Téa approached Todd's bed. "Did you hear that, mi corazon? You're doing great. Everything is going to be all right. You just have to take this new medicine and you'll be fine." Téa burst into tears. "Oh, Todd. I'm so sorry. I did this to you. I gave you this additional problem. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me. I wish I had known how ill you were. I should have. We all should have. You have been screaming out for help for as long as everyone has known you and we never heard you. You frightened me so much that night. I didn't know what you were capable of. You frightened me! You hurt me. I wanted to stop you. You were so out of control . . ." Téa put her hand to her mouth to hold back a sob. "I was also so angry with you. You took away every dream I had for us that night and I wanted to hurt you too." This time it was Téa who kissed Todd on the lips. "I'm sorry, mi amor. I'm so sorry." Téa stroked Todd's head one more time and left to go tell Sam and Viki she was going to work. Téa was already out the door when Todd started to move slightly. Without making a sound, his lips formed the word, "Téa."
*****
Todd felt so strange. He felt as if he were trying to find his way in a fog as thick as pea soup. A part of him wanted it to clear. A part of him wanted to surrender to it and go back to the place where he saw, heard and felt nothing. As awareness won out, Todd felt his head hurting. He felt slightly nauseated. Individual words, not sentences, came to him. Frightened . . . Stop . . . Angry . . . Sorry . . . Forgive. Todd felt as if someone had kissed him. It terrified him. He knew he wasn't worthy of anyone's affections and whoever kissed him would end up hating him and leaving him for disappointing him or her. Todd heard a distant voice calling to him. He desperately wanted to get to that voice. He was overwhelmed with fear that once he got to the voice, it would turn him away. Still, he tried to fight his way through the fog and get to the voice he heard. Finally, overcome with fear and exhaustion, he succumbed to the fog. A nurse noticed his restlessness as she was standing over him. She saw that he appeared to be struggling to come out of sedation. When it was apparently too much for him, he fell back into troubled sleep. She heard him call to someone before he did. She heard him call, "Téa."
*****
Todd slept for another ninety minutes. Viki and Sam were still resting in the lounge. Kevin had brought breakfast to Sam and his mother and then, at Viki's insistence, headed for the Banner. Viki promised him she would get him immediately if there were any problems or if Timmy surfaced. "Someone has to watch the store," she told Kevin, half jokingly.
Susannah had been called and told Todd was moving around more and moaning every now and then. She sat next to his bed waiting for him to wake up. She knew he would still be really out of it. After all his brain had been through and all the drugs he'd been given in the past two days, it would take time for him to really come back. She wondered if it would be Todd or the child version of Todd who woke up.
Before he said a word, Todd rolled over onto his back and reached up. He felt his head and face and then his hands and arms. He felt strange. He wanted to see if he were real and if he were alive. When he got to the IV he panicked.
Susannah quickly took his hands. "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. You're safe. You have an IV in your arm. That's nothing to be afraid of. It's not hurting you, is it?" He shook his head. "If I let go of your hands do you promise not to pull on the IV?" Susannah asked.
He nodded. Todd felt around to try to establish his whereabouts. "Am I in bed?" he whispered.
"Yes. You're in bed," Susannah acknowledged.
"My head hurts," he again whispered.
"I can get you some medication for that," Susannah informed him.
"No! I don't want drugs," he said firmly, like Todd, not like the child who was there yesterday, begging not to be medicated. His speech was still very slightly slurred, but nothing like it had been after to loading dose of Cerebyx.
"Todd, I need to look at your eyes with my penlight. It won't hurt. I need to touch your forehead. Is that all right?" Susannah did not want him escalating.
He hesitated and then nodded. His pupils were equal and reactive. "How do you feel?" Susannah asked him.
"Weird."
"How so?" Susannah tried to get him to be more specific.
Todd shrugged. "It's confused and it's not real. I'm not real. I died and I'm not real anymore."
His statement surprised Susannah. Not so much because of what he said, but because of the clarity of his emotions and his ability to express them. Susannah motioned one of the nurses over. "Can you please send someone to the lounge area and have them get his sister and Sam Rappaport?" The nurse asked one of the techs to let Todd's family know he had woken up.
"Todd, you are very much alive and real. Why do you say you died?"
"I did. I died in Ireland. I died when that cop shot me and when Powell stabbed me. I can't even get that right!" Todd joked bitterly.
"No, Todd. You didn't die. You were very strong. You fought back and you survived."
"My mistake," Todd remarked coldly.
Susannah could see by the queasy expression on his face that Todd felt sick. "Do you feel like you need to throw up?" she asked.
He did, but he fought it. Todd had always felt frightened when he threw up and he never understood why. He turned over on his side and pulled his knees to his chest. He reached out and called for Viki. "She's on her way, Todd. Both Viki and Sam will be here in a minute."
In the seconds it took Todd to realize Viki was not in the room with him, panic set in. "She went away, didn't she? She and Sam are disgusted with me and they left me forever."
"Todd. Viki and Sam are just down the hall. I sent someone to get them and they will be here in a few seconds."
He didn't believe her. He tried to get out of bed and felt the padded side rails. He immediately realized that something was different. "This isn't the same bed!" he cried out. "Sam and Viki sent me far away from them. They sent me to a different loony bin."
Viki and Sam entered the ICU in time to hear Todd's last statement. They were pretty sure it was Todd and rushed over to Todd's bed.
"Sweetheart, we're here," Viki immediately assured him.
"It's okay, pal. You're in the same hospital," Sam comforted.
Susannah held up her hand. She motioned for them stop talking for a minute. "Todd, can you tell me who just spoke to you?"
Todd looked frightened and confused. Then he seemed to calm down. "Viki, Sam, is that really you?"
Susannah smiled. She was happy that Todd was oriented to person. His disorientation to place and time was understandable, given his blindness and constant dissociations.
"Yes, sweetheart. We're right here with you. We're never going to leave you."
"It's not the same bed," Todd whimpered. At first they didn't realize what he meant. Then they understood. They looked to Susannah for guidance.
"Todd, you are still at Llanview Hospital. You're in a different room."
"Was I too crazy for the other loony bin?" he asked seriously.
"No." Susannah lowered the side rail and sat down next to him. Cautiously, she stated, "you're in the ICU, Todd."
He looked stunned for a moment. Then he declared. "That's where you go if you're dying."
Viki took his hand. "No. Oh, Todd. No. Sweetheart. You're not dying."
"No, of course you're not, Boomer. You're doing very well." Sam set him straight.
Todd was not sure if he believed them. He was relieved and at the same time disappointed that he wasn't dying. He became suddenly fearful. "Did I hurt myself again? Did I try to hurt someone else and they hit me?"
"No. Not at all," Susannah assured him. She started to explain. "You're in the ICU because you had a seizure. Do you know what a seizure is?"
Todd's brain was not able to make a connection to the word. It sounded familiar, but he had forgotten its meaning. He shook his head.
Susannah slowly explained. "Our brain's use electrical impulses to process information. For instance, you see an item on the table and you want to pick up. This gives your brain one signal. Now another electrical impulse is triggered and that tells your hand to pick up the item. Do you understand what I just explained to you so far?"
Todd thought for a minute. He understood what Susannah was saying in abstract terms. He was not applying it to himself. He nodded.
Susannah continued. "The brain cells work together by means of electrical signals. Sometimes, something interferes with these signals. There is a temporary short circuit and the electrical charges in the brain misfire. This short circuit causes the body to become confused because the brain is sending out incorrect signals. These signals cause a person to have a seizure." Susannah paused again and asked Todd if he understood.
Todd thought about what she said. Then he made the connection and remembered what his interpretation of a seizure was. "You mean a fit? You mean this happens to me!" He began to panic.
"Todd, listen to me. You have a seizure disorder. It's called Post Traumatic Epilepsy."
"NO! I don't wanna have that! Viki, Sam!" Sam and Viki both held him. "Please! I don't wanna have that," Todd begged. His childlike belief that Viki and Sam could make the bad things go away touched them deeply.
"Baby, I know you don't." Viki rocked him.
"I know that sounds frightening, but it can usually be controlled by medication. We are giving you a medication called an anticonvulsant. That will help to control the seizures," Susannah gently explained.
"NO! NO DRUGS! I DON'T WANT ANY MORE DAMN DRUGS. I WON'T TAKE THEM!" Todd shrieked.
"Pal, listen to me. We'll see you through this. I swear. It'll be all right," Sam soothed.
"NO!" Todd shrieked. Then his voice turned low. He sounded hopeless and full of despair. "It won't be all right. Nothing is ever all right for me. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Every time I wake up something horrible happened to me. Now you tell me I have fits like a dog with rabies! What do I do? Do I run around in circles and foam at the mouth?"
"No," Susannah stated firmly. She hated the misconceptions people had about epilepsy. "Todd, listen to me."
"No! I don't wanna listen to you! And I don't want any more drugs! I got this cause I'm here in the hospital. I must have caught it off of someone."
"No, honey. You don't catch epilepsy. It's not a disease. It is not brain damage. It is not in your blood. Todd, it's a disorder and millions of people have it. You may have known many epileptics in your life and you didn't realize it because their seizures were under control. You can't tell someone is an epileptic by looking at them. Todd, having this makes you no different from anyone else with a medical problem."
Todd shook his head. "I have always been different from everyone else," he cried out. "I have always been a freak to everyone. This is just one more disgusting thing about me that everyone can hate and make fun of."
"No one hates you or is making fun of you. No one!" Sam emphasized the last two words.
"It's them. They're doing this to me," Todd stated. His voice filled with panic.
"Who do you think is doing this to you?" Susannah pressed.
"Those kids that you say run around in my head."
"No, your alters are not doing this to you. No, one did this to you. Todd . . ."
He cut Susannah off. "Then it's the Buchanans. They did something to me. They want to keep me here. First they made you think I have all these people running around inside me and now they made you think I have this."
"Todd, you need to listen to me," Susannah calmly stated.
Todd was having none of it. "They're paying you to do this to me, aren't they? They couldn't put me in jail so they'll settle for this. They get you to drug me and then tell me I have all these things." Todd reached out wildly for Viki. "Viki, please! I didn't kill Georgie. I swear I didn't. Please! Make them stop hurting me. Sam, please! I'll go to Canada. I won't bother anyone. Please take me out of here. PLEASE!"
Todd's desperate cries cut right through them. Sam pulled Todd to him and held him tightly. "Todd, I swear. No one is trying to hurt you."
Viki took his face in her hands. "Sweetheart, it's true. We would never let anyone hurt you. Please, just calm down and let Doctor Hanen explain."
Suddenly Todd pulled away from Viki and tried to pull away from Sam. "LET GO OF ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU VIKI AND I HATE YOU SAM!" Susannah could see the pain etched in Viki and Sam's faces. Todd broke down and began sobbing. "Why won't you let me die? Why do you wanna torture me this way? Is it because of Kevin?"
"Kevin? Sweetheart what does Kevin have to do with it?" Viki didn't understand.
"Because he was accused of rape on count of me. Do you still hate me for that? Is that why you want me to suffer?"
Viki swallowed hard. She couldn't believe he would think such a thing. "No. Todd I love you. I love you more than anyone on the face of the Earth. It kills me to see you suffer."
"THEN LET ME DIE!" Todd screamed. "I'll find a way, Viki . . . even here . . . . with them watching me all the time . . . I'll find a way . . . Everything has always been so hard for me . . . my whole Goddamn life. Can't you make this one thing easy for me? Let me die. I hate it here. I don't belong here. I was a mistake. Just let me fix the mistake. Please! PLEASE! PLEASE!" Todd was shrieking at the top of his lungs. ICU staff members stood by, tensely, waiting for instructions from Susannah.
Susannah hated to do it. She had no choice. She gave them an order for a sedative. She tried one that would hopefully calm him without putting him back to sleep. Todd continued to scream and beg to die as a nurse injected the medication into his IV. It took hold quickly. His muscles started to relax. His anger and fear had lessened. They had not gone away entirely. He lay on his side, whispering, "Let me die," and "I hate you."
Susannah knew he had shut down and was not receptive to any more information about his condition right now. "I'm cold," he mumbled. Susannah pulled up an extra blanket from the foot of the bed. She covered him with it. Todd wanted to feel the way he sometimes was able to remember feeling. Each time he came out he remembered more and more what that good safe feeling felt like and he craved it. He wanted to feel the warmth and the love and safety of Goodone's arms. He still had no idea how to get to those feelings. He wanted to make it happen and couldn't. He reached up and hit his head, hard, trying to make it happen.
Susannah held on to his hands. "Todd, you need to stop that," she told him gently, but firmly.
"Make it happen!" he pleaded. He remembered that Susannah had helped him to get to those arms before.
"Make what happen?" Susannah asked.
"Make me go away. I want to get to him." They knew he was talking about Goodone.
Susannah hesitated. She wanted Todd to stay around in the hopes he would be willing to learn more about his disorder. However, she knew that he wasn't ready. "All right, Todd. Shhhh. Let me try to help you. Try to relax all your muscles." Susannah spoke in a soft and soothing monotone.
Slowly, Todd's body became very relaxed. His eyes became glassy. They watched in awe as Todd held out his arms and then hugged himself tightly and smiled. They knew he was in Goodone's arms. Sam bent over and kissed him on the forehead.
His eyes came into focus. "Hey Coach," Tom smiled.
"Hey, Boomer." Sam hugged Tom to him.
Tom looked around and tried to get his bearings. He looked anxious and confused. Tom's speech was also slightly slurred. His face brightened again when he saw Viki and Susannah. Then he looked around the room some more. His anxiety increased drastically. Tom's chin and lower lip quivered. "Is this a different place?"
"You are still in Llanview Hospital. This is a different part of it. You've been here before, Tom. It's called the ICU," Susannah explained. She hoped he wouldn't become as upset as Todd had been.
"I don't remember," Tom whimpered. Then it came to him. "It hurt a lot the last time I was here. Is it gonna hurt again?" He cowered against the headboard.
"No, honey, not at all. Nothing is hurting you now is it?" Susannah asked.
Tom shook his head. He noticed the IV and became frightened. "Coach, Viki, there's a needle in my arm. Take it out." He turned to Susannah. "Doctor Hanen, take it out! I don't like it!" A tear slid down his cheek.
Susannah sat down next to him. "Tom, you need fluids. That solution in there," Susannah pointed to the bag of normal saline hanging on the pole, "is just salt water. It won't hurt you." See . . . it goes into this tube and then into the needle in your arm. That way you don't have to get stuck."
"I don't like to take medicine,” Tom whined.
"I know, but it's important that you get this. If you just leave the IV alone it won't hurt."
Tom thought for a second. "Okay, but if it starts to hurt will you take it away?"
"If it starts to hurt we will make it stop hurting," Susannah promised. Tom seemed to accept that.
"I feel kinda weird," Tom complained.
"In what way do you feel weird, sweetheart?" Viki asked.
Tom shrugged. "Kinda tired and far away . . . like everything is reeeeal slow. You know . . . weird," he tried to explain.
"Tom, Todd was out right before you and he became very upset and he got some medicine to help him relax. Children react differently to medication than adults do, so it may be making you feel a little weird."
"I always feel bad so Todd don't have to. It's okay," Tom commented sadly.
Tom looked up at Sam and Viki. "How come I'm not in my real room?"
Viki and Sam looked to Susannah for guidance. She nodded, letting them know she was going to explain. "Honey, I need to explain something to you and I need you to listen carefully. Do you feel awake enough to do that right now?" Susannah inquired.
Tom sat cross-legged and pulled himself closer to the headboard. He looked up at Susannah, innocently, giving her his full attention.
Susannah sat next to him, as she had with Todd. She started off by explaining, "Tom, do you know that our brains control most of the things our body does?"
"My brain's all mixed up. Is that why my body gets all mixed up and sick?" Hearing Tom's words broke Sam and Viki's heart.
"Tom, that's a different kind of mixed up. You get confused sometimes because it's hard to remember that dreams and memories aren't real," Susannah clarified.
"Real hard!" Tom agreed. Suddenly he remembered. He looked at his wrist. They knew what was coming next. Tom panicked. "Where's my watch!"
"It's safe, Boomer. It's in your room. Do you want me to go get it?"
"I want you to stay with me." Tom was getting upset.
"Tom, I'll send someone to get your watch. They'll bring it right down to you. Sam doesn't have to leave."
Susannah went to the nurses station and asked one of the techs to please retrieve Tom's watch. She returned to his side and sat down next to him again. "Tom, some of the things our brains controls are things like the way our muscles move to make our arms and legs move."
"My brain makes me clumsy," Tom confessed. He hung his head down in shame.
"Sweetheart, you're not clumsy. All children drop things," Viki pointed out. She caressed his cheek.
"My dad says I'm the clumsiest thing on two legs." He continued to look down at the blankets. He felt ashamed. Tom suddenly remembered something and looked up. "I got clumsy in front of Téa. Is she real mad at me?"
"No, Boomer. Téa is not mad at you at all, not at all," Sam assured him.
"Téa brought me pancakes and I spilled them. I made a big mess. She can beat me if she wants. Will that make her like me again?" Sam and Viki couldn't believe he just said that.
"Sweetheart, Téa loves you. She would never beat you or hurt you in any way," Viki stated firmly.
"That's right, Boomer. Téa would never hurt you. No one will ever beat or hit you again. Never!" Sam swore to him. Viki and Sam were horrified that he still believed that he wasn't safe.
"I bet Kevin never spills nothin'," Tom muttered sullenly.
"Baby, that's not true. Of course Kevin spills things. Everyone does. When Kevin was your age he spilled things all the time," Viki consoled him.
"Did he get beat or burned or both?" Tom asked.
"He wasn't punished at all. He didn't do it on purpose. Even if he had, he would never have been hurt in any way," Viki tried to get him to understand.
"Kevin's your son, right?" Tom wanted to make sure.
"Yes, sweetheart. Kevin is my eldest son."
"Don't you care about him?" Tom looked into Viki's eyes and asked.
"Of course I care about him. I love him very much." Viki was trying to understand what was going on with Tom.
"Then how come you didn't wanna straighten him out and make him a man?" Tom was clearly confused. Then he looked as if he had figured something out. "Oh I know. Kevin's dad was the one who disciplined him and tried to make him a man. Was his dad real big?"
"Tom . . . no . . . oh, sweetheart. Kevin's dad is a big man, but he never hit or hurt Kevin, not once."
Tom looked confused once again. "Maybe he did it while you were sleeping. Dads' like to teach you best when your mom is sleeping."
"No, baby. Clint, Kevin's dad, never hit him or burned him. Not when they were alone and not in front of anyone." Viki shook her head. Tom was so confused. He thought what Peter did to him happened to every child.
Tom's emotions were mixed over what Viki had just said. A part of him thought Kevin was lucky not to have to be hurt and a part of him felt sorry for Kevin, because his dad didn't care enough to try to "straighten him out." Then Tom decided that Kevin could not have been as bad or as clumsy as he was and maybe that's why he didn't have to be punished. He also thought that maybe that's why Téa liked Kevin better than she did him. He kept those thoughts to himself.
The memory of his last time out came back to him a little more. He remembered Frank being there and holding him. He turned to Susannah. "Is Frank gonna beat me? He saw me make a big mess."
"No. Frank would never, ever hurt you. No one here will. Honey, you are safe here." Susannah tried to impress this upon him.
Tom looked around for Frank and saw all the strange faces. They saw his shoulders rise and his body stiffen, in fear. "I don't know nobody . . .where's Frank . . . where's Terry . . . and Connie . . . and Dave? He looked around again. Carl's not here . . . and Marcia . . . and Nancy . . . and . . .” He stopped talking and started to tremble as it finally hit him that he was among strange staff members.
"Tom, remember I told you, you are in the ICU. There are different staff members here," Susannah explained. She held his hand.
"Frank is mad cause I spilled the food and made a big stupid mess. He don't like me no more. Him and Téa saw me be real clumsy. My brain is bad it's all mixed up and lopsided and makes me clumsy." Tom started to cry.
"Tom . . . Tom! Honey look at me." Susannah gently lifted his chin. His eyes met hers. They were filled with pain. "No one will ever be angry with you for spilling or dropping something here. Never! You will never be beaten or punished in any way. I promise you that. Frank likes you very much and cares very much about you. Téa loves you. Neither of them thinks you're clumsy."
Tom continued looked at her with pleading, innocent eyes. "They'll like me more if I'm good and let them beat me with a belt or burn me under the hot water or the stove and then take it like a man. They'd like me more if my brain wasn't all mixed up and it didn't make me clumsy." Tom hit himself on the head.
Sam grabbed his hand. "No, Boomer. Don't do that."
Tom's emotions seem to be much closer to the surface than usual. In one way it was a good thing because he was spilling emotions and feelings he usually kept bottled up, but it also disturbed them greatly to hear that he not only believed that they would hurt him, but also that because Peter Manning had twisted his perceptions so, he equated it with love and caring. Much the same way Andy equated being sexually abused with love.
Susannah had debated whether or not some of the staff from the psych unit should stay with Todd and his alters while they were in the ICU. The other times they were there they were too sick, physically, to need their own staff. This time was different. In the absence of seizures, they were physically as well as they were on their own unit. The ICU staff might not be enough to keep them from hurting themselves should they escalated. They would also not know much about handling any psychiatric emergency that might arise. "Tom, would you like it if Frank came to the ICU to visit you?"
For a second, Tom's face lit up. Then he became sad again. "He don't really wanna come. You're gonna make him. No one likes to just come to see just me."
"No, honey. That's not so. Frank cares very much about each one of you, individually. Frank didn't know you were going to be out, so he's not around right now. I know as soon as he hears you're here and that it's okay to come see you he will be very happy." After saying that, Susannah hoped that Frank was nearby.
Tom hung his head and then looked up shyly. "Is Téa coming to see me?"
"Viki put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him to her. "Oh, sweetheart. Do you have any idea how happy Téa is going to be when she finds out that you are here and you have asked to see her?"
Tom looked at Viki. His child's eyes were wide. He shook his head.
"Téa will be so happy, her heart will be singing," Viki informed him.
"Really! Téa's heart will be singing because she's happy to see me. Just me! She wants me to be the one to be here when she visits?"
"Yes. Téa loves it when you're here. She loves to spend time with you." Sam backed up Viki's statement.
They knew Téa had left only a short time ago and was busy at the office. They also remembered that she was going to see Starr at four. They knew she would have to head back to the hospital right now if she were going to get to spend some time with Tom.
Viki told Tom she was going to call Téa. He was a little anxious about her leaving. She explained that was the only way to let Téa know he wanted to see her. Viki couldn't use her cell phone anywhere near the ICU so she went to the far side of the circular ICU nurses station, where Tom would not be able to overhear her phone conversation, in case Téa couldn't make it.
The tech came back with Tom's watch. While Sam helped him strap it on, Susannah had them beep Frank.
*****
Téa was with a client when Viki called. She said she would cancel the rest of her afternoon appointments and be over as soon as she finished with the client sitting at her desk. Téa knew some of her clients were becoming upset with her frequently canceling appointments or asking them to schedule very late or very early ones. She hated disappointing them. She knew they didn't have many options and needed her free services. Luckily, Téa had been very persuasive in enlisting some of her colleagues and many of them saw her clients on a pro bono basis. Still, Téa knew she was letting them down. She was torn, but being there for Todd or any of the alters was her top priority. She had wasted too many months away from Todd. Téa would let nothing stand in her way of being with him now.
*****
Frank called the ICU within minutes of being beeped. He was afraid something had gone wrong and Todd was in trouble. He was relieved to hear that he was doing well and pleased to hear that Tom wanted to see him. He told Susannah he was in his yard soaking up some early spring sun with his children and he would be there in about forty-five minutes. Frank looked at his two sons playing on the lawn. They were so happy and carefree . . . the way children should be. He could no more imagine Todd ever being that way then he could imagine what it felt like to live on another planet.
"Boys," Frank called his sons over. They ran to him. "Daddy has to go to work for a little while, but when I come back we'll do something fun."
"Aw, Daddy," they both protested. They thought their father would have the whole day off. "Why do you have to go to work?" the younger eight-year-old asked.
Frank sat down on the grass. He pulled them both next to him and held an arm around each child's waist. "Daddy works with a little boy who's very sick and he's feeling really bad right now and needs me to spend a little time with him. I love spending time with you guys most of all, but I'm asking you if it's all right if I go spend a little time with this boy."
Both boys nodded. "Is the little boy going to get better?" his ten-year-old asked.
"I hope so. He has a lot of people who are hoping he will and who are helping him, and he's trying very hard to get better."
"Don't worry," his younger son said to the older one. "Daddy will help make him all better. Our daddy always makes everything all better."
Frank hugged his sons tightly and then walked them back into the house. He told his wife he was heading to the hospital and he went upstairs to change his clothes. Frank knew that Todd had never had anyone in his life that was able to make it "all better."
