*****

Dorian had been very upset ever since Blair walked out threatening not to allow her to see Starr if she caused any trouble for Todd or Viki. She blamed Viki for the whole thing. "Every time I try to be nice to that woman it blows up in my face!" Dorian said to herself. She could not believe that Blair would ever really keep Starr away from her. "No matter what happens, Cramer women stick together," Dorian said out loud. Dorian's mind went to that letter and those canceled checks she found along with the picture of Todd. She wished she had thought to make a copy of everything she had found. Dorian cursed herself for allowing her compassion for Viki to cloud her normally good judgment. 'Yes,' she thought, 'Timmy, and even Todd deserved my compassion, but Viki always uses it against me.' "You never forgave me for taking your father away from you? Did you Viki?" Dorian once again said out loud.

Dorian wanted to have another look at those canceled checks and at the letter Victor sent Todd. She really wanted to know who James Porter was and why Victor would have paid him almost a quarter of a million dollars. 'He must have had something on the old bastard,' Dorian surmised to herself. Dorian decided to go back to the storage room and look through everything once again. She had been in a rush to bring Viki that picture of baby Todd. Perhaps in her haste she overlooked something. Dorian also wanted to get her hands on one of those checks. 'Maybe Viki still has them at the hospital, since she and Sam are there more than they are home?' Dorian thought. Dorian knew she had to be very careful. If she went to snoop around and Blair found out she would be even more furious. She had to make it seem like she was going just to lend support to Viki and Sam. Actually, Dorian was wondering how Todd was doing. Her concern for him, especially little Timmy, was genuine. She could not get his frightened, innocent eyes, looking up at her, out of her mind. Dorian was startled out of her thought by the doorbell ringing.

Dorian didn't know if she should be happy or nervous when she heard Blair's familiar voice at the door. "Are you here to threaten me with never seeing my grandniece again?" Dorian asked as soon as Blair entered the house.

"No, Dorian. I actually came because I want your advise, as a doctor, about something. This could make it up to Todd for your part in getting him hurt."

"Blair, I did not get him hurt. He. . ."

"I'm not here to argue that with you Dorian," Blair interrupted. "Let's just drop it. I need you to help me get custody of Todd."

Dorian was shocked by what Blair had just said. She could not believe that Blair had been serious about bringing Todd home. However she did not want to set Blair off again, so she decided to hear her out. "Let's go into the living room and talk about it," Dorian took Blair's arm.

Blair filled Dorian in on her visit with Matthew Allen. "Blair I'm not trying to be cruel or discouraging, but are you sure you want to do this? Please don't take this the wrong way . . ." Dorian sighed and licked her lips nervously. She continued. "If you should win, do you really think you and Starr will be safe with Todd living at the penthouse with you?

"I would have a full staff there to look after him. We would be fine!" Blair was adamant.

"Have you thought about having him transferred to Saint Ann's? You know they take very good care of Addie there."

"No, Dorian. Saint Ann's is the right place for mama, but not for Todd. He needs more than to just be looked after. He needs intensive therapy. As much as I hate to say it, mama will never live a normal life outside an institution. It's too late for her. Todd can have his life back. He's so young. I just know that he can come back to us."

"I really have to play the devil's advocate here again," Dorian said cautiously. She was trying not to anger Blair again. "If Todd gets well . . ."

"When Dorian! Not if. Todd will get well. He will not leave Starr without a daddy." Blair sounded determined.

"All right, when Todd gets well, won't he be going back to Tea? She is still his wife. She is standing by him."

Blair laughed. "Standing by him! No, Tea Delgado is not standing by him."

Dorian was shocked when Blair told her about what she saw in Tea's hotel room. "Blair are you sure about this?"

"They were both practically naked, Dorian. They were as flustered as hell when they realized they had been caught. I guess Tea was having visions of Todd's money getting away from her."

"Oh, my poor Cassie. Does she know?"

"I doubt it. Don't worry. I won't stand by and watch Kevin make a fool of her again. I just don't want to hurt her."

Dorian was furious. "How dare he! How dare he treat my daughter that way! It's all Viki's fault. She raised him to think he can get away with anything, just like Victor. Viki doesn't realize it, but she raised him to be like his grandfather. It doesn't matter who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants and what damage Viki didn't do, Clint and the rest of those horrible Buchanan's did. Look at Asa. Look at the way he treats women. Damn him! I can understand why Todd always hated the Buchanan's so. Does Viki know what her precious son is up to? Does she know he is hurting Todd? If there is one person on this earth Viki loves more than Kevin it's Todd."

Blair knew she had just sent Dorian on the warpath and that wasn't her intention. She needed Dorian to be calm and helpful now, not running off and doing something crazy. "If Viki doesn't know. I will tell her. I don't want you to get involved in this Dorian."

"Blair, Cassie is my child. If she is being hurt I am involved in it."

"Dorian, listen to me. I need your help and if Viki starts seeing you as an enemy again you will not be able to help me. Don't worry about Kevin. I will make sure Viki knows what he is up to with Tea."

"Of course she will probably take Kevin's side. That would be typical of Viki." Dorian could not help adding.

"Maybe, but as you said, Viki loves Todd more than anything. I'm hoping she won't stand by and watch, even Kevin, hurt him." Blair declared.

Blair had given a lot of thought as to whether or not to involve Dorian in her plans. She was not sure if Dorian could be trusted when it came to Todd. However, she also knew that Dorian had never let her down when it really came to it. Besides, she needed Dorian's medical expertise. "Dorian, I need to get Todd's medical records. Mr. Allen plans on trying to have them subpoenaed if he takes the case. The thing I'm afraid of is what if he can't? His hands are tied trying to do things by the book. Our hands are not. I also need testimony from a doctor or nurse or someone in a position to understand the medicine. I need someone to swear that they are not doing what is best for Todd. As I told the lawyer, I'm not saying Viki and Sam and Doctor Hanen are deliberately trying to harm him. I'm saying that there must be a better way then what they are doing."

"I have to say that Doctor Hanen seemed very competent to me. That is going to be hard to prove," Dorian stated.

"I know she is. I just think that, in this case, she is not doing right by Todd. You've seen him Dorian. You saw what he looks like. How could they allow that to happen to him? He was a young, strong, healthy man when they put him in that hospital. Look at him now. He can hardly sit up by himself."

Dorian remembered her shock at Todd's appearance. "I do know, as a doctor, that sometimes once someone's health starts declining they can go downhill with even the best treatment." Dorian looked into Blair's desperate eyes and added, "It does seem in Todd's case that they should have been able to do something." Dorian tried to sound encouraging again.

"They are keeping Todd so heavily drugged he doesn't know if he's coming or going. They say he's become psychotic. I think it's everything they're doing to him. You should have seen him Dorian. They had his arm, legs and waist tied to the bed. He was sounding like he was completely out of his mind."

Dorian said nothing. Nevertheless, she was terrified of the idea of Blair bringing Todd home. But Blair was hers, one of her girls, and if that were what she wanted to do she would help her. Dorian also told herself that she would be helping Todd. Having Viki as a guardian could not possibly be in his best interest.

Inside, Todd was happy and at peace as he snuggled in Goodone's arms. He was getting the love, warmth and safety that he needed. Outside, his eyes were blank his face was without expression. This time, Viki was not upset to see him this way. She was thankful that Todd had found his way to his papa. They sat Todd in a chair. He was accepting fluids as they were given to him and even swallowed the cream of wheat and custard that Viki fed him. She would have to put a little pressure on his jaw to get his mouth open and then massage his throat slightly, to get him to swallow. Slowly and with great patience she got it all into him. Todd was oblivious to it all. Terry watched as the love for her brother just poured out of Viki. She noticed how Viki was telling Todd how much she loved him and how good, special and brave he was throughout the whole meal. Viki would only stop to gently wipe his mouth with a napkin or to stroke his cheek or head. She would occasionally kiss his forehead or the top of his head. Terry knew that no patient she had ever worked with was more loved than Todd. 'How sad that he can't feel it,' she thought.

As soon as Tea saw Sam walk into her office she knew that he and Viki had heard about what Blair saw in her hotel suite. She expected Sam to be furious with her. Instead he put his arms around her. "This has been so hard for you. I'm sorry." Sam sympathized. He knew how Tea was suffering.

Tea burst into tears. Her emotions were always at the surface and practically uncontrollable these days. "Sam, you know nothing happened between Kevin and me. Tell me you and Viki know that!"

"Oh Tea, of course we do. That's not why I'm here. I'm here for you. I'm here because you were so upset when you left the hospital that you needed to get drunk. The only reason Viki's not here is because one of us wanted to stay with Todd."

"How is he? Blair said he's in a really bad way," Tea was almost afraid to ask this.

"Actually, he's a little better. The psychotic episodes seemed to have passed for now. Peep, one of the latest alters to come out, was also better. He was still hallucinating, but he was much calmer and a little more rational." Sam did not yet know about Todd coming back or his latest memory. "Susannah did have to start Todd on an antipsychotic drug. She says the side effects are not as likely with this one," Sam continued.

"Sam, I'm sorry. You and Viki must be going through hell."

"Why do you leave yourself out of that Tea? You are a part of this. You are right there in hell with us. Don't tell me you're not."

Tea sat down at her desk and put her face in her hands. She shook her head and then ran her fingers through her hair. "Sam, I always mess up. Every time I see Todd I make things worse. It's no wonder he thinks my being there is a nightmare."

Sam realized how hurt Tea must have been when she heard Todd say that. "Tea, Todd didn't mean it like that. To him the nightmare is having you see him like this and being afraid that he hurt you again, not just your being there."

"He was afraid I would hurt him too. He thought I wanted to send him to jail."

"Tea, he didn't know what he was saying," Sam tried to comfort her.

"No, he was right. I did want to send him to jail, right after he punched me and tied me up in the garden shack. I wanted to send him to jail. I told Pete I was just trying to help Todd and in a way I was, but I was also so angry. I wanted to hurt him back. I knew I would always be drawn back to him and I wanted to find a way to get him out of my life for good. What's that old saying? . . . Be careful of what you wish for. . . . Well, I got my wish. Didn't I Sam? Todd is out off my life and it probably is for good."

Sam could hear fear mixing in with the bitterness of Tea's tone. "Honey, Todd is not out of your life. He loves you. That's why it kills him to have you see him in this condition. I sometimes think there is still this tiny part of Todd's mind that knows what is going on and that part dies of shame at the thought of having the woman he loves see him this way."

"What about Blair? He wants to see Blair. According to her, he begs to see her."

"Todd only asked for Blair after he went into the psychotic episode."

Tea laughed. "I guess someone would have to be psychotic to want to spend time with Blair." Sam smiled. He was glad to see that Tea could still make jokes about this. "Sam it just seems that it is always Blair. When he wanted help with Georgie he turned to Blair. When he wanted someone to help him in prison, he turned to Blair. Now, when he is terrified by these horrible things going on in his mind, he still turns to Blair."

"Tea, for one thing Todd could not have turned to you when he was in jail after the hostage thing. You know that."

"No, I was the one trying to keep him in jail. Blair was the one trying to get him out. He is not so far gone that he doesn't remember that." Even more bitterness crept into Tea's voice.

"Honey, it isn't just that. Blair is the mother of Todd's child and. . . ."

"I know that! I know that song by heart. Blair is Starr's mother. Todd and Blair will always have a connection I can never have with him. Todd becomes afraid for Starr and he turns to Blair. It is engraved in my brain, Sam."

"Okay, then you also know that there is truth to it, Tea. The one thing Todd knows is true about Blair is how much she loves Starr. He knows she would die for Starr. So naturally if he feels Starr is in danger he turns to Blair."

"I would die for Starr too or doesn't Todd remember that? When that terrorist came into the penthouse and wanted to hurt Starr I was willing to give my life to save her. Doesn't Todd know I would protect Starr no matter what?"

"Todd may also remember that Starr is not with you. She is with Blair. Even in the middle of a psychosis, there might still be that rational part of Todd that is able to reason that. Tea, I know he hurt you by saying that thing about a nightmare, but you have to understand how he meant it. Do you think Todd hates Starr?"

"No! My God, Sam. Of course not."

"Well, Todd would die if he thought Starr saw him like this. Tea, maybe he can allow Blair to see him this way because it doesn't hurt him as much to have her see him.?"

Tea desperately wanted Sam to be right. "So what happens now? Do I continue to stay away or do I attempt to see the alters?"

"I would talk to Susannah. What I think she will say is that, first of all, it is up to you. I also think that she will say as far as the alters are concerned, they love seeing you."

"Yeah, I think Pete got a real charge out of seeing me." Tea could see Sam looked concerned. "Don't worry Sam, I'm joking. I know there is always a danger of Pete coming out. I think he deliberately came out when he realized I was there. I guess we have some unfinished business. I would like to see Tom again and let him know I understand why he left so suddenly." Tea then told Sam what Tom said about thinking Sam loved Timmy more than him. She also told him what she said to Tom . . . that she let him know how much Sam loved him and how proud he was of him and how much he wanted to be his father.

Sam felt terrible. He didn't know Tom felt that way. "Tea, thank you so much for telling me. I will have to make sure that Tom realizes that everything you told him is true. I sometimes forget that each of them needs to be reassured individually and that they do not interpret love for one as love for all. As well they shouldn't. I mean when you think about it, just because someone loves one person it doesn't necessarily mean that they love another person. It really is amazing how there is, in some ways, so much logic to Todd's inner system." Sam then added, "Tea, you said exactly the right thing. You are great with them, in case you haven't realized it."

"I do love him Sam. I hope you and Viki know that. I love him with all my heart. Pete told me I will never get Todd out of my system and I will be in this for the rest of my life. He was right, Sam. Pete was right."

Finally, assured that Tea was feeling a little better about things, Sam hugged her good-bye and headed back to the hospital.

Secrets 68, Page 2