As Todd’s eyes opened, Téa smiled in anticipation of seeing Tom or Timmy again. She was shocked by the anger she saw in those eyes.

“Weren’t expecting me, were you Delgado?”

Téa jumped. She recognized those eyes. Even if she hadn’t, the only two who called her “Delgado” were Todd and Pete.

“I didn’t even do nothin’ to you and you’re already scared of me!” Pete said through a clenched jaw.

“I’m not. Pete I’m not. You surprised me. Rodd was out. He told me Tom or Timmy was going to come out.”

“Knock off the shit Delgado. I’m the last person on earth that you or anyone wants to see.”

Téa was happy to see Frank walk into the pantry from his post outside it.

Frank too had been brought to tears by Rodd’s unselfish love for Téa and by his goodbye to her. He was equally surprised to hear Pete’s voice.

“That’s not true Pete. I want to spend some time with you,” Téa said honestly. She did. She’d wondered how Pete was after the last time he was out. She remembered that, for just a moment, Pete allowed himself to feel her love. He allowed himself to feel Viki and Sam’s love as well.

What neither Téa nor Susannah and the techs knew was that as soon as Rodd had stepped inside, Pete pushed him aside before Rodd had a chance to help one or both children to come out. Rodd feared Pete. He hated himself for being afraid of a fourteen-year-old boy. Nevertheless, he feared him. Rodd quietly went to his room after Pete forced his way out. He sat on his bed. He thought of Téa. He felt his heart breaking.

Pete told himself he wanted to come out to get away from the others he lived with. He wanted to believe it was peace and quiet he craved. He would never admit it, not even to himself; he wanted some of the love and attention he saw the children and Todd get.

Pete saw some French toast left on the plate Rodd had been eating from. He picked it up with his fingers and crammed it into his mouth.

“Pete, are you hungry?” Frank inquired. “We can call down or send out for whatever you like. There’s also some more French toast in the oven.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be nice to me. I’m not like those other wimps and losers. I don’t need none of you.”

“I don’t have to pretend. I like you,” Frank responded.

“Yeah, right,” Pete mumbled. He stood up and pushed the chair he’d been sitting in out of the way. He moved close to Téa. He stood over her in a threatening manner.

Frank moved in closer.

Jeff followed Frank into the small pantry. They all hoped there would be no incident in these tight quarters.

Susannah rushed back to the pantry when she heard Pete had come out. She stood outside, with some of the other staff. They were ready to act if necessary.

Pete started to play with a strand of Téa’s hair. “The girls in school were afraid of me. They didn’t like the things I said to them. They didn’t understand that I’m the man. What I say goes. What about you Delgado? Do you understand that?”

Téa looked up at Pete.

He expected to see fear in her eyes. Instead he saw love. Pete let go of Téa’s hair. He backed away. “I can hurt you! I can hurt you bad if I want to. I’m the man! I’m strong!”

“I know you’re strong and you can hurt me if you want to,” Téa acknowledged. “I don’t think you want to.”

Pete stared at Téa. “You think you’re a fucking smart ass, don’t you Delgado. You think you know what I want.”

Téa stood up and moved closer to Pete.

Susannah and the staff were on guard. They were afraid Pete would escalate if they told Téa to step away from him.

“I know what I hope you want Pete,” Téa said softly. “I hope you want love, because that’s what I want to give you. That’s what Viki and Sam want to give you too, the love we feel for you.”

Pete’s breathing became erratic. “That’s bullshit. That is such bullshit.”

“No. I think you know it’s not. I’m wondering if you remember the last time you were out.”

Pete looked at Téa suspiciously. “Yeah, I remember, so what!”

“So you allowed yourself to feel the love we all have for you. It was only for a minute, but you allowed yourself to feel love Pete.”

“It was a trick!” Pete countered.

“In what way was it a trick? Did anything bad happen to you because of it?”

“Shut up! You’re confusing me.” Pete was becoming agitated. “I don’t see Viki or Sam around here. Yeah, sure they love me. They’ve given up on me and Todd and all of us. They don’t even want to be around us anymore.”

“That’s not true,” Frank intervened. “Viki was just here. She thought Rodd wanted to be alone with Téa so she left. Sam didn’t sleep well last night so he is sleeping late this morning. They’re both here in the hospital, in the family lounge. How about I send someone to let them know you’re here?”

“Don’t bother. I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone.”

“They need you Pete. They need to see you when you come out because they love and care about you,” Susannah said from the doorway. “Would it be all right if I let them know they can visit with you now?”

“Whatever,” Pete grumbled.

Susannah turned to Gwen. “Please see to it that Viki and Sam know Pete is here.”

“I don’t like it in here,” Pete announced. “Kitchens are for women and fruits like Rodd.”

“We can go to the dayroom,” Susannah suggested.

“I can go by myself. I don’t need a fucking parade tagging along.”

“Two of the techs have to be with you,” Susannah said firmly.

“Let ‘em. I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck if you come either.”

Susannah knew this was Pete’s way of asking her to go with him.

“Pete, would you like me to go to the dayroom with you?” Téa asked.

Without looking at her, Pete mumbled, “Do what you want.”

“I want to come with you,” Téa admitted.

“So, I’m not stopping you. I’m the one that’s a prisoner here, not you. You can do whatever the fuck you wanna do.”

They knew that was as close to saying he wanted Téa with him as Pete was going to get.

*****

Pete walked around the dayroom brushing his hand over everything. It was as if he wasn’t sure he was really there.

“Would you like something to eat or drink?” Don asked.

“A beer,” Pete smirked.

“Sorry, no can do,” Don replied calmly. “How about a soda?”

“I’ll take a Coke,” Pete answered, “and a bacon cheeseburger and fries. I don’t want none of that wimpy crap that Rodd made.”

“I’ll call down the cafeteria. They can have that sent up here in about fifteen minutes.” Don was very happy to see that Pete was hungry and willing to eat. He exchanged smiles with Frank and Susannah.

Pete walked over to Téa. “Hey, Delgado. Rodd wanted to fuck you. Did you know that?”

Téa knew he was trying to be crude to get a reaction. “If Rodd was having sexual feelings for me, he wanted to make love to me Pete. That is not the same as just wanting to fuck someone.”

Pete’s eyes filled with surprise and confusion. “Yeah, well he didn’t get what he wanted because he don’t know how to act like a man.”

“How would a man have acted?” Susannah probed.

“He woulda taken what he wanted.”

“What about a real woman, shouldn’t she have a say in what she wants to do?” Susannah asked.

“Women are lying whores. They don’t have real feelings. They only pretend to care about people. They use men for what they can get from them and then they fuck around with someone else. They think they can be the boss when it’s the man who’s always the boss and gets to tell them what they can do and when.”

“Does that apply to all women?” Susannah asked calmly.

Pete picked up a pillow from the sofa. He tossed it in the air like a ball. After a minute, he replied, “Not all of them.”

“What women doesn’t it apply to?” Susannah inquired.

Pete threw the pillow in the air a few more times. “Michelle.”

“Michelle wasn’t any of the things you just mentioned?” Susannah pressed.

“NO! Michelle loved us for real. I don’t wanna talk about Michelle anymore.”

“Okay,” Susannah quickly agreed. “Are there any other women that have been in your life that this doesn’t apply to?”

“Miss Perkins,” Pete added. He looked into Susannah’s eyes and then Téa’s. “You waiting for me to add you two to the list?”

“Only if you believe we’re not like that,” Susannah stated.

Pete shrugged. “You’re both still here, so I guess you’re not. I guess Viki’s not either. But all other women are!”

“What about Todd’s mom?” Susannah remembered that Pete became agitated when someone called Barbara Manning his mom.

“She’s the queen whore!”

“You believe she lied when she said she loved Todd,” Susannah verbalized what Pete implied.

“Do you see her here? She was too busy fucking that new husband of hers to ever be there for Todd or anyone. She was too busy being a drunken slut to be there before she started fucking her new husband. She’s probably somewhere fucking the devil now!”

“You’re very angry at Todd’s mother,” Susannah stated.

“I don’t feel nothing about her. She didn’t do nothing to me. And Todd and some of those wimps deserved what happened to them.”

“Did you see a lot of what Peter did to Todd and the others?” Susannah asked.

“I saw enough.” Pete stared into space as he answered.

“How did seeing some of the others get hurt make you feel?” Susannah prodded.

“It made me hate them even more.”

“They were the ones being abused. Why did you hate them?”

“I told you! They’re losers. They couldn’t stop the hurting so they deserved it.”

“You believe if someone can’t stop someone from hurting them they deserve what they get.” Susannah rephrased.

“Wimps deserve what they get,” Pete answered. He threw the pillow up in the air again.

“What about the children? Do you think a small child like Timmy can stop an adult from him?”

Pete threw the pillow into the air one more time. He caught it and plopped down on the couch while still holding it. “Maybe Timmy couldn’t stop him.”

“Pete,” Susannah began. “Todd and everyone that lives inside Todd was as young and small as Timmy, some even younger and smaller, when Peter hurt them. What could such tiny children have done to deserve to be hurt?”

“Whatever they done, he thought they deserved to be hurt,” Pete said. He put his feet up on the coffee table.

“So you think Peter Manning was a good man and only did what needed to be done.”

Pete put his feet down and jumped up. “Peter Manning was a miserable sadistic bastard! He deserved to die and I would have killed him if Sam hadn’t stopped me. I’m always the one that had to do the dirty work. None of those losers had any guts. I’ve helped Todd over and over again. I’ve taken so much shit for him. You got no idea. All I got for it is being locked up here because he’s crazy.”

“You’re angry with Todd and some of the others for not being appreciative of your help.”

“I don’t want no goddamn medal, but he don’t have to act like a scared little girl every time I try to talk to him either.”

Susannah suddenly realized that Pete missed being able to talk to Todd. He felt slighted that Todd didn’t respond or act like he appreciated him. That fueled Pete’s fury and made him want to hurt Todd. “Do you try to talk to Todd often?”

“Not anymore. I used to and he freaked out. So now I only talk to him when I wanna freak him out.”

“Todd doesn’t understand about you and the others Pete. He becomes frightened when he hears voices. He’s afraid of being mentally ill,” Susannah explained.

“What does his being nuts have to do with me? I’m not some spooky voice from the grave or something. I’ve protected Todd from so much shit . . .” Pete’s voice trailed off.

“You want Todd to care about you. You want him to acknowledge what you’ve done for him.”

“I don’t need him or anyone to care about me. Todd can go fuck himself for all I care.”

“Okay,” Susannah conceded, “so you don’t need anyone to care about you. What about what you would like? Would you like Todd or someone else inside with you or out here to care about you?”

“Where the fuck is that hamburger? Did they have to go find a cow to kill first?” Pete asked, changing the subject.

“It’ll be here in a few minutes,” Frank called out. “Would you like some crackers or something in the meantime?”

“I’ll wait,” Pete mumbled. He plopped down in the chair next to Téa’s. “Hey, Delgado, were you really gonna burn Todd?”

“What?”

“That time in the garden shack . . . you tied Todd up . . . were you really gonna burn him?”

Téa grimaced at the memory of that. “No. I wanted to teach him a lesson. I’m sorry I did that, sorrier than you can imagine.”

“Everybody always wants to teach Todd a lesson,” Pete’s voice was filled with disgust. “Sometimes I hate him so much for being such a wimp.”

“Todd wasn’t being a wimp. I had him tied up,” Téa defended Todd.

“He let you, a girl, get the best of him. That’s because he feels. He always fucks up because he feels. He hated himself for what he did to you and he thought there was a chance that you forgave him and wouldn’t leave him so he untied you. Stupid and a wimp,” Pete spat out. Pete stood up. He straddled the chair Téa was sitting in, towering over her.

“Move away from Téa, Pete,” Frank called out.

“You never could have done that to me. You know that right? I’m strong. No one, even someone way bigger and tougher and stronger than you, could ever do that to me.”

“Pete you have one more chance to move away from Téa on your own. If you can’t, we’ll have to help you move away,” Frank said firmly.

“It’s all right,” Téa called out. She didn’t take her eyes from Pete. She remembered how frightened she once would have been if he’d done this to her. Now she knew with certainty that he wouldn’t hurt her. Looking up at Pete, she said, “I know no one could have done that to you. I hope Todd can forgive me for doing it to him.”

Pete stared into Téa’s eyes as if he were trying to decide if she meant it. He stepped away from the chair. Pete was confused. Intimidating a woman didn’t make him feel the way it used to . . . powerful . . . in control . . . like he was tougher and stronger than Peter Manning. Téa wasn’t showing fear. She didn’t make Pete feel like he was something horrible that needed to be feared. In turn, he didn’t feel that way about himself and his need to hurt and intimidate lessened.

Pete faced Téa. “I just wanted to make sure you knew . . .” Pete looked at everyone in the room . . . “that all of you know I can’t be messed with.”

“We know that Pete,” Susannah assured him.

Angelo entered the dayroom carrying the burger and fries that the cafeteria worker had just delivered to the unit.

Pete grabbed the burger off the tray before Angelo had a chance to rest it on the dining table. He bit into it hungrily. “Ketchup . . . there ain’t no ketchup on it,” he complained with his mouth full.

“There are plenty of packets of ketchup on the tray. Why don’t you sit at the table and you can put on as much as you like,” Angelo suggested.

“Yeah, yeah,” Pete grumbled. He did sit at the table. As soon as Angelo placed the tray in front of him, Pete tore into several packets of ketchup with his teeth. He squirted them on the burger and all over his fries. He continued to eat hardily. “Hey, Delgado,” he called out. “I’ll let you have a couple of my fries if you want.”

Téa understood that Pete wanted her company while he was eating. She walked over to the table and sat down. She took a fry.

“Don’t give me none of that knife and fork crap you give Todd,” Pete said while chewing on a big bite of the burger.

Téa smiled. She shook her head. “I won’t. I realized that there’s a reason for everything and some things aren’t as important as I once thought they were.”

“Whatever,” Pete mumbled as he shoved several fries in his mouth. “Delgado, you know what I’m gonna do when I get out of here. I’m gonna get into Todd’s fastest sports car and I’m gonna put the top down and drive like the wind for hundreds of miles.”

“It sounds like fun, but I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt,” Téa said softly.

“Yeah, like you’d care if I got hurt?”

“I would care very much. Pete I wouldn’t be able to take it if you got hurt.”

Pete stared into Téa’s eyes for a moment. He looked away and took an angry bite out of his burger. “Cause you think Todd would be hurt too. You don’t gotta worry about that Delgado! I know none of you believe me, but I’m gonna be separate from Todd someday. I’m gonna be free of him and if something happens to him it won’t happen to me and the other way around so you and everyone else don’t gotta worry if I drive right into a tree and you’re picking my guts off the branches. You’ll still have wimpy Todd around.”

“You’re right, Pete,” Téa began. “I couldn’t take it if something happened to Todd. I also couldn’t take it if something happened to you. If Todd was fine, but you were hurt or dead I’d be devastated and so would everyone else. We care about you, about Pete, regardless of Todd.”

Pete sat quietly for a few moments, processing what Téa just said. “So you could do some of the driving to make sure we didn’t go that fast.”

Téa knew Pete was saying he wanted her to go with him. “I’d love to take a long drive with you, with the top down, and going oh . . . how does sixty-five miles an hour sound?”

“That’s still breaking the laws in a lot of places,” Pete stated. “You’d do that?”

“On some roads. A girl’s gotta live a little dangerously,” Téa said with a smile on her lips. She took another fry.

Pete still seemed a little suspicious and confused about everyone as he wolfed down the rest of his meal. He didn’t say anymore. He stole occasional glances at Téa between bites. *****

Sam had just stepped into the shower when Viki got back to the family lounge. He had been in there for almost an hour. He stood under mostly cold water, trying to get rid of the headache and hangover he had. It wasn’t helping. Nor was it helping with the intrusive thoughts that pelted Sam’s brain like hailstones against a windshield. Sam hated himself for not killing Garret. He hated himself for not stopping Peter.

Over and over again he thought about the night he stopped Pete from killing Peter. He thought about the three years he had known Todd before that night. Vivid pictures of Todd’s bruised little face and body, the way they looked that very first day Sam met Todd, assaulted his mind. Three years, Sam thought, [three years of torture I could have saved Todd from]. Then Sam added up the three and a half years from the time he stopped Pete from killing Peter until Todd left Chicago for Llanview. How could I not know that something so terrible happened to him that night? That sweet boy I knew would never try to strangle his father. I saw him only hours after all that happened to him. I saw the look in his eyes and I stopped him from killing that monster and I left him there. “Oh, god, I left him there,” Sam cried out loud. “What happens if they do find Michelle’s body someday and find the bat with her and Bill is forced to say what he knows? I will never let Todd go to jail for that. I’ll spend the rest of my life hiding him if it ever comes to that,” Sam vowed.

Viki didn’t want to intrude. Nevertheless, she was about to call to Sam and try the door if he didn’t answer. Much to her relief, Sam came out of the shower. Viki saw that he looked somewhat better than he had. He still looked sick and troubled. Viki did not have time to ask Sam how he was or tell him that Rodd was out when Jeff knocked on the door. Viki answered it. He told her Pete was out and asked for them, in his own way.

Sam walked to the door in nothing but a towel. “We’ll be there in five minutes. You tell him that. You make sure he knows we’re coming and want to be there for him.”

“Sure Sam,” a surprised Jeff answered. “I’ll tell him. He’s all right. There’s no crisis. In fact he asked for a burger and fries to be sent up. He’s hungry.”

“Just tell him we’ll be right there,” Sam barked. He closed the lounge door in Jeff’s face.

Sam rushed to get dressed. He threw on the first things he got his hands on. He didn’t stop to shave or comb his hair.

“Honey, Jeff said Pete is doing fine,” Viki said in the hope Sam would slow down.

“Are you ready?” Sam asked impatiently.

“Yes. Sam, Pete asked for you. He loves you. All of them love you.”

Sam glared at her. “Let’s go.”

*****

Pete finished off the last of the burger and fries. He gulped down the remaining Coke in the cup. He was just wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his sweatshirt when Viki and Sam entered the dayroom. Pete stood up. “I told them to tell you that you didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to,” he declared the second he saw them.

Viki walked up to him. She smiled. “We wanted to. Sweetheart, don’t you know how much we’ve missed you?”

“You don’t have to call me sweetheart. I don’t need that kind of crap.”

“Does it bother you if I call you that?” Viki asked.

Pete shrugged. “Go ahead if it makes you happy. I’m not gonna stop you.”

They all understood. Pete liked Viki calling him by a term of endearment, so he had to make sure no one thought he liked it or needed it.

Pete stared at Sam. “You look like shit. Is something wrong with you?”

Sam looked down in embarrassment. “No, pal. I’m fine. I-I just woke up.”

Pete moved closer. “You gonna die on us Sam?”

Sam looked horrified.

Everyone in the room exchanged quick uncomfortable glances.

“No!” Sam’s voice trembled as he spoke. “I won’t leave you. I don’t want you to ever be afraid of that.”

“I’m not afraid of anything! I was just asking. I don’t need no babysitter,” Pete snapped. He turned back to Viki. “I know you wish Todd or one of those whiney brats was here but you’re stuck with me.”

“Sweetheart, I meant what I said. We’ve missed you. You don’t come out very often and we were very happy to hear that you did come out today.”

“How come? It’s not like I do anything to make you happy to see me when I’m around.”

Viki moved in closer to Pete. She saw his muscles tighten. Despite this, she didn’t move back. “You are smart, and sometimes funny, with that awful sense of humor of yours. You’re honest. We all know where we stand with you. You’re strong and you’ve done so much to protect everyone inside. We like being around you. We admire you and we are proud of you.” Viki took Pete’s hand. “Sweetheart, we love you.”

For a second, Pete gently squeezed Viki’s hand. Then he quickly pulled away. “I don’t always wanna help Todd. Sometimes I hate him for feeling and for being such a loser and such a wimp that he needs me to help him. It’s my job so I do it. You can take back all that admire and love crap now.”

Viki smiled. “It wouldn’t matter if you never lifted another finger to help Todd or anyone else. We would still love and admire you for just being who you are . . . for just being Pete.” Viki moved closer to him again. “Will you let us love you? You have a choice. No one is going to force you.”

Pete stared into Viki’s eyes. “You won’t get loved back. I don’t love nobody. I don’t even know how.”

“You don’t have to love us back. If and when you are ever ready to, the love will come. You’ll know it when you feel it.”

“And if I never feel it?”

“Then at least you will have given us the gift of being able to love you,” Viki said tenderly.

Pete stood silently and thought for a minute. “What’d I gotta to for this love stuff?”

Viki smiled. “Exactly what you’ve been doing, be yourself. There are a few other things that come with being loved.”

“I knew there’d be a catch. There’s always a catch. Okay what other things?”

“You don’t have to do them, but it would make us happy if you did,” Viki began to explain. “We wish you would talk to us about things that make you angry or frustrated or sad, or about anything you’re feeling.” Viki saw that Pete was still listening. He didn’t shut down. “It would also make us happy if you would allow us to hug you now and then.”

Pete’s muscles tightened again. “Touching is for hurting people, not loving them.”

“No, pal,” Sam joined in. “Only bad touching is for hurting people. When you know how to show love you use good touching.”

“Did it feel good or bad when we all hugged you the last time you were out?” Téa asked.

Pete turned his back to all of them. He walked over to the window.

Susannah held her hand up to let them know he needed time to process.

After a couple of minutes, they heard Pete whisper, “Good.”

Susannah motioned for Viki to approach him first.

Viki stood in back of Pete. “Yes, sweetheart, it felt good. If felt good for us too. You made us happy by allowing us to express our love for you that way.” Viki waited a few seconds. She saw Pete shrug. He still kept his back to her. “I’m so happy to be able to spend some time with you it makes my heart burst with love. Would it be all right if I hugged you now?”

Pete gave no response for another half minute.

Tears filled Viki, Sam and Téa’s eyes when Pete turned around. He stood stiffly, with his arms at his sides. His muscles were tight as a drum.

Gently, Viki embraced him. His entire body shuddered. It seemed to reject physical affection at first. Then it was as if he melted in Viki’s arms. She felt Pete responding to the hug as if his life depended on it.

Other than the brief moment Pete had tolerated a display of affection, the last time he was out, Pete had never known anything like this before . . . the warmth . . . the safety . . . the love. It enveloped him. He clung to Viki. It made him feel like he never wanted to lose these feelings. This in turn caused Pete to panic. He felt. This terrified him. He knew what happened to people who could feel things. Pete began to feel vulnerable. This made him angry. He pulled away so forcefully Viki almost toppled over.

“Sweetheart, what is it?”

Pete backed away. “I know what you’re trying to do. I know what all of you are trying to do.”

“We’re not trying to do anything to you, Boomer,” Sam interjected.

“Don’t you fucking lie to me and don’t you fucking call me Boomer!”

“Pal, I’m sorry. I swear. Viki loves you. I love you.”

“Pete, tell Viki and Sam what it is you think they’re doing to you,” Susannah prompted.

“You’re setting me up!”

“How are we setting you up?” Viki tried to keep her voice calm.

“You want me to feel all this love shit and get to need it so I’ll be a sitting duck and then you can use it against me.”

“No, sweetheart, we do love you. We’d never use your feelings against you,” Viki tried to assure him.

“Explain to Viki, Téa and Sam how you feel love can be used against you,” Susannah directed.

“You want me to believe you love me and feel it so I’ll become like Todd and some of those stupid kids and need you. You want me to care if you love me or like me. Then I’ll care what you think about what I do. I’ll become like a dog begging for a pat on the head. I’ll be weak and I won’t be able to fight back. I’ll just stand there and say ‘Yes sir’ to everything. You’ll use my feelings to get me to do any kind of disgusting shit you want me to do and to hurt anyone you want me to hurt. I decide who I hurt and who I don’t hurt. No one else!”

Pete pointed to Sam. “You’re gonna get me to feel so you can do sick disgusting things to me.” He pointed to Viki and Téa. “And you two are setting me up so you can walk away forever and then laugh at me for being such a stupid idiot for feeling all this looooooove. I’M NOT STUPID! Don’t you fucking confuse me with some of the others. I’m not gonna cry myself to sleep over you like a little girl when you leave me and I’m not gonna stand by and let you do whatever you want to me because I think that’s the way to get you to like me.”

“Pete,” Viki called out. She took a few steps closer to him. “I know it’s terrifying to trust love when love has always hurt you and betrayed you before.”

“Not me! Nothing’s ever hurt me.”

“Yes, I’m sorry. It hasn’t. You have seen Todd and some of the others get hurt and betrayed by love, haven’t you?”

“Yes! So don’t think I’m gonna fall for it.”

Viki tried to explain. “Peter Manning was a sick, twisted, sadistic man. He had no idea how to love anyone. He didn’t deserve to have a child as wonderful as Todd and all of you that live inside him. Barbara Manning was a scared, weak woman. She tried her best to protect Todd and everyone else. She couldn’t. She hated herself for not being able to keep her child from being hurt. She drank to numb that pain. Her fear won out over everything else she felt and she left. Pete, she regretted it until the day she died. From what we can tell she never knew a happy moment again for the rest of her life.”

Viki moved a few steps closer. “Do you know what my father did to me?”

Pete looked into Viki’s eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

“So you can believe me when I say I know what it is to love someone who hurts you. I know what it is to be vulnerable to that person and have him use your love for him to hurt you and make you do what he wants you to do.”

Pete’s eyes filled with pain. “Then why would you want that for me if you really do care about me Viki?”

“Because I also know what it’s like to love someone that you can trust and someone that will never use your love for them to hurt you or use you in any way. I know what it’s like to love someone who will never give up on you and leave you no matter what you do. I know that being able to love and accept love from someone who knows how to love is the best feeling in the world. It’s the complete opposite of loving someone that will hurt and use you. I want you to experience good love Pete. Sweetheart, I don’t want you to miss out knowing what that feels like.”

“Pete,” Téa called out from where she stood. She didn’t want to overwhelm him. “I know what a big risk loving someone is too.”

“Cause your mom dumped you?” Pete asked in his blunt way. There was obviously no sarcasm or malice in his tone.

“Yes. Trusting people was terrifying to me. Once I did it, it was like Viki said. It was the best feeling in the world. I’ve never known anything like it. You are so much stronger than I am. You’re stronger than anyone. If I can do it, I believe with all my heart that you can.”

“So you trust Todd now?” Pete asked. It wasn’t rhetorical. He truly wanted to know.

“Yes I do. I trust Todd and I trust you.”

“Big mistake Delgado. You know I can hurt you.”

“I do know you can, yes.” Téa nodded. “I also know you won’t. I wasn’t kidding when I said I would go away for that drive with you Pete. I trust you not to hurt me wherever we go.”

“Sweetheart, do you think you can risk giving us a chance?” Viki asked.

Pete swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to love us back. Can you just allow us to love you?” Viki coaxed.

Pete desired the feeling he had when Viki hugged him. He desired it as strongly as a junkie desires his drug of choice. Pete nodded.

“I’m so proud of you pal,” Sam called to Pete. “Will you let me hug you?”

“Yeah,” Pete whispered.

Sam walked over to Pete. He took him in his arms and held him tightly. The way Viki had, Sam felt Pete’s body respond to his hug. “I love you pal. I love you so much. I swear to god that I will never let anyone hurt any of you again.”

“How come you didn’t love Todd?” Pete asked.

Sam pulled back. He placed his hands on Pete’s shoulders. “I love Todd. My God how I love Todd. What makes you think I don’t?”

“You never wanted him. You let him get hurt. You must have thought he deserved it.”

Viki and Téa closed their eyes in dread of Sam’s reaction. They knew Pete’s words were tearing through his heart. They could also tell Pete was not trying to hurt Sam. There was innocence to his tone as he asked Sam that question. Pete was trying to understand how Sam could say he loved someone and then stand by while they were being hurt.

Sam pressed his lips together tightly. He nodded his head several time. He was desperately trying to hold it together. “I swear to you. I never wanted Todd or anyone to get hurt. I never, for one moment, believed Todd or anyone that lives inside him deserved to be hurt. I have no excuse for letting it happen. I was not as good a friend to all of you as you deserved. I made mistake after mistake with every one of you. I was selfish. I gave priority to the wrong people. I should have seen what Peter Manning was doing. All of you gave more than enough signals. I should have known.” Tears spilled down Sam’s cheeks. “I should have known,” he repeated. “I closed my eyes to what I was too weak, selfish and stupid to face. If you hate me, if all of you hate me, I understand. I want your love and forgiveness, even though I know I don’t deserve it. If it’s not too late, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to all of you as best I can. I can swear to you that even if you hate me and will never forgive me, I will never allow anyone to hurt any of you again.”

Pete looked at Sam’s face, tear stained and racked with pain. “We’re cool,” Pete stated softly.

Sam grasped Pete in a hug again. “I love you. I love you. I’m so proud of you. I’ve always wished you were my son and I still do. I love my own son, but I wish he were as strong and smart and generous as all of you. He got the short end of the stick from me too. I ended up being a lousy father to you and to him. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for all of you. I’m so sorry I didn’t stop Peter and Garret from hurting you.”

Pete froze.

Sam felt Pete’s muscles turn to stone. He tightened his hug on him. “I’m sorry,” Sam said quickly. “Oh, god, Pete I’m sorry. I-I-I shouldn’t have mentioned Garret. Oh man. It’s all right. Pete it’s all right.”

Pete pushed Sam away with such force that Sam slammed into the wall. Pete ran and made it out of the dayroom before anyone could stop him. He pushed Terry aside as he passed her, almost knocking her over. He ran to the doors that led off the unit and hit them running. The thud he made and the doors rattling reverberated throughout the unit. The doors held fast, they didn’t give.

After checking to make sure Sam was all right, Susannah ordered him, Téa and Viki to stay in the dayroom. She then rushed out to help with Pete.

“Pete,” Frank called out. “Get away from the doors. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. You do need to calm down.”

Pete kicked the doors with all his might.

Angelo, Jeff, Frank, Steve, Terry, Susannah, Nancy, Don and Janet stood where Pete could see their show of force.

“You will not be able to get through those doors Pete,” Susannah tried. “You need to calm down. Will you take some medication to help you calm down?”

“FUCK YOU!” Pete screamed. “I’LL FUCKING KILL THE FIRST PERSON WHO COMES NEAR ME. YOU LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKING BITCH! ARRGGGHHH!” Pete screamed in frustration as he threw his body against the doors again.

The staff moved closer to him. Eileen stood by with a syringe filled with sedation, in case it became necessary.

“YOU FUCKING LET ME OUT OF HERE!” Pete shouted. He threw his body against the doors one more time. He tried kicking them open again.

“Should I call a code?” Nancy whispered to Susannah.

“Not yet,” Susannah whispered back. Her instincts told her to hold back. Pete needed to feel this fury.

Pete beat his fists against the door. “LET ME OUT! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I’LL NEVER LET YOU DO THAT TO ME! I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU BEFORE I LET YOU DO THAT TO ME. I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL KILL YOU. I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you.” Pete’s voice was now barely audible. His fists were more brushing against the doors than hitting them. “I’ll kill you,” Pete mouthed as he slid down against the doors. Pete brought his knees to his chest and buried his head in them.

Susannah motioned for everyone else to stay back. She slowly approached Pete. She knelt down a couple of feet away from where he sat huddled on the floor.

Pete sensed Susannah’s presence. He lifted his head and looked her in the eye. “He never did stuff to me,” Pete whispered. “No one ever did. No one.”

“I know he didn’t Pete,” Susannah confirmed. She saw the desperation that she believe him in his eyes.

“I helped. I did. I took some of the beatings when Todd couldn’t take it anymore. I showed them who they were messing with. I tried to fight back at the beginning. I never let the other prisoners make fun of Todd. Some of them were afraid of me. They knew I’d hurt them. I wanted Garret and the guys with him to be afraid of me too.” Pete’s chin trembled. His teeth clenched. “He laughed at me, just the way he did.”

“Garret and his friends laughed at you the way Todd’s dad did,” Susannah restated.

Pete nodded. “I wanted to kill him. I would have if I ever got him alone.”

“There were always others with Garret,” Susannah verbalized what Pete implied.

“He was a fucking coward. He was afraid to be alone with me. I would have! I would have hurt him. I would have banged his head into the wall and knocked him down and then I would have kicked him in his gut and in his back and in his balls. I would have turned him face down and pushed his stinking ugly face in the dirt.”

Pete’s speech was so rapid he was tripping over his words and gasping for breath as he continued. “I would have banged his face against the floor until he fucking bit his tongue off. I would have ripped all his clothes off and made fun of his cock. I would have shoved his nightstick so far up his ass it would have come out his throat. I would have tied him up and smashed his head in with a baseball bat until his brains splattered all over the fucking wall. I would have thrown his body into a stinking hole in the ground where no one would ever fucking find it and he’d be there alone with no one to care about him forever.”

Susannah and the staff realized that Pete was talking about both Garret and Peter.

A loud sob escaped deep from within Pete’s throat. “I hate him! I hate him. I tried to help. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill both of them. I tried to help. I did. I did. I’m strong! I am! I never let them do that to me.” Pete’s shoulders shook as more sobs racked his body.

Susannah moved closer to Pete and sat on the floor next to him.

Pete looked into her eyes. He threw his arms around her and held on for dear life. He let out a blood curdling scream that permeated the entire unit. “I’m strong. I’m strong,” Pete choked out. His hands were clenched so tightly on the back of the shirt Susannah was wearing that her skin was being pinched along with the material. Pete’s sobs were loud and gut wrenching.

Susannah never flinched. Her arms remained wrapped tightly around Pete, comforting him, letting him know he was loved and cared for. “You are very strong Pete. Sometimes even the strongest people can get hurt when someone has an unfair advantage over them.”

Sam had rushed out of the dayroom when he heard Pete’s scream. Viki and Téa followed.

Frank and Janet held their hands up to stop Sam from approaching Pete.

Sam saw Pete in Susannah’s arms. Guilt and jealousy washed over him. He blamed himself for slipping about Garret and bringing this on, and he longed to be the one who could comfort Pete.

“I tried to stop Garret too. I did! I pushed him off of Todd the first time he . . . he . . . I tried. He beat Todd so bad he could hardly walk for a few days. I tried to help Todd when he’d think of ways of escaping. Todd would freak out even more when he heard me. He’d hold his ears and yell ‘Shut up! Shut up!’ I figured fuck him! So I stopped talking to him. I tried to set him straight about his father that night too and he freaked out then when he heard me. I tried to help! I did!”

“I know you did Pete,” Susannah acknowledged. “Todd and the others never would have survived without you, not the night you tried to kill Todd’s father and not in Statesville. Todd doesn’t mean to hurt your feelings. He doesn’t understand. He becomes frightened when he hears you and the others.”

“I tried to stop him. I tried,” Pete said over and over again. “I had my hands around his neck. Sam came in and stopped me.” It was obvious Pete was either talking about Peter Manning or confusing Peter with Garret. It was also obvious that Pete and Susannah had no idea Sam was hearing this. They couldn’t see him from where they sat. “I don’t know why Sam did that. I never could understand why he wanted that fucking bastard to keep hurting Todd and the others. I could have made it all end that night, but Sam stopped me. Why? Why didn’t he come when we were in Statesville? What Todd did to Marty was in all the papers. He must have known we were there. I kept waiting for him to show up. Todd did too. He must have thought we deserved to be hurt by Garret too . . . unless Sam really meant all that stuff he just said to me?” It was clear from Pete’s tone that he desperately wanted more assurance that what Sam had just said to him was true.

Viki and Téa exchanged horrified looks. They knew what this was doing to Sam.

Sam stood perfectly still as Pete continued to hold onto Susannah. Sam listened as words and sobs of anguish poured out of Pete.

“It’s very true,” Susannah confirmed. “Sam loves all of you so much. He didn’t want to see you go to prison for murdering Todd’s father. Pete he had no idea what Todd’s father had done. Sam didn’t know things were so bad for all of you in Statesville either. He would have been there for you. Sam is very angry with himself for not being around when you needed him. My guess is that if Sam could live anything in his life over, anything at all, he would choose to go back to the night he stopped you from strangling Todd’s dad.”

“You mean he would have killed Peter for us?” Pete asked sincerely. He was starting to calm down. His death grip on Susannah had lessened. Now he was staying securely snuggled in her arms. Pete let go of her just long enough to wipe his nose with the back of one hand.

“No, hon. Sam would have taken all of you out of Peter’s house. He would have found a way to protect you. He just didn’t know.”

“We tried to tell him. All of us did.”

“I know,” Susannah said as she gently rubbed Pete’s back. “Sometimes people have a hard time imagining that a parent can abuse a child. People like to think that parents protect their children. It’s difficult for some people, especially people like Sam who would never hurt a child, to imagine a parent being abusive, let alone as abusive as Todd’s dad was.”

“You think Sam really meant it when he said he doesn’t think we deserve what happened to us?” Pete asked plaintively.

“I know he does.” Susannah’s hug tightened to a tender squeeze for a moment. “Sam thinks all of you are the best kids a dad can have. He wishes he were your dad. He wishes it so hard it hurts. Sam is so proud of all of you. He never stops regretting the missed chances he had to help you.”

Sam was more confused than ever. Susannah seemed to be trying to make things right between him and Pete. Once again Sam wondered if he could be so wrong about her and about everything, or was this still some kind of plot? Viki gently placed her hand on Sam’s shoulder. He pulled away harshly. “I’m going to the lie down.” Sam walked away without waiting for a response.

Pete shrugged. “No one could have stopped Todd’s dad or Garret anyway. They liked hurting us too much.”

Susannah noticed Pete included himself. “Pete,” she began gently. “I know you are very strong and powerful. As I said before, sometimes even the strongest people are at an unfair advantage. You said you took beatings for Todd sometimes. Did Todd’s dad or Garret ever hurt you in any other way too?” Susannah felt Pete’s muscles tighten. Then she felt his head nod slowly against her shoulder.

“Todd’s dad,” Pete admitted. “He didn’t know he was messing with me. He thought it was Todd. Sometimes I would come out to try to help Todd and he wasn’t finished with him yet. He didn’t know it was me. He thought it was Todd. He thought it was Todd! He never would have done that to me because he knew I was too strong! He thought it was Todd! I’m strong!”

Susannah continued to rub Pete’s back. “I know. You are very strong. You are strong enough to help Todd even if it means you get hurt yourself. That’s about as strong as anyone can be.”

Pete pulled back. He looked into Susannah’s eyes. He saw no judgment or pity, only compassion and admiration. “Yeah, that is real strong. I’m still real strong. Everyone’s still afraid to mess with me when they know it’s me, right?”

“That’s right. You are very strong Pete,” Susannah reassured.

Viki and Téa both had tears streaming down their cheeks. They had always suspected Pete had been physically and sexually abused. Yet, to hear him admit it was almost more than they could bear.

“Did Garret mess with you too?” Susannah pressed.

Pete shook his head. “Razor handled that. He helped me and Todd. I’d be there most of the time when Garret thought he was beating Todd. Sometimes Razor would come out for the beatings too, if I was too sore from the last one. Razor would always come out when Garret was ready to stick his cock or his nightstick into Todd. Guess Razor’s really strong too.”

“Yes he is,” Susannah confirmed.

A curious look covered Pete’s face.

“Pete, are you hearing or seeing something?” Susannah asked.

“Todd’s listening,” Pete said, shocking everyone in the room.

“Can you see Todd?” Susannah pressed.

Pete nodded. “He’s holding his hands over his ears. He’s crying. There’s a man with him. He’s holding Todd and telling him it’s okay to hear. That figures! We help him and he don’t even wanna hear about it. He stands there crying like a little girl.”

Susannah’s heart rate quickened. This was a breakthrough she had been waiting for. “Pete, Todd is frightened. Even the bravest of people get frightened.”

“Whatever,” Pete mumbled.

“Can Todd hear us right now?” Susannah asked.

Pete nodded.

“Would you mind if I spoke to Todd?” Susannah inquired.

“You want me to go away,” Pete stated anxiously.

“No. I want you to stay right here. Would you like to tell Todd that he makes you feel bad when he doesn’t acknowledge your help?”

“You tell him he pisses me off!” Pete ordered.

“I’d like you to tell him,” Susannah instructed. “First I’d like to see if Todd will join us and then I’d like you to tell him how you feel.”

“He won’t come out if he knows I’m here. You said I make him think he’s even more wacko.”

Susannah smiled. “Let’s try. Will you help me try to get Todd to come out?”

Pete thought about it for another few seconds. “Yeah, why not?”

“Okay,” Susannah began. “Pete, I want you to close your eyes and try to relax.”

Pete looked frightened.

“I’m not trying to make you go inside,” Susannah promised. “I’m trying to make it easier for Todd to come out.”

Pete surprised Susannah by resting his head on her shoulder as he closed his eyes. She put her arm around him. Pete snuggled against her. She felt his body relax.

“Todd,” Susannah called to him. “I think you can hear and see us. I know you’re frightened by what you heard. Pete would like to talk to you about it and so would I. I think Papa would like you to come to us. There’s nothing at all to be afraid of. Pete doesn’t want to hurt you. He wants to talk to you. I know Pete has done some things to scare you in the past. That was because he was angry. You can understand that. You’ve been angry and lashed out. Pete is not angry right now. I think it will help both of you if you get to know each other face to face.”

Susannah felt a difference in Todd’s body. She watched as he shook his head.

“Todd, I know you’re afraid. I think your papa will help you if you want to come out all the way. I’m not going to force you and neither is Goodone. He’ll help you if you want to come out, but he won’t force you.” Susannah hoped Goodone was able to hear her. “Todd, will you let Papa help you come out and talk to us?”

Susannah felt the body revert back to Pete. “He still thinks I’m gonna yell at him and make his head hurt,” Pete volunteered.

“Can you tell Todd that you don’t want to do that?” Susannah requested.

Pete sighed. “What she said,” he offered begrudgingly. He looked up at Susannah. He knew that wasn’t what she wanted. “Yeah okay,” he muttered. Pete looked at Todd without removing his head from Susannah’s shoulder. “You don’t gotta be afraid of me. I’m not gonna do nothing to hurt you. I’ve helped you way more than I’ve ever hurt you anyway. I don’t know what you’re making such a big deal over. You get me pissed sometimes so I got back at you. It’s not like a little headache is gonna kill you.”

Susannah felt a change in Todd’s body again. She felt the muscles tighten like a drum. She felt his body shudder and then she heard a small whimper.

“Todd?” Susannah asked softly.

Todd looked up at Susannah. It was clear he was trying to get his bearings.

“Let your eyes focus on my face Todd,” Susannah directed.

Susannah’s face became clearer. Todd held onto her tightly. His line of vision shifted a few inches. “Are you one of the ones who yell at me?”

“Sometimes,” Pete admitted, “when you piss me off.”

“I heard what you said about Garret.” Todd began to tremble. “I remember what he did to me.”

“To us!” Pete corrected Todd firmly. “You went inside and left me and Razor there. We’re the ones Garret hurt the most.”

Todd’s trembling increased. He clung to Susannah.

Pete looked on longingly. He didn’t like Todd taking his place next to Susannah.

Todd felt someone trying to push him away.

“I was here first!” Pete protested.

Susannah shifted her position on the floor. She placed her other arm around Pete. “How’s this?” she asked. She hoped that would work out.

Those in the room saw Todd’s head lean away from Susannah. They understood that somehow Pete was able to feel that he was on her other side, leaning his head on her other shoulder.

Susannah knew she’d have to make sure to turn her head to either side as she addressed each of them.

“Todd, can you see and hear Pete?” Susannah probed.

Todd nodded.

“Tell Pete why you’re afraid,” she prompted.

“Y- you . . . you shout at me and make my head hurt.”

“That’s ‘cause you treat me like shit. I have to stick around to help you and you won’t even let me talk to you.”

“I-I didn’t know you were helping me,” Todd admitted.

“Newsflash Einstein, I’ve been helping you for years. Who do you think came out to take all those beatings when Garret got a hold of us in Statesville?”

Todd buried his head in Susannah’s shoulder. “I don’t want to talk about Garret.”

“That’s too bad,” Pete said before Susannah had a chance to respond. “I had to talk about him so you do too.”

“Todd,” Susannah pushed gently, “what do you remember about Garret?”

Todd looked at Susannah with frightened, desperate eyes.

“It’ll be all right. I think you’re strong enough to talk about Garret now.” Susannah realized that Pete was only mentioning Garret, not Peter. This told her that Todd was not able to handle remembering Peter’s abuse on the night of his birthday or any of the times his father raped him before or after that night.

“I don’t remember anything about Garret,” Todd lied. “You spoke about Garret to Ray Martino,” Susannah reminded him.

“How do you know that?” Todd was shocked.

“Ray sent me your records from when you were in therapy with him.”

“So everything I said to him and everything I say to you is written down for the whole world to see!”

“No. I’m your doctor. Your records are confidential. Viki had to give Ray permission to send your records to me. The staff and I are the only ones who have access to any personal information about you. When you are well enough, you will decide who gets to see your records.”

“What’s the big deal? Everyone knows you’re crazy anyway,” Pete commented. He honestly thought he was helping.

Todd hung his head.

“Pete,” Susannah began. “No one thinks any of you are crazy. Todd, I promise you that you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. Are you okay with Ray sending me your chart?”

Todd shrugged. “Bet Ray was glad to get rid of me anyway.”

“No. Ray likes you very much. He cares very much about you. I’ve also spoken to him on the phone. Everything he said and wrote indicates that he admires you very much. He thinks you are extremely bright and gifted. He was sorry that you never continued therapy with him.”

“He never tried to see me. He moved away.”

Susannah realized Todd had issues of abandonment with Ray. “Did you let him know you wanted to see him?”

Todd thought for a few moments. “No. All that crap happened with me finding out I was Victor Lord’s son and then Blair happened. I stopped thinking about all that childhood stuff.”

“That’s why you’re still nuts,” Pete called out. Pete saw the look Susannah gave him. “I listen. I hear you sometimes.” Pete defended his remark. “Todd has to talk about all that childhood stuff or he’ll be nuts forever and we’ll be locked up here forever.”

“I wasn’t a little kid in Statesville.” Todd pointed out.

“No, but you were hurt while you were there, weren’t you?” Susannah asked.

Todd shrugged again.

“Do you remember what you told Ray about Garret?” Susannah pressed.

“Garret picked on me. He made me feel like a little runt because I couldn’t fight back. He’s the one who had the badge.”

“In what ways did Garret pick on you?”

“He’d make fun of the scar on my face. He’d pin me up against the wall in the exercise yard. He’d . . . he’d have someone take me from my cell at night and take me . . . I can’t,” Todd choked on the words.

“I can!” Pete called out.

“No,” Todd begged.

“You gotta start knowing stuff or we’re never gonna get out of here. I had to face it. Now it’s your turn.”

Todd clawed at Susannah in his desperation to hold onto her. “Make him stop! You make him stop.”

“Honey, you’re strong enough to handle this. Papa wouldn’t have let you listen if you weren’t.”

“Yeah, you got a dad to help you. That’s more than I got! I want you to know what we did for you . . . me and Razor. We were there after you went away. It was us Garret threw us against the wall or on the floor. We were the ones that he kicked and stepped on and beat with his nightstick. It was our face that he forced into the dirt and our tongues and lips that got cut. It was Razor’s ass that Garret shoved his cock and nightstick up. He raped us. He raped all of us!”

“Nooooo,” Todd whimpered. “I’d never let anyone do that to me. Never. NEVER!”

“Doctor Hanen says it doesn’t mean that we’re not strong. She says we couldn’t help what happened because it wasn’t fair. He was the one with the badge and with the friends with badges. Nobody could have stopped him, even if they were the strongest person in the whole world.”

“He must have thought we were . . . that we liked it” Todd said and hung his head in shame.

“Like Marty liked what you did to her,” Pete said angrily.

“No . . . no I . . . you shut up about Marty!”

“Todd,” Susannah intervened again. “Think about what Pete is saying to you. He’s not trying to hurt you.”

“He’s saying I deserved what happened because of what I did to Marty. Okay, maybe I did!”

“I don’t think that’s what Pete is saying. Will you give him a chance to explain?” Susannah asked.

Todd looked Pete in the eye. “Go ahead.”

“I heard some of the stuff you and that shrink Ray talked about and I heard some of the things you and Doctor Hanen talked about. What I heard was that no one asks to be raped no matter what they do and that it’s not someone’s fault if they got raped. So what Garret did is not our fault and it didn’t mean that we liked it or asked for it.”

Everyone in the room was in awe Pete. He was showing them a side he never allowed to be seen before. It was very apparent that Pete was listening more than anyone suspected and that he was able to process what he heard on his own. His self-imposed isolation must have left him with many questions and issues that were pouring out of him now.

“Todd,” Susannah asked softly when Todd sat silently. “Do you agree with what Pete just said?”

Todd shrugged and then nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Oh, God,” Todd cried out. He pulled away from Susannah. He inched his way over to the wall and huddled against it.

Susannah moved next to him and sat on her knees. “Todd. Tell me what’s happening?”

“I think I remember it . . . Garret . . . he made me get down on my knees. He got in back of me. He’d use his nightstick and his . . . oh, God!” Todd’s eyes filled with horror. “He did it. He raped me. Pete was telling the truth. He raped me. That miserable, filthy bastard raped me! Oh my God. I was ra . . . no please. I don’t wanna remember that. Make it go away. I won’t be able to stand it.”

“Todd, you are standing it. You said it and you’re still here. You didn’t go away. Honey, you are standing it.”

Todd lifted his pain filled eyes and looked at Susannah. “I’m so disgusting. Everyone will hate me even more than they already do.”

“You did nothing wrong. Remember what Pete said. You did nothing wrong and you didn’t ask for it.”

“You don’t gotta worry. If anyone makes fun of us I’ll beat the shit out of them,” Pete offered.

“I should’ve fought back. He did it because I let him,” Todd said more to himself than to Susannah or Pete.

“Garret was way bigger than us and he had his friends with him,” Pete pointed out. “I tried to stop him the first time. I tried to fight back. It just got us hurt worse.”

“I wish I was dead,” Todd murmured. “I don’t want to remember any more stuff. It’s too hard. It hurts too much.”

“Some of us ain’t got a choice. We gotta remember what you don’t,” Pete complained. “What you did to Marty got all of us locked up in Statesville, just like you got all of us locked up here.”

“I don’t want you to be locked up here with me. You can go! You can go anytime you want to.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried? I’m stuck with you and you’re stuck with me and the others until you’re not crazy anymore. Than all of us will be free and you can wimp out on your life as much as you want.”

“I never asked you to help me,” Todd claimed loudly.

“Yes you did! Every time you couldn’t handle stuff that was happening to you we had to handle the stuff for you. It’s the same as asking. I don’t want no fucking medal or anything, but you don’t have to treat me like shit you stepped in either.”

“I’m not treating you anyway. Leave me alone! I can’t! I can’t do it. I can’t remember!”

“Why not!” Pete exclaimed. “It’s only fair that you remember some stuff too. I remember that Garret beat the shit out of me and Razor remembers that he got raped and now you gotta remember it too. At least Razor got the guts to say it.”

Todd stared into Pete’s eyes and then squeezed his eyes shut. “Garret raped me,” he whispered. “Please don’t make me say it anymore. Please!”

“Shhhh,” Susannah soothed. “You don’t have say it. You don’t have to talk about this any more right now if you don’t want to.”

“Me neither?” Pete asked.

“No, you don’t have to talk about it anymore either.” Susannah smiled at Todd and Pete. “Both of you were so strong and brave today. What you did was very difficult and painful. Only someone very, very brave and strong could have talked about it.”

“I’m not afraid of nothing,” Pete said firmly. It was clear he was trying to convince himself as much as everyone else.

Todd looked at Pete. “You’re a kid. How’d you get so tough?”

“I was born tough,” Pete bragged. “Lots of people are scared of me. Like when we were in our first year of high school . . . remember Denny Gilmore? He used to pick on you because you acted weird in school. I got him good one day when he was on his way home. Remember how all of a sudden he stopped picking on you. That was ‘cause I took care of him,” Pete said with a big proud smile on his face.

“You did that for me?” Todd couldn’t believe it.

“I tried to tell you you didn’t have to be afraid of him no more. You just treated me like shit, the way you always do.”

“I’m sorry,” Todd apologized. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I got scared when I heard you.”

“Yeah, I know. Doctor Hanen told me you think it makes you more nuts to hear me. I don’t feel crazy when I hear you.” Pete looked down. “So you wanna be friends or what?”

Todd looked at this fourteen-year-old boy sitting before him in jeans, a T shirt, and a worn leather jacket. He finally saw Pete for what he was, the boy that had been helping him and protecting him in many ways for so long. “Yeah, I wanna be friends.” Now Todd looked down. “I didn’t mean to leave you with Garret. I got scared and then I didn’t remember any more until I’d wake up and everything would be hurting.”

“I tried to help you. I used to give you good ideas about escaping and you never listened to me. You’d follow your own dumb plans.”

“They weren’t so dumb. I made it out of there didn’t I?”

“Yeah and then you got us caught because you let yourself feel. You never should have let yourself love Rebecca.”

“We’d still be rotting away in Statesville if Rebecca hadn’t of gone to the governor for us.”

“Guess so,” Pete admitted. “Anyway, Delgado’s more fun.”

Todd froze. “You know Delgado?”

Téa and Viki exchanged looks. Téa wondered if she should say something.

Frank held his hand up and shook his head. He let Téa know Todd and Pete needed to work this out.

“Delgado and me are gonna take one of your cars and go riding like the wind when I get outta here,” Pete said excitedly. “She promised. She’s not scared of me no more ‘cause I’m nice to her now.”

“Did you ever hurt her?” Todd asked angrily.

“No!” Pete looked down again. “I just scared her a few times . . . you know . . . to show her who’s boss. But she’s not like most of the others. She don’t lie to us or laugh at us, and she don’t wanna hurt us or leave us.”

“Don’t you ever hurt her,” Todd warned.

“I won’t,” Pete promised. “And it’s not because you’re telling me not to. I don’t take orders from nobody. It’s because I don’t wanna hurt her anymore.”

“Does Téa know what Garret did to . . . does she know about Garret?”

“Guess so,” Pete shrugged.

Todd’s eyes filled with self-disgust and loathing. “She hates me now. She thinks I’m even more disgusting than before and a coward that let some kid get hurt for me.”

“Please,” Téa whispered to Frank. “Can I go to him?”

“Go ahead,” Frank whispered back.

Téa walked over to where Todd and Pete could see her. She knelt down, assuming she was next to both of them.

“Delgado . . . I . . . how long . . . you heard?” Todd asked. Tears brimmed in his eyes.

“I knew before this Todd. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you and what I heard now only makes me prouder of you. It makes me love you and admire you even more. With Pete and Razor’s help,” Téa made sure to add. “You were able to face this. You, Pete and Razor were able to face what happened. You’re all strong. Stronger than anyone else I’ve ever known.”

“I’m busy!” Pete suddenly called out.

“Is someone talking to you?” Susannah asked.

“Miss Perkins. She wants me to watch those brats. She said Rodd needs some comforting.”

Téa felt guilt wash over her.

“Miss Perkins? Rodd? Razor?” Todd said in a trembling voice. “Oh God, how many of you are . . . never mind! I don’t wanna know. Please, not now.”

“What’s your problem?” Pete was clearly annoyed. “We all help you. You oughta be glad you’re lucky enough to have us. I don’t have time to tell you about everyone anyway. Miss P might be a pain in the ass, but she’s okay. I gotta go.”

“Will you come back again?” Todd asked softly.

Pete hesitated for a few seconds. “You asking ‘cause you’re afraid I will or ‘cause you want me to?”

Todd gave half a shrug. “‘Cause I want you to.”

“Maybe we could do something?” Pete suggested. “You know, like play handball here or something, if they’ll let us?”

Viki, Téa, Susannah and the staff were moved to tears by Pete’s obvious desperation for a friend.

Todd smiled weakly. “I’d like that.”

“We can arrange something for you guys,” Frank promised.

Pete moved in closer to Todd. “Do you remember Diana Barret?”

“That stuck up girl in eleventh grade homeroom?” Todd queried.

Pete smiled. “I know some good dirt on her? I’ll tell you next time.”

Pete stood up. He hesitated. He looked around. His eyes traveled from Susannah to Viki to Téa and back to Susannah again.

Susannah realized what Pete was waiting for. “Pete, would it be all right if I hugged you goodbye?”

“Whatever.” Pete’s tone clearly indicated that it was not ‘whatever.’ Pete longed to be hugged again before he left.

Everyone realized that under all the toughness and violence, the real Pete was a kid who desperately wanted to be loved.

Susannah wrapped her arms around Pete and held him tightly.

“You’re okay for broad and a shrink,” Pete whispered.

Viki walked over to the young boy. “Would it be all right if I hugged you too?”

Pete shrugged.

As she had earlier, Viki felt Pete melt in her arms. He drank in the love and affection she had for him.

Finally, Pete walked over to Téa. “I know you’re big on this hug stuff too, so I’ll let you hug me if you want to.”

Téa embraced Pete warmly.

“You’re not gonna change your mind about going driving with me?”

“No. I promise I won’t. I’m looking forward to it very much,” Téa assured Pete.

Pete rested his head on Téa’s shoulder. A second later she felt the muscles in Todd’s body tense up.

Todd pulled back. He looked into Téa’s eyes. “You like that kid?”

“Very much,” Téa answered.

“How can you do this? How can you stand any of this or me?”

“Stand what?” Téa didn’t understand.

“These kids and people that are running around here or in my head or whatever . . . me! . . . hearing the things I’ve done . . . I can’t stand me . . . I think of . . . of . . . everything . . . it makes me wanna puke. How can even stand to be in the same room with me, let alone touch me? What’s wrong with you Delgado? Maybe you need to be shrunk.”

“Gee, I don’t know. Maybe I do? I have this weird need to be happy.”

“That’s my point! You wanna be happy. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Where else would I be? This is where my chance for happiness is. This is where the man I love is.”

Todd let go of Téa. He turned away. “The man you love? Shouldn’t that be the crowd you love? Shouldn’t that be someone who’s not a man at all? You heard what happened with Garret! Or how about the rapist you love or disgusting pervert you love? You know what I let my dad do to me and what I did to my own mother!”

Téa walked over to Todd. She turned him around so he faced her once again. “I love you and every part of you. The more I get to know each of them, the more I love you and respect you and realize just how amazing you are. Yes, hearing what happened with Garret changes the way I feel about you. It makes me even more in awe of your strength and ability to survive. Todd, you’re more a man than any other man I’ve ever known and probably more than any other man I will ever know. I told you before and I’ll tell you another thousand times if you need me to. You will never rape again. I know it. You did nothing with your dad or to your mother that you weren’t forced to do. You were a little boy, Todd, a little boy. You were younger than Starr when your father started to abuse you and force you to abuse your mom. If, God forbid, Starr or any child were forced to do what you were forced to do, would you place the blame on them? Would you call Starr or that child a pervert?”

Tears welled up in Todd’s eyes and slid down his cheeks. He shook his head. “No.” Todd threw his arms around Téa and rested his head on her shoulder. “Delgado, I hurt so much. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

Téa held Todd tightly. “I know it hurts. I wish with all my heart I could take that pain away from you. I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that was done to you. I can’t. No one can. I’m sorry you have to go through all of this. Maybe it’s selfish of me to ask you to.”

“Selfish? You’re giving up everything for me.”

“No, I’m not giving up anything. I’m here because of what I’m getting. It’s not just for you. It’s for me too. I want a life with you Todd. I want us to be a family. I want Starr to have someplace that’s filled with happiness when she’s with us.” Téa took Todd’s hand. “I want us to have our own children someday. I want to feel a part of you growing inside me. I don’t want either of us to be in pain for the rest of our lives. I know I’m asking a lot of you since you’re the one that has to face so many painful things. I can’t help it. I’ve always fought to get what I want in life. Todd, a life with you is what I want. I’ve never wanted anything more.”

“Don’t you think I want all of that too? Don’t you think I wanna be able to be that kind of husband? Delgado, what if I can’t? What if no matter how hard I try and how much it hurts I still can’t be all that?”

“You’re already all that. You’re a good husband and the best father in the world. That’s not the hard part. The hard part is getting well so you can stay safe and physically strong and able to live without so much pain and without being driven to do things that sabotage your happiness. The hard part is getting rid of that monster that lurks in every corner and under the bed and preys on your mind with the horrible things he did and said to you. The hardest of all is getting to where you can trust yourself and know that you will not hurt those you love or yourself and where you can truly allow yourself to feel the love, respect and admiration we all have for you and to know that you deserve it. You do mi amor. You deserve all of it. You need to forgive yourself. Everyone else has already forgiven you.”

Todd held on tightly to Téa. He stared deeply into her eyes.

Téa recognized something she hadn’t seen in Todd’s eyes in a long time. She saw hope.

Téa and everyone in the room were shocked when Todd suddenly pulled away from her. Their look turned to horror.

“Todd! Oh my God! Todd! What’s happening! Help him! Todd! Oh my God! Help him! Help him!” Téa cried out. TO BE CONTINUED