Tom was terrified. He could not grasp what they were saying to him. He suddenly felt Peter's finger and knuckle pressing against his throat, cutting off his air and his voice. He felt the pain of Peter's cigarettes and they burned his chest. He could not understand why they were letting Peter hurt him. As the sedative hit he tried to call and reach out one more time.

*****

Todd had been taken off the ventilator. The wrist restraints had been removed. For the time being he was not given any additional sedation. He needed to be assessed. His vitals were normal, for him. However he was extremely weak. Todd had managed to survive yet another crisis. Viki, Sam and Susannah were by his bed when he started to show signs of waking up. He was moaning softly in his sleep.

"His chest and throat hurt like hell right now," Susannah informed them. "Todd! Todd! It's Doctor Hanen. Can you hear me?"

His moaning got a little louder. It did not sound like Todd moaning. It sounded like one of the children. His eyes started to open. Then they closed. Then they shot open as the full extent of the pain registered. "It hurrrrrts," Timmy moaned softly. He tried to reach out but felt too weak to lift his arms.

"Timmy. I know it hurts. Todd was very sick. We had to put a tube in his throat and press on his chest to make him better. That's why his body hurts now."

"I can't breath good," Timmy whimpered.

"Sweetie, do you mean because it hurts to take a breath?" Susannah asked.

He just barely nodded. He was so weak he could hardly move his head or cry. He just lay there, limply.

"Mommy," Timmy whimpered. It was almost inaudible. He was hardly able to make a sound.

Doctor Anderson, the neurologist who had seen Todd when he first became blind, had been called as soon as Todd showed signs of waking up. He now entered the ICU unit and walked over to Todd's bed.

Sam and Viki said their hello's.

"This is Timmy. Timmy is four years old," Susannah spoke up. She wanted to make sure Doctor Anderson was aware of the situation.

"Hello Timmy. My name is Doctor Anderson."

Timmy stared up at him. Clearly terrified, but not able to move away.

"Sweetie, Doctor Anderson won't hurt you. I promise. He won't give you any shots or do anything at all that hurts," Susannah assured him as she stroked his cheek. "He's in a lot of pain," Susannah informed Doctor Anderson.

"Okay Timmy we'll make this quick," Doctor Anderson said and took a penlight out of his pocket. "I'm just going to shine this in your eyes. It won't hurt."

He held onto Timmy's forehead as he shined the light in his eyes. Timmy closed his eyes tightly and moaned.

"Does the light hurt your eyes?" Doctor Anderson asked.

"Mommy," Timmy whimpered.

"Does he seem oriented to you?" Doctor Anderson asked Susannah.

"As much as can be expected," Susannah replied and then said, "John, I'm not sure you can really evaluate him now. He's in so much pain and he is terrified."

"I'll do the best I can. I'll see him again after he's had some time to heal. Doctor Anderson pointed to Viki. "Timmy can you tell me who this is?" Viki realized Timmy was not strong enough to turn his head so she stepped into his line of vision.

"Mommy," Timmy answered. "No baby, it's Viki," she corrected him and stroked his head.

"Mrs. Carpenter, I need Timmy to answer," Doctor Anderson gently explained. He motioned for Sam to stand where Timmy could see him. "Timmy do you know who this is?"

"Sam," Timmy answered in a whisper. He mouthed it more than say it out loud.

"That's very good Timmy. Do you know how old you are?"

They looked down at Timmy's right hand as he tried to raise four fingers.

"Very good. Timmy, I want you to follow my finger with your eyes, okay?" Doctor Anderson instructed.

"It hurrrrts," Timmy moaned, as a tear finally made it's way down his cheek.

"John, I think we'd better let this go for now. I don't suspect neurological damage. We brought him back in less than two minutes.

"All right Timmy. I'll let you rest now, you've been a very brave boy," Doctor Anderson praise him and patted his leg.

"Thank you John. I'll call you in a day or two," Susannah said, patting his arm.

Susannah went to the nurses station and ordered some pain medication and headed back to Timmy's bed.

"Can I lift him?" Viki asked Susannah.

"You can try. He's still very sore, but it may comfort him," Susannah responded.

"Come here sweetheart," Viki said soothingly as she gently lifted Timmy's upper body to her.

Timmy moaned as she lifted him. "Mommy," he whispered when he felt himself in Viki's arms. He was too weak to put his arms around her. They just hung limply at his sides.

Sam held on to Timmy's right hand. Viki held him close to her. A nurse added some pain med to his IV.

"Make it stop hurting," Timmy begged as some more tears trickled down his cheek.

"Timmy it'll start to feel better soon," Susannah promised.

"It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot! I can't breath good. Make it stoooop," Timmy cried.

"Timmy, sweetie I want you to go to Miss Perkins. Can you do that? If you go back to Miss Perkins it will stop hurting. Miss Perkins if you can hear me I want you to help Timmy go back inside. Todd's body is in a lot of pain. Miss Perkins, Goodone, Carol, you need to keep all the children and Todd inside with you. Can you each please hold onto your children and Todd so none of them need to suffer?" Susannah addressed Timmy again. "Timmy I know you're in a lot of pain. Sweetie, I want you to try to relax your body as best you can and look for Miss Perkins. Do you see her?"

"Noooo," Timmy moaned.

"Viki lay him down," Susannah instructed.

Viki slowly and gently laid him back down. "Ohhhh," Timmy moaned as Viki moved him.

Susannah stroked his head and said, "Close your eyes sweetie and try to relax your body."

She knew Timmy was in so much pain that it might not be possible. "It hurrrrrts," he whimpered again.

"I know Timmy, I know. Miss Perkins talk to Timmy. Let him follow your voice."

The pain medication was helping a little and Timmy relaxed slightly. He appeared to be listening to something.

"Do you hear Miss Perkins?" Susannah asked.

"Uh huh," Timmy whispered. He tried to turn on his side, but the pain and his weakened condition prevented it.

"Listen to Miss Perkins' voice sweetie. Go towards her voice," Susannah encouraged.

Timmy's eyes became blank. He found his way. He was no longer in pain.

"Thank you, Miss Perkins," Susannah said quietly.

Inside, Miss Perkins was holding her arms out for Timmy. He ran to them and buried his face against her thigh.

"It's all right now Timmy. Let Miss Perkins take care of you. There is no need for you to feel all that pain. Come," Miss Perkins said, holding out her hand, "Tom is here. You can play with him. Try not to wake Jimmy and Pete. They have been asleep for a while now."

Todd's body remained as Timmy had left it, expressionless, eyes blank. They would close when Todd's body slept, but during a waking stage they just stared, not seeing anyone or anything.

Sam, Viki and Susannah were relieved he stayed that way. His condition remained stable. If all went well he would be going back to his own room day after tomorrow. Susannah went back to her apartment, for the first time in over forty-eight hours. She showered and washed her hair. She put on a warm fuzzy blue bathrobe. She fixed herself some tea and put a frozen French bread pizza in the oven. She was surprised by the sound of her doorbell. When she peeked through the interviewer she was even more surprised to see Bill standing outside her door. Susannah quickly opened the door part way.

"I know I can trust you to tell me, honestly, if you are not up for company. I can just leave this and go." Bill smiled and held up the pizza carton he was carrying.

Looking down at the fuzzy robe she was wearing and fingering her wet hair Susannah hesitated for a moment. She then realized that for some reason she did not feel uncomfortable. She opened the door wide.

"I guess great minds think alike, I just put a frozen pizza in the oven," Susannah joked.

"This, Doctor Hanen, is genuine Chicago style, deep dish. Or so the sign outside the restaurant promised," Bill stated lightly.

"I guess we'll just have to see about that," Susannah stated. Her smile grew larger. "How did you know I was home?" Susannah inquired.

"I went by the hospital and Sam told me. Sam was with Todd. He told me Viki had gone to the lounge for a while."

"Was Todd asleep when you were there?" Susannah asked.

Bill heard the concern in her voice. "Don't worry, I wasn't about to ask him anything," Bill reassured her.

"No, I wasn't asking for that reason. I mean were his eyes open or closed?"

"Closed, why? Does he sometimes sleep with his eyes open?"

"I helped Todd, well actually Timmy, go into a dissociative state before I left."

"Why would you do that?" Bill was fascinated by this case. "He was in a great deal of pain and very frightened. I was trying to avoid having to heavily medicate him again. Timmy is extremely suggestible. I helped him to go back inside and find Miss Perkins and let her take care of him."

"So, even though the pain is real and physical, once he's inside he can't feel it?" Bill was intrigued

"No, I'm sure he's at peace and pain free. I was afraid one of the others would come out, but thank goodness no one did. Todd's body is very, very sore," Susannah informed Bill.

"Is that kind of like people who are hypnotized before surgery and are able to go through it without anesthesia?" Bill was curious.

"Something like that. I don't mean to cut you off but the smell of that pizza is driving me crazy, can we eat?" Susannah asked and headed for the kitchen, not waiting for an answer. "Is the coffee table all right?" She asked when she came back into the living room carrying some plates and napkins.

"That'll be fine," Bill agreed. He set the pizza box down on the far end of the coffee table.

"Would you like some wine?" Susannah offered.

"That would be great," Bill replied. He sat down on the couch.

Susannah came back carrying a bottle of red wine and two wineglasses. Bill liked the fact that Susannah didn't wait for him to open the wine she got a corkscrew opened it and poured. They each put a slice of pizza on their plate, and took a bite. "Not bad," they both said at the exact same time, and burst into laughter.

They ate their pizza and talked about the Cubs and about Bill's children. He explained that he and his ex-wife were on friendly terms. They had gotten married right out of high school. She helped put him through school and then he helped her realize her dream of becoming a high school math teacher. Their marriage kind of lost steam. There was no one else in the picture. They just grew apart. They both wanted joint custody of the children and all involved seemed reasonably happy.

"My kids seem to feel equally at home at my apartment or at the house with their mom," Bill said, as he helped himself to another slice.

Susannah refilled the wine glasses.

"Are you planning on going back to the hospital tonight?" Bill asked.

"No, I am going to recharge my circuits," Susannah stated with a smile and added, "Viki and Sam will not leave, whether I am there or not. They'll beep me if there is a problem. I'm hoping Todd will stay in this state for a couple of days, just until his body has had a chance to heal a little." Susannah stretched her legs out in front of her. "So when are you going back to Chicago?" Susannah asked in her usual straightforward manner.

"You know, I kind of thought I'd stick around Llanview for a few days. As far as Michelle goes, we've kind of hit a dead end for the time being. I could have every wooded area that is approximately twenty miles in every direction from the house Todd lived in dug up. I don't think the taxpayers would appreciate that. So for now I'll just wait. Sooner or later we have to hear something about the family or perhaps Todd or one of the alters will be well enough for you to broach the subject with them."

"Well, I doubt if that could happen in a few days," Susannah responded and drained her glass of the deep red liquid in it. "I have some chocolate chip cookies and I may have some Cherry Garcia, would you care to indulge?" Susannah tempted Bill.

They had their ice cream and cookies. As much as Susannah was enjoying Bill's company, the last few days and the wine were catching up with her. She could hardly keep her eyes open.

Bill noticed and commented, "I think one of us needs to get some sleep."

"Bill I'm sorry. I guess I'm more tired than I thought. God, I must be getting old. I remember back in medical school I could pull two all nighters in a row and still be fresh for class the next morning."

"Gee, two days with hardly any sleep, going through the emotional wringer for almost all of those two days, almost losing someone you love and then personally willing them back to life and spending the night guarding them from death . . . I just can't imagine why you would be tired. And here I thought only Kryptonite could take you down, Doctor Hanen?" Bill put things in perspective.

"It has been know to," Susannah joked and grinned. "Are you going to let me keep the rest of the pizza for breakfast tomorrow or do you want to take it with you?" Susannah's tone clearly let Bill know she planned on keeping it.

"I think the chef at the Palace would be highly insulted if I didn't place my breakfast order. Goodnight Doctor Hanen," Bill said, standing up and putting his coat on.

"Thanks for the pizza, not bad for the Pennsylvania edition," Susannah remarked as she walked him to the door.

"Not bad at all," Bill looked into Susannah's eyes as he said that and then he left.

Before she went to bed Susannah called the Viki. Viki said Todd still seemed to be in a dissociative state when he was awake. He would open his eyes, but they remained glassy and blank. He wasn't moving or moaning. Viki also told Susannah that both she and Sam would be with him through the night. They would take turns sleeping and that they were both fine. She told Susannah to get a good night's sleep and she would see her in the morning.

Susannah called the nurses station and was told that Todd's vitals were good and since he didn't seem to be in pain he had not been given any additional pain meds. He was getting his scheduled feedings and his latest blood work showed his electrolytes to be within a normal range. His renal functions were normal and he had no arrhythmias. Susannah was relieved to hear it. 'Goodone, Miss Perkins, Carol, take care of them,' she thought to herself.

Susannah slept in her own bed for the first time in nearly three days. She awoke feeling rested and refreshed. She quickly showered, got dressed and headed for the hospital. She grabbed a cold piece of last night's pizza to eat on the way.

Sam was with Todd. Viki had gone to shower and change. Todd's body was as Susannah had left it. He was awake, but still in a dissociative state.

"I guess it's best he stay this way for now," Sam observed.

"Yes, he will still be in a lot of pain if he comes back," Susannah agreed.

Doctor Williams, Todd's cardiologist, came in and checked him out. Susannah explained to him about the state Todd was in. He informed her that he had scheduled him for an echocardiogram for ten o'clock.

Viki came back into the room. Seeing Todd's eyes were opened she kissed his head and said, "Good morning, sweetheart."

Susannah told them that after the echo Todd would be taken to the step down unit.

"Are you sure he's well enough for that?" Viki asked anxiously.

"Absolutely, he's been stable for over twenty-four hours. I'm hoping to have him back in his room by late tomorrow or the next day. Then he needs to start getting out of bed and moving around. How are you doing?" Susannah asked Viki.

"I'm fine. I'll be a lot better if no one fusses over me," Viki's tone told Susannah she was clearly annoyed by the attention.

Viki looked at Susannah and apologized. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just think you and Sam have enough to worry about with Todd. You don't have to concern yourselves with my state of mind. I'm fine! And I will be even better once I find out this didn't cause any permanent damage to Todd's heart."

"Viki I'm reasonably sure there isn't, we should get the results of the echo within an hour after it's completed." Susannah patted Viki's arm.

Susannah was still worried about her. Viki did not want to talk about what had happened with Todd the other day. She was acting like nothing had happened. Susannah was hoping that once this crisis had completely passed and Todd was back in his own room Viki might open up.

As Susannah had hoped the echo showed this latest crisis had left no permanent damage to Todd's heart. Doctor Williams, who was also the head of cardiology, went over Todd's test results personally, at Susannah's request. He did however recommend that for the next week or so Todd should not be stressed too much, physically or emotionally and that he would still be pretty weak for a while. 'Easier said then done,' Susannah thought to herself.

Todd had been settled in the step down unit. Viki and Sam were with him. They were ecstatic over the news. They had been so afraid for Todd.

Susannah looked into Todd's blank eyes. She knew somewhere in that amazing mind Todd and the children were being comforted by their "parents."

Secrets 55, Page 2