Andy seemed to be calming down. Sam loosened his hold. Andy turned around so he was facing Sam as they both still sat on the floor. Andy sat on his knees and cuddled closer to Sam. He put his arms around Sam's neck and rested his head on Sam's shoulder. Sam rubbed his back. Susannah handed Viki the ice pack and Viki, who was kneeling behind Sam, placed it on the exposed wounded side of Andy's face, while the other side rested on Sam's shoulder. Susannah hoped that she would finally get Andy to talk about why he thinks his mother hates him and why he stayed away for so many years. She realized that Thomas, and perhaps some of the others knew Andy's secret. She needed Andy, himself, to tell what had happened. Susannah waited patiently while Sam and Viki comforted their child.

*****

Andy seemed to be calming down. His tears had stopped. He still held onto Sam. He rested his uninjured cheek against Sam's shoulder. Susannah reached into her pocket and turned on her tape recorder. She placed it on the floor. She then relieved Viki of ice pack duty. She could see Viki's knees were giving out.

"Andy, can you tell us why you think mommy hates you?" Andy turned his head downward, still resting it against Sam's shoulder. He avoided Susannah's eyes.

"Sweetheart, it's all right. No matter what you tell us we will still love you," Viki assured him.

"You won't want me to live with you anymore," Andy whimpered quietly.

Ignoring her pain, Viki knelt down next to him again. She lifted his head slightly off of Sam's shoulder. Looking him directly in the eyes Viki swore to him. "Andy, if I had one wish in the whole world it would be that you were well enough to come home and live with me. Sweetheart, we love you. There is absolutely nothing you could ever say or do that would change the way we feel. You are our little boy and we will always be there for you no matter what."

"Mommy got real mad at me," Andy pointed out sadly.

"Andy, I am not mommy. I am Viki and I will never get so mad at you that I would send you away. I will always want you with me."

"We will never leave you or send you away, pal. I promise. There is nothing you could ever, ever do or tell us that would make us send you away or leave you," Sam added. Viki stood up and sat down on one of the chairs that were near Sam and Andy. Andy quietly held on to Sam for a few minutes. Susannah felt his head. He seemed a lot cooler. She noticed that he was not restless and did not seem as anxious and jittery, as Thomas did. As with most medications, each alter was reacting differently to the Zyprexa. The only thing Susannah notice with each of them, was that they all seemed a little slower in movement and speech.

Susannah asked everyone, except Sam and Viki, to leave the playroom. She asked Terry, Frank, Marcia and Carl to wait right outside. She sat down on the floor, next to Andy and Sam. She stroked Andy's head. "Andy, it's all right to tell us what happened. Why did mommy want to send you away?" Susannah saw Andy's body tense up. Susannah whispered in his ear, "Andy, would you feel more comfortable if we were alone in my office?" Andy clung to Sam. "It's okay. We can stay here with Sam and Viki," Susannah promised.

"Are you still gonna be my daddy too?" Andy asked Sam.

"Sure I am, Andy," Sam answered reassuringly.

"Andy, why do you think mommy hates you?" Susannah persisted. She noticed his breathing was becoming erratic as he became more anxious. "Andy, will you do something for me?" Susannah posed. Andy nodded. "I want you to let go of Sam and lie down. You can rest your head on Sam's lap or on mine. Can you do that sweetheart?"

Andy did as he was asked. He chose Sam's lap.

"Okay, Andy. I'm going to help you relax all your muscles so you don't feel so afraid. Susannah slowly relaxed him until he was in a trance-like state. "Andy, tell me why you think mommy hates you," Susannah began again.

"She said I'm a nasty boy. She said I'm like daddy. She got real mad. They called her down to school."

"Mommy told you were nasty and like your daddy?" Susannah wanted to make sure.

"No, I heard her tell daddy. Everybody heard her tell daddy. They all know!"

"Andy, it's all right. It's not happening now." Susannah's voice was calming.

"Mommy and daddy had a real big fight and it was my fault. Daddy likes me best."

Susannah was confused. "They fought because daddy likes you best?"

"No, because mommy got called to school," Andy stated.

"Why did mommy get called to school?" Susannah pressed.

"Daddy wants me to be a good boy. Daddy likes me best," Andy repeated.

Susannah tried again. She knew Andy had to tell this in his own way. "Why did mommy get called to school?"

"Daddy takes my hand. He said it's okay. He said I'm just like a grown up boy . . . like him. Daddy likes me best."

"What did daddy do when he took your hand?" Susannah asked cautiously.

"It's bad. If it's bad it's not supposed to feel good. It's bad to feel good. Daddy says it's not. He says I'm his grown up boy. Daddy likes me best. Mommy says to do whatever daddy wants. She says if I'm a good boy I won't get hurt so bad. So why does mommy get mad? She lies to me! She lies to me!" Andy cried out angrily.

"It makes you angry to be lied to." Susannah restated.

"It makes me real mad. It makes me mad at mommy. I don't know why she says do what daddy says and then she hates me when I do."

"It makes you confused," Susannah helped him out.

"Uh huh. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make mommy like me. Nobody likes me. They all get mad at me. They hate me. I'm gonna get sent away! I'm gonna get sent away!" Andy cried out.

"Shhhhh. Andy, it's all right. No one is going to send you away. Mommy's not here now. Neither is daddy. You're safe. We all love you," Sam said softly. He stroked Andy's head.

Andy relaxed again. Susannah continued. "What does daddy do when he takes your hand?"

"Sometimes he puts it on his boy part. It makes it grow. I don't want daddy to put it in my mouth. It makes me throw up and daddy gets mad. Daddy don't put it in my mouth if I'm a good grown up boy and I'm just like daddy. He takes my hand again and . . ." Andy's voice trailed off. He rolled over on his side and brought his knees to his chest. They realized he was having an erection he didn't want them to see.

"Andy, what else does daddy do when he takes your hand?" Susannah pushed.

Andy was quiet for a moment. "He puts my hand on my boy part. What I do with daddy is bad. It's not supposed to feel good. Mommy hates me." Andy repeated.

"Andy, you are not bad. When that part of a little boy gets touched it's normal for it to feel good," Susannah explained. She knew how confusing feeling any pleasurable sensations during molestation could be.

"It feels funny and then good and then bad. Daddy makes it hurt. He says I'm a good boy because it got all hard like his, but then he hurts me when he touches it. Then he kisses it to make it better, but then that hurts too. Daddy likes me best because I'm a grown up boy. Why does mommy say to be good and then get mad?"

Susannah could see Sam and Viki were shocked by what Andy was saying. She understood that children who are being sexually abused very often become confused by feeling good because of something they realize is very wrong. She knew it was not uncommon for children to have orgasms during abuse and to become addicted to masturbating. They then feel very guilty. They feel as if they are the ones causing the abuse. Not only because, as in Todd's case, the abusing parent tells them it's their fault . . . that they want it and are asking for it . . . but also because they become sexually excited. They feel as if they are enjoying the abuse. They sometimes feel as if they are the ones who initiate it. Also, as in this case, the child begins to equate sexual abuse with love, affection, attention and caring. Timmy, who handled abuse that consisted primarily of brutal sodomy, felt nothing but terror. His terror made Peter hate him even more. Andy was the one who handled the fondling and oral sex. He learned to go along with it. He knew how badly he would be punished if he didn't and in the end he would be abused anyway. He learned to make it easier on himself. When his body's natural instincts took over he was left feeling dirty, bad and confused. Susannah understood even more now why Andy was, at times, so terrified of being abused and yet at other times he would offer himself to Sam in exchange for love. In Andy's case it was made even worse by his mother's mixed messages.

"Andy, why did they call mommy to your school?" Susannah asked.

"Mrs. Simmons saw me and sent me to the principal. I don't wanna get thrown out of first grade. I like being in school. I didn't mean to be bad. I just wanted it to feel good like when daddy makes me touch it," Andy whispered.

"Did you touch your boy parts while you were in class?" Susannah guessed.

Andy nodded. He pulled his knees to his chest even more tightly. Susannah looked at Sam and Viki. Her expression told them not to react to what was happening. She knew that Andy's body was doing things he had no control over. Susannah waited a few minutes. When she saw she could, she continued. "Did the principal call mommy down to the school?"

"Mommy hates to have to go there. Daddy don't like her to leave the house. I got mommy in trouble."

"No, you didn't, Andy. You didn't do anything wrong. Daddy taught you that if you touch your boy part it feels good. There was nothing wrong with you wanting it to feel good again." Susannah realized this was not the time to explain that masturbating in the middle of a class was not appropriate behavior. That could be explained at another time. Instead she asked, "what happened when mommy came to the principal's office."

Andy shrugged. "They made me wait outside. Then mommy came out and made me apologize to Mr. Walker. He told mommy to wait outside and he made me come into his office all by myself. Mommy said she wanted to come into the office with me, but he said no. He picked me up and sat me on his desk. He asked me if everything was all right at home. I didn't tell! I didn't tell! I'm a good boy. I didn't tell!" Andy's anxiety was increasing.

"It's all right, Andy. Calm down. You're safe here. We know you're a good boy. Just relax. It's safe to tell what happened here. No one will ever hurt you or send you away," Susannah promised. Sam stroked Andy's head. "Can you tell us what you said to Mr. Walker?" Susannah coaxed.

"I told him that I have the best mommy and daddy in the whole world. He asked me if anyone ever hits me. He said that some of my teachers noticed I had a lot of boo boos. I remembered to say what mommy taught me to say. I said, no. I'm real clumsy and I fall down a lot and bump into things a lot. I don't want him to know mommy lies."

They were all moved by the knowledge that Andy was protecting his mother, even though he was so angry with her.

Andy continued. "Mr. Walker asked me if anyone touches me 'there.' He pointed to my boy parts. I said 'no.' He thinks I'm bad cause it's bad to be touched there. He thinks I'm nasty."

'Poor Andy,' Susannah thought. "He is so completely confused and guilt ridden.' "Did Mr. Walker believe you?" Susannah asked.

"I guess. He let mommy take me home."

"What happened when you both got home?" Susannah pushed.

"Mommy looked at me funny . . . like I was a strange little boy. She didn't hug me or kiss me. She didn't call me sweetheart or darling. I like it when she calls me sweetheart or darling. She sent me to my room. Mommy hates me!" Tears started to glisten in Andy's long eyelashes.

"Did mommy ever come and talk to you about what happened?" Susannah questioned.

"No, but when daddy came home she started to yell at him. She said 'do you see what you've turned him into? Do you know what it's like to be called down to the school and be told that your child did such a disgusting thing.' Mommy thinks I'm disgusting!" His erection having since gone down, Andy turned on his back, and was starting to cry harder.

Sam, who had tears in his own eyes, patted Andy's chest and stroked his head. Susannah was relieved to see that Sam had no qualms about touching him. Andy calmed again.

Susannah continued. "What did daddy say when mommy told him that?"

"He said, 'the one time the kid acts like a man and you get all crazy over it. Don't worry, I'll make sure he never does that in school again.' Daddy's gonna hurt me! Daddy's gonna hurt me!" Andy cried out frantically.

Sam reached across Andy's chest and held on to his arms. He hugged Andy as he lay in his lap. Sam bent down and kissed Andy's forehead. Susannah was also relieved to see that physical affection by Sam did not trigger traumas or even any bad feelings in Andy. It had a soothing effect on him.

Viki was feeling a little overwhelmed by the details of Andy's sexual abuse. She wanted to wait outside, however she knew she had to hear what happened to this child. Viki was starting to perspire and her heart was racing. She had a dull pain in her chest and felt short of breath. It was something she hadn't felt for a long time. Not since her own therapy. She knew if she left now Andy would interpret it as rejection, so she tried to breathe deeply and slowly and she forced herself to sit there.

Once Andy had calmed down again, Susannah continued. "Andy, did daddy come to your room then?"

"No, he and mommy kept fighting. Mommy said, 'I hate myself for not stopping you. That child would be better off dead than living with what you are doing to him. We would both be better off dead than to live here with you.' Daddy said, 'that's the only way you'll ever get away from me, bitch, feet first.' I don't like it when daddy calls mommy names. I don't wanna be dead. Why does mommy tell me to be a good boy if she gets mad at what daddy does?"

Without waiting for Susannah to answer, Andy continued. "Mommy said, 'I don't want you to touch him like that anymore. You are turning him into a prewurt like you.' I didn't know what that meant, but I think it's real bad. Mommy thinks I'm real bad. Then I heard daddy hit her. Mommy didn't start crying this time. She yelled at daddy and said, 'maybe I should call him and tell him what you are doing to that boy! Maybe he would be better off if we gave him away!' No! I don't want mommy to give me away. No! I'll be good. I won't do it anymore. Not even when I'm in my room alone. I won't be disgusting and a prewurt no more. I'll be good. I don't want to get sent away!"

Viki wanted to go to Andy and soothe him along with Susannah and Sam. She started to get up. She felt as if she were about to pass out. Viki sat back down as thoughts about what Andy said assaulted her brain. 'Was Barbara talking about calling Father? Was she threatening to send him back to Father?' Viki wondered if this happened when Todd was six. Her father had just married Dorian at that time. He was also starting to get sick. 'Did Barbara had call him? Did she really try to get him to take Todd out of the house? Did she tell Father how badly Todd was being abused and he still left him to be tortured by Peter?' Viki felt like she was suffocating. Still, she sat there quietly and waited for Andy to continue.

"Did mommy and daddy keep fighting?" Susannah asked, after Andy had calmed down again.

"I heard a noise, like when daddy pushes mommy against the wall. Daddy said, 'you will never take him out of this house. Do you understand me? You and that little bastard are mine. You belong to me. If I ever find you even try to call him I will kill both of you.' Mommy said, 'maybe we'd be better off?' Daddy said, "maybe you would. Don't force my hand Barbara. I can make you sorry in ways you've never dreamed of.'"

Susannah noticed that Andy, like most of the alters, had an almost perfect recall of conversations they heard. Unlike Tom, who would sometimes try to imitate Peter's adult voice, Andy spoke in a flat, disconnected monotone. The only emotions he showed were his own comments about what had been said.

"I don't want daddy to hurt mommy and me. I was bad and now daddy's gonna hurt us," Andy cried out.

"No, Andy. That was a long time ago. You're safe here. No one is going to hurt you. Do you feel Sam holding you?" Susannah asked as she rubbed his ankle. He nodded. "See, you're safe. What happened then? Did Daddy come to your room then?"

Andy turned on his side and started to cry again. Susannah knew going in this was going to be difficult. Seeing all the torment her questions were causing him was ripping her heart out. She rubbed his ankle again. "Andy, shhhh. It's all right. We won't let anything hurt you. It's safe to tell us what is making you so unhappy. It's okay to tell me what happened when daddy came to your room?"

"I hided under the bed. Daddy got real mad and took my baseball bat and started poking me with it. I comed out from under the bed and tried to run downstairs. I can run real fast. Sometimes daddy likes it cause I run so good. This time he got real mad and grabbed me by my arm and it hurt a lot."

Susannah was glad that Andy wasn't prone to flashbacks and wasn't feeling Peter hurting his arm now.

"Daddy grabbed me by both arms and picked me up and shooked me hard. It made my head hurt. He said, 'what did you tell them? What did you tell your teacher and the principal?' Daddy's mouth smelled funny like mommy's does a lot. I hate that smell. It makes me feel sick. I don't want daddy to put his tongue in my mouth again. I told him I said that you and mommy were the best mommy and daddy and that I fall down a lot cause I'm clumsy and I told them no one ever touched me there. Daddy said, 'you'd better be telling me the truth.' I said I was. Daddy said, 'don't you ever do that in school again. Don't you ever do that unless I say so. I will tell you when it's all right to do that. I will tell you when you can feel good and when you can't. If you do that without my permission, I will cut it off.' I don't want daddy to hurt me. I'm scared!"

Once again, Susannah stopped. They comforted Andy until he calmed down.

"Did daddy leave your room then?" Susannah was hoping the answer was yes.

Andy shook his head. "Daddy put me on the bed and tooked my clothes off. He said, 'your mother doesn't want you to become a man. She wants you to stay a baby forever. She wants to turn you into a little girl. Daddy took out the little knife he kept in his pocket and he held my boy part and said, 'do you want me to turn you into a little girl?' I said, 'no daddy, please don't.' He said, 'then you'd better not tell anyone about our game. Do you understand me, Todd? No one!' I said, I understand. Daddy said, 'sometimes you can act like a man, hmm Todd? Sometimes daddy can fix what mommy does to you.' Daddy started to kiss my boy parts. It hurt this time and I wanted him to stop. I was afraid to move cause he would get mad again. He held my boy parts and squeezed them. It hurt so much."

Andy doubled over in pain, at the memory, not because he was re-experiencing it. "Daddy got mad because my boy part didn't get hard like his was getting. He unzipped his pants and pulled me down to him. It's so big. I'm scared! I don't want to! I don't want too! I want mommy. She's gonna say I have to do what daddy wants. I don't want too. Mommy! Ohhhh! Daddy's putting it in my mouth. I can't breathe. It's wiggling around in my mouth. I can't breathe. Daddy peed that white stuff in my mouth. I feel sick. Ohhhh!"

Susannah reached for a small plastic bin that was holding some small toy figures and quickly dumped them out and put it under Andy's chin just in time. Sam held his head as he vomited into the bin. Andy laid his head back down in Sam's lap and moaned softly. Susannah got a cold cloth and wiped his face and mouth off. She called Terry in to take his blood pressure and pulse. He was weak, but he was all right.

While giving Andy a chance to rest, Susannah looked up at Viki. She immediately went to her. "Viki are you all right?" Susannah felt Viki's forehead and cheeks. Viki's skin was cold and clammy.

"I think I need some air. I don't want Andy to think I'm leaving because of what he is saying," Viki stated weakly.

Susannah called Terry over. "I want you to take Viki outside and have someone take her blood pressure and her pulse and if there are any problems, I want them to come right back and let me know. Then I want you to have someone escort her to the cafeteria and make sure she eats and has some juice. Then I want them to make sure she gets to the lounge. Then, please come back here."

Susannah turned back to Viki. "Viki, after you've eaten I want you to go to the lounge and rest. I'll be in to see you when we are finished here."

"Susannah, please. None of that is necessary. I'm fine. I don't want to leave now," Viki protested.

"Viki, if Andy sees you pass out, it will traumatize him far more than seeing you to leave for a while. Please, do as I ask. I don't want to have to be worried about you too right now. You will be doing both Andy and me a favor if you take care of yourself."

Viki realized Susannah was right. She allowed Terry to help her up. Sam looked up from Andy. He saw something was wrong. He wanted to go to Viki. However he didn't want to upset Andy, who was still lying on his lap. Andy's eyes were closed and he was moaning softly.

Seeing Sam's dilemma, Susannah walked over to him and whispered. "Viki needs to have something to eat and then rest for a while. She's all right. Terry will have another nurse check her out. If there is a problem she will let me know. I think she is overwhelmed by all this." Susannah went back to Viki. "Everything is all right. Andy will probably not even notice that you have gone."

"Susannah, please don't push him to say more than he can handle." Viki knew that Susannah would never do that, but she had to say it anyway.

"He'll be fine. He will probably be back in his room soon. Now you go take care of yourself and I will see you later. We'll talk. Okay?" Susannah asked. She took Viki's hand and looked into her troubled blue eyes. Viki nodded yes and left with Terry holding her arm, at the elbow.