Susannah saw that Todd seemed in good control, anxious . . . uncomfortable . . . but in good control. She agreed with Téa's instinct. Susannah faced Todd. "I'll be by the nurses station if you need me. Dave will be sitting right outside your door."

"Make Delgado leave," Todd demanded.

"Téa needs to speak with you. You need to hear what she has to say," Susannah said firmly. Then more gently she added, "We trust you Todd. You need to learn to trust yourself. It'll be all right." Susannah and Dave headed for the door.

"It'll be on your heads!" Todd called out after them.

"What'll be on their heads, Todd, the horrible things that you think you'll do to me?"

"You think this is joke, Delgado?" Todd emphasized the word joke.

Téa stepped closer to Todd. She looked him in the eye.

Todd would never admit it to her, but he loved when Téa did exactly what she was doing now . . . getting in his face . . . her feet planted firmly . . . her chin out . . . her shoulders back . . . looking into his eyes with no trace of fear in hers. It was the only time Todd could almost believe he wasn't a monster.

"No, Todd. I don't think this is a joke at all. I understand what you're afraid of."

"No, Delgado. No! You don't understand at all. Whatever horrible disgusting things you already think I'm capable of are nothing compared to what I can really do to you."

Téa took another couple of steps closer to Todd. They could feel each other's breath. "And you think I'd just stand there and let you hurt me?"

Todd looked confused. "Then you're admitting that you'll leave when I hurt you. Why not just leave now? Why do you have to make me hurt you first?"

"Do you think those are the only options, staying around to be hurt or leaving someone?"

"Yes!" Todd declared loudly.

"What about staying around and working things out? What about doing whatever we have to do to make sure you don't hurt me or yourself or anyone else?"

"There is no working things out! How many times do I have to prove that to you? Look at me! Look what I've become. Look where I am! You're still okay. You're still you. Go, now, while there's still a chance to save yourself. It's in my blood Delgado. It's in my genes. It's in my brain! I'll hurt you. I won't want to, but I'll hurt you."

"Because you're like your fathers?"

"Yes! What's it gonna take to get you to believe that?"

"Nothing. I'll never believe that because I know it's not true."

"I've already hurt you more times than I can remember. How can you say it's not true?"

"Because you never hurt me the way your father hurt your mother or the way Victor hurt Viki or even the way you’ve hurt other people."

"What are you waiting for, for me to rape you?"

"You'd never do that to me. You may not know it. I do. I know it as surely as I know my own name."

Todd looked at Téa like she had lost her mind. "Oh, Delgado. I'm the one in the loony bin, but you're the one that's living in a dream world."

"Is it a dream to know that you never want to hurt me or see me suffer?"

Todd looked away. "No."

"Do you want to have power and control over me?"

Todd thought for a moment. "No," he admitted with tears in his eyes. "I like what you are . . . independent . . . smart . . . good . . . you're fun to talk to . . . you make everything interesting . . . you get good ideas . . . you make me think about things no one else gets me to think about . . . things that make me like myself for a few minutes . . . like giving Blair more time with Shorty . . . or that time I tried to make things right for Kelly when she told us what the tall dead guy was up to . . . all the things you think, Delgado . . . your mind is great to watch."

"You watch my mind?" Téa didn't understand.

"Yeah, well it's sort of a package deal. It's the way your eyes get all bright and . . ." Todd looked away.

It was obvious to Téa that he felt embarrassed. She smiled. "It's okay. Tell me."

Todd shrugged. "Your mouth . . . ya know . . . your lips . . . I like to watch them when you're thinking. It's like it's this race between your eyes and mouth and mind to get to an idea first." Todd looked into Téa's eyes. His hand trembled as he reached out to touch her face. He pulled his hand away. He jumped back. He shook his head as if to clear it. "Ohhh. No. No. No. No!"

"Todd, it's all right." Téa reached out for him.

He pulled farther away from her. "It's not all right! Don't you get it? Can't you see what happens when we're together?"

"I see that we reach out for each other. I see that we can tell each other things neither of us has ever told anyone else. I see that we become the missing pieces of the puzzle for each other." Téa moved a few steps closer to Todd. "We started out on separate paths. We discovered we wanted the same things. We wanted love. We wanted a family. We wanted the people we care about to like and respect us. We tried to get all of that in different ways. You showed them your worst side and dared them to love you anyway. I made up a Téa Delgado that didn't really exist and tried to get people to love that Téa, thinking it would feel as if they were really loving and respecting me. You taught me how to be loved for me, for the person I am. I think," Téa smiled, "at least at times, I taught you to allow people to see the good side of you that you're usually afraid to let out. I hope I've also taught you that I love you, no matter what, even if you show me that worst side, I still love you and I won't leave you. I know you've certainly taught me that. You are the only one I'm able to talk to about and show my worst side and my insecurities. I trust you enough to allow myself to be vulnerable with you. You not only don't think less of me for bad things I've told you about me, you liked me more for it."

Todd's eyes filled with tears again. He looked away from Téa.

"Todd, you opened so many doors for me, and I'm not talking about financial ones. You showed me how to see your funny askewed vision of the world. You taught me to feel free to be me and to take chances and jump right in with both feet. I hope I taught you that being Todd is okay but that sometimes it's best to stop and think. We fill in the gaps in each other's needs. We don't always practice what we've learned from each other, but somewhere in our heads, now and then, the lessons get through."

Todd looked into Téa's eyes. She moved forward, until only a couple of inches separated them again. "Todd, those different paths we were on merged. We still have different ways of reaching out for what we want as we go along that path. We still hit detour after detour, but we always end up walking together again, toward what we want. What I want is a life with you and Starr. I think what you want is a life with me and Starr. I know you might not be able to feel the love I have for you, but I think you do know that I love you. I know and feel without a doubt that you love me. That's enough for now. The rest will come."

"That's why you can't be here." Todd's voice was choked with emotion. "That's why we can't be around each other. We can't let the rest come. I've told you and I've told you! You can't love me. It's too dangerous."

"I know you believe that. I'm telling you there is no danger. You are not your father! You're not either of your fathers. They had no respect for the women in their lives. Your dad could care less about your mother's mind or needs. Do you think he would ever try to protect her the way you're trying to protect me . . . the way you protect Starr? Peter Manning was a sadist. He was all about violence and control."

"What do you think what I did to Marty was all about!" Todd fired back.

"You're not that same person anymore. Do you understand that? Saying what you just said proves that you're nothing like your father. You never really were. You tried to be, but the goodness and the humanity in you won out. You beat him Todd. You already did. You are already a thousand times the man either of your fathers ever was. You're getting help. Peter and Victor were cowards. They could never face what they were and try to change it. I can swear on my life that you will never rape anyone again. If you don't believe that now, you'll just have to trust me until you can. Your dad made you do some horrible things. Things you had no control over. You were a little boy. You couldn't stop him anymore than Starr could stop someone so much bigger and physically stronger than she from making her do something. Would you say Starr is evil if someone forced her to do something?"

"No," Todd whispered. The tears he'd been holding back slid down his cheeks. "It's different with me. Shorty is good and pure. Everyone loves her and they should. Everyone should hate me, and they do." Todd pointed to the window. "There's nothing for me out there. Nothing but everyone hating me and wishing I was never born. Don't compare me to Starr because she's everything I never was."

Téa's thoughts immediately drifted to the baby. "No, mi amor. You were once exactly like Starr. You were just as good and pure. You were a sweet innocent baby. You were filled with love and joy and then you were given to a man who tried to torture that out of you. He didn't succeed Todd! I know you think he did. He didn't. I swear to you, he didn't. That part is still alive inside you. You can get it back. You can get every good thing back. It's all there. I've seen it. Everyone has seen it. You see that even Nora forgave you for what you did to her because she's seen the parts of you that Peter Manning didn't damage. We've all seen the parts of you that can be happy and feel love."

"You're talking about those kids . . . the ones that everyone thinks are running around in my head."

"I'm also talking about you, Todd, the man standing right in front of me. I'm talking about the way you are with your daughter. I'm talking about the way you can comfort Viki. I'm talking about the man that makes Sam's face light up with pride. I'm talking about the way you are with me when I'm sick or hurt. I'm talking about the man that went out of his way to learn what married people do, just to make me happy, and the man that jumped into a filthy, cold river to get my mother's necklace back for me. Even the twisted things that you do, like taking pictures of me while I'm asleep so you won't bother me, make you special to me. They make you unique and exciting. They surprise me and sometimes make me laugh. I love the unpredictability of being with you."

"You want me to do this therapy crap, so you don't really want me to be this Todd. No one does. You all want me therapied away into someone else . . . someone good."

"I don't want any of the things that make the man that little baby was meant to be to be taken away. What I want are the things that keep you from being who you were meant to be and who you want to be 'therapied away'. Those are not the things that make you smart, quirky, funny, exciting, volatile Todd. Those are the things that keep you ill and steal your life away. Peter and Barbara Manning are dead, but they are still hurting you and still keeping you from being able to feel any kind of happiness or love in your life. Let Susannah and the staff here and the rest of us help you. Let us help you to finally put those demons to rest."

Todd stared into Téa's eyes. "Don't you think I want that? Don't you think I hate being crazy and scared all the time? Don't you think I wanna be able to feel things like everyone else? I wanna be with you and Starr and everyone else I lo . . ."

Todd's eyes darted around the room. He pulled away from Téa again.

"I don't want him to come back again. He's always there Delgado . . . inside my head . . . sometimes he gets out and he's back . . . he knows. He can hear everything. He knows I'm telling the secrets . . . even when I don't remember . . . he hears. Therapy makes it all worse. It makes me remember more and tell the secrets more. He just gets madder and madder at me. He hates me more and more. He'll make me do things to everyone I care about. I'm trying to warn you. He'll make you get hurt and then you'll hate me again. I'll disappoint you. That's what I do best. I hurt and disappoint people and they leave. He knows I'm weak . . . a coward . . . evil. He knows I'll never be strong enough for this. He knows. The voices that hate me know. Everyone knows none of this will do any good. It'll just make me hurt more and make everyone else hurt too. That's why I wanted someone to help me leave here. There is no peace for me. There never was and there never will be. I'll hurt no matter where I am. Why should everyone else have to hurt too? I don't wanna do it anymore. I always wanted to make everyone around me hurt when I hurt. I hated myself so much for that. It was like I couldn't help it. I had to do it, even to Blair. I don't wanna do it anymore, especially not to you and not to Shorty."

"Doesn't that prove to you that you've already made progress? You are not the same man that wanted to hurt everyone around him when he was hurting. You've already won that battle."

Todd stared into Téa's eyes again. "You're confusing me."

Téa moved in closer again. "You don't have to be afraid of hurting me Todd. Even before therapy, you never deliberately hurt me. You got angry with me. You became frightened, jealous and overwhelmed by some things I did. Yet you never set out to hurt me directly. Sometimes you hurt people you thought I cared about or those you thought were taking me away from you, but you never deliberately hurt me. You lost control and hurt me out of rage, fear and illness, but it was never out of revenge. It was never the way you wanted to hurt Blair. You never saw me the same way you saw your parents. I never trigger that in you the way Blair does. You never had a need to hurt me. With me, it was always lashing out without thinking, and something you immediately regretted."

"Great! So if you die because of me it'll be okay because it wasn't premeditated."

"You won't hurt me," Téa stated again. Téa took Todd's hand. He tried to pull away. She held on tightly. "Your touch won't hurt me." Téa brought Todd's hand to her face. She cupped her cheek in his palm.

Todd stood as still as a statue. He continued to stare into Téa's eyes. He longed to feel her arms around him. Téa's arms were the only place Todd could truly feel the possibility that all could be right again. Téa's arms . . . her smile . . . the look in her eyes . . . the gentleness mixed with steel . . . Todd craved them like a drowning man craving a breath of air. A sudden look of shock filled Todd's eyes. "Delgado, I can feel your skin. Your face, it's soft, like velvet. It's real. I'm real." Todd tenderly stroked Téa's cheek. "It's like with the ice. When I touch you, I feel real." Todd started to look frightened. "Am I dreaming? Is this real? Are you and I both real?"

Téa took Todd's hand in both of hers. She gently kissed his palm. "We are real, querido. We are very real."

Todd stared deeply into Téa's eyes. They were like a warm brown ocean that drew him into them. They calmed him. They loved him. They told him he wasn’t some kind of evil creature. When he looked into Téa's eyes he felt there, in the moment. Real. Todd pulled Téa to him. His lips found their way to hers.

Téa felt Todd's full, warm lips press gently against hers. They tasted sweet, as they usually did, and this time salty from his tears that had fallen on them. Téa felt Todd's arms tighten around her as his tongue penetrated her mouth. Téa's nipples grew hard. Even here and now, no man had ever made Téa feel the way Todd did.

Todd felt himself grow hard.

"You disgusting little pervert. You have to be punished!"

"Oh god," Todd pulled away from Téa.

"It's all right. Todd, it's all right. I wanted you to kiss me."

"I-I-I heard . . . I . . . oh god," Todd's breathing was becoming erratic again.

"It's all right," Téa said again, firmly. "Tell me what you heard. You don't have to pull away. You did nothing wrong." Téa feared that Saber was taunting Todd. "Shhh." Téa stroked Todd's hair.

"Does Téa know about the disgusting things you do?"

"I don't wanna hurt her like that," Todd answered the voice.

"You will. You like it. You must like it or it would never feel good. You know what has to be done. I'm only trying to help you. You have to feel pain to make up for liking it. You have to be punished."

Todd reached up to claw at his face with his nails.

Téa grabbed him by the forearms and used all her strength to pull his arms down. "Stop. You don't have to punish yourself for feeling good. I felt good too. Téa took a chance. She pulled Todd's hands up to her face. "Whatever you were going to do to yourself, you'll have to do to me too, because kissing you made me feel good too."

Todd's hands froze. Then he slowly and tenderly rested them against Téa's cheeks. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"And you won't. Querido, you won't. Don't listen to the voice. Listen to me."

Todd held onto Téa. He was trembling. He rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm scared. Make her go away."

"Her? The voice is a woman's voice?"

Todd nodded against Téa's shoulder.

Téa encased Todd in her arms. He continued to tremble. "I won't let her hurt you. I won't let her hurt anyone."

"She says I have to be punished," Todd whispered.

"No. No! Todd does not deserve to be punished. He's been punished enough. Whatever it is you think he did, he's already paid for it over and over again," Téa spoke to the voice.

Todd listened to everything around him. "She stopped talking," he whispered. "You got her to leave me alone." He held Téa tightly. "She'll come back. They always come back," he added in a trembling voice.

"You're not alone, Todd. Querido, you're not alone. You need to tell us when you hear voices. Doctor Hanen and the staff have been trying to get you to contract to do that with them for a long time."

"I can't. I can't Delgado. It makes some of them even madder. They'll hurt anyone I tell."

"No. I promise you they won't hurt anyone. They don't want you to tell because they know they'll be stopped from hurting you or anyone if you tell someone." Téa paused for a few seconds. She cautiously asked, "Do you want to hurt yourself right now?"

Todd tightened his arms around her. "No. Not now."

Téa held Todd more tightly too. "Will you promise me? Will you promise me that you'll agree to contract with all of us and tell us if you hear voices or see anything that frightens you or makes you feel that you want to hurt yourself or someone else?"

Todd said nothing.

Téa held him and offered silent reassurance. After about a minute she felt Todd's head nod against her shoulder. Téa squeezed him gently. "I love you. I'm so proud of you." She rested her cheek atop Todd's head. "Even if you hadn't agreed, I'd still love you and be proud of you. I've never known anyone in my life as strong, brave and smart as you are, not even me," Téa said lightly.

Todd lifted his head. He looked into Téa's eyes. His hand gently brushed her hair. "I think you got me beat Delgado."

Téa smiled. "Maybe we'll call it a tie." Téa saw that Todd looked very tired. "I think we need a nap."

"We?" Todd asked. His voice was filled with anxiety and hope.

"We," Téa repeated. She took Todd's hand. "This time I won't leave you until we're both fully awake. It'll be safe to sleep. Dave," Téa called out, knowing he could hear her from his post at the door. "Todd and I are tired. We're going to take a nap."

Dave had so much admiration for Téa. He knew Téa's presence in Todd's life was vital to his recovery. "Sounds like a good idea to me," Dave said from where he stood in the doorway. "Let me know if either of you need anything."

Téa took Todd's hand. He didn't pull it away. They walked to Todd's bed together. Without letting go of each other's hand, they both laid down on their backs.

Todd turned his head to Téa.

She could feel him glance in her direction, to see if her eyes were on him, and then turn his head straight ahead again. Téa knew he wanted to make sure she wasn't looking at him.

"Delgado, is it okay for married people to be friends too?"

Téa smiled. She kept her head straight ahead. "Yes, it's very okay. We were friends from the moment we met and we always will be." Téa felt Todd gently squeeze her hand.

"You and Shorty are my best friends," Todd said softly.

"You and Starr are my best friends too. Now and forever," Téa admitted. She felt Todd move his body a little closer to her. She moved in toward him. She rested her head on his shoulder. She felt Todd's body stiffen for a second. She was about to go back to her side of the bed when she felt Todd's trembling hand gently stroked her hair. After a few seconds, the trembling stopped. Todd rested his chin on Téa's head as he continued to stroke her hair.

No further words were exchanged. They each gave what the other needed, in silence. Husband and wife . . . best friends . . . comforting each other. Within minutes they were both sound asleep.

*****

Bo, Nora and Viki were pleased to hear that Téa had been able to calm Todd and get him to allow physical closeness again. They said goodnight to Viki and headed home.

Nora felt a freedom from fear, anger and hate that she had not known since the day Todd attacked her at the beach house. She felt like a weight she'd been carrying for years had been lifted from her. Todd had become larger than life, in her mind . . . a monster that was always lurking around every dark corner. Meeting and learning to love and care about the baby Todd started out as put it in perspective for Nora. The monster became a human being . . . a human being that started out in life as sweet and innocent as her Rachel. What would have Rachel become if she'd been raised by the Mannings? Nora wondered. Todd's forgiveness for Nora helped her almost as much as hers for him. After all these years, Nora saw herself as the judgmental and self-righteous person that Todd must have seen. She was a defense attorney. It was her job to defend her clients, guilty or innocent. Yes, Todd had committed a horrendous crime. That did not take away the fact that he was a scared kid who was terrified of going to prison and terrified of making his father hate him even more than he already did. Nora remembered Peter Manning. She remembered the way Todd would cower in Peter's presence. She should have gotten a clue then.

Bo and Nora both plopped down on their leather couch when they got home. The strain of the day hit them. Mud came happily rushing at them. He jumped up and sat between them, reveling in the petting and attention he was getting. When he had his fill of that, he brought one of his toys over and joyously chased after it as Bo and Nora took turns throwing it across the room for him to fetch. This was followed by a tug-of-war game Bo always played with the sweet, gentle dog. After some more quality time, Nora put Mud's dinner out for him. While Mud was eating, Nora immediately headed back to the couch and dropped into an exhausted heap next to Bo.

Bo watched Nora for a few moments.

"What?" Nora asked when she felt Bo staring at her.

"I'm seeing something I haven't seen in a long, long time," Bo said without taking his eyes from Nora's face.

"What? Did that horrible haircut I had in 1993 grow back?"

Bo laughed. "No. Thank god."

Nora punched him in the arm. "Are you going to make me guess?"

"No," Bo's tone was serious once again. "There’s peacefulness about you. There was always this tension right here." Bo gently placed his finger between Nora's eyes. "It was always there, Red, even in your sleep."

Nora smiled sadly. "Todd was the one who put that tension there. Who knew he would also be the one to take it away?"

"You took it away yourself. Todd didn't make you forgive him. Your own heart did. It feels good doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Nora admitted softly. "That baby wasn't born a monster, he was turned into one. Todd's been trying to stop that monster for years, only no one would give him the chance. God alone knows I never did."

"He's getting the chance now. He's got a really good shot at it."

Nora nodded in agreement. She and Bo sat silently, cuddled together for a while. Nora's head rested on Bo's chest. His arm held her snuggly against him.

"He was so sweet," Nora remarked.

"The baby?" Bo asked.

"Yeah. It really was nice being around him," Nora stated.

"I gotta admit that I had the time of my life. It's amazing to experience all those firsts with a kid. Everything was so fresh and exciting to that little fella."

"It takes a lot of energy to deal with a new baby?" Nora said wistfully.

"You seemed to do okay. In fact," Bo stroked Nora's cheek with his thumb, "being around a baby seems to bring out some kind of sparkle or something in you."

"A sparkle?" Nora laughed. "I think I saw a little of that sparkle in you too, when you were playing with him."

"What'd you think it would be like to have a little one like that around here?" Bo tried to sound nonchalant.

"You mean without that entire staff that was there for middle of the night changes and feedings and all those other people to play with him when our old bones got too pooped," Nora brought the reality of it into focus.

"Mud can do that."

"He may be smart, but I don't think he has the manual dexterity to change diapers," Nora quipped.

"Maybe not," Bo didn't miss a beat. "But I'll betcha he'd love having a playmate crawling around."

Nora looked down at her body. "I'm perimenopausal. The chances of us getting pregnant aren't great. There's also more of a chance of the baby having problems because of our age," Nora pointed out, sadly.

Bo thought about what she said. "You know, Red, there are a lot of babies already in this world without parents to love them, babies that might never get a family or could end up in homes like the one Todd grew up in."

Nora sat silently for a few minutes, absorbing what Bo said. She sighed deeply. "I think we need to get to bed and sleep on this."

Bo's hand found its way under the T-shirt Nora was wearing. "Going to bed sounds like a really good idea to me. I'm not so sure about sleeping."

"Ooooh," Nora moaned in pleasure. "You'd have to share these if I had a baby," she declared lightly.

Bo stood up. He pulled Nora up to him and held her tightly against him. "Then I'd better take advantage of having them all to myself, just in case."

Nora smiled as Bo led her to their bedroom.

*****

When hour after hour passed and Sam hadn't returned, Viki became frantic. Téa told Viki the way Sam reacted to seeing Todd with Bo. After what happened the last time Sam disappeared, Viki imagined the worse.

Viki didn't want to disturb Bo and Nora, since they had been there most of the day. She forced herself not to call and ask them to look for Sam. Kevin, Susannah, and several staff members offered to search for Sam. Although it touched her heart that they would offer, Viki declined their help. She did accept Susannah's offer of a mild sedative. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. Viki hoped that the sedative would keep that reoccurring dream of holding a baby away, when she finally could sleep for the night.

Sleep did not come. Viki was in her bed, in the family lounge, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, when Sam came in. It was a few minutes after three in the morning. Viki could smell liquor on him.

"You can turn the lights on. I'm awake," Viki said softly. She didn't want to startle him. "Are you all right?"

"Peachy," Sam responded as he flipped the light switch on.

"Where were you?" Viki tried to keep calm.

"I didn't try to kill anyone, if that's what you're worried about!" Sam said bitterly.

"You've been drinking," Viki stated in a nonaccusatory way.

"So I have," Sam chuckled. He sat down on the bed next to Viki's.

Viki sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bed. "I know you saw Todd with Bo."

"It didn't take much for them to turn him against me."

Viki tried to remain calm. "Who turned Todd against you?"

"Bo . . . Nora . . . probably all of them . . . Kevin . . . Asa." Sam grasped Viki's hands tightly. "It isn't because they want to hurt me. It's Todd. They want me out of the picture so they can get their revenge on him."

"They're not. Sam, I swear to you, on my life . . . on my children's lives . . . they're not trying to hurt Todd."

"I know you don't believe it."

"I don't believe it because it's not true. You know how much Kevin loves Timmy and Adam and he has grown to care deeply about Todd. You've seen him, Sam. You saw Kevin break down and cry when he heard about some of the things Todd and the alters disclosed. My god, Kevin didn't want Nora around Todd any more than you did. He was furious when he heard she was planning to see him and he blamed her for Todd going inside for so long. Kevin and Rachel had a big argument over the things Kevin said about Nora. They're still cold toward each other."

Confusion and suspicion washed over Sam. Is that on the up and up or was Kevin just playing his part for Viki's benefit? Sam wondered anxiously. "I don't know. Maybe Kevin's not a part of it," Sam conceded.

"Honey, Todd was disoriented. He was regressed. He confused Bo with his dad. You know that Todd has always seen Bo the same way he saw Peter. It was his chance to get his father to nurture him and love him. It had nothing to do with Todd's feelings for you." Viki could see Sam didn't believe her. "Do you remember the way Todd was when he first woke up after the status epilepticus? He was very regressed then too. He wanted us to nurture him the way he had always dreamed his parents would. Todd was inside for two weeks. When he came back, he was frightened and confused. His defenses were down. His vulnerabilities came through."

Sam looked into Viki's eyes. "Are Bo and Nora still with him?"

"No. Téa is. She helped Todd to get back to where he's allowing touch. They're asleep, holding each other."

"Is she setting him up for another episode? How is she going to set him off this time?" Sam's words were slightly slurred.

Viki knew that the liquor was freeing up Sam's thoughts even more than before. She couldn't believe how twisted his thinking had really become. "Téa went to a doctor's appointment last time, one that Todd insisted she keep. She did not set Todd up to have an episode. A nightmare did that. It was not the first time a nightmare did that to Todd. It's happened when we were with him too," Viki pointed out.

Sam kicked off his shoes. "I'm going to bed."

Viki doubted she got through to him. "Would you like me to help you undress so you can be more comfortable?"

"No," Sam responded.

"Can I get you some aspirin? It might help if . . . "

"If I'm hung over in the morning," Sam finished her sentence for her. "No. I'm fine! What I need is to be left alone. Do you think you can do that!" Sam saw the tears that sprang to Viki's eyes. He walked over to her and stroked her cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I know you're suffering too. I'll fix things. I promise. I'll make everything all right for you and Todd and me. You'll see."

"Honey . . ."

"Shhhh," Sam put his finger on Viki's lips. "You don't have to be afraid for any of us. I know this is all my fault. I'll make it up to you and Todd. Please don't be afraid. I'm okay. I can take care of both of you and I will." Sam closed his eyes. "I think I need to lie down."

Viki kissed Sam lightly on the lips. "Come; let me walk you to the bed."

Sam fell into the bed. He turned over on his side and fell asleep.

Viki covered him with the blanket. She kissed his cheek. Viki went back to her bed. She felt like she was watching the dreams she had of a life with Sam go up in smoke.

*****

Dorian was sipping orange juice and reading the morning paper when her cell phone rang. "Dorian Hayes," she said into the phone.

"Porter's back," the voice on the other end said. "He got back very late last night or early this morning, depending on how you look at it."

Dorian immediately knew it was Spencer Wilson. "Is he in his room?"

"Just him and the bottle of cheep booze he carried in with him."

"You make sure he stays there. I'll catch the first available flight to St. Louis. I should be there in a few hours."

"Will do," Spencer answered. "Is there anything else you want me to do before you get here?"

Dorian thought for a few minutes. "No. Just make sure he doesn't leave town again. If he goes anywhere, even to the grocery, I want you to follow him. Don't let him out of your sight. I'll see you soon." Dorian hung up the phone.

Dorian knew she needed some excuse to get out of town for the day, possibly the next day too. "Melinda!" she exclaimed out loud. "I'll leave a note for Mel and call Blair from the airport. I'll tell them both I'm going to visit Melinda. Kelly never calls Blair. She hardly ever calls here. She won't give me away."

Dorian found out there was a nonstop flight leaving from Philadelphia International Airport at 11:46. It would get her to St. Louis by about 1:30 in the afternoon. She quickly packed whatever few things she thought she'd need for a couple of days. She'd called a cab company and made arrangements for them to take her to PHL. Dorian was finishing her note to Mel when she heard a knock on the door.

"Dorian!" Blair came rushing into the entranceway. "You won't believe what I found out! I would have come here last night, but I knew Mel would be here." Blair looked around. "Mel did leave for work by now, didn't he?"

"Yes. Blair, you know I'm dying to know what you found out, but I have a little problem. I need to go to Melinda's hospital."

"Has something happened to her?" Blair was concerned.

"No . . . not exactly. Another patient stole some things out of Melinda's room and Melinda is very upset. I'm going there to assure her that she is still in a very safe place."

"You're going all the way to California? Can't Kelly reassure her mother? Or is she too busy spending time with Joey to pay any attention to poor Aunt Melinda?"

"No. It's nothing like that. Kelly is very attentive to Melinda. It's just that Melinda wants me to be there. It isn't that big a deal. I'll be back later today or tomorrow. I was just leaving a note for Mel. I was going to call you."

"Do you have a few minutes?" Blair said in an annoyed tone.

Dorian took a deep breath. "You know I care deeply about what's happening with you. All right, tell me what you found out."

"Your suspicions panned out. Dorian! Doctor Hanen has taken money, lots of money, from Asa Buchanan. They left a trail a mile long. Oh, Dorian," Blair hugged her aunt. "You were so right about going to a PI. I have it! I have the proof Sam will believe! Susannah Hanen is deliberately making Todd sicker. She's working with the Buchanans and I'm sure Téa is in on it. I've already told my lawyer about this. We're going to subpoena the bank records."

Dorian had no doubt any PI would find evidence that Viki’s beloved Doctor Susannah Hanen was on the take.

"Dorian, I'm so afraid for Todd. I wish I could just go in there and grab him and take him home with me. Viki has so much faith in that woman and all this time she's been making Todd sicker and sicker. Téa and Kevin must be laughing their heads off when they see how easily they've been getting away with it. Well no more! I'm going to save Todd."

Dorian sneered. "We all know how reliable Viki's judgment about people is. Look at the way she's always treated me! Viki will see herself for the fool she is when things come out. She'll realize that this is all her fault. She ruined her brother's life, not to mention Sam's. She'll see that . . ."

"Dorian!" Blair cut her off. "I told you. This is not about revenge on Viki. I don't want to see Viki hurt. She believes she's helping Todd. She believes he's this sick."

"And will your soft spot for Viki keep you from taking Todd away from her?" Dorian pressed angrily.

"No," Blair admitted. "That doesn't mean I'll enjoy hurting her. If she doesn't try to take Todd away from his real family, Starr and me, I want her to still be a part of Todd's life."

"Trust me," Dorian said confidently. "Viki will not make it easy for you, not even after she has the evidence about her precious Doctor Hanen thrown in her arrogant face. Viki will never want Todd with you because you're a Cramer."

"Todd needs protection. Now! Sam isn't in any shape to be the only one there on Todd's side," Blair pointed out.

Dorian took Blair's hands in hers. "Promise me you won't rush in there and try to take Todd back to the penthouse to live with you and Starr."

"Dorian, I'm not stupid. I know I need the proof and then I have to do it legally." Blair's eyes filled with tears. "That's going to take so long. I'm terrified of what they will do to Todd in the meantime."

"Don't let on that you suspect anything. Who knows what they'll do to Todd to finish him off if they know you're onto them. Wait for the courts to get involved. Once they're being investigated, they might not want to pull anything."

"Oh my god, Dorian, I never thought of that. Yes! You're right. I can't let them know. I'm not even sure if I should let Sam know yet. You know how he's been. He might not be able to keep it to himself. I've got to go." Blair hugged Dorian. "Thank you so much. Someday Todd will know how much you care about him and how much you tried to help him."

Dorian and Blair heard the taxi beep from outside.

"Darling, I have to run. Don't do anything until I get back. Who knows, perhaps I'll come up with more ways to help you while I'm away."

"Have a safe trip," Blair said softly. She felt so alone when Dorian wasn't around.

"Don't go to the hospital. Stay away from there until this whole thing has been straightened out,” Dorian cautioned again.

"Yes, Dorian. You've already told me that a hundred times," Blair reminded her.

Blair walked Dorian to the taxi. She waved as the cab pulled away. Blair sighed deeply. She drew her top lip through her bottom teeth as she thought. Todd needs me. I can't leave him in the clutches of Téa and the rest of them. It will look more suspicious if I suddenly stop visiting, Blair told herself. She jumped back into her car and took off.

*****

Sam was still asleep when Viki woke up. His color was a sickly ashen. He was snoring, due to the alcohol causing his pharyngeal muscles to relax. Sam looked cold. Viki went to pull the blanket up a little higher. In the same wrinkled clothes he'd had on for more than twenty-four hours, with the alcohol still on his breath, Sam was not pleasant to be near. Viki moved away from his bed. She knew he would not want her seeing him this way. Viki took her shower and dressed. Sam was still in a deep hung over sleep. Viki headed for Todd's room.

*****

As they had before, Todd and Téa slept peacefully through the night. No one had the heart to wake them when the nap turned into another all-nighter. Todd had no need for sleep medication. He had no nightmares. He and Téa snuggled together in their sleep. They never let go of the other's hand.

"Not a peep out of them," Jeff told Viki from his post outside Todd's door. "Having Téa next to him works better than any sleep meds we can give him."

Viki nodded and smiled. "I'll be in the cafeteria if anyone needs me. Can I bring you back anything?"

"Nah. Thanks anyway. Terry stopped at the donut place on her way here. There's plenty there, if you just want coffee and a donut," Jeff offered.

"No, I think I need a little time off this unit. Sometimes I run into Larry Wolek at this hour and we get to chat for a bit."

"Yeah, Doctor Wolek's a great guy. Say hello from me if you see him." Jeff requested.

Viki left for the cafeteria.

*****

Blair just missed Viki as she stepped off one of the other elevators. Blair was always worried that she would find her name had been taken off the approved visitors list and she wouldn't even be allowed up to the Todd's unit. To her relief, today like always, the security guard on duty downstairs greeted her with a smile and waved her onto the elevators that lead to the psychiatric floors.

Janet and Eileen were at the nurses station when Blair buzzed to be let onto the unit. The two nurses exchanged worried looks. Janet went to the door. She unlocked it with the intent of stepping outside to talk to Blair, but Blair pushed past her before she had the chance.

"Blair, I'm sorry. Téa is with Todd right now. If you had called first, we would have let you know this wasn't a good time for a visit."

Blair hated this. It seemed it was never a good time for her to visit any more because Téa was always there. Blair looked at her watch. "Well, it looks like Téa is even more of an early bird than I am. Actually, I want to speak with Doctor Hanen,” Blair lied. She didn’t want to be asked to leave the unit. “Is she in?”

"Not yet." Janet looked at her own watch. "She should be here in about half an hour."

"Can I wait in her office? Hopefully I'll be able to visit with Todd by the time I'm finished talking to Doctor Hanen."

Janet knew Susannah's secretary was not in yet either. "You can wait in the lounge, in front of the office. Judy should be here any minute."

Blair smiled sweetly. "How is Todd? It seems quiet here this morning. I don't hear him or Téa for that matter."

Janet felt very uncomfortable. "Todd's still sleeping."

The smile on Blair's face became even more forced. "So Téa is just watching him sleep? Actually I would like to speak with her . . . uh . . . about Starr . . . about setting up a visit with Starr."

Janet hated having to say this. "Blair, Téa is sleeping too. She stayed overnight with Todd."

Blair's green eyes darkened with anger she could no longer hide. "How can you allow this after what happened last time you allowed Ms. Delgado to have a little sleepover with Todd?"

"Todd is fine. He had a very peaceful night."

"Because you drugged him?"

"No. Todd required no sleep meds last night. He had no nightmares. He really is fine Blair."

Blair could hardly remember one peaceful night Todd ever had in all the times they shared a bed after they first married. Todd would cry out, whimper, moan, thrash, or at the very least toss and turn most nights. He often had nightmares that left him shaken. Todd would sometimes reach out to her in his sleep. Blair tried to help. She would hold Todd and whisper soothing words to him, but he never seemed to take comfort in any of her attempts. Most of the time, Todd had a pained, distraught look on his face as he slept. Blair knew his demons never let up. They haunted him even in sleep. At least Todd did get some sleep in those days of their first marriage. When he came back from Ireland, he existed on short naps here and there. Most nights he remained in his clothes. Blair would sometimes tiptoe downstairs during the night. Once in a while Todd was napping on the couch. His sleep was even more troubled than it had been before Ireland.

Blair was sure Todd was in his room, distressed as always, and Téa was watching for just the right moment to trigger him into some kind of episode that would cause him to hurt himself or at the very least have to be restrained and drugged.

"May I see Todd?" Blair asked.

"No. I don't think that would be a good idea," Janet said firmly.

"I won't disturb Todd or his wife." Blair spat out the word wife. "After what happened last time, I just want to see that he's okay with my own eyes. Please! I will be sitting here scared and worried for nothing if I can't at least peek in on him."

Blair must be a masochist, Janet thought to herself. "All right, you can peek in on them. Do not go into the room or make any noise. Todd had a very rough day yesterday and he needs as much sleep as he can get."

"I'd never take away what little peace Todd gets around here!" Blair said bitterly.

Jeff was surprised to see Blair and Janet walking toward Todd's room.

"Blair wants to see that Todd is all right for herself," Janet announced quickly. She knew Jeff was wondering what the hell she thought she was doing bringing Blair over while Téa was in Todd's room, especially when she was in Todd's bed.

Jeff stood up and moved his chair out of the way. He opened the door wider to provide Blair with a better view.

Blair peered into the room. The lights were off and the shade was pulled down to keep out most of the morning light. It took a few seconds for Blair's eyes to adjust. Blair stared at the sight before her. Todd and Téa were snuggled in each other's arms. Téa's head rested on Todd's chest. Todd's chin rested atop Téa's head. Todd's left arm encased Téa to his body. Her right arm did the same for his. The fingers of their other hands were entwined. Blair had never seen Todd like this. His body was totally relaxed. She watched the even, steady rise of his chest. Todd's face was totally at peace. A small smile formed on his lips. Téa too smiled in her sleep. Her body and face were as content as Todd's. They looked like two people who only needed each other to find their way in the world.

Blair felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She also felt lightheaded and nauseous, angry and betrayed. Most of all, she felt frightened. For the first time, she realized that Todd truly did love Téa. He trusted Téa in a way he never trusted her. Blair knew she never gave him any reason to trust her. Realizing that did nothing to make her feel better.

Jeff saw Blair teeter. He steadied her. "Are you okay?"

Blair didn't respond.

Jeff tugged gently on Blair's arm, getting her closer to the chair he'd been sitting in. "Blair, I think you need to sit down."

Blair looked at Jeff and then back at Todd and Téa. She pulled her arm away from Jeff. "I'm fine! I don't need to sit down.” Blair walked away from Todd's room. "They're making sure he's totally vulnerable to her!" Blair whispered to herself.

Janet walked back toward Todd's room. "I'm sorry, Blair. I didn't hear you. Did you say something?"

"Where's Sam? He usually stays with Todd. Why wasn't he staying with him overnight?”

"Sam was away from the hospital when Todd went to sleep. He hasn't been to Todd's room since yesterday. He should be here soon."

Oh god, Blair thought. What the hell is happening to Sam? Blair knew if Sam lost it altogether, she could give up any hope of getting Todd back home with her. Blair's thoughts were all over the place. Her mind was working quickly to sooth her broken heart and ego. Unconsciously, Blair needed to keep any anger she felt away from Todd. Blair could not allow herself to place any of the blame for this on him. She quickly pushed away the feelings of betrayal she had. On a level she was not yet aware of, Blair knew she had to see Todd as Téa's victim, as a victim to all of them, if she were to continue to have the strength to go though with her plan. Blair could no longer deny that Todd loved Téa. All she had left was the belief that Téa was using this love. Okay, Blair allowed herself to think, maybe Todd really does love that bitch. She worked hard to get that. She had all these people helping her to make Todd thinks he loves her. It may even be the drugs that he's getting. God knows what they're doing to him. This is what she . . . what all of them have been waiting for. They have Todd totally vulnerable to her. They may be going in for the kill. Maybe that's what that latest payment Asa made to Doctor Hanen is about. Blair knew she had to get out of there. She wished that Dorian hadn't left town.

"I didn't realize Doctor Hanen would be this long. I'll call her and set something up. Will you please open the doors for me?" Blair asked Janet.

"Sure, come on," Janet motioned toward the door.

As soon as Blair turned the corner for the elevator, Janet turned to Eileen. "Damn. That had to be so hard on her. I wish she could have been spared that."

"Could be some part of her really does want to face the truth," Eileen theorized.

Janet nodded. "I don't think she's ready to believe it yet. Perhaps she's trying to get herself to that point."

Tears splashed down Blair's cheeks as she rode down to the lobby. RJ's words echoed in Blair's brain. "Blair, you are much too fine a woman to wait around for a man who's with someone else." Blair reached up and wiped her tears away. "Well, RJ, at least you think so," Blair said out loud. When the elevator stopped, Blair got out and headed back to her car. She'd go to do her job. At least she felt appreciated at the Sun. On the way to the paper, Blair decided she'd stop at Club Indigo on her way home that evening. "Just to thank RJ for his kindness," Blair told herself out loud.

*****

Larry was not in the cafeteria when Viki got there. It was just as well. Even at this early hour, Viki was exhausted. She felt as if she were hanging on by a thread. Sleep deprivation was not helping matters. Viki chose an empty table off in a corner of the cafeteria. She removed her coffee and English muffin, along with the two packets of orange marmalade she had taken, from the tray and placed them on the table. She forced herself to eat the muffins and gratefully drained the caffeine laden beverage from the cup. When she was done Viki sat back.

Memories passed through Viki's mind, memories of the way Sam was when they first fell in love. It wasn't something that happened immediately. Viki didn't believe in love at first sight, attraction yes, never love. Viki was attracted to Sam at the beginning. She believed he was attracted to her too. Nevertheless, it was bonding over Todd that brought them together. It was the love they shared for "their kid" that blossomed into love for each other. They shared interests. They had similar views of life. Sam had been a calming influence on Viki at the beginning. He was there for all the hard choices. He never told her what to do. He helped her understand her options. He eased her guilt over the decision she had to make. When did it all start to fall apart? Viki asked herself.

Viki knew it was so much more than Sam's feelings of guilt over Todd that was triggering his breakdown. He'd opened up to some extent in Susannah's office, after he learned about Garret. It was Sam's feelings about his whole life that were eating away at him. True, none triggered his guilt more than allowing Todd to stay in an abusive home. However, the rest were certainly a contributing factor.

Viki thought back to all the times she and Sam almost reached the kind of closeness she desired and hoped he desired. "It was always my fault. I could never let myself make our relationship complete, no matter how much I wanted to," Viki said out loud. She feared her inability to have intercourse with Sam had contributed to this. Sam always said it was all right. At times it seemed like Sam was grateful. His life became a whirlpool of misery. Sex seemed like the farthest thing from his mind. Still, Viki wondered if not having a relationship with someone who could give herself 100 percent to him, contributed to Sam's decline. "Damn you Father! Damn you for what you've done to all of us," Viki said bitterly. Her eyed filled with hatred for the man that ruined so many lives.

*****

Dorian paid the taxi driver.

"You want me to wait? I don't think this is exactly the kind of neighborhood you're used to," the driver commented. He assumed from Dorian's dress and demeanor that she was not a local resident.

"No thank you. I'll be a while. Someone is meeting me here."

"Suit yourself," the driver said as he drove off.

Dorian looked around the area. The presents she had for Porter were in her bag. One of them was a bottle of very expensive and potent Scotch. Something she assumed James Porter would not be able to resist.

"Mrs. Hayes?"

Dorian jumped. She turned around and recognized Spencer Wilson.

"Sorry to scare you," Spencer apologized. "I wasn't sure if it was you . . . uh . . . with that hat on."

"Is Mr. Porter in his room?" Dorian asked immediately.

"Yeah. He's never left it once he came home from his trip. My guess is he's pretty sloshed by now."

"I want go to his room now. Will I be stopped by someone . . . that landlady you mentioned?"

"You might have been if she was here to see you. She's out doing the grocery shopping. She took her shopping wagon with her, so that means she'll be gone for a while. She just left about ten minutes ago. The downstairs door is locked, but I got my way of opening it."

"Mr. Wilson, I want you to go up to the room with me. I don't want Mr. Porter to see you. I want you to wait somewhere close enough to hear me if there is a problem, but not so close that he sees you," Dorian instructed.

"There's a stairway that no one uses right next to Porter's room. It goes to the attic. I can climb up a few of the steps. I'll be able to hear you if you yell for me, but I'll be out of anyone's view."

"Good. Let's go," Dorian ordered.

It only took Spencer Wilson a minute to open the locked entrance door. He and Dorian quietly walked up the three flights of stairs. The shabby, but clean, carpeting muffled their footsteps.

There was one other room besides James Porter's on this floor. Dorian hoped he would answer when she knocked. She knew he was more likely to respond to a woman knocking on his door than he would to a man. Dorian was also afraid that he might be passed out drunk and unable to respond.

Dorian waited until Spencer had tucked himself away on the staircase.

She knocked on the door.

There was no answer.

She knocked again, harder this time. "Mr. Porter," Dorian called out loudly. When there was still no answer, Dorian tried calling out, "Mr. Porter. I believe I have something you want."

A few more seconds went by. Dorian saw the door open a crack. She could not see in. The room was darkened by window shades. She knew James Porter could see her.

The door opened wider. "Who the hell are you and what you want?" he said brusquely. James Porter seemed to have been drinking, but he was far from falling down drunk.

"May I come in?" Dorian requested.

"State your business and then get the hell away from my door."

"You have something I want and I'm willing to pay for it," Dorian got right to the point.

James Porter took a good look at her. He smiled. "I got nothin' of yours that I know of, but you look like you would pay some good bucks for it if I did."

"May I come in?" Dorian repeated.

Porter thought about it for a few moments. Finally he opened the door all the way.

Dorian stepped inside the darkened room.

Porter switched on a light.

There was very little in room to show for a reasonably long life. There was a kitchen table with only one chair, an old television, a bed, and an easy chair. All the furniture had seen better days. There didn't seem to be many personal items. There were no books, tapes, records or CDs. There were no pictures of family or of anyone or anything. There was a sink with a few glasses and a couple of mugs on a shelf that hung over the sink. A tiny dorm room style refrigerator rested on a counter. A hotplate sat atop a small utility table. There was a door to another room that Dorian assumed was the bathroom.

Porter pulled the kitchen chair over to face the easy chair. He plopped down in the easy chair and motioned for Dorian to sit on the kitchen chair. Porter looked Dorian over again. There was something familiar about her.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" Porter asked.

Dorian looked him in the eye. "My name is Dorian Hays. Dorian Lord Hayes."

The color drained from Porter's face. "You were Victor's last wife. You were the one that finally did him in."

"I was his last wife. I most certainly did not do him in."

"What'd you want from me?" Porter asked anxiously.

"Information," Dorian said plainly.

Porter eyed her suspiciously. "I don't know nothin' that you'd wanna know."

"I think you do. And I'm willing to pay for it," Dorian cut to the chase.

Some of the life came back into James Porter's eyes.

"I found some old cancelled checks that had been made out to you. It seems Victor was keeping you well heeled for many years," Dorian began.

Porter started to look anxious again. "That was between me and him."

"Victor is long dead." Dorian looked around the room. "It appears that all that money he gave you has long since run out. I'm not out to make any trouble for you. I'm not going to go to police with any information you give me. I just want to know what it was my husband was paying you for."

"What's it to ya after all these years?"

"I only found the checks a couple of months ago. It took this long to find you. You must have been an excellent PI in your day," Dorian complimented him.

"What I did for that money had nothin' to do with you. Just let it be."

"You don't know me, Mr. Porter. If you did, you'd know I'm not a person who just lets things be. It seems to me that you could use a boost to your income. Victor has been dead for over twenty years. What have you got to lose by telling me?"

Porter looked away from her.

Dorian wondered if there was something from that time that was still connected to his life. Dorian knew she was taking a risk, but her need to know any secrets Porter might have, drove her to do whatever she had to do. Dorian reached into the bag she had with her. She pulled out a large clasp envelope. She opened it and showed Porter the contents. "There is fifty thousand dollars, in one hundred dollar bills, in here. Tell me what Victor was paying you for and it's yours . . . tax free . . . just our little secret."

Porter's eyes lit up at the sight of all that money. "Why do you wanna know? If you think there's some money for you attached to this, you're wrong."

"I want to know because I was married to the man." Dorian looked into Porter's eyes. She saw that even the money wasn't enough to convince him to let go of his secrets. "Victor Lord was a despicable man. I hated him. I wanted him dead the whole time I was married to him. I was happy when he did die. If I have even more reason to hate him for than I thought I did, I want to know it."

"Guilty conscience?" Porter guessed.

"Something like that."

Porter leaned back in his chair. "You got nothin' to feel guilty about."

Dorian took out the bottle of Scotch she bought. "I never go visiting empty handed."

Porter took the bottle. He whistled. "I haven't had this stuff this good in years." Porter stood up. He walked over to the sink and took a glass off the shelf. "Ya want one?"

"No thank you," Dorian called out. She wanted to keep a clear head. "I have an ulcer," she lied. She didn't want him to think that she thought she was too good to drink with him."

Porter drank some of the smooth brown liquid before he left the sink area. "Too bad about your stomach, you don't know what you're missin'." He brought the glass and the bottle back to the easy chair with him. He sat down with a thud.

Dorian waited for him to finish his drink, when he did she pointed to the bottle. "Go ahead, have another. I'm not in rush."

"Don't mind if I do," Porter admitted.

Dorian waited until he had a third drink before she pressed him for the information. "So, what have you decided? Do you want to make more money than you've probably made in the past few years or not?"

"You gotta swear not to tell anyone if I tell you."

"I swear," Dorian lied again. She planned to use what she learned in any way she could.

"How do I know I can trust you?" Porter asked. "My old PI instincts ain't what they used to be."

They've probably been pickled, along with the rest of your brain cells, Dorian thought to herself. To Porter she said, "How do I know you are going to tell me everything and that it will be the truth?"

"Guess we gotta trust each other," Porter said with a smirk.

"Why did Victor pay you almost a quarter of a million dollars?" Dorian asked.

"Ol' Victor was a real sleaze . . . a sleaze that liked to keep a whole lot o' secrets."

"You're not getting fifty thousand dollars for telling me something I already know," Dorian said impatiently.

Porter laughed. "Yeah. I guess you know all the little nasties that pervert liked."

Dorian glared at him.

"Yeah, okay, okay," Porter said when he saw she was losing patience. "You know about the Mrs. Lord before you?"

Dorian could tell Porter was trying to find out how much she knew. She realized it wasn't going to be easy. He wasn't going to tell her anything he didn't have to, not yet. Dorian feigned a shiver. "It's a little chilly in here. Why don't you have another drink before you start telling me what I want to know."

"Sure you don't want one?" Porter asked as he gladly poured himself another Scotch.

"Yes. I'm sure. I don't want to end up doubled over in pain."

Dorian waited until the glass had been drained again. "I know all about Victor's relationship with Irene Manning, if that's whom you're referring to. I know they had been married, divorced and had two children together . . . Tina and Todd. I also know one of Victor's most perverted relationships was with his daughter, Viki. That relationship was one of his biggest secrets." Dorian could see Porter was surprised by how much she already knew. She continued. "I also know about Victor having Viki hypnotized to forget her first born child, by Roger Gordon. I know about Eterna and about the secret room Victor had built at Llanfair for his disgusting pleasures. I even know about the dealings Victor had with the Nazi art thieves that helped him get extremely valuable paintings out of Europe during World War II." Dorian placed the clasp envelope back into her bag. She stood up. "If those were the things you were being paid to keep secret, I've wasted my time here."

Porter smiled. "That's just the tip of the iceberg." The liquor was kicking in. Between the Scotch loosening his tongue and the large amount of money at stake, Porter was obviously ready to talk.

Dorian sat down again.

Porter poured some more of the Scotch into the glass and took a large gulp. "I started working for Victor long before he took up with Irene. My first job was helping Victor get his lady friends in and outta that secret room of his. He also liked to have movies of ‘imself and the girls he brought there . . . his own secret porno flicks. It was my job to set all that up. Sometimes I'd have to be there while he was doin' the girls. He knew I'd never tell and I think he got some kind of sick kick out of knowing someone was watchin'.

Dorian's face curled in disgust. My god! I wonder if Victor ever filmed the two of us, she wondered. "Did you . . . I mean did Victor ever ask you place cameras in the bedroom of Llanfair when I was married to him?"

Porter laughed. "I would have remembered ya better if I had. I'm not that good with faces but I never forget . . ."

"Never mind!" Dorian cut him off.

"That old scumbag mostly liked to have movies and tapes of those he fucked in secret. You were too public for ‘im to really get turned on."

Dorian was happy to see that the Scotch was doing its job. James Porter's was opening up more and more. "It seems like you were one of Victor's most trusted and busy employees," Dorian pointed out.

"He kept me busy all right," Porter confirmed. "He never wanted the staff at Llanfair to know about any comin's or goin's. Most of all he didn't want those daughters of his to know. I don't think he cared that much what the younger one, Meredith, thought about 'im. It was Viki that he was really worried about. He acted like he was hidin' what he did from his wife, instead of from his daughter. Ol' Victor sure liked em' young. He didn't want no hookers or bimbos. He wanted high school and college girls. He wanted the real innocent, but intelligent type, not the ones that had been around the block a few times with boys their own age.”

So basically he was Victor's pimp, Dorian thought to herself. She listened as Porter continued. Dorian was beginning to wonder if she was about to throw away fifty thousand dollars.

"Victor had me following Viki around when he found out about ‘er takin' up with Roger Gordon. Too late though, she was already knocked up." Porter laughed. "Thought that old bastard was gonna have a stroke when he found out about that." Porter took another drink from the glass. He kept his head down. "I was the one that found Lysander Clair for Victor."

"The hypnotist that Victor hired to make Niki come out and make Viki forget she ever had Megan or knew Roger?"

Porter nodded. "I didn't know what Victor was planning on having him do. I mean no harm was done to the kid. Roger Gordon was a good father. Not that Victor cared about his first granddaughter once she was gone. It wasn't like . . ." Porter stopped talking and took another drink.

"It wasn't the way Victor checked up on his son," Dorian finished his sentence for him. She remembered Viki telling her what Baby Todd said about Victor visiting him and the Mannings when Todd was two years old.

"No," Porter confirmed. "It wasn't like that with the Viki's daughter. Victor couldn't stomach the thought of a child that came out of Viki, fathered by another man. He hated that grandkid of his before she was ever born. My job was mostly checking out the girls Victor wanted to take to that room of his. They had to be just the right type . . . good girls . . . clean . . . lovin' attention from an old guy like that . . . type to keep a secret . . . type that could be controlled if they couldn't. Then Victor started doin' Irene. Man! She turned him on more than any of the others. He loved it that she was his daughter's best friend."

"I can see how that would be a turn on to that perverted son of bitch," Dorian remarked.

"Irene was crazy in love with 'im. Can't blame 'er. Ol' Victor was good to 'er at the beginnin'. Treated 'er like his princess. Gave 'er all this attention . . . presents . . . made time for 'er. Irene was real happy until Viki caught 'er in bed with that ol' bag o' bones."

"Niki came out and Viki forgot she ever saw Irene with Victor. I already know that." Dorian was clearly annoyed.

"Did ya know that Victor got me to get ol' Lysander Clair back to make sure that secret stayed buried?" Porter could see Dorian didn't know that part. "Yeah, Victor liked the job he did so much the first time that he had him take care of Viki again. Some memories of what she saw started to come back to 'er and Victor made sure to cut them right out of 'er mind. Victor also hired some shrink. I think he lost his license to be a doctor way back. Anyway, Victor was so freaked that Viki would remember about ‘im and Irene that he took double precautions. He got the shrink to give Viki some kind of drugs and had Lysander Clair doin' his hocus pocus hypnotizin' on 'er."

Dorian uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "Mr. Porter. While learning that Victor was even more of a pervert and a twisted, heartless bastard than I gave him credit for is fascinating, you are telling me nothing that's worth the kind of money I'm willing to pay you. For that matter, it's not worth the amount of money Victor paid you. The checks I found were dated from July 1970 until just before Victor's death. What I want to know, Mr. Porter, is what that money was for and if there is any connection between you, Victor, that money, Viki, Irene and the Mannings. I'm assuming that Victor was not paying you that much all along. What changed or happened in 1970? Was it Todd's birth?"

Even with all the liquor in him, James Porter knew that he'd have to tell Dorian everything, almost everything anyway, to get that money. Some information Porter wouldn't give up, not for money, not if his life depended on it. Porter poured some more Scotch into his glass. He took another long drink. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "Okay, so you said you know that Victor kept this thing with Irene goin' longer than with any of the others. You know he married 'er and Tina was born."

"It's what happened in 1970 that I want to know about, Mr. Porter," Dorian reminded him angrily.

"Yeah, I know!" Porter squeezed his eyes together with his empty hand. "I know," he said quietly. "Irene was miserable those last few years she was with Victor. She wasn't the young innocent girl he first started to screw. Victor was always afraid that Irene would talk about the two of them and their kid . . . the girl. He wanted 'er close enough for 'im to visit when he got horny for 'er, but far enough from his real life, the one he let the world see. He put Irene in this house, far enough away from Llanview so she wouldn't be a problem. Irene was no dummy. She knew the price she'd pay if she told. Victor still didn't trust 'er. He got me to keep an eye on 'er. That was in addition to the cameras that were placed all through the house Irene lived in. Victor still got some kicks from seein' ‘imself fuck, but these were more to keep 'im informed of every move Irene made. Victor had to spend most of his time in Llanview. He got me a van set up with surveillance equipment."

"So you got to watch Irene doing whatever she did, thinking she was in the privacy of her own home," Dorian sneered.

"Hey! I ain't no pervert! I didn't get off on spyin' on Irene that way. I never looked most of the time. It was only when someone came around, like a delivery boy or somethin' that I'd check the goddamn monitors. I'd even turn the sound down most of the time. Never told that ol' fart I did that. Just used to tell him everything was fine . . . no problems. I respected Irene and 'er privacy."

"All right, so you were a prince among snoops. What happened in 1970, Mr. Porter?"

"Irene knew she was bein' watched anyway." Porter was defensive about his role in the invasion of Irene's privacy. "She didn't know about the cameras, but she knew I or the nighttime guy was out there."

"Nighttime guy?" Dorian inquired.

"I couldn't be there twenty-four seven. Victor didn't trust 'im the way he did me. His only job was to watch, in case Irene tried to get away or contact Viki or someone. He didn't do any of Victor's fancy jobs. So like I said, I would turn the sound down to give Irene some privacy. I never heard 'er make a phone call to Viki."

"Irene called Viki?" Dorian was shocked.

"Viki thought Irene was in Europe. Thought she'd been there for years. Viki could never understand why 'er best friend dumped 'er like that. Viki tried to find out where Irene was. Victor made sure she never did. Anyway, Victor was treating Irene like shit, more and more. It got worse when Irene told 'im she was pregnant again. Ol' fucker had a fit when he found out she told 'im too late for 'er to have an abortion. He told Irene the best thing would be to give up the baby. He wasn't orderin' 'er to do it, not yet anyway. Man, Irene loved that kid. I mean she loved the girl too, but she adored that little boy of 'ers. She almost never let go of 'im. She was always carryin' 'im around, huggin' 'im to ‘er . . . sittin' and rockin' 'im for hours on end . . . hardly ever heard that baby cry. When I would listen, I'd hear that kid laugin' and makin' those happy kinda baby sounds. He was a real cute kid too. I ain't never been much for babies, but that was one cute kid from the day Irene had ‘im."

A lump formed in Dorian's throat. She knew what kind of life that cute, happy baby would soon be subjected to. "Irene called Viki to tell her that Victor wanted her to give up her baby?"

"Don' know. If she planned on telling 'er that on the phone, she never did. Couple days later I was outside in my van when all of a sudden this car drives up to Irene's house. I see Viki get out and go knock on Irene's door. That's when I turned on the sound and looked at the pictures comin' through." Porter finished what liquor was left in his glass and poured himself another. This time he filled the glass to the brim. "I called Victor. I didn't want to . . . maybe none of that would have happened if I didn't."

Dorian could see James Porter's eyes fill with tears. She didn't want him going on a crying jag. "You were doing your job. I know what Victor was like. He would have found out anyway and you would have been in very serious trouble if you had not made that phone call."

"Yeah, I knew that. Ah . . . yeah . . . he would have found out anyway. Once Viki knew, that miserable motherfucker would have found out and probably done what he did anyway. He was at some big business meetin' in Philadelphia when I got hold of 'im. He told me to do nothin' till he got there, unless Irene tried to leave, or Viki tried to leave with the kid, or with the kid and Irene. He also told me if Joe Riley showed up, I should get rid of ‘im, in any way I had to."

Dorian didn't even want to ask what Victor meant by that. She knew how much Victor hated Joe.

Porter continued. "Victor never really believed Irene would tell anyone his secrets. He knew that she knew what would happen if she did. Even so, Victor always covered all his bases. He told me he was stoppin' to pick up Lysander Clair and that shrink he used whenever Viki did or found out somethin' he didn't want 'er doin' or rememberin'.

The hair on the back of Dorian's neck stood up. In a trembling voice she requested. "Please, just tell me what happened once Viki got there. Just say it. It will be easier on you if you just say it."

*****

What James Porter didn't know was that Irene did know better than to tell Viki. She called her out of desperation for contact with someone who cared about her. Irene's parents were dead. She had no brothers or sisters. Other than an old friend Bitsy Jones, who met and married her cousin Peter when he was once visiting from Chicago, Irene was alone in the world. Her children were her only true family. Irene tried to sound casual on the phone when she spoke with Viki. She made small talk. She tried to sound surprised when Viki told her she was married to a wonderful man named Joe Riley. Irene could tell she wasn't fooling Viki. Viki knew her too well. She could tell something was wrong. It was the pain and sadness in Irene's voice that Viki was picking up on. When Viki pressed the issue, Irene became anxious. Then Viki asked Irene where she was. Irene told her she had to go and hung up. What Irene had no way of knowing was that Viki's worries over her friend drove her to use her connections to have the phone call traced. It was then that Viki discovered Irene was living out in the middle of nowhere, in a deeply wooded area, about thirty miles north of Llanview. It was also then that Viki felt compelled to visit Irene. She was drawn to her.