Bill noticed tears come to Sam's eyes.

*****

Sam took a few minutes to pull himself together. His conversation did not really assuage his guilt, but Bill did say one thing that Sam knew was true. He had another chance to be a good father to Todd. He was truly grateful for that. He headed to Todd's room to retrieve the bird dish.

"Is Mr. Jackson your bestest friend?" Timmy asked Susannah.

Susannah sat on the bed and stroked Timmy's cheek as Viki continued to hold him wrapped in her arms.

"He's a new friend. Do you like him?" Susannah asked.

Timmy nodded and said, "Mr. Panda and Mr. Rabbit do too."

"They do! How do you know?" Susannah asked Timmy as she and Viki exchanged smiles.

"They told me. Can I give them some ice cream too?"

"I don't know if bears and rabbits can eat ice cream. Why don't we wait until we can get them some special food?" Viki suggested.

"So they don't get tummy aches?" Timmy figured out.

Viki hugged him a little tighter and kissed his head. "That's right, sweetheart," Viki replied. Viki was always at her happiest when "her child" was snuggled safely in her arms.

"I think you can go back to your own room tomorrow morning," Susannah informed Timmy.

"Is Andy there?" Timmy asked hopefully.

Susannah realized he really had no concept of how the system worked. A part of him knew that he was inside Todd and so were the others and that he was in Todd's body, but he really didn't understand. He wasn't able to grasp the fact that Andy and the others weren't separate from him. He would repeat what he had been told about things, like that it was Todd's heart that was sick, but true understanding of it seemed to be beyond him.

"Sweetie, when you go back to your room Andy will be going back too. He lives inside Todd, just like you do."

"No, sometimes Andy gets lost or runs away or hides. Sometimes he has no place to go and he cries. I love Andy. I don't like it when he's sad."

Both Viki and Susannah were very upset by what Timmy just said. They wondered if for some reason, the parents of Todd’s system were rejecting sweet, funny little Andy. If so, they could not imagine why.

Sam came back in with the bird dish. "Here you go Timmy. Now when Mr. Jackson comes back, you can fill up your favorite dish and see if you can get the birds to sing."

Timmy looked up at Sam an studied him for a moment and then asked, "Are you sad?"

Sam was amazed had how well and how quickly Timmy and most of the alters could sense the feelings of those around them. It was almost as if they had a sixth sense. "Yeah, I'm a little sad," Sam confessed. Sam sat down on the other side of the bed; opposite from where Susannah was sitting. "You know what I need not to feel sad?" Sam asked Timmy.

"Uh uh," Timmy admitted, shaking his head.

"A big hug. Do you think you could help me out?" Sam prompted.

Timmy held his arms out to Sam, who took hold of Timmy and held him as tightly as he could without hurting him. Sam kissed him on the forehead and asked, "Do you know I love you more than anything in the whole world and I love being your daddy."

Timmy smiled and snuggled into Sam and put his head on Sam's shoulder.

Sam felt Timmy suddenly try to pull away. He released his hug.

"Timmy" hung his head down and started to cry.

"Timmy, what is it? Did I hurt you?" Sam asked, afraid he'd held him too tightly.

"I'm Andy," he wept.

"Andy, sweetheart, what is it? Why are you crying?" Susannah pressed as she lifted up his tear stained face.

"Sam don't love me more than anything or want to be my daddy."

"Oh Andy," Sam took Andy in his arms. "Sure I do. I love all of you the same. It's just that Timmy was the one who was here now, so I told him. I would love to be your daddy."

"Will you play baseball with me?"

"You bet I will. As soon as you're feeling better." Sam promised.

Andy snuggled up to Sam and rested his head on Sam's shoulder. "I'll be a good boy if you want me to. I'll be real quiet so mommy won't hear and I won't move away and I'll tickle you back if you want me to. I promise I'll try not to throw up and I won't tell anyone."

Sam Viki and Susannah exchanged looks with each other. They realized Andy was offering himself to Sam in return for love. Andy still could not get past thinking that he had to allow a man, who's love he wanted, to molest him.

"Andy," Sam began. He held Andy a little tighter; "I love you just for being you. There is nothing you have to do for me or give me. You don't ever have to think that you have to touch me or let me or anyone touch you in anyway you don't want to be touched in order for them to love you. You are already a good boy and I already love you very, very much. I am very proud of you. More than anything I want to be your daddy and Timmy's daddy and a daddy to Todd and everyone else who lives inside him. Do you understand?" Sam asked as he rubbed Andy's back.

Sam felt Andy's head nod yes against his shoulder. However he still wasn't sure Andy really did understand.

"Andy, Doctor Hanen's friend is gonna bring ice cream. You can share mine. Look! Sam brought the bird dish I told you about. Don't be sad. Sam loves us together." They heard Timmy's voice say as he shifted position in Sam's arms.

Sam realized he was now hugging two little boys.

Bill came back into the room carrying a bag full of ice cream.

"I remember you! We played with the trains together," Andy proclaimed and pulled back a little from Sam. He looked up at Bill.

Bill immediately realized that this was the little boy he first met. It was Andy, the one who was hiding under the bed. "Hello Andy. I remember you too."

"Look, Sam brought us the bird dish."

Bill looked confused for a minute. The two voices were different, as were the facial expressions. He then realized that both Andy and Timmy were simultaneously using Todd's body. He knew he was now talking to both Andy and Timmy. "That is a very good looking dish. I hope you boys finish your ice cream so I get to hear the birds sing," Bill encouraged.

Bill had gotten some plastic bowls and he dished out the various flavors of ice cream. He then put some of the chocolate flavor in the bird dish. Sam picked up the bowl and set the timer and handed it to the boys.

Timmy reached for it. His hands still trembled as he held the bowl and lifted the spoon. The weakness was still visible.

"Would you like me to feed you sweetheart?" Viki offered.

Timmy nodded. He took a couple of spoonfuls and then closed "his" mouth and shook his head.

"Baby what's the matter? Does your tummy hurt?" Viki inquired.

"I don't like the chocolate. I like the white one."

Bill realized it was Andy and suggested, "Andy, there's plenty more vanilla. Would you like me to add some to the bird dish?

Andy looked at Timmy.

"It's okay Andy. We'll share. It's your dish too," Timmy generously proposed.

Bill scooped some vanilla ice cream into the dish.

Andy happily opened his mouth and allowed Viki to feed him. "You boys are going to have to tell me when to put vanilla on the spoon and when to put chocolate on it." Viki said and smiled at her two little boys.

Bill watched in amazement as they each took turns calling out "vanilla" or "chocolate" and opening their mouth for Viki to feed them a spoonful.

"Sam's our daddy, now," Andy enlightened Bill, in between mouthfuls.

"He loves us more than anything," Timmy added.

"And he's real proud of us," Andy stated and continued, "he's gonna play baseball with us."

Timmy turned away and hung his head.

"What's the matter?" Susannah asked. She lifted his face so they could see which boy they were dealing with.

"I can't play baseball good. I get clumsy. Sam'll hate me."

"Never Timmy! I don't care how you play. You are not clumsy and I would never, ever, ever, hate you," Sam reassured.

Andy put his arm around Timmy's shoulder and consoled him. "Don't worry Timmy. I'll teach you good. Then you'll be a real good baseball player. You just have to get big like me." They saw Timmy rest his head against Andy's shoulder.

Bill could not stop looking at them. He had never seen anything like this. He could actual "see and hear" two distinct little boys, interacting with each other and with the adults in the room.

"Come on boys. The birds are waiting for you to finish your ice cream." Viki did not want the timer to go off while there was still food left in the bowl.

They each opened their mouths until both flavors were just about gone. The timing worked out. Just as Viki spooned the last spoonful of vanilla into Andy's mouth, the birds started singing. Bill watched in delight as both boys got huge smiles on their faces and started giggling with each other.

"See! We made the birds sing," Andy exclaimed.

"We did it together," Timmy added and reached out for Andy's hand. Timmy then asked Andy, "Can you stay here with me all night?"

Andy turned to Susannah and asked. "Is it okay?"

Susannah smiled and put her arm around both boys and answered, "you boys can stay together any time you wish."

Bill watch as Sam and Viki read a story to and then tucked Andy and Timmy in. He noticed Viki gave Todd's face a kiss on each cheek. He realized it was one for Andy and one for Timmy. He could tell she had done this before. Timmy asked Sam to put Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda in between them, so they could share.

"Goodnight Mr. Jackson, thanks for the ice cream," Andy said, in a sleepy voice.

"Thanks for the ice cream," Timmy repeated, his voice different, but just as sleepy. Bill saw Timmy once again reach out for Andy's hand.

"If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I could never have imagined it. There were actually two little boys here with us tonight. How is that possible?" Bill asked as he and Susannah sat on the couch in the lounge down the hall from the room Todd was in. He was totally astonished by what Todd's mind was capable of.

"They are separate little boys. You probably couldn't notice, but there is a split second gap between the switching. It happens so quickly that it is almost imperceptible. At the point when each of them speaks or does something they are in control of Todd's mind and body for that moment. So it actually is two separate personalities. They can see and hear each other as if they are next to each other," Susannah explained.

"The way they comforted each other, they are both so . . ." Bill was at a loss for words."

"They are both very kind, generous and loving children. They are that way with each other and with everyone."

"So one of them can excel at something like baseball or climbing trees and the other might not be good at it at all?" Bill was fascinated.

"Oh absolutely. Thomas and Andy both seem to have been very athletic, as were Pete and Todd. Tom and Timmy are not. They are quieter and shyer. It also extends to their creative ability and their ability to learn. Most of them draw well. Some of them are just the most amazing artists. I will take you to the art room sometime and show you their work. You won't believe it."

"Susannah, they are all so individual and distinct. They seem to go in so many different directions. If they all become a part of Todd it seems to me as if he would just explode. How will one person be able to handle a mind and body that goes in all these different directions? How can he be a fast and slow learner at the same time? Or athletic and non-athletic or be a talented artist and just be able to draw okay, all at the same time?" This was almost beyond Bill's scope of understanding.

"Todd is a good athlete. He is a talented artist and a brilliant boy, a genius actually. There can be a vast difference in IQ between alters and between alters and the host. In this case I've found the IQ's of those I've been able to test to all be above average. Tom is slow in some respects but he shines in others. The alters who believe that they are stupid and clumsy and without talent believe that because it was drummed into their head. Peter did an excellent job of that. Todd's gifts and talents had to be come out somewhere. They had to be expressed. So those gifts and talents went to some of the alters who could handle them. They somehow didn't allow Peter's words to take it away from them. Once Todd is whole he can do all the things that the alters are keeping safe for him. Miraculously, Todd did not allow his gifts to be destroyed. He preserved them, in the alters. One day they will return them to Todd. Does that make sense to you?" Susannah really wanted Bill to understand Todd.

"Yes," Bill nodded and declared, "I am completely in awe of your patient, Doctor Hanen,"

Susannah saw the look of great respect for Todd's ability to have chosen this way to survive and for the kind of young man Todd was written on Bill's face. Susannah leaned back and put her feet up on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Did you get a chance to talk to Sam about taking over the search for the Bakers?" Susannah inquired.

"I don't know about taking it over, but I would certainly like to try my hand at it and no, I didn't get the chance. Sam started talking about not being there for Todd when he was young. Man! Is he ever on a guilt trip. I can understand it. I mean he did have ample opportunity to see what was happening to the kid, but he has to let it go. He can't change what happened." >

"I'm not sure if he will ever be able to do that completely. Every time he sees Todd suffering it is a reminder of the fact that he might have been able to spare him that. Sometimes people's feeling of guilt are based on something groundless. In Sam's case, he has a legitimate reason for feeling that way and he knows it and it is eating at him," Susannah explained.

"He loves that boy so much. It's not too late. I told him that. He still has a chance to be a dad to him. Todd and the others need a mother and a father as desperately now as a newborn would. Doesn't Sam realize how much he is helping? He has pretty much put his life on hold and devoted himself to Todd's care. He should realize that counts for something," Bill proclaimed.

"I think a part of Sam realizes it. He certainly recognizes it in Viki. They both have put everything on hold. They practically live at the hospital." Susannah agreed.

"If, god forbid, something happened to Todd, their life would be over as well. You weren't exaggerating about the things you said to Todd the night he went into cardiac arrest, were you Susannah?"

"No," Susannah sadly admitted.

They were just starting to talk about Bill's ideas for furthering the investigation into the Baker's disappearance, when one of the night nurses on the step down unit came into the hall. "Doctor Hanen, Todd seems to be having a nightmare. I think you'd better come."

Susannah and Bill quickly walked back to the room Todd was in. Sam and Viki were on either side of him, each holding on to an arm and trying to stroke and comfort him as the attending and two nurses stood by.

"I think it's Tom," Sam guessed when he saw Susannah come in.

Todd's body was thrashing in the bed gasping for breath, crying out, "No! No! I didn't cry. I cleaned it up. I did. I did! Stop! I didn't cry. I didn't cry. Nooooo!"

"Tom! Tom! Wake up. Honey it's just a dream, now wake up. Come on," Susannah coaxed as she shook him gently. "TOM! You need to wake up now," Susannah called to him. She lightly tapped his cheeks.

What they didn't know was that Tom was dreaming about one of the most horrific nights of his young life. Tom's eyes shot open. He reached up for his throat. "I can't breath," he gasped. "Ooooooh, it hurts." He tried to get into a sitting position, but Sam and Viki were still holding him.

"Help him to sit up," Susannah instructed.

As soon as they got him in a sitting position, he attempted to get off the bed. "Whoa! Pal, you can't do that," Sam said and held on to him.

"I can't breath. Oooooh," Tom cried out. He lurched in Sam's arms. They knew he was feeling himself being beaten or burned or both. "I did it. I cleaned it up. Stop! No more! Pleeeeease!" His body lurched again, as he cried out in agony.

"Tom it's not happening now. Tom it's Doctor Hanen. Honey, you're in Sam's arms. Sam is holding you. No one is hurting you. Tom you're in the hospital. Your dad is not here. You're safe. You're safe, shhhhh," Susannah tried to calm him. She stroked the back of his head as Sam held him. Viki was holding on to Tom's right arm and rubbing it.

Susannah ordered a sedative. She hated to weaken Todd's body any further by keeping him heavily sedated. She ordered one that would hopefully calm him without putting him under heavy sedation.

Within a few minutes Tom stopped struggling but he was still not with them. He was still lost in his nightmare.

Secrets 57, Page 2