*****

On New Year's Day Susannah awoke to find Timmy still sleeping peacefully in her arms. She lowered him slowly and gently to the bed and pulled the covers up over him. She stood up and stretched. Her arms were a little stiff and sore.

Viki and Sam spent most of the night in the lounge. Viki went home around six in the morning to shower and change. Sam would do the same when she returned. They did not both want to go at the same time, in case Todd came back. Sam was heading to Todd's room when he saw Susannah walking out. He once again thanked her for the wonderful New Year's Eve she had given Viki and him. Sam kissed Susannah on the cheek and said, "Thank you for everything. Not just for the arrangements you made, but for everything." Susannah knew what he meant.

It was once again Timmy who woke up, at a quarter to eight in the morning. Sam was sitting by his bed. Susannah had also gone to shower and change. Both Terry and Connie were off for the day. A nurse named Ellen was pulling a double shift. She was standing above Timmy's bed changing the bag on his IV when he woke up.

Timmy, seeing a stranger's face, became frightened. He tried to get away from her. Luckily, Sam was there to stop him before he jumped off the bed. Sam calmed him down and explained to him that some of his regular nurses had the day off because it was a holiday. He and Ellen also made sure he knew she wouldn't hurt him.

Timmy did not want the Frosted Flakes or the rest of the breakfast that was brought to him. He didn't even want the milk or juice, complaining "My tummy feels extra funny" Susannah came back to the room and joined Sam in trying to coax Timmy to eat. Sam went to the pantry and made him a Fluffernutter. He knew Timmy liked that and hoped he would eat. Timmy refused that too, saying, "I like the way mommy makes it."

They realized he was talking about Viki. Perhaps, his "extra" upset stomach had to do with the fact that Viki was not around. Although Susannah worried that it might be the new medication. Susannah and Sam gave up trying to get Timmy's breakfast in him for the time being.

Carl was on duty. He got Timmy washed and dressed. Timmy wanted to go to the art room. Unfortunately Susannah had to tell him that both the art room and the playroom were closed because the therapists who ran them were off for the day. Sam finally got Timmy interested in one of his new coloring books. After coloring for a while, Timmy curled up on the floor and fell asleep. Sam placed a pillow under Timmy's head and covered him with a blanket.

Viki came back at ten. She went to Susannah's office to thank her for last night. "Everything was perfect. It was one of the best New Year's Eve's of my life. I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for doing that."

Susannah's smiled warmly. "I'm just glad that your night wasn't interrupted." Susannah then asked, "Are you and Sam planning anything for Todd's birthday?" "Well, given Timmy's reaction to the mention of celebrating Todd's birthday and considering the fact that Todd never seemed to want to acknowledge it, I don't think it would be wise to make to much of it."

Susannah nodded. "I totally agree," she said. "It doesn't seem that Peter allowed Todd to have any good memories of anything in his life, birthdays, Christmas. For Todd, it was just another occasion to be tortured," Viki added. Susannah nodded in agreement to that too. Viki saw the sad look in Susannah's eyes.

"We don't want to get Todd a cake because that would probably stir up to many painful associations. We know that Timmy and some of the others like cupcakes. We thought we'd bring in some cupcakes for everyone and few presents. We got some things for Todd . . . but if he does come back I don't think he will even be aware of them or be able to see them for that matter," Viki added, sadly.

Timmy was happy to see Viki there when he woke up. She was able to get him to eat three quarters of a Fluffernutter and drink some milk, but then he then he threw up. "I gotta clean it up! Daddy's gonna punish me. He's gonna make me lick it up, " Timmy wailed. "No, oh sweetheart no. Timmy daddy's not here." Viki said as she tried to pull him towards her and away from the mess on the floor.

"Carl! Ellen! Timmy is throwing up." Viki called out as she held onto Timmy. Carl came rushing into the room immediately followed by Ellen and Lisa, who were also on duty today. They quickly got Timmy to the bed. He was crying weakly that he had to clean up the mess or he'd be punished.

"Daddy's gonna punish me," Timmy continued to cry, "I gotta clean it up." He struggled to get away from their hold. "If daddy sees I'll get punished." Timmy insisted. Tears poured down his face.

"Timmy, I'm going to get the floor cleaned up right now," Ellen promised, "your daddy will not punish you." Carl went into the bathroom he came out and washed Timmy's face and hands off with a cool washcloth.

"There we go Timmy, does that feel a little better?" Carl asked. Housekeeping came in and cleaned the floor. Timmy started to calm down.

Timmy didn't look good. His skin was sallow his eyes were glazed. "Is Kevin coming today?" Timmy asked, hopefully. "I don't think so sweetheart, but I know he'll come to see you soon."

She could see that Timmy was disappointed. She asked him if he wanted to play with his toys but he chose to watch TV. Some of the cartoons he liked weren't on. They found something he liked on the Cartoon Network. Timmy watched cuddled up next to Viki as usual. After about half and hour he fell asleep again. Viki was a little concerned. Timmy seemed to be sleeping more than usual. She didn't even bother to wake him when the lunch was brought in. She knew he wouldn't be able to eat it.

He finally woke around two in the afternoon. Sam was back. Susannah had gone home to take care of some things. Timmy still did not want any lunch. He also did not want to play. He just wanted to stay in bed. Sam and Viki were getting concerned. Viki felt his head. It was cool. He didn't seem sick though, he seemed depressed. "What's the matter buddy?" Sam asked as Timmy curled up next to him when Sam sat on his bed. "Don't you feel well?" Timmy just shrugged and put his head on Sam's shoulder.

They were all surprised to see Blair come into the room. "I thought I'd come by and wish Todd a happy New Year," she explained. "Blair, have you officially met Timmy?" Viki asked, letting Blair know who was out.

Viki had told her about Timmy so Blair knew she was dealing with a four-year-old. "Well, I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Hi Timmy, my name is Blair."

Timmy stared up at her for a few seconds. "You're Starr's mommy," Timmy remembered, surprising them. "That's right. So you know Starr?" "We had tea parties together. I like playing with Starr," Timmy volunteered.

They could see that Blair was a little taken back by this. "Did you get to play with Starr a lot?" Blair asked. "I don't remember," Timmy answered honestly. "Blair, you know Starr was always safe with her father," Viki stated, realizing that it might upset Blair to know that Starr was in the care of a four year old, at times. "I'm sure Todd or one of the adult alters would have come right back if there had been a problem," Sam added.

Timmy looked up at Blair and asked, "Don't you like me?" "Well cutie pie, of course I like you. I even brought you something. I know tomorrow is your birthday," Blair said, taking a wrapped box out of the shopping bag she had brought in with her. Inside was a huge, beautifully illustrated book about birds. Blair was not sure who would be out and she knew that Todd loved animals, especially birds.

"I don't know if it's my birthday too." Timmy confessed before he took the present. "Oh that's okay cutie pie. I got it for all of you." Timmy reached for it and then pulled his hand back. He looked around. Sam and Viki understood what was frightening him.

"Is something wrong, cutie pie?" Blair asked, concerned by his reaction. Sam knew what the problem was spoke soothingly, "Timmy, it's okay. No one will punish you for taking the present. No one will throw it away or hurt mommy. Go ahead, take it. It's all right. Daddy's not here."

Timmy hesitated another moment and then he took the book from Blair. "Thank you." "Well, you're very welcome, cutie," Blair responded. She stroked Timmy's cheek.

Timmy started to look through the book. The text was not age appropriate for him, but he certainly enjoyed looking at the pictures. Blair stayed for a while and read from the book to him. Once again Timmy started to fall asleep. Viki was really starting to worry. Blair watched as Sam tucked Timmy into the bed. She looked at his innocent, childlike face and at his frail body and wondered if Todd was lost to her and to Starr forever.

Viki walked Blair to the elevators. Assuring her, once again, that Starr was never in danger when she was with Todd. "Oh Viki, I know that. It just takes some getting used to. Give Todd a kiss for me if he comes out tomorrow," Blair requested and got on the elevator.

Viki went back to Todd's room. When Susannah showed up Viki and Sam thanked her once again for the wonderful night she had given them. Viki told her about Timmy's fatigue and upset stomach. "He just can't seem to stay awake for long

"It is probably the new antidepressant. It is more sedating than the last one and does have the potential for stomach upset. I'll be checking his levels tomorrow I might have to reduce the dosage. Viki told Susannah about Blair's visit. She mentioned her concerns that Blair might be uncomfortable about Starr being with Todd.

"Viki, I really hate to say this . . . " Susannah sighed, "unfortunately I think it will be quite some time before that becomes an issue." Sadly, Viki realized that was true. Who knew when Todd would next see Starr. The way things were going it might be a very long time.

"I've scheduled a session for Todd to meet with Ryan Morgan for the morning of the third, at eleven. For just this first session I thought it would be a good idea if you and Sam were present."

"We'll be there," Sam promised. "Susannah, do you plan trying to pull Todd to the front if he's not out when the therapist gets here?" Sam asked. "If I have to. I'm hoping Todd will be out," Susannah replied.

Timmy awoke around five. He was still quiet and listless. Susannah came to his room when she heard he was awake. "Hi sweetie, I hear you don't feel so good today." Timmy shrugged his shoulders. Susannah sat down on the bed. "Can you tell me what you're feeling?" Timmy cuddled next to her and closed his eyes again. "Timmy, don't you want to try to stay awake for a while? How would you like to put together a puzzle with me?" Susannah suggested.

Timmy looked up at Susannah. "Starr's mommy got us a bird book." "I would love to read that with you," Susannah responded cheerfully. "Sweetie, would you like to go get it?"

Timmy crawled off the bed, stood up and passed out. Sam caught him before he fell and hurt himself. After examining him Susannah assured a terrified Sam and Viki that what he had was called orthostatic hypotension. Upon rising, his blood pressure had dropped significantly. Susannah knew he was not reacting well to the new medication and she would, once again, have to change it.

Timmy was confused when he woke up. "Everybody went away." "No, we didn't sweetie. You just went to sleep for a few minutes. I think you'd better stay in bed for the rest of the day. It's not to far from your bedtime anyway."

Timmy did not argue with her. He turned over and went to sleep. Susannah discontinued his medications for the night. She knew even without it he would sleep fairly well because of the residual sedation.

Sam had to leave to meet with Tea. He needed to make sure they had everything in order for their meeting with Bo. Viki would be spending the night with Timmy. She wanted to make sure that Sam gave his full attention to preparing for his meeting. She also wanted to make sure he got a good night's sleep.

Susannah came in to check on Timmy before she went home for the night. "I'm really frightened about Sam and Tea seeing Bo," Viki admitted, and then added, "you know Sam and I have discussed it. We really will take Todd out of the country if we have to." "I know," Susannah confirmed, "I want you to know I will help you if it comes to that." Viki took Susannah's hand. The two women knew that protecting Todd was their top priority.

Secrets 43, Page 2