"Okay Todd, I don't think you hurt yourself when you fell. We're going to help you back to your bed now. It's going to be all right. Susannah brushed back the hair that had fallen in his face. The look on his face was one none of them had seen before. Susannah took Todd's face in her hands. She stared into his eyes and called, "Todd?" Sam relaxed his grip slightly. Todd sunk to the floor. He curled into a fetal position and started to suck his thumb.

*****

Even Susannah was stunned by this latest development. For a minute, they all stood there looking at Todd curled into a fetal position on the floor, his right thumb in his mouth. "Boomer? Todd can you hear me?" Sam stroked Todd's head as he called to him. There was no response except for a gurgling noise Todd made when Sam touched him. Susannah knelt down and touched his cheek. This made him turn his head slightly towards her. She put her finger in his left hand. His fingers closed tightly around it. "Todd. Todd," she called to him and turned his face towards hers. He stared into her eyes. She knew he could see her. As she leaned over him the locket she always wore around her neck dangled in front of Todd's face. He reached up for it. He was clearly able to see it. Once it was in his hands he put it in his mouth and started to suck on it. Susannah knew that an infant alter had come out.

Todd was placed in his bed. He once again curled into a fetal position and continued to suck his thumb. He fell asleep in that position. When Terry started another IV on him he woke up crying. Sam and Viki were amazed that his cry sounded like that of an infant. His hands even flailed in the air as he cried, the way and infant's would. He did not seem able to move around very much. "Todd, it's all right. Sweetheart, it will only hurt for a few seconds," Viki comforted and put her hand on his shoulder.

The infant alter continued to cry but he did look up at her. "Viki," Susannah said, gently, "I don't think he can understand you. He's preverbal." Viki looked at Susannah and then back down at Todd. She buried her face in Sam's shoulder and began to cry.

Sam walked her out of Todd's room and sat her down on a chair in the lounge. After a few minutes Susannah came out of Todd's room and joined them. "Viki, would you like me to give you a sedative?" Susannah offered. She saw how distraught Viki was.

Viki shook her head and replied, "I'll be all right. It's just seeing him like that. It's knowing all he's been through and all he's still going through. Susannah, how much is a human being expected to take?" "Viki, I think you hit the nail on the head. I think Todd has taken all he can, for now. The last few days have been too much for Todd. That's why he why an infant alter came out. Todd's system needs to rest and stabilize. This alter will allow for that to happen," Susannah explained carefully.

"So, is this a new alter or do you think this baby has been inside Todd all along?" Sam inquired. Susannah could hear he was as upset as Viki.

"I don't know. It is common for there to be infant alters. There are sometimes disabled alters as well. I don't think any of the alters that we have come to know want to come out at this point. I have to admit that going to the lodge was probably more traumatic for all of them than I had thought it would be. Todd has been looking for a means of escape since he woke up."

Viki realized something. "This baby can see, can't he?" "Yes, I'm sure he can. You saw how he reacted to my locket and he was able to look us in the eye." "So, you were right. Todd's blindness was hysterical or that conversion disorder you mentioned." Sam stated. "Yeah," Susannah said, sadly. "We still have to rule out any organic cause, although I'm sure the CT scan and MRI results will come back normal." "How long do you think he'll stay this way?" Viki asked, even though she already knew the answer Susannah would give her. "Viki I can't predict that. Right now, Todd needs to be in the safe place he's made for himself. As you said earlier, there is just so much anyone can take and I think Todd has reached his limit." "Can he stay this way forever?" Sam asked fearfully. "I don't think that will happen. Todd just needs . . ." "Susannah! Can he stay this way forever!" Sam cut Susannah off.

"Sam, it's possible. We're not dealing with someone's heart or liver. We're dealing with the mind. Anything is possible. I don't believe he will stay this way. I think once Todd and the alters have had some rest they'll be back." A part of Viki was wishing that she'd never given her permission for Susannah to take Todd to the lodge. Another part of her realized how important it was for them to know what had happened that night. Important for Todd's recovery and for the parents of that poor little girl, if they were still alive and could be found.

They went back inside and noticed that the infant alter was sleeping on his stomach. This was a position neither Todd or any of the other alters ever assumed. "Did you turn him on his stomach?" Susannah asked, Terry. "No, he rolled over on his own."

Susannah thought for a few seconds. "Viki, do you know how old Todd was when Irene handed him over to Peter and Barbara?" "About five or six months old I think. Why?" "This alter is exhibiting the perfectly normal reactions of a five month old. I think he has gone back to the last time he ever knew any peace in this world, to the last time his life wasn't filled with pain and terror. I believe that is why he is sleeping so peacefully in a prone position. Being face down on his stomach has no meaning to this infant. He hasn't been hurt yet. All this one knows is the life he had with Irene, before he was ever hurt by Peter Manning."

Two weeks had gone by and there was still no change in Todd. The Baby, as they had taken to calling him, was still in control. Sam and Viki stayed by the Baby's bedside most of the day. Susannah was constantly checking on him, but neither Todd nor the other alters ever gave any sign of returning. Susannah tried, unsuccessfully, to call them to the front several times a day and never got a response.

Susannah ordered a nasogastric tube for the Baby to be fed through. At least now he was receiving more nourishment than an IV alone could provide. The Baby had to be cared for as a five month old would be. It broke Sam and Viki's heart to see him so totally helpless. For now, the Baby had to be bathed in bed, put in absorbent, diaper-like, briefs, a physical therapist came in twice daily to work the muscles of his arms and legs so they wouldn't atrophy. Susannah explained how quickly that could occur when a patient is immobile.

The only upside to this was the peaceful and happy world the Baby seemed to be living in. He began to recognize Sam, Viki, Susannah and the rest of the staff. He would coo and gurgle happily when they came near him or touched him. As Sam and Viki had with their own children, they would tickle the Baby's stomach and take joy in his smiles and laughter. Sam hung a musical mobile above the bed. It played "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," a song Todd sung to his daughter. He thought, perhaps it might make Todd come around. Sadly, it seemed to have no special meaning to the Baby. His only reaction was to reach out to touch it and coo happily. This child, whom no one had ever hurt, was full of joy. He was constantly smiling and laughing. If someone bent close to him and spoke he would put his fingers in their mouth and smile or laugh.

The only time he ever cried was if some medical procedure hurt him or if they put the bed at a raised angle. He seemed to be uncomfortable at the forty-five degree angle Susannah wanted the bed kept in and would continue to cry until they lowered it. He also hated to be taken out of his bed and would cry endlessly until he was returned to it. Susannah worried about keeping him in a supine position for so long.

The baby could roll over on his own and his favorite sleeping position was on his stomach. This had been the longest time in all these months that Todd's body and mind had truly gotten a chance to rest and heal and be nourished. Susannah had a feeling that some instinct in Todd knew what he needed and he was giving it to himself. He is a survivor, she thought to herself. Yet, Susannah was concerned by the infant alter staying out this long.

Tea had not been keeping in contact with Viki, Sam or Susannah for weeks now. At first her daily phone calls were reduced to once or twice a week and then to none. Sam was angry with her, but Viki understood. Tea, her own self preservation instincts still in tack, could simply not handle what had happened to the man she loved, the man she had dreamt of having a normal life with someday. Todd's condition had virtually wiped out every one of Tea's dreams.

Although Tea had been asked out on many occasions she had no interest in "dating." She still considered herself to be Mrs. Todd Manning. Tea's days were not empty. Several weeks ago, as she was sitting in Carlotta's Diner trying to decide if she was doing right thing by doing as Todd demanded and staying away from him, Tea heard a friend of Carlotta's crying to her about a problem she was having with her landlord. This woman did not have the means to hire a lawyer and from the pieces of the conversation Tea could hear she knew she desperately needed one. Tea volunteered to help in any way she could. The woman was victorious in court and word of Tea's help spread throughout Angel Square. Before Tea knew it she had a little pro bono practice going.

Tea thought back to the beginning of her career, the last time that she had done pro bono work. She remembered how she had resented not getting paid for her services, how all she dreamed about was getting into a prestigious firm. Now she felt the most enormous satisfaction in helping these people, her own people, to fight the injustices that befell them. "Todd has given me that," Tea thought. Without the worry about money or where her next meal was coming from, Tea was free to follow her heart. Todd had given her that freedom.

Tea was surprised when Viki had called her and asked if it was all right is she and Sam to come see her at her office. "How is Todd?" Tea asked, as if she were talking about a mere acquaintance. "He's not doing very well," Viki responded, shaking her head as she answered.

"In case you're truly interested," Sam began bitterly, "Todd has dissociated to an infant and he's totally helpless! They're feeding him through a tube and his only means of communication is baby chatter. Oh yes! And right before that he became blind! Just in case you're interested!" Sam was not able to hide the anger he felt at the coldness in Tea's voice as she asked about Todd.

What Sam didn't know was that Tea's coldness was her way of protecting herself from her feelings. Sam wasn't aware of the nights Tea would cry herself to sleep when she allowed herself to think about Todd. He didn't know about the guilt that ate away at her and the loneliness that overwhelmed her. He didn't know about the times she wept for a mother to talk things out with or to just put her arms around her and comfort her. Tea would remember what it felt like to put her head in her mother's lap. She longed for that safe and protected feeling that disappeared along with her mother when Tea was little more than a baby. Tea was terrified for Todd. She was consumed with hatred for his parents and for a world that would allow children to be abused and abandoned. Her only recourse was to turn off her feelings whenever any of these thoughts assaulted her brain.

Tea turned as pale as a ghost at Sam's words. She had no idea Todd had deteriorated to this extent. Tea could only manage to stutter, "I-I-I didn't know . . . I . . ." "How could you know when you haven't even bothered to lift a phone to ask!" Sam was not letting her off the hook.

"Sam don't. It won't help anything," Viki stated. By now tears had started to fall down Tea's cheeks. "Tea, we do understand your reluctance to be involved in Todd's life right now but . . ." "Does Sam understand?" Tea asked. She looked defiantly at Sam. "Tea, Sam . . ." "I can answer for myself, please!" Sam interrupted Viki. "Tea no, I can't really understand how you were, so easily, able to turn your back on Todd. How you could just leave the hospital one day and never come back? How you were able to completely stop caring? I thought you loved him?"

Tea could not believe Sam didn't understand why she stopped visiting the hospital. "Sam, Todd does not want to see me! He doesn't want me in his life. Even Doctor Hanen said she thought it best I follow Todd's wishes and stay away. What was I supposed to do, force my way into his room insist that he see me!"

Sam was angry at the world and he would not allow himself to understand Tea's pain "That still doesn't explain why you stopped calling Viki or me to at least find out how he is!" "Sam don't you realize how much I still love Todd! Do you think I stopped just like that!" Tea said sharply as she snapped her fingers. "Do you know how many times I start to pick up that phone? At least three or four times a day. I just can't handle it. I can't bear to see Todd that way. I know I should be stronger. I just can't bear it." Tea broke down in sobs. "God forgive me. I just can't." Tea buried her head in her folded arms as they rested on her desk.

Viki looked at Sam. She could tell he felt bad about his outburst. After a few seconds Viki stroked Tea's head and spoke soothingly to this young woman who was in so much pain, "I'm sure somewhere inside Todd's mind he knows you still love him."

Tea composed herself and lifted her tear stained face and asked, "What happened? Why has an infant alter come out and my God! . . . What do you mean he's blind! Was he hurt? Was there an accident? What happened to Todd!"

Secrets 38, Page 2