Clint opened his eyes. A small smile formed on his lips. “Viki.”
Viki took Clint’s hand. She kissed him on the cheek. “I’m so happy that you’re going to be all right.”
“Oh yeah. Don’t worry about me.” Clint knew he would need months, possibly more than a year of physical and occupational therapy before he would even be able to walk on his own and do for himself, let alone be ‘all right.’ He didn’t want Viki worrying about him, or even worse, pitying him.
“I hope it’s all right for me to worry just a little,” Viki said with a loving smile on her face.
“Maybe just a little,” Clint agreed. His lower lip began to tremble. His eyes filled with tears. “Jessie’s in a bad way. Viki, I’m so sorry.” The tears Clint tried to hold back spilled down his cheeks. “Aaron’s car broke down. He and Jess didn’t want to wait for the auto club, so she called me to pick them up. I let our little girl get hurt. I’m so sorry.”
Viki leaned into Clint and held him gently. He cried against her shoulder. “Don’t you dare say you let Jessie get hurt. A man who cared so little about himself and everyone else got drunk and chose to drive. He hurt Jessie. He hurt you.”
“And he killed Aaron. He was a good kid. He loved our little Jessie. She loved him too. They talked about getting married when they finished college. Oh God!” Clint sobbed loudly. “Jessie will be devastated.”
Viki stroked the back of Clint’s head. “We’ll help Jessie get through this.”
Clint tried to breathe as deeply as his wounded body would allow. He pulled back slowly and looked Viki in the eye. “We? Are you going to be staying here for a while?”
Now it was Viki’s eyes that filled with tears. “I can’t leave Todd for that long. We were all talking on the way out here. We were hoping that when you and Jessie are well enough to be moved you will come back to Llanview so you can be with your family, at least until you recover.”
Clint was shocked. He thought for a moment. “I know you want to be near Jess . . . uh . . . I was going to ask you to have Jess transferred to a hospital or rehab in Llanview. I won’t be in any shape to take care of her.” Clint held back another sob. “Wouldn’t having me around make things a little awkward for you?”
Viki squeezed Clint’s hand and looked into his eyes. “I don’t know how you feel, but I still consider you my family. It’s never awkward to have my family close by.”
A young doctor walked over to the bed before Clint had a chance to respond to Viki. “We’re bringing your daughter in now. She’ll be in fifteen A. That’s the room over there.” He pointed across the unit. “Mrs. Carpenter, as soon as they have her settled in her bed, you can go to her.”
Viki was about to ask the doctor something when she and Clint were both stunned into silence at the sight of Jessica’s swollen, and bandaged face and head. They could see some of the wounds. Part of her hair had been shaved off. A heavy cast covered her leg. Various IV fluids and a bag of blood were hanging above her. She was receiving oxygen.
Viki’s let out an involuntary gasp. She raised her hand to her mouth.
Clint buried his eyes in the palm of his hand.
A nurse walked up to Clint and Viki. “I know it is very frightening to see your child like that. Jessie was experiencing a lot of pain and she was becoming agitated. Right now she’s sedated and reasonably comfortable. She will probably know that you’re with her. If she becomes agitated again and starts to move around too much we might have to place her in restraints. I don’t think it will be necessary, but I need to prepare you, just in case.”
“Does she know what happened?” Viki asked.
“She knows she was in a car accident and that her dad was hurt, but that he’s doing okay,” the nurse replied.
Viki nodded. “Does she know about her boyfriend?”
“I don’t think so. She did call out the name Aaron several times. Was that his name?”
Viki and Clint both nodded. Neither could speak.
Viki turned back to Clint. “I will get Jessie though this and when you are able, you will help me.”
Clint nodded again. He knew that Viki had more strength than anyone he had ever known.
Viki sat by Clint’s bed until they had Jessica settled. She saw that Clint had fought sleep for as long as he could. He had drifted off. Viki carefully let go of his hand. She rested it along side him.
Viki wanted to hold Jessica so badly her arms felt like they were on fire. She could not even find an area of her precious daughter’s body that was not bruised. Viki tenderly brushed her fingers over the back of Jessica’s hand. “Oh, baby, look what he did to you.” Viki felt tremendous hatred for the driver of the other car. His death did not diminish her hatred at all.
Jessie’s eyes fluttered open. “Mom?” she mouthed more than spoke.
“Yes, Jessie. Yes, baby. It’s Mom. I’m here for you. Kevin, Grandma and Grandpa and Bo and Nora are here for you too. Joey and Kelly should be here very soon.”
“It hurts,” she whimpered. “It hurts all over.”
“I know baby. I’ll call the nurse.”
“Wait . . . Dad . . .” Jessica managed to whisper.
“Daddy is fine. He’s right here, just a few rooms over. He is injured, but I swear to you, he’ll be fine. Right now he’s worried about you.”
“Truth?” Jessica managed to get out.
Viki held onto the tips of Jessica’s fingers and looked her daughter in the eye. “Truth.”
Jessie stared into Viki’s eyes. “Aaron’s dead, isn’t he?”
Viki bit her lips together. She nodded. “Yes, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Tears trickled down Jessica’s face. They burned the wounds that weren’t bad enough to be bandaged. “Mommy,” Jessica cried.
Viki hadn’t heard Jessica call her that in years.
“Mommy, I loved him.”
“I know you did. I’m so sorry. Mommy’s here. I’m here baby. I’ll help you get thought all of this. Shhhh, Mommy’s here.”
*****
Llanview Hospital
**
Susannah woke with a start. She felt Bill’s strong arms around her. She looked at her watch and saw it was only six-fifteen in the morning. “Thank you for staying with me last night,” she said softly, as they both remained cuddled together on her office couch.
“Thank you for allowing me to. Susannah, you’re not in this alone. Remember that. I’m here for you, as much or as little as you want me to be. You need to be the strong professional when you’re with Todd, his family and the staff. When you’re with me, you can let that ache in your heart out. You don’t have to be Doctor Hanen. You can just be Susannah . . . a woman who is allowed to feel pain and fear and love for someone, even if that someone is her patient.”
Susannah looked up at Bill. Her eyes filled with tears. “I’d closed off that part of me for so long, before I met Todd, that I forgot how much it could hurt to just be Susannah.”
Bill kissed Susannah’s forehead. “Would you trade having known Todd for that closed heart you used to have?”
Susannah didn’t have to think about that for a second. She shook her head. “Todd has helped me as much as I’ve helped him. He has taught me as much as I’ve taught him. He’s without a doubt the bravest person I have ever known. He would never believe how much he’s given to me and to the staff here. We all feel truly blessed to know Todd and to have the chance to help him and hopefully help him to live the kind of life he deserves to live.” A tear slid down Susannah’s cheek, “if that chance doesn’t get taken away.”
*****
After Susannah had taken a shower and changed her clothes, she headed for Todd’s room. When she said good morning to the staff, she noticed the same fear and sadness in their eyes that she felt in her heart. She asked if Sam was still in with Todd.
“We wouldn’t have been able to pry him away if we tried,” Nancy sighed. “Susannah, I care very much about Sam and I know he’s ill, but God, I can’t bear to think of Sam and Blair alone watching over Todd. Even with the best of help, an apartment can’t be as secure as a unit like this.”
Susannah patted Nancy’s arm. “I know. I’m going to try to talk to Sam again. I don’t want to have to put Todd through a hearing if there is any way around it. Do you know if Sam and Timmy are still sleeping?”
“We think Todd came out while Timmy was asleep. I did vitals on him when I came on shift and he wasn’t holding Mr. Rabbit or sucking his thumb anymore. His body was tight, even in sleep, and his face looked like Todd’s.”
“I hope Miss Perkins will be able to cope with Timmy,” Susannah declared. “I suspect that even inside he will be very upset.”
“Sam is probably awake. I don’t think he got more than five minutes of sleep at a time the entire night,” Nancy informed Susannah. Her tone conveyed the worry she felt.
“I’ll go see,” Susannah said and left for Todd’s room.
*****
Todd was still asleep when Susannah entered his room. Sam was ‘sitting guard’ at his bedside. He was writing notes on a legal pad.
“Sam, may I speak with you for a few minutes?” Susannah asked.
Sam looked up at her with suspicion in his eyes. “I don’t think we have anything more to discuss.”
“Please,” Susannah asked again.
Sam looked at Todd. He was satisfied that he was still sleeping. He walked over to Frank. “I’ll be right outside. I’m leaving the door open. I’ll be able to see everything that’s going on in here.”
“No problem,” Frank said patiently. Frank couldn’t believe that Sam had become this paranoid. His heart ached for how much Sam must be suffering, but his heart ached more for Todd. Frank was as frightened for Todd as Susannah and the rest of the staff.
*****
Sam stood outside of Todd’s room with Susannah. He positioned himself so that he could see into the room. “What is it?” he asked coldly.
“Sam, I need to ask you again if you still plan on taking Todd out of here.”
“As quickly as I can,” Sam answered.
“Do you plan on taking him to another hospital?”
“Why, so the Buchanans can pay off another staff?” Sam snapped.
“Sam, you know there is a great chance that you’ll be placing Todd in a dangerous situation if you do this. He’s still unstable. He needs to be in a protective environment.”
“Todd will have all the protection he needs. I’ll see to it. I’ll make sure no one and I mean no one, including you, ever hurts Todd again,” Sam vowed.
“You know that I’m going to request a hearing if you plan to go through with this. As Todd’s doctor and advocate I need to do what I believe is in his best interest.”
“You do that. Remember that your hands aren’t clean Susannah. So you just do that.”
“Can you tell me in which way my hands aren’t clean?” Susannah asked calmly. She had no idea what Sam was talking about.
Sam remembered Blair’s warning about not showing his hand too soon. He knew he had no proof of any wrongdoing yet and he didn’t want Susannah to cover her tracks. “Nothing. It means nothing other than you gave Todd some kind of drug that caused Timmy to have that attack. You caused that boy terrible pain with your treatment.”
“Would you like me to explain again why that dystonic reaction happened?” Susannah asked patiently.
“No. Look Susannah, you do what you have to do. One way or the other, I’m going to save Todd this time. You just keep away from him.” With that Sam left Susannah standing there and went back into Todd’s room.
With her stomach twisted in knots, Susannah went to call legal counsel for the hospital back to let them know a hearing would be necessary.
*****
“Delgado,” Todd cried out in his sleep. It was Todd who had come back while Timmy was asleep. “Don’t you go Delgado. Don’t you go!”
Sam shook Todd gently. “Todd. Todd it’s Sam. Wake up pal. You’re dreaming.”
Todd’s eyes flew open. He looked around in an obvious panic. He was confused and disoriented. “What . . . where . . . oh God . . . she left . . . she . . .”
Frank cautiously approached Todd. He noticed that Sam looked at him with distrust in his eyes. “Todd it’s Frank. You’re in your bed in your room at the hospital. Everything’s all right. You’re safe and Téa’s safe. She went home. Do you want to see her?”
Todd’s breathing slowed down a little. He looked around again. “Sam?” He seemed surprised to see Sam there.
“I’m right here Todd. I’ve been here all night. I won’t leave you.”
Todd looked up at Frank. “I told Téa to go. When? A long time ago?” Todd looked around in confusion again.
“That was yesterday. Would you like Téa to visit with you?” Frank asked again.
“No!” Sam answered for Todd. “He told her he wanted her out of his life. Leave him alone.”
“Sam, Todd needs to answer for himself,” Frank reminded him.
Slowly the events of yesterday came back to Todd. “I made Delgado hate me. I made her want to go away forever. I’m not her choice anymore. Kevin is.”
“No. Todd, you didn’t make Téa hate you, not at all,” Frank told him immediately. “Téa came back here last night. She loves you and cares very much about you.”
“Delgado was here? She was here last night?”
“Yes. She was here for a couple of hours.”
“Did I hurt Kevin?”
“Kevin?” Sam was confused. Yesterday seemed like a hundred years ago.
Todd ran his hands through his hair. “I was with Kevin. I remember. I wanted to hurt him so bad. Is that why Téa came back here? Did she want to be with Kevin because I hurt him?”
“You didn’t hurt Kevin. Todd,” Frank spoke gently, “Timmy, one of your alters, was out. He wanted to see Téa.”
Todd’s face turned red with shame. His chin and bottom lip quivered. “Is that the one who’s four?”
“Yes,” Frank confirmed.
A tear slid down Todd’s cheek. “I wish I was dead,” he whispered.
“You did nothing in front of Téa that would embarrass you. I promise you that. Would you like Téa to come here and the two of you can discuss last night?”
“No! No!” Todd panicked. He couldn’t bear the thought of facing Téa right now. Todd’s eyes shifted back and forth as his mind raced. “No, I meant what I said yesterday. Sam is right. I don’t want Delgado around here anymore. You shouldn’t have called her last night. Next time you tell that Timmy or anyone else who’s here that they better get used to being without Téa.”
“Téa cares very much about you Todd. She loves every part of you and that includes Timmy. He loves her an . . .”
“You shut up about Téa! I don’t wanna talk about Téa anymore,” Todd commanded.”
“Okay. You don’t have to talk about her right now,” Frank agreed. He knew Todd still wasn’t ready.
Suddenly the horror of what Viki told Todd came back to him. He grabbed Frank’s hand. “Jess . . . what about Jess. She’s hurt . . . I remember. She’s hurt bad . . . bad enough to die . . . did she? You tell me. You tell me the truth.”
“Kevin called here about forty-five minutes ago,” Terry announced from the doorway. She came into the room when she heard voices and knew that Todd was awake. “Jessica made it through surgery and she made it through the night. They have to watch her very carefully for the next couple of days. Viki didn’t want to leave her bedside. She sends her love to both you and Sam.”
Todd breathed a sigh of relief. “And the big dumb cowboy?” he asked begrudgingly. He knew that Viki still cared very much about Clint.
“Clint is okay too. Both he and Jessica have a long road ahead of them, but they both made it through,” Terry answered.
“Yeah, I figured Clint was too dumb to croak,” Todd quipped.
“Would you like some breakfast?” Terry asked. “We can get you anything you’d like.”
Todd’s stomach turned at the mention of food. He shook his head.
“Then it’s time to have a feeding. You can . . .”
“I know. I know,” Todd was clearly annoyed. “I can sit up in bed or go to the chair. “It’s not fair that you get to give me that stuff whether I want it or not!”
“Todd, you know that we will not allow you to starve yourself to death. You either eat or you get these feedings. The choice is yours,” Terry said firmly.
“I can pull this goddamn tube out if I want to,” Todd threatened.
“Yes you can,” Terry admitted. “Then you would be in a lot of pain, risk infection, and you would have to go through having the tube placed again. Do you think it would be worth it?”
“Screw you,” Todd grumbled. “I hate this place!”
Terry ignored his remark. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Sam took Todd’s last statement as a sign and an opportunity. He faced Frank. “I need to speak with Todd alone.”
“I’m sorry Sam. Todd can’t be in a room without at least one staff member,” Frank reminded Sam again.
“I’m asking as his lawyer, not as a visitor. He must have the right to speak with his lawyer in private,” Sam insisted.
“We’re not trying to infringe on Todd’s rights. We’re trying to keep him safe. I’ll go sit in the corner and read my paper. That will give you and Todd as much privacy as possible.”
Once Frank was settled at the small table with his newspaper, Sam pulled his chair as close to Todd’s bed as he could get it. “Boomer,” Sam whispered. “I know what Blair told you. Now I want you to level with me. Do you want to go home?”
Todd stared at Sam. He was in shock for the moment. Hearing Sam say it aloud caused a lump to form in Todd’s stomach and throat. Fear filled his being.
“Answer him Todd,” Saber instructed softly. “Or do you like Téa coming here and playing with a four year old that she thinks is you?” Saber was able to feel the shame and terror Todd was feeling. This encouraged him to go on. “You can’t keep Téa away from every disgusting and dangerous thing you do as long as you’re here and alive. You know no matter how many times you try to push her away and keep her safe you will always want her back in your life. Over and over again, Todd, you’ll subject her to danger. You’ll do the most stupid and embarrassing things in front of her and not remember them, or even worse, you’ll hurt her like you have so many times before and you will remember it. Do you like when those memories come back to you Todd? Is that the life you want for Téa? Do you want her to be stuck to someone like you forever? Do you want that for your kid? What about Starr, Todd? Do you want her to be around you when some little kid comes out instead of you?” Saber laughed. “Do you want Starr to be around when I come out?”
“You son of a bitch!” Todd spat out.
“I’m sorry. Boomer, did I say something to get you angry?”
“What?” Todd didn’t hear what Sam said.
Sam took hold of Todd’s hands. They were as cold as his. In an almost inaudible whisper, Sam asked, “If you don’t want to leave the hospital, tell me. Please, Boomer, tell me now.”
“It’s the only way Todd.” Saber spoke softly and calmly. “It’s the only way to free Téa and keep her and Starr safe. It’s the only way to give Viki and Sam their life back. It’s the only way to free the people who work here. They believe they can help you. You know there’s no help for you Todd. This is your destiny. You deserve everything that’s happening to you. No one can change that. Téa’s love can’t change it. That doctor of yours can’t change it. This is what you were born for Todd. Why do you think Irene kept Tina and gave you to the Mannings? It was your fate. You were born bad and this is what has to be. No matter what you or anyone does you can’t change that. All you can do is give them heartache and bring them down with you. All of them Todd . . . all these good people that you love and care about . . . all of them will suffer for your sins. For once in your rotten life do the right thing. You feel love for them Todd. Be a man and do what’s best for all of them, especially Téa and your daughter. Blair was right. Téa already has feelings for Kevin. Let her be with someone who can give her a normal life, the kind of life you want with her. You know you can never give her that kind of life. As long as you’re alive, Téa and everyone else will have hope that you’ll be okay. That will never happen. They’ll use up every chance they have for a normal and happy life waiting for you. You’re cursed Todd and you are a curse. Remember . . . Marty knew . . . she told you. ‘You’re not a man. You’re a curse.’ Those you love will wait forever and they will never be happy or safe with you. You know what it is to hope and pray every day for something that will never be. Do you want that for everyone you love and care about? Do you want them to wait, in danger, for something that will never happen?”
“Yeah,” Todd whispered to Sam.
“Yeah what?” Sam wanted to be sure.
“Yeah I want you to get me out of here. I want you to get me out of here right now.” Todd didn’t look at Sam as he spoke. A part of him wanted Sam to tell him that the deal was off and there was no way anyone could get him out right now. Todd’s heart was pounding. He fought to keep the tears that threatened to escape at bay. He hated that he was truly the wimp his father always told him he was. Sam must really believe that I’m such a loser. He knows that I really deserved everything my dad did to me. That’s why he never took me home with him or stopped my dad. That’s why he’s taking me out of here. He’s too nice to tell me that he’s giving up on me. Sam wants to save everyone from me. He knows my dad was right and that voice is right. Sam doesn’t wanna say it. He knows I should be dead and he just doesn’t wanna say it, Todd thought frantically.
That was all Sam had to hear. “I will Boomer. It might not be today, but I’ll try. I promise you that you can depend on me. I’ll never let you down again. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. I’ll keep you safe.”
“Yeah,” Todd said. He felt a million miles away.
“Todd, there has to be a hearing,” Sam explained. “They won’t let me take you out of here without a hearing.”
“A hearing?” Todd asked in a trembling voice.
“It’s nothing to be afraid of. There won’t even be a judge unless you want one. An officer of the court will ask you some questions. I’ll go over the kind of questions that will be asked with you. The hearing officer will talk to me and to Doctor Hanen and possibly some of the staff. Blair will probably be questioned and if she can get your new doctor here or some of the new staff that will take care of you once you get to the penthouse, they might be questioned too.”
Todd’s heart was not only pounding now, it began to race. He couldn’t bear the thought of a new doctor and staff. “I don’t like being in court?” he protested feebly.
“It’s not like the other times Boomer. I promise you. This time the hearing officer only wants to do what’s best for you. There’ll be no punishment.”
Todd knew his real punishment waiting for him. He knew it would be after he got back to the penthouse that he would have to find a way to escape . . . escape and end all of it . . . his suffering and the suffering of those he loved. Todd suddenly felt panic wash over him. His head lowered for a moment.
“Don’t you worry Sam. You just get me to that hearing room and I’ll do fine. I’ll show them that I don’t need to be here.”
Sam squeezed his shoulder. “I know you will Boomer. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything.” Sam was too wrapped up in his plan to ‘save’ Todd to notice the cold, dead eyes of the man who had just said those last words to him.
“I know you will Sam. It’ll be what I’ve always dreamed of. It’ll be like you’re my real dad.” Saber saw Sam smile when he said that. Asshole, Saber chuckled to himself.
*****
“Todd. Todd where are you? Todd please answer me. Tooooooood,” Téa cried out over and over again.
Téa was back in that room she had never seen before. “Todd. Todd, if you’re here, please, please answer me. Oh, Todd,” Téa cried. She felt all the hopes and dreams she had for her life, for Todd’s life, and for their life together disappear. “Please, let him be all right. Let me find him,” Téa prayed aloud.
“Help me, Delgado, help me,” Téa heard Todd cry out. His voice didn’t seem to be coming from anywhere in the room. It seemed to be in the air.
“TODD,” Téa shouted. “Todd, where are you? Tell me how to find you. TODD! TODD!”
Téa felt stabbing fear in her heart. She ran around, frantically searching. “TODD, WHERE ARE YOU? CALL MY NAME AGAIN. TODD! TOOOOD!” Téa’s pleas were met with an ominous silence. “Toooood,” Téa cried out one more time and fell to her knees in grief. She bowed her head and cried into her hands. “No! I’m not giving up. I’ll never give up on you,” Téa vowed as she raised her head. Téa gasped when she saw Todd lying on the floor before her.
Todd was obviously sick. He was deathly pale. He had lost some of the weight he had gained back. His clothes were torn and stained. He was shivering, despite the spring weather. He seemed to have trouble breathing.
“Todd! Oh Todd,” Téa whispered. She touched his face. His skin was hot to her touch. "Mi amor. I've prayed that I find you. I won't lose you to this. I love you.”
Todd tried to move. He was too weak.
“Don't pull away from me,” Téa said softly. “Let me help you."
"I tried Delgado. I tried. I wanted to make it up to her . . . to you . . . to everyone . . . I thought if she could forgive me and love me then everyone else could too. I miss her so much. I wanted to be with her . . . if she can forgive me maybe it'll all be okay . . ."
"I'll make it okay,” Téa emphasized the word I’ll. “Todd I'll make everything okay. Please, querido, give me a chance. Give us a chance."
"No, Delgado," Todd said weakly. "It'll never be okay for me here or for anyone I love. There's no place or peace left for me here. I have to go be with her." Todd gasped for breath.
Téa felt his body shudder, then go limp in her arms. She felt no breath coming from his body. She placed her ear on his chest. She heard no heartbeat. Todd's eyes closed and his head fell to the side.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Téa shrieked.
Now it was Téa who was gasping for breath as she sat up in her bed. Her heart was racing and pounding. She was covered with perspiration.
The dream kept changing slightly. Things seemed to be added each time she dreamed it. Each time it was more real and more terrifying than the last. Téa had no idea why she’d been having this dream over and over again since that last night she spent sleeping next to Todd in his hospital bed. What she did know was that the feeling of doom she had would cling to her long after she woke up.
Téa looked at the clock next to her bed. It was seven twenty. Ten more minutes and her alarm would have gone off anyway. Téa felt a chill wash over her. She reached for the bedside phone.
“Seven West. Janet speaking,” the voice on the phone announced.
“Good morning Janet. It’s Téa. Is Timmy still out?”
“Good morning. No. Todd came back while Timmy was asleep.”
“Is he all right?” Téa asked.
Janet heard the anxiety in Téa’s voice. “Yes, he’s fine. Terry is giving him a feeding.”
Téa silently thanked God. “Janet, please tell Doctor Hanen that I’ll be at the court as soon as it is open for the day and I’m going to try to try to get appointed Todd’s substitute guardian.”
“I will,” Terry promised. “Téa, do you think you have a good chance at becoming Todd’s substitute guardian?”
“I don’t know,” Téa’s voice choked. “The fact that I chose to allow Viki to be his guardian all this time and that fact that she is not here now to speak for herself might be a problem.”
“We are all hoping and praying that everything will work out in a way that’s best for Todd,” Terry offered.
Téa thanked her and said goodbye. She headed for the shower. Téa could not shake the feeling of foreboding that clung to her, or chase away the fear in her heart.
