As they held him on the bed she felt his stomach. "It's not bloated," she stated. She checked his ears and his throat. They were fine. "Let him go," Susannah ordered. She was hoping Adam would somehow let them know what was bothering him. They cautiously released his limbs and head, expecting him to jump off the bed, but he didn't. He kicked and screamed for another couple of minutes and then he curled up on his side and started to suck his thumb. He started rocking himself. His cries had turned to pitiful whimpers. Susannah noticed that he kept pulling at the hospital gown.

"Let's get this off of him," Susannah directed this order to Angelo and Carl. She then told Connie to get one of his sweat suits. She realized that was the only clothing he had not reacted badly to. As soon as they took the gown off of him he stopped whimpering. His exhausted body was nearly limp in their arms. He did not resist their touch. They quickly pulled the sweat pants on him. As Angelo held him up, Carl pulled the collar of the sweatshirt over his head and pulled his arms through the sleeves. Adam offered no resistance.

As soon as they laid him back down he contentedly turned over on his stomach and placed his right thumb in his mouth. When they pulled the sheet and blanket up over him he pushed it away and started to whimper again. "Okay, we'll take it away," Susannah soothed, pulling the blanket off of him. In no time at all Adam rocked himself to sleep. It seemed he could tolerate the material the sheet and pillowcase were made of when he lay on top of it, but not when it covered him.

Susannah sat down wearily. She turned to Carl. "Turn the thermostat up another few notches. I don't want him to get chilled. It's going to be pretty hot in here very soon," Susannah announced to no one in particular. "You put that baby through hell because you couldn't figure out that he was uncomfortable in that gown!" Sam's voice was accusatory. "Sam, who would have thought of that. As soon as Susannah realized she was able to help him. None of us realized what the problem was or were able to help him," Viki stated. She knew how upset he was, but he was being unreasonable.

"Why should that surprise you, Viki? I never knew what his problems were or helped him." "Sam, you know I didn't mean it like that. Come on, while Adam is sleeping let's go get some coffee and . . . " "You go get some coffee. You have Kevin and Téa here. You don't need me." Sam headed out the door. "Sam wait! Where are you going?" Viki asked, frantically. "For a walk! Is it all right if I take a walk or do I need you to sign a release giving me permission?" Sam said over his shoulder as he headed out the door.

"Sam, what's going on in there? Where are you going?" Téa ran after him as he headed for the doors that led off of the unit. "Out, just out." "What happened in there? Is Adam all right?" Téa asked. "He's never going to be all right," Sam answered bitterly. "Why what happened?" Kevin asked, walking up to Sam and Téa. "Ask your mother. While you're at it ask her if she intends to allow them to continue to torture that little boy. Will someone press the Goddamn buzzer!" Sam called out loudly. "Sam, do you want me to come with you?" Téa offered. "No! Viki needs you. I just need to be by myself and away from here!" Marcia came up to the door with the keys. She didn't want to use the buzzer if Sam was not going to leave immediately. The doors were never to be held open. Téa and Kevin didn't know what else to say to him. They stepped back as Marcia opened the door and Sam left, without saying another word to them.

"I'm so worried about Sam, Susannah. I've never seen him like this. You know he didn't mean what he said." Viki put her hand on Susannah's arm as she said that. "It's all right. Sam is reacting to the guilt and helplessness he's feeling. He really needs to talk to someone. It would not be a good idea for him to have sessions with me at this point, but he really needs to talk to someone. I think what happened with Angel and then seeing Todd remember some of the sexual abuse pushed Sam over the edge. Viki I want you to understand I'm not trying to force you into giving me permission to begin Adam in an ABA program. You don't have to rush your decision."

Viki stood up and walked over to the bed. She looked at this precious child, sleeping soundly and peacefully. Only a short time ago he was suffering because he couldn't tell anyone what was hurting him. Viki stroked his head. She walked back to Susannah. "Will this program really help him to be able to talk to us?" "Viki, he may never be able to talk to us," Susannah answered honestly, but there is an excellent chance he can learn to communicate. Some children who never develop spoken language learn to use sign language or PECS, Picture Exchange Communication System. That is a system where the child learns to use cards that have pictures of various things and activities they want to do on them. Some children learn to take someone's hand and take them over to the desired object. Many, at the very least, learn to point and find a way to say no."

"When would you want to start the program, officially?" Viki asked. "As soon as possible. I would need you all to come for a few training sessions the first one by yourselves and then together with Adam." Susannah took Viki's hand. "Viki, perhaps you should wait until Sam has calmed down and then discuss this with him before you make any decisions. I think part of Sam's frustration is not having any legal say in Todd's life." Viki thought for a few minutes.

"What happens if we don't do ABA with him?" Viki inquired. "There are programs that are not as demanding of the child. I can get you all the information you need about all of them. I can help get someone from any of them to come here and work with Adam. You really don't have to decide anything right now."

Viki looked over toward the bed again. "You strongly believe that ABA has the best success rate don't you?" "Yes, I do, but that does not mean that an other programs won't work with Adam." Viki took a deep breath. She wanted to talk this over with Sam, but she was afraid he would not be able to come to a rational decision. She already knew that Téa approved of this program. Viki loved Sam very much, however she had to do what she thought was best for Adam, Todd and all of them. No matter what the consequences to the rest of her life, they came first.

"Susannah, I want you to start the ABA program with Adam as soon as you can. I will take whatever instruction is necessary and you know that Téa and Kevin will. I pray that Sam comes around, but I have to think about what is best for that baby." Viki pointed to the sleeping Adam and continued. "I think Sam will be very upset by my decision for now, nevertheless, I hope he will come around when he sees some improvement in Adam's ability to communicate. I know he was happy and proud that Adam was able to make eye contact with Téa, and learned to drink from the sippy cup right away and he loved seeing that little boy smile That is an excellent sign, isn't it?" Viki desperately wanted some reassurance.

Susannah wished she could tell her that it was a fantastic sign but she couldn't. "Viki, I hope it is the beginning of progress, but children with autism can sometimes demonstrate a skill like eye contact or speech or a gross or fine motor movement and then never do it again. Let's hope that's not the case here. I don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment if it is. Adam seems to catch on reasonably well and thank God he is not as hypersensitive to human touch as I had originally thought. Although, I do believe he is hypersensitive to touch, in general. We may have to allow him to sleep in his sweats until we can find pajamas that don't bother him."