Susannah felt relief for now. She knew that hearing Tea's voice as he was coming to and seeing Tea and Kevin as soon as he opened his eyes had helped alleviate some of his fears and reduced his need to dissociate. Viki and Sam cautiously walked over to Timmy. Susannah saw the happiness and relief in there faces when Timmy held his arms out for a hug. Kevin put his hand on Tea's shoulder. She looked up at him. The joy on his face matching hers. They all watched as Viki and Sam hugged their child. Tea looked at Timmy, snuggled in his parent's arms, and felt as if her heart would burst with love for him.
*****
Susannah called down to the kitchen and had them send up several portions of french toast sticks. They all had a late breakfast with Timmy. Kevin was good to his word and managed to keep a straight face as he told one silly joke after another to Timmy. One was so bad that everyone in the room, except Timmy, groaned at it. "They just don't appreciate good chicken jokes," Kevin remarked.
The sound of Timmy's giggles and laughter was a pleasure for everyone to hear. Kevin put his arm around Timmy and hugged him.
Bill excused himself for a few minutes. He went down to his car and came back with enough toys and souvenirs for all the child alters. In the bag was a puzzle of the Chicago skyline, a children's book called, "I Live in Chicago," a baseball, baseball glove and a cap, all with the familiar circular blue and red Chicago Cubs logo on it and a couple of stuffed animals. He also had a dollhouse down in his car for Lisa and Sarah. He would bring that up some other time.
Bill approached Timmy. "I seem to remember that as soon as you're well enough Kevin and Sam are going to teach you to be a the best baseball player in the world." Timmy looked up at Bill and nodded. "Well, I thought I'd give you a head start." Bill handed the baseball souvenirs to Timmy.
Bill loved seeing Timmy's eyes open wide with surprise and happiness. "Kevin look!" Timmy shouted gleefully.
"Wow!" Kevin exclaimed. He took the cap from Timmy's hands and put it on Timmy's head "Where'd Timmy go? This is a professional ball player sitting here. Excuse me, Sir. Have you seen Timmy?" Kevin kidded.
"It's me, Kevin. I'm Timmy," Timmy giggled. In his innocence, he took Kevin seriously.
Kevin lifted up the cap. "Hhha! It is! Look at that! It's really our Timmy." Timmy's laughter was music to their ears. Kevin put the cap back down on Timmy's head.
Timmy turned to Bill. "Thank you Mr. Jackson. Can I share everything with Andy?"
Bill was impressed with Timmy's generosity. He rested his hand on top of the cap on Timmy's head and patting it, answered, "Sure Timmy. You are a very good little boy."
Timmy got up from the table and showed his cap, glove and ball to Tea, Sam, Viki and Susannah. Timmy looked at his still bandaged right hand. "I can't catch the ball good." Sadness replaced his smile.
"The bandages will come off soon, sweetie. Then you will be able to wear the glove and catch the ball," Susannah assured him.
"Do you think Andy can come play with me? He can wear the glove first, until my hand gets better."
Susannah put her arm around Timmy's shoulders. "Sweetie, Andy's hand is hurt too. He wouldn't be able to wear it either."
"I think my buddy here and I can still play with the ball. We can just roll it to each other," Kevin suggested.
"Daddy too?" Timmy requested.
"Sure, pal. I think I can manage to get these old bones down on the floor," Sam joked.
They took turns rolling the ball to Timmy. His coordination was still off. He would miss and go crawling after the ball. Sam and Kevin exchanged looks when this happened for the fourth time. Timmy was starting to get upset and frustrated. "I'm real clumsy," he put himself down dishearteningly. Timmy's head hung down.
Kevin remembered what Viki told him Susannah said about Timmy's motor skills. He still didn't want to believe that there might be a problem. "You're not clumsy, Timmy. It's hard to catch a ball with a bandaged hand, even when it's rolled on the floor. I think you're doing a great job," Kevin encouraged Timmy. He gave Timmy gave a small tug to the tip of the baseball cap Timmy had on.
Timmy still tired very easily and the constant crawling after the ball was causing him to become short of breath. Susannah knew he had enough. She also wanted him to calm down because Doctor Anderson, Timmy's neurologist, was going to be coming to examine him soon. "Sweetie, why don't you hop into your bed for a while and look at your new book?" Susannah suggested.
"Can I keep my hat on?" Timmy asked.
"Sure. You can even bring your ball and glove to the bed with you if you want to," Susannah answered.
*****
Timmy was a little frightened when Doctor Anderson first got there. Susannah learned that telling most of the alters about things like doctor visits and procedures in advance only increased their anxiety, so she said nothing until Doctor Anderson showed up. He patiently explained each test so that is seemed like a game to Timmy.
After he was finished, Tea, Kevin and Bill distracted Timmy with his new Chicago picture book so Viki, Sam and Susannah could talk to Doctor Anderson across the room.
"I see no indication of any neurological deficits at this point. I do however see a decline in his motor and cognitive skills." Viki and Sam looked at each other with fear in their eyes. Noticing this, Doctor Anderson quickly continued, "I agree with Susannah that it is most likely being caused by depression and possibly the many medications he's on. Children are especially hard hit. I really don't feel putting him through more extensive and invasive testing is called for right now. If you continue to notice a decline in his cognitive and motor skills then we may want to do a CT scan and an EEG." Doctor Anderson turned to Susannah. "Are you planning on changing the antidepressant?"
"Most likely. I would like to wait until Todd surfaces and see how he's doing. Todd is still very depressed, but he was more communicative the last few times he was out and I'd hate to change the meds if he is starting to get some relief from it."
Doctor Anderson shook his head. "Prescribing for this patient must be a nightmare."
"Yeah, tell me about it!" Susannah replied.
Viki and Sam thanked Doctor Anderson. Timmy wanted to go to the playroom. Of course he wanted everyone to come along. Susannah told him that she and Mr. Jackson would walk with him to the playroom, but that they had to go back to her office.
"I want you to stay with me!" Timmy's voice took on the same whining and demanding quality that she had noticed, for the first time, the other day.
"Sweetie, I will come back later. I am only going to my office, down the hall. Maybe later you can come to my office and we can talk for a while." Physically, Timmy seemed up for a session. "Now come on, let's head to the playroom because Alan has another patient coming in a little later and he will need to prepare."
"You promise you'll come back later?"
"Yes, I promise," Susannah assured him.
"Daddy, can you make an offisal promise for Doctor Hanen to come back later?"
Sam looked at Susannah. She nodded. She knew that Timmy was getting comfort from the "official promises." Sam got out his legal pad and notary seal and quickly wrote a few sentences and both Timmy and Susannah signed it. Once again Timmy could not remember how to spell his name. He seemed to have even more trouble holding the pen than he did yesterday. Sam helped steady his hand. Sam, Viki, and Tea accompanied Timmy and Kevin to the playroom. Susannah and Bill headed for her office.
*****
"He loved the things you brought him. I just know he's going to want to sleep in the cap," Susannah said with a smile. She sat down wearily in one of the club chairs in her office. She kicked off her shoes and put her feet on the coffee table. Bill pulled another of the chairs closer to Susannah and started to gently massage her feet. "Oh God. That feels so good. Another your talents, Commissioner?"
"One of many, Doctor Hanen," Bill replied coyly. "You've had a pretty hard time of it lately, haven't you?" Bill's tone turned serious.
"I am very concerned over Timmy. Something is going on with him. He is becoming demanding and whiny. He is constantly terrified of any of us being out of his sight." Susannah told Bill what Doctor Anderson said about Timmy's cognitive and motor skills.
"That won't be permanent?" Bill was concerned for him.
"Not if it's being caused by depression, but we are dealing with a child's brain. It may be in Todd's skull, but Timmy's brain . . . his whole central nervous system reacts to medication and everything else like a four-year-old's. I may have to change the meds around. We still can't completely rule out neurological problems."
Bill didn't want to add to Susannah's worries. However, he knew there might never be a good time to fill her in on what he found out. So, this was as good a time as any. "I'm afraid these beautiful toes are going to get all tense again. I have some news, Susannah."
When Susannah saw and heard Bill's serious tone she put her feet down and sat up straight.
Bill began. "Anthony Ferrelli, my friend who's with the FBI, got some information on Michelle's parents."
Susannah's heart started to pound. "He found them?" "No, not yet. We do know how they managed to disappear without a trace. The family is in witness protection."
"What!" Susannah was shocked.
"Baker is not their real name. In fact, Jack and Margaret aren't their real first names. Their names were Robert and Alice Giffin."
"Are you telling me that Michelle's parents were mobsters or something?" Susannah asked disbelievingly.
"No, they were both teachers. That part is true. In 1971 Michelle's father was an associate professor at Stony Brook, in Long Island New York. All the kids loved him and many of them would discuss personal problems with him. Unfortunately, one of his students was the son a mobster. He confided some things to Robert that he shouldn't have. One day, in an argument with his father, the son let it be known that he confided in Michelle's father. The son, realizing what he had done, warned Robert. Robert went to the police. They knew his life and his family’s life would be in danger. They also wanted to use him as a witness in a case they were trying to put together against this man."
"So in exchange for his testimony he and his family were put into witness protection." Susannah finished his story.
"Yes. Their sons were very young and Michelle was just a baby. The children probably knew nothing about this, at the beginning. The man he testified against was very powerful. He had informants and sooner or later the identifies of the Giffin's was discovered."
"That's why they had to move around so often, all over the country," Susannah stated.
"That's it. The feds had to keep moving them for their own protection."
"Your friend has no idea where they are now?"
"Not yet. They may have had several identities and moved to who knows where since 1984."
A thought suddenly occurred to Susannah. "Do you think that Peter Manning somehow found this out and turned them in or threatened to?"
"That thought did cross my mind. Or it could be that the publicity surrounding the case put them in danger," Bill theorized.
"Is that why the story just disappeared from the papers and the search for Michelle suddenly stopped?"
"The feds probably put a stop on it," Bill replied.
"Is it possible that Michelle's parents are dead . . . that the mob got to them or they died of natural causes?" Susannah posed.
"No. There would have been some notation of that. No, they're out there somewhere and so are Michelle's brothers."
"Do you think Michelle was aware of this?" Susannah inquired.
"She might have been aware of something. She knew her family kept moving and changing their names. They would have had to have drummed it into her head that she is never to tell or get too close to strangers or she could put all their lives in danger."
"My God! Do you think she told anything to Todd? Could he be in danger?" Susannah's voice trembled. She was horrified at the thought.
"I doubt it. If anyone had been out to get Todd they would have done it by now. I think you can relax on that. Usually in these situations the children in the family appreciate the danger, not only to them, but also to anyone they tell. Michelle was not a baby. She would have known she was risking Todd by telling him."
Susannah felt some relief. She knew it would not be complete until the day when Todd could talk about his relationship with Michelle. "So is your friend looking for them?" Susannah asked.
"He is not in position to be told where and who they are. He is trying to find someone who is and who, given the circumstances, will locate them so they can find out about their daughter."
"You didn't tell him about Todd!" Susannah practically shouted.
"No, of course I didn't. I told him about the situation. He has no idea who the boy involved was and he is a good enough friend not to ask."
Susannah calmed down. "I really want us to be the ones who tell Michelle's parents what happened. I want them to understand the life Todd had and how he was in no way responsible," Susannah lamented.
"I know that, Susannah. I explained that to Tony. If they are found, you and I and perhaps Bo and Tea will be the ones to tell them."
Susannah was so relieved. She threw her arms around Bill's neck. "Bill, thank you. I should have realized you would know exactly what the right thing to do was and that you would protect Todd."
"I would never let anyone hurt that boy, or you."
Susannah and Bill's eyes met each other. "You really understand about my commitment to Todd and his family, don't you?" Susannah stated. She continued to stare into Bill's eyes.
"It's one of the things I love about you, Susannah."
Susannah swallowed hard. "I am really happy that you're back. I've never missed anyone like this before. It's a new experience for me," Susannah confessed. She suddenly felt awkward.
"Do you love me or hate me for making you feel that way?" Bill was half joking and half serious.
Susannah stood on her toes, slightly. When her lips met Bill's they both knew the answer to that. They held on to each other tightly. Susannah could feel the buttons of his shirt pressing into her. Susannah's body wanted Bill in a way she had never wanted anyone before. Her mind was still getting in the way. She pulled back. A tear trickled down her right cheek.
"No welcome home present, huh?" Bill smiled.
Susannah tried to smile back, but more tears escaped her eyes.
Bill lifted her face to his. "Don't you know that I understand you? Susannah, if we get together I want all of you to be happy about it. I don't want any doubts or fears you may have to be a third party to our relationship. I understand that time is your enemy. There is not enough of it and you are not comfortable giving much of it up right now. I told you before. Patience is my strong suite." Then Bill admitted, "I'm not moving to Llanview because I want a bed partner. I'm here because I want to be able to share whatever time you have with you." Bill stroked Susannah's cheek. "I want to be able to see this beautiful face in person and to hear you laugh. I want your opinion on things and I want to help you with Todd and his family any way I can. I want my children to get to know you. I want you in my life, Susannah. I also understand that, for now, Todd comes first. I realize it isn't a question of a job coming first. I know that Todd is a lot more than just a patient to you. I realize that you love that kid. I would never want to do anything to distract you from helping him. I just want you in my life. I can wait for you to give what you can when you're ready."
Susannah knew from the day they met that she was attracted to Bill. She knew she respected him and cared about him. Now, for the first time, she knew with certainty that she loved him. She was also beginning to let go of some of her fear. She was starting to know that he was not paying lip service to the fact that he understood her commitment to her patients. He truly did understand and did not consider her job to be in competition with him. In fact he seemed to love her more because of her devotion to Todd and his family. She realized that he was beginning to love them too.
"I would like to take some of that precious time and have dinner with you tonight. How about that little Italian place on the next block?" Susannah suggested.
"A night with you and pasta, what more could any man ask for?" Bill smiled. Then seriously said, "It's all right, Susannah. Really it is."
"I know," she answered and then asked, "would you like to go see how Timmy is doing?"
"I thought you'd never ask. Just one thing . . . are you planning on telling the family what I learned about Michelle?" Bill asked.
"Absolutely. As soon as I can get them alone for the time it will take to explain this to them so they don't panic." They headed for the playroom.
*****
Timmy was happy and calm as long as everyone was in the room with him. He was sitting on the floor of the playroom with Kevin and Tea. Kevin had suggested making words with the blocks. He wanted to prove to himself that Timmy was not having trouble remembering what he had already learned. Viki decided to check in with the Banner so Kevin wouldn't have to interrupt his time with Timmy. Viki knelt down in back of Timmy and gently turned his face up to her by the chin. She smiled as she looked into his innocent eyes and kissed his forehead. "Timmy, Mommy has to go make a phone call. I'll be right back."
Timmy pulled his head away from Viki's hand and pulled his knees to his chest and tucked his head in.
'Here we go again,' Kevin thought. "Timmy, Mommy will be right back. Sam, Tea, Alan and I are all here with you," Kevin pointed out.
Viki knew that Timmy had to learn to handle his separation anxiety. However, she was afraid he would become amnesic again. She turned to Alan. "Is it all right to use a cell phone?"
"Sure. We have no equipment going in here," Alan answered.
"Timmy, Mommy will stay in here and make the phone call." Viki knew Susannah would probably not approve of her handling it like this.
Timmy lifted his already tear stained face. "You're not going away, Mommy?"
"No, baby. Mommy is staying here."
Timmy smiled at her and turned his attention back to the blocks. Viki stood off to the side. She remained in Timmy's view and made her phone call. Kevin suggested a word to Timmy and told him to collect the correct blocks to spell the word. He used simple words he knew Timmy could spell, like boy, girl, dog and Kevin. Timmy gathered the right letters for boy and dog. He became confused with girl and Kevin.
"Come, let me help you," Tea offered. She placed her arm around the frustrated Timmy's shoulders. "Think how it sounds, angelito. G-I-R-L” Tea sounded out the word.
Timmy picked up a "G" but could not remember the other letters. "I'm stupid," Timmy muttered. He frowned and threw down the block he was holding.
"No, you're not!" Kevin declared firmly. Then more gently, he said, "Timmy, you just forgot. You'll learn it again." Kevin gathered the correct blocks. He put them together for Timmy. "See, buddy. This is how it's spelled." Kevin took the blocks apart. "Now you put them back together to spell the word." Timmy put the blocks, G-R-I-L, out. Kevin and Tea looked at each other and then at Sam.
"I think Timmy has had enough of the blocks for today." Sam's tone made it clear that he wanted them to stop pushing Timmy. Sam knelt down. He took Timmy in his arms. "Hey pal. How would you like some juice and cookies and some ice cream?"
"You and Mommy and Kevin and Tee too?"
"Sure why not?" Tea agreed.
"Mommy! We're gonna have cookies and ice cream and juice," Timmy called out, loudly, to Viki.
Viki held her hand over the mouthpiece. "Mommy's on the phone, sweetheart. I'll be off in a few minutes."
Timmy pulled away from Sam. He stood up. He teetered for a moment when he felt a little dizzy. Sam stood in back of him, just in case he fell. He felt better in a few seconds and walked over to Viki. He tugged on her arm. "Mom-my! I want you to talk to me!" Timmy demanded.
Susannah and Bill had just walked in the room. "Hold on for a second, please," Viki said into the phone. "Timmy, I'll just be another minute and then I'm all yours. Okay, sweetheart?"
"Now! Mommy." Timmy tugged on Viki's arm again.
Susannah walked up to him. "Hi sweetie. Come over here and talk to me." Susannah put her arm around his shoulder and led him to some chairs. "Timmy, Mommy is on the phone. It's not okay to interrupt someone when they are on the phone."
Timmy stared at Susannah for a few seconds and walked right back to Viki. He tugged on her arm again. "MOM-MY!" he shouted.
"Okay, thanks. Kevin will follow up on that," Viki said into the phone and closed it. "Sweetheart, Mommy was making an important phone call. It's not nice to yell at people when they are on the phone."
Timmy walked away from her and sat down in front of Tea, who was still on the floor near the blocks. He leaned back into her. She put her arms around him. He hung his head and began to cry. "Mommy don't like me no more because I can't spell the words good."
Viki rushed to where he sat with Tea. She knelt down. "Oh baby, no. That's not true."
Timmy turned around and rested on his knees. He threw his arms around Tea's neck and rested his head on her shoulder. When Viki put her hand on his back he pulled it away. Tea felt terrible for Viki. Tea gently rubbed Timmy's back and spoke softly to him. "Angelito, Mommy is talking to you."
"Mommy's mad at me. She's gonna go away. I wanna stay with you." He tightened his grip on Tea. Susannah did not like this. Timmy's was developing behavioral problems and it concerned her. Tea mouthed, "I'm sorry," to Viki. Viki nodded it was all right, but Tea could see pain in Viki's eyes.
"I think Timmy needs to go back to his room now," Susannah stated firmly.
"NO!" Timmy shouted. He clutched Tea tightly.
"Timmy, it is important that you follow directions. We ask you to do things to keep you healthy and safe. Now, you've been in the playroom long enough. It's time to go back to your room," Susannah explained gently, but firmly.
"We were all going to have some cookies, juice and ice cream," Kevin reminded Timmy. He was hoping to get Timmy out of this mood he was in.
"Well, sweetie, that's fine. Why don't we go to the dayroom and we can all have a snack."
"I don't want any. Tee, I want you to play with the blocks with me again."
Tea looked at Susannah. Susannah shook her head. "Come on, angelito. Let's go to the dayroom. Some other children need to use this room now." Tea patted his back.
"No, Tee. You wanna go way. You're gonna go way!" Timmy began to sob loudly.
"Shhhhh. No angelito. I promise. I'm don't ever want to go away from you."
Tea felt Timmy's body become tight and tense in her arms. He lifted his head from Tea's shoulder. His body started to tremble. When he pulled away, he accidentally knocked the baseball cap off his head. He reached out. He felt like someone had touched his head. "Viki?" His hand brushed over Tea's hair. Todd's sense memories kicked in. He remembered the feel of Tea's hair and the smell of her perfume. He pulled back. "Delgado?" he whispered.
Tea's heart started to race. Kevin knew how Todd would freak if he knew he was there. He sat very still. Todd reached out to her and quickly pulled his hand back. Todd knew he had just had his arms around Tea. He was terrified. "Delgado. I'm sorry! What did I do to you? Did I hurt you?" They could hear the panic in Todd's voice.
"No, Todd. You didn't. Not at all. Everything is all right." Tea spoke softly. She tried to keep him calm.
Todd had no idea where he was or when it was. He was not sure if he was sitting, standing or kneeling. He put his hands down and felt the floor under him. "Are we at the penthouse?"
"No, we're in the hospital. In the playroom," Tea oriented him.
Todd's trembling increased. His breathing was becoming erratic.
"Todd. It's Doctor Hanen. It's all right. Tea is safe and so are you. You are sitting on the floor. Viki and Sam are here." Susannah said nothing about Kevin or Bill.
Todd looked so stunned to have surfaced like this that it broke their hearts. He wanted to get up. He was afraid he would trip or fall. He was dying inside, knowing that Tea was there and watching him. He was wishing the floor would open up and swallow him. He didn't want to be alive. He felt tears filling his eyes. He tried to stop them. He also tried to stop his body from trembling. He heard his father's voice telling him he was acting like a little girl. He felt intense shame and fear wash over him. "Delgado, why are you here?" He asked through clenched teeth. No matter how hard he tried, he could not stop the flow of tears. He felt Tea's eyes on him. He remembered those eyes. He remembered how he loved to look into them. He remembered how he not only saw Tea's soul in her eyes, but the only proof of the existence of his own as well. As those memories came flooding back to him, so did the ones of the pain he put in Tea's eyes. He remembered the fright and anger in them when she woke up in the shed, after he had tied her up. Todd wanted to die.
"I miss you. I wanted to visit you," Tea explained. Tears formed in her own eyes. "Todd, please don't be ashamed in front of me. I'm your wife. I love you."
Tea surprised herself and Todd with what she just said. Todd took a chance and tried to scramble up off the floor. Susannah quickly reached out to help him. He panicked, thinking it was Tea, and pulled away. He fell back down again. Todd was humiliated. He reached out and tried to feel his way.
"Todd let us help you," Viki called out to him.
Todd was totally disoriented. He literally did not know up from down. He crawled away from the direction he thought Tea was in and instead bumped right into her. Todd sat back on his knees. "Oh God! Oh God! Get away Delgado. Get away! Is this what you want? Don't love me! Are you stupid? Didn't I hurt you enough? It's what I do Delgado! I hurt people. Do you enjoy seeing me like this? Is that it? Is this your revenge for everything I did to you?"
"Todd I love you," Tea cried.
"NO! NO! You're either lying or you're crazier than I am. Didn't they tell you? I'm crazy. I have these people running around inside me. They'll hurt you. You were right when you told them to lock me up."
"No, Todd. I'm so sorry for that. I didn't know. Oh Todd, I didn't know."
"You didn't know what?" Todd paused for a few seconds and then it hit him. "They did tell you. They told you I was crazy. YOU TOLD HER!" Todd felt hot tears pour down his cheeks.
"Todd please! Listen to me. It's all right. I know that you couldn't help most of the things you did. I am not angry with you. I don't think you're crazy. I think you are strong and brave."
Todd sat still for a minute. "She's lying to you. You are so stupid, Todd. Look at you . . . on the floor . . . crying like a little girl. You disgust her." Todd put his hands up to his ears. They realized he was hearing voices or one of the alters.
