"Téa, he's having a reaction to the medication Todd was given," Susannah quickly said as she rushed with the others to get the baby into his bed. On her way to Todd's room Susannah called out to Nancy, "See if Sam and Viki are in the lounge. They need to be told what happened."
"What happened in there?" Téa asked in a controlled voice. She tried to stay calm. She didn't want to start throwing accusations around. Even though she was furious with Bo and Nora, she waited to hear what they had to say.
Nora started to tell Téa what had gone on when the entire situation hit her. Nora's legs felt weak. "Bo, will you please fill Téa in," Nora asked as she sat in one of the lounge chairs.
Bo took Nora's hand. "You okay, Red?"
"Just a little shaky. Please let Téa know what happened. I can see she's upset."
After Bo filled her in, it was Téa's turn to feel shaky enough to need to sit down. "Oh God." Téa began to cry. "Bo! Where the hell were the other guards or the warden? How was Todd able to survive that after all he'd been through with his father? Oh God." Téa wept into her hands.
Viki came rushing down the hall with Nancy. The baby's loud cries could be heard coming from Todd's room.
"Why is he crying like that?" Viki asked frantically.
"Susannah's starting an IV on him. There was no time to use an Emla disc to numb the IV site," Nancy informed Viki.
Viki shook her head and wiped away a tear. She couldn't bear to think of the baby being hurt in any way. It was not that it didn't kill her to think of Todd or any of the alters being hurt, but the baby was one of the only alters that never experienced the physical and emotional pain and suffering Peter and Barbara Manning inflicted on their child. Viki did not want the baby to ever know pain of any kind. She wanted this joyous child kept free from any kind of suffering. Viki headed for Todd's room. She stopped when she saw Bo, Nora and Téa sitting in the lounge and headed for them instead.
"Nancy told me the baby came out and he's reacting badly to the medication Todd was given."
Bo stood up and walked over to Viki. "He has some kind of rash," he stated. "His heart rate is a little high too. His breathing was good," Bo tried to add something encouraging.
"I thought you and Nora were going to hold off seeing Todd because of how much he'd already been through today?" Viki couldn't help feeling some anger.
"We were on our way out of here when Todd came rushing out of his room. We literally ran face to face into each other," Nora explained.
"So you talked to him?" Viki wasn't sure what had gone on.
"Yes. Viki, I'm sorry. I should have called first. Maybe if Todd hadn't of already had such a hard day . . . maybe Razor . . ."
"Razor?" Viki questioned.
"Oh God. That's right. Susannah said this was the first time Razor came out," Nora remembered. "Todd became upset when I wouldn't help to get you to send him away. Another alter a came out. Someone named Razor. He . . . he said he came out when Todd was in Statesville. He said he was the one that came out when . . . oh God Viki. I think you better talk to Susannah about the rest."
Viki's eyes widened with fear. "No. You tell me."
Nora and Bo exchanged looks with Téa.
"Please. Téa? Bo? Damn it! One of you please tell me," Viki demanded.
Bo took Viki's arm. He gently guided her to a seat. "Viki, Todd started talking about Nora leaving him and not protecting him."
"He was confused. I think he thought he was talking to his mother," Nora interjected.
"An alter named Razor came out," Bo continued. "He grabbed Nora by the hair and jaw."
Viki gasped. "Dear Lord! Oh, Nora. I'm sorry. Are you all right?"
"Yes. Yes, I'm fine," Nora assured Viki. "He didn't hurt me. He just scared me."
Viki turned back to Bo.
"What did Razor say? It's obviously something that's upsetting all you."
Just as Bo was about to answer, they heard a knock on the door and saw that Kevin had arrived and was waiting to be buzzed in.
Kevin knew there was a problem as soon as he saw everyone sitting in the lounge. "What's going on?" Kevin asked as he approached them.
"The baby is out," Viki began explaining. "Nora visited with Todd, at Todd's request. During their visit another alter named Razor came out when Todd became upset with Nora for refusing to help him get transferred to another hospital."
"Or to jail," Nora announced. "Todd said he'd be willing to go back to jail if that were the only way he could get away from here."
"Razor attacked Nora," Viki said with tears in her eyes. "He didn't hurt her, thank God."
"I thought he was doing so much better. Damn!" Kevin said angrily. "He was. When I left here, he was okay. I mean okay compared to the way he has been." Kevin turned to Téa. "What happened? I heard you stayed the night. Did something happen to make him go off this way?"
Téa nodded. "I left him for nearly two hours. I had an appointment with Doctor Anderson." Téa's chin trembled. "He fell asleep again and I wasn't there to chase away the nightmares. I promised him I would be and I wasn't."
"Téa, you know Todd would have become extremely upset if you hadn't kept that appointment," Viki reminded her again. "Your health and happiness are extremely important to Todd. He'd never deliberately put you in a position that could cause you any harm or suffering."
Téa realized that was true. She was one of the few people Todd had never hurt out of revenge. Out of rage, out of fear, out of loss of control, yes, but never once had Todd plotted against her or deliberately set out to hurt her. Never once had he taken even a moment’s pleasure in any pain she suffered. When Todd did hurt her, it was always a gut reaction and something he regretted immediately.
Téa knew with all her heart and soul that Todd would never deliberately sit down and think of doing something to her that he knew would hurt her, or stand back while someone or something else did. She knew in his own Todd like way, he respected her. Téa hoped it was because some part of Todd, despite the self-loathing he felt, knew she respected him . . . his amazing intelligence . . . his wit and the way he looked at the world like no one else she had ever known . . . his compassion . . . his fervent dislike of the pompous and the way he could bring them to their knees with a look or a word or two, and his capacity to love. Todd couldn't feel the love others had for him yet. Nevertheless, Téa did believe that on some level, he knew who truly loved him. She also believed that Todd realized how deeply he loved those he loved. He certainly felt the pain that love caused him more often than not. Téa respected Todd more than anyone she had ever known. Todd's struggle to get well and the knowledge of what he had to overcome just to survive increased her respect for him tenfold.
Téa had had more time to think, since Todd had been ill, than she had ever had in her life. One of the conclusions she came to was that to be respected by Todd was an honor. There were few people in the real world, the world outside Todd's inner system, that he respected. His adopted mother, Viki, Sam, Starr, Jessie, Susannah, the staff at the hospital, and in a very special way, Marty Saybrooke, were the only ones Téa was sure Todd respected. She believed it because he had tried to spare them pain instead of causing it. This was the same way Todd treated her. Téa didn't forget that Todd had caused Marty the greatest pain of her life when he raped her, and again when Patrick died. Téa had no idea that Patrick was still alive, neither did Todd. They both assumed Patrick had died the day Michael Mahoney shot him. Téa knew that second pain, taking Patrick from Marty and their child, preyed on Todd's mind. Never was it Todd's intent to hurt Marty. It was revenge and protection that drove Todd. More and more, Téa understood the way her husband thought. He saved Patrick's life, enabling him to go to Marty. When Todd saw Patrick having sex with Blair, he not only felt he was being betrayed, he felt he had hurt Marty once again by sending a man who would sleep with her enemy back to her. Téa understood that Todd wanted to protect Marty and avenge his own betrayal. He honestly believed Patrick was no good. So, as strange as it seemed, Téa most certainly did included Marty Saybrooke when she thought of people Todd respected and would never again hurt out of revenge.
Téa knew, as surely as she knew her own name that Todd would never set out to hurt her. He had proven this to her time and time again. Two of many incidences came to Téa's mind. She thought about the time Todd knew Blair was trying to hurt him in some way. Téa had left the penthouse in anger after she and Todd had an argument. She was walking on the waterfront and saw the heads of various departments of the Sun arrive for a secret meeting with Blair and Ian Armitage, on Ian's yacht. When she came home, she began to tell Todd what she had seen. As much as he desperately wanted to know what Blair was up to, Todd's first reaction was deep concern that she had been on the waterfront at night. Téa remembered how touched she had been by that. Todd had let his guard down for a moment, and his love for her came shining through. Téa also remembered how filled with jealousy Todd had been over Andrew. Yet not once had he tried to hurt her. Yes, he went after Andrew, but never her. Téa could no more imagine Todd taking a child away from her, the way he had taken Starr from Blair, than she could imagine growing another head. She knew without a doubt that Todd placed her in the same category he placed Viki, Starr, Sam, Jessie, Marty and his mom, and she felt in very good company.
"Honey?" Viki called out when she saw Téa so lost in thought.
"I know," Téa admitted with tears in her eyes. "I remember how tender and loving Todd was when I got hurt after Blair pushed me through the window, and then when he thought I was sick, when we were in Niagara Falls." Téa turned to Bo and Nora. "You should see that side of Todd. He was mature and caring. He was protective. He knew what to do. He took care of me. As desperate as he was, the first time because the custody of Starr was at stake, and the second time because he was literally running for his life, he put my needs and me first. He came through like a mature and loving husband."
"I don't understand any of this." Kevin looked in Nora and Bo's direction. "Where do you two come in? Were you with Téa and Todd when he became upset?"
"No," Bo shook his head. "I was just about to tell your mom what happened."
As he and Nora did with Téa, they told Viki and Kevin everything they knew.
More tears spilled down Viki's cheeks.
The muscles in Kevin's jaw were taut with anger. Making an obvious effort to control himself, Kevin asked, "Is this guard . . . this Garret . . . is he still at Statesville?"
"I don't know," Bo answered.
Kevin stood up. "I'll be back later."
Bo jumped up and grabbed Kevin's arm. "Don't do it Kevin. Let me handle this."
"You mean the way you and Nora just handled seeing Todd!" Kevin lashed out sarcastically.
"I tried my best!" Nora defended herself. "What did you want me to do . . . agree to help him leave here!"
"No, I just didn't think you coming here to see Todd was a good idea in the first place."
"God, you sound like Sam," Nora observed.
"Yeah, well maybe this time he was right!"
Viki walked over to Kevin. She placed her hands on either side of his face. "If Razor went through that, we need to know."
Kevin pulled away. He turned his gaze from all of them.
They could tell from the way Kevin was breathing that he was trying to keep himself from getting sick to his stomach.
Finally Kevin looked at his mother again. "I know it's a good thing that Razor is able to talk about what happened. We can help Todd work through it." Kevin clenched his fists in an effort to maintain control. "What's not a good thing is that son of a bitch and those others did this to Todd and God knows how many other prisoners and they're not gonna get away with it. Garret was the ringleader, right? If he's not working at Statesville any more, I'll use every resource we have to find out where he is and he's gonna pay for what he did."
"He will, Kevin," Bo promised. "He will. Let the law handle this. I swear to you, and to you too, Viki . . . Téa . . . he'll pay."
"Oh, God," Viki cried. "I don't know what Sam will do when he hears about this. He's already so distraught."
Nora exchanged a worried glance with Bo. So far everyone's first reaction was to blame her. She feared Sam would take this same reaction to the extreme. Nora cursed herself for agreeing to this in the first place. It wasn't only her worry over Sam's reaction that bothered her. It was what she was feeling about Todd. First Adam, then Timmy, and now this baby, oh brother did he get to me, Nora thought to herself. Nora could not understand the intense feelings of concern she had for this baby . . . maternal feelings. She could not even understand how easily she thought of him as a baby. Nora had been aware of what DID was like ever since Viki had been ill, but she had not been around Viki very much when she was sick and she had no real concept of what DID did to a person, in the process of saving them.
"Viki," Bo began, "just like I told Kevin, the law needs to handle this. Sam has to be made to understand that. I know his first instinct will be to go after that bastard and any of the others that did this to his kid. I'd feel exactly the same way. What Sam has to realize is that if he's cooling his heels in a jail cell, he is not going to be helping Todd or Razor or any of them. If Garret or any of the others that abused prisoners are still at Statesville or out there somewhere, we have to handle this by the book. We don't want this to get thrown out of court."
"Bo's right Mom. God, I'd love to find this guy and pound his head into the wall, but Bo is right. We need to give the law a chance to punish him first."
"Where is Sam?" Téa asked.
Viki wiped another tear from her cheek. "He went out. For a walk I guess. He didn't say where he was going. He needs to be called. Oh Lord. Sam's already so upset."
"Maybe you should wait until Susannah gets this drug reaction thing under control before you call him," Bo suggested. He was afraid Sam would make things worse for everyone if he came back right now. Then Bo realized how he'd feel if it were his child in that room. "Nah, forget I said that. Sam has a right to know what's going on with his kid."
*****
Blair had returned to her office after a meeting with Briggs and the heads of the various departments of the Sun. She was pleased with what each of them had to say and pleased with herself. The Sun was doing very well, financially. It was beating the Banner in sales on an almost daily basis. It's advertising revenue was way up. Blair managed to keep Todd's style of "take no prisoners" reporting going in his absence. She wanted to do this for Todd. She wanted to keep the Sun successful for him. Blair felt extreme guilt when she thought about the way she tried to help Ian Armitage and Max take Todd's beloved paper from him. She realized that she would have also taken away Starr's legacy. Blair also felt a certain pride in her success with the Sun. It made her feel like she had found a part of herself she thought she had lost. After years of trying to live off of some man's money, even if she had to lie, scam and cheat to get it, she was finally back to being the self-sufficient woman that first came to Llanview. She was taking care of herself, her daughter, her mother, and Todd's newspaper and she was doing it on her own, utilizing her mind and her talent instead of her body. She was making an honest living and it felt good. She felt she was finally someone Starr could look up to.
Blair was also very happy to have a job that enabled her to take her mind off of Todd for a few hours a day. After her last encounter with Todd, Blair was more worried than ever. Todd was so angry with her. She could still feel his fingers pressing into her cheeks. Even when he was this ill, that side of Todd still frightened her. They're all turning him against me, Blair thought to herself. Blair's eyes blazed with fury when she thought about Téa being there with Todd, being thought of as a daughter by Viki, and being allowed to do God knows what to Todd by Doctor Hanen and the rest of the staff. Téa and Kevin both, Blair thought.
Blair was gathering her things and getting ready to leave when Lou buzzed her and told her Sam Rappaport wanted to see her.
"Sam, what's wrong?" Blair asked the second he stepped into her office. She was frightened. She knew Sam wouldn't be there unless there was a problem. On top of that, Sam looked worse than when she last saw him.
Sam got right to the point. "I want you to tell me again why you think Todd is right about the Buchanans paying Susannah to do this to him."
"What?" Sam's seemingly urgent need to know this frightened Blair even more. "Has something happened to Todd?" Blair's voice was tinged with panic.
"When isn't something happening to Todd?" Sam responded.
"Sam! Tell me what happened!" Blair was getting more frantic.
"Can't you give me a straight answer! Tell me exactly why you believe Bo and Nora and the rest of them are doing this to Todd. What proof do you have?"
Blair walked over to Sam and gently placed her hand on his upper arm. She spoke to him softly. "Sam, please, you're scaring me. Will you sit down and tell me what's going on?"
Sam stared into Blair's eyes for a moment. His body seemed to shudder slightly. Sam wearily lowered himself onto the couch.
"Can I get you some coffee or a drink or something?"
Sam shook his head.
Blair sat next to him. "Please tell me. Did something else happen to Todd?"
"He's been on an emotional roller coaster for the past couple of days. You know. You saw how he was when you were with him the other day."
"Is he still trying to get you and Viki to send him away?" Blair asked.
"He seemed to be feeling better about things. Then he had a nightmare and he lost it. He locked himself in the bathroom and scalded himself with a hot shower and clawed deep scratches into himself with his fingernails. They had to sedate and restrain him."
Blair felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach. "What! He . . . how . . . oh my God! How . . . how could he lock himself in the bathroom? There are no locks on the bathroom door that the patients can use."
"He . . . or another alter . . . I don't know . . . no one knows . . . a chair . . . he shoved a chair under the handle. He . . ." Sam's voice trailed off.
"Where the hell was the staff? I thought they were supposed to be with him all the time."
"One of the techs was right outside the door. He wasn't fast enough. At least that's what they told us."
Blair immediately picked up on the last thing Sam said. "You think they deliberately let him hurt himself?"
"No . . . I . . . I . . . I don't know what to think. Bo and Nora were there."
"Bo and Nora were with him when he hurt himself?"
"No! They were with Susannah. They were there to see him."
Sam wasn't making much sense. Blair tried to remain calm. She tried to get Sam to focus. "Nora and Bo came to visit Todd. Why? Nora hates Todd. So does Bo."
"Todd wanted to see Nora."
"Sam, that doesn't make sense. Todd knows how much Nora hates him. Why would he want to see her and why was Bo there."
"He thought because she hates him she'd get him out of the hospital. Susannah thinks he also wants to . . . I don't know . . . confront Nora about what happened between them, or something like that. Supposedly Bo was there for Nora's peace of mind. I don't know! When you told Todd you couldn't help him get out of the hospital, he decided he wanted Nora to be his lawyer instead of me. I know it's not just that. I know he wants to cut me out of his life. Not that I blame him. He knows I did this to him."
"Did what? I thought you just said you thought the Buchanans and Doctor Hanen were doing this to him?"
"Not this! Not what happened today! Damn it Blair! Are you listening to me!"
Blair took a deep breath. "I'm listening to you. You need to slow down. Sam, you're not making sense. What did you do to him?"
"Thank you Blair, but you don't have to spare my feelings. You damn well know that Todd would never be this sick if I hadn't of turned my back on him when he was a kid. He'd never have hurt Nora in the first place. The Buchanans wouldn't have it in for him. None of this would be happening to him if I'd heard his screams and cries for help. Todd knows this and that's why he's trying to get away and trying to push me out of his life."
Blair thought for a moment. "What about Téa? She acts on Todd's behalf legally too. Does he want to push her out of his life too?"
"Yeah . . . well as his lawyer anyway. She was supposed to be watching him. She was lying right next to him in the goddamn bed when I left. She was supposed to keep him safe and she didn't. None of them did."
Blair felt bile rise in her throat. "Téa was in bed with Todd?"
Sam was too wrapped up in his own guilt and terror for Todd to even notice the look of fury in Blair's eyes or think about how hearing this would hurt her.
"Todd wanted Téa to stay with him and hold his hand." Tears formed in Sam's eyes. "He thought she could protect him, just the way he thought I could protect him."
Blair trembled with anger. "Téa did this? Is that what you're saying? She got into Todd's bed pretending to comfort him and she did or said something that upset him so much that he hurt himself?"
"No, Téa wasn't there."
Blair brought her hand to her mouth and pulled on her lips. She tried to stay calm and patient. "I thought you said Téa was in bed with Todd."
"She was. She left him. She said she'd keep him safe . . . keep the nightmares away . . . she left him."
"She walked out on him? And what does any of this have to do with Bo and Nora?" Blair was beginning to wonder if Sam was even capable of telling her what really happened.
"She had an appointment with her doctor?"
"Téa?" Blair couldn't follow Sam's disjointed speech.
"Yes Téa! She had a follow-up appointment with Doctor Anderson. She said Todd wanted her to go. He was worried about her head injury. She could have gone later, after Viki and I were there. She shouldn't have left him . . . unless . . . unless she's part . . . NO! Téa loves Todd. She loves him with all hear heart and soul she'd never . . ." Sam's voice trailed off again. "I'll take that drink if you've got it."
Blair knew the last thing Sam needed right now was alcohol, but she wanted him to try to pull himself together enough to tell her what was going on. "What would you like?"
"Anything. I don't care!" Sam snapped.
Blair poured Sam a Scotch straight. She handed it to him and sat next to him again. Sam drank it down quickly.
"Sam, do you think Téa is working with Bo and Nora and probably Kevin, to hurt Todd?" Blair asked when Sam just sat there and didn't say anything further.
"I-I don't . . . no . . . no . . . I . . ." Sam took a deep breath. "Todd asked to see Nora. Téa didn't ask her to come to the hospital. Anyway, Nora promised she wouldn't see Todd today. Susannah said the same thing. Todd went through too much today. Nora and Bo were going to leave the hospital. That's why I left. I wouldn't have left Todd again if they were going to see him today. I left yesterday. Viki and I were gone for most of the day and all night. Téa stayed with Todd. She was supposed to watch him. The staff was supposed to watch him. I wasn't there for him." A large tear rolled down Sam's cheek. "Again I wasn't there for him."
"Why were you and Viki away from the hospital for so long?" Blair's question was just that. There was nothing accusatory in her voice. Blair liked Sam. She felt compassion for him. She knew he truly loved Todd. If she could help it, she didn't want to make him feel worse than he did. Blair also knew in her heart that if she had to, she would use Sam's love for Todd to her advantage. She told herself she was doing it for Todd . . . to save him.
"Tom was out. He had made some painful disclosures. Then he had lunch with Téa and Kevin. They made him laugh. He seemed so happy. Todd came out and got upset when he realized Téa and Kevin were physically close to him. Then he and Viki had a long talk. She's the only one who can truly understand some of what Todd is going through. Todd was even cracking jokes. He was tired. He'd been through so much. He asked Téa to go to his room with him. Obviously he wanted the physical comfort of her there. I did come back to the hospital. Viki and I both did. We looked in on Todd. He and Téa were wrapped in each other's arms. They were sound asleep. They looked so happy. Todd was more at peace than I'd seen him . . . ever . . . even before he got so sick. Viki and I went home. We thought it was safe to go home." Sam's lips trembled. "We acted like everything was going to be all right. We even thought about the future . . . we . . ." Sam broke down in tears. He put his face in his hands. "I should have known better. I should have known something would happen. I'm never there for him. I never was. He would cling to me when he was a kid. He tried everything he could think of to keep me from sending him back into that house. Now he needed me again and I wasn't there for him."
Blair bit her lip to keep herself from crying. It wasn't Sam's pain that was triggering those tears. It was her own. Hearing Todd asked Téa to be with him, perhaps even asking her to lie next to him and hold him was almost more than Blair could bear. It had been years since Todd wanted any kind of physical closeness from Blair, even a hug. Blair knew Todd only turned to her now when he thought she could help him. He turned to her for things he thought the others in his life were too good for, especially Téa. If Todd needed someone to do something underhanded, illegal, or hurtful to others, Blair was always the one he would turn to. There were even times when Todd asked Blair to prostitute herself for him. Now that Blair had these many months to think of the past, she knew that Todd was not to blame for thinking of her that way. Her actions and the way she had led her life and the things she had done to Todd and many others gave him every reason to think what he did.
Blair prayed she'd get a chance to prove to Todd that she changed. She remembered every horrible thing she had done to him from the beginning of their relationship. She believed all she needed was the chance to make it up to him and he would love her again. She also believed she'd never get a chance to do this as long as Téa was in the way. Blair told herself that if Todd were well, she could try to get him to see how sorry she was for all the times she turned on him and deliberately tried to hurt him. Blair sometimes didn't understand what drove her to do all that she did to Todd and to everyone else. She'd go into therapy if necessary. She'd get Todd a decent therapist and get one for herself if that's what it took to get her family back. Sam was her link to this. He was the only one, besides Dorian, who was able to see some of the things she saw. "Yes. Viki loves Todd dearly, but she's blind to what Téa and the others are doing to him. I'm doing this for Todd, for Todd and my little girl. Sam will be better off too. If Todd gets well, so will Sam. Sam will be grateful to me. Unlike Viki, he'll be happy to see Todd back with Starr and me," Blair said to herself.
Blair rubbed Sam's back. "Todd knows you love him. He knows you want to help him. Someday he'll realize you and I were the only ones that really wanted to help him."
"Viki would die for that boy. She loves him more than anyone in her life."
"I know that. Sam, I know that. Viki loves Todd as if he were her child. That doesn't mean she knows what's best for him. I've told you over and over. Viki can't be objective about Kevin or Téa and certainly not about Doctor Hanen. She credits her with saving her sanity. The big difference is that Doctor Hanen's sister didn't hate Viki. She never tried to get Viki sent to jail. You know what Bo and Nora have tried to do to Todd. For God's sake Sam, they tried to send him to jail for Rachel's crime."
"You tried too Blair!"
Sam's words shocked Blair. "I tried to help Todd. I wrote articles trying to show this whole damn town that Bo was the one . . ."
"You broke into Todd's desk and stole those gloves that he used when he carried Georgie out to the woods. You turned them over to Max Holden to use against Todd. Max! a low life bastard that tried to hurt Todd every chance he got. When Max tried to bash Todd's brains in at the lodge, it was Max's safety you were worried about. You ran to Max to see if he was okay. You didn't care if Todd had been hurt or not."
Blair was truly hurt. She was hurt by the truth in Sam's words and by the fact that he'd throw all of that in her face. "Okay. Okay! I did terrible things to Todd. Todd hurt me too. He took my child, then he walked away from me. Shortly after he won custody of Starr I waited for him in the park." Blair looked away from Sam. The memory of this was still painful to her. "Todd had reason to believe that I might have been willing to try again, and he chose Téa! When it had absolutely nothing to do with getting Starr back, it was still Téa he chose over me, over me!" Blair looked and sounded like she still couldn't believe it. "Todd left me sitting on that park bench, crying. He chose Téa, Sam! He didn't just want her to help him get Starr back. He had already won custody of Starr and when he had the choice between the two of us, he still wanted Téa!" Blair remembered telling Todd that she wished they were back in that ballroom with those gold balloons all around them. It hit her, right there in that park, that this was no longer Todd's wish. His wish was a life with Téa. "I was angry with him. I wanted to hurt him. Can't you understand that Sam?"
"You hurt him even before that, Blair. I don't know many of the details of your relationship with Todd. From what I do understand you lied to him from the beginning and you never put him first. You tried to take Starr away from him first. Maybe he had good reason to choose Téa?"
"Why are you doing this?" Blair looked Sam in the eye and began to cry.
"Because I know. Maybe I'm more like you than you think. I never put Todd first either. Maybe neither of us are good enough to be with him? Maybe it's too late for both of us?"
"Don't you dare lay your guilt trip on me!" Blair proclaimed furiously. She thought for a second. She wiped the tears off her face with a fast and angry swipe. "Yes, I did horrible things to Todd. Don't you think I'm sorry? Don't you think I regret them every minute of every day? You of all people should understand that Sam. If I could take it all back and do everything differently I would. Wouldn't you? Don't you wish you could have a chance to make up to Todd for everything?"
Sam stared into space for a few moments. Then he turned his gaze back to Blair. He tried to swallow away the lump in his throat. Finally Sam nodded. A part of him identified with Blair. "I would give anything if I could make it up to him. That doesn't mean we're good for him. That doesn't mean that we won't hurt him again and again, even if we try to make it up to him. Maybe that's all we can do, Blair, hurt him?"
Blair looked into Sam's troubled blue eyes. "What if we are right Sam? What if Todd was right all along and they are doing this to him. Look, I know Todd is mentally ill. I know what his childhood was like. How do you know that they aren't using his illness to make it seem like he's much sicker than he is, just to make him suffer? They couldn't send him to prison, so this is how they're getting their payback. Okay, we may be wrong. What about Todd? He always had good instincts. Sure he sounded paranoid when he thought everyone was out to get him, but he was right! Most of the time he was right. He was right about being set up by Powell. He was right about the Buchanans trying to pin Georgie's murder on him. He was even right about me trying to get him when I tried to take the Sun away from him. There! I admit it. I know what I did. Todd knew it too. He was right. Are you willing to take that chance Sam? Are you willing to walk out of Todd's life and leave him with no one to protect him now that he can't protect himself?"
Sam sat silently for a couple of minutes.
Blair said nothing. She prayed silently that she got through to him.
Finally Sam turned back to Blair and asked, "Tell me what proof you have that all of them are trying to hurt Todd and using Susannah to do it."
"I don't have any right now. I . . ."
Sam got up and walked to the window.
Blair followed him. She rested her hand on his shoulder. "I'll get the proof. If it's out there, I'll get it. Sam, I swear that to you. If anyone is doing this to Todd, I'll get the proof."
"Todd still wants to see Nora. She'll probably be back," Sam stated.
"Then you make sure you're with Todd when he sees her. Or you make sure Viki is in the room. God only knows what Nora and Bo might do to him if they get him alone."
"Todd is never left alone. You know that. There would be staff with him."
"The way the staff was with him when he burned and hurt himself?" Blair reminded Sam.
Sam stared out the window.
"What if they're in on it? The staff seems nice enough and caring enough, but what if some of them are in on it? How much can they earn? Most of them have young kids, kids they want to put through college and buy nice things for. I'm not saying that's the case. All I'm saying is that Todd has managed to hurt himself many times while this wonderful staff or Doctor Hanen herself was with him." Blair didn't think of this as playing with Sam's already fragile mind. She thought of it as saving Todd. There was also a part of her believed it could be true. Blair had lived most of her life doing horrible things for money, things that made her cringe with shame and disgust in herself when she thought about them. Nevertheless, she justified everything she did because she believed it was the only way. She didn’t have enough faith in herself to try other ways. Blair realized that between the time she left Llanview and came back again, after Viki and Sloan found her, she had lost confidence in her intelligence. She has lost much of the backbone she once had. She prayed that she'd find that Blair again someday. She sometimes wondered if others that knew her felt the same way. It was difficult for Blair to believe that everyone wasn't as capable of doing equally vile and disgusting things if they felt that was the only way to get what they want or need.
"Nora and Bo said they wouldn't see Todd today. Susannah said she didn't want them too," Sam repeated. "I'll make sure to be there if they come back tomorrow or the next day," Sam vowed.
Blair squeezed Sam's shoulder. "I know you will Sam. You'll get the chance to make it all up to Todd. You'll be there for him now, when he needs you so desperately. You'll protect him from all of them. If you can find a way, you'll keep all of them away from him, including Téa," Blair spat out her name. When Sam looked at Blair suspiciously, she quickly added, "And Kevin too of course. Chances are he's in on it too."
Sam took a deep breath. His color looked bad.
"Are you okay?" Blair asked.
"I just need some fresh air. I'll take a walk before I go back to the hospital. It's not like Todd wants me around there anyway, and I'm probably making things worse for Viki."
Blair turned so that she was facing Sam. "Todd loves you very much. He wants you to be the good father he never had. I know once Todd is not under . . ." Blair searched for a way to say it that would get her message across without making Sam turn on her. She found the words and continued, "Under harmful influence, he will give you the chance to be the kind of father to him that you want to be and you'll have the chance to make up for everything. I know that's what you want Sam, and what you need. It's also what Todd needs."
"Is it? Is it, Blair? Or does Todd only think of the man who sent him back into that house to be tortured, day after day? Does he think of all the years I never contacted him because my feelings got hurt? Does he wonder if he'd never have raped anyone or committed any crimes or gone to jail if I'd been there for him? Todd had three fathers in his life and each of us contributed in our own way to the man Todd became."
"Victor Lord didn't care about Todd. Peter Manning hated him. They were both sadistic bastards. There is no way they could have ever made up for what they did. You can Sam. If you had Todd . . . well, more to yourself . . . out of that hospital where heaven knows what they're making him think and feel . . . if you and Todd lived away from those that might be turning Todd against you, you could have your chance Sam. I know that you would be able to make everything up to Todd and be a real father to him. You could give him what he's been looking for all his life."
Sam stared at Blair for a few moments. A part of him wanted to believe her. Another part of him was afraid that he would believe her. "I need some air," Sam stated.
"Okay, you take a nice long walk. I'm sure you'll feel better when you've had a chance to think about some of the things we discussed." Blair walked Sam to the door. Before he left, she added, "I think I'll drop by the hospital later. I waited these couple of days to give Todd a chance to calm down." What Blair didn't say was that she couldn't bear the thought of Todd reminding her of some of the ways she hurt him again. Blair wanted Todd to get it all back, all his faculties, but there was a part of her that wished Todd could forget every rotten thing she'd ever done to him.
*****
The baby's rash had not intensified. In fact it had eased some. The medication was helping. The Elocon cream relived the itch enough to keep him from scratching, so there was no need for mitt restraints. The baby was acting a little hyper. Instead of the Benadryl making him sleepy, it was having an effect of paradoxical excitation.
Frank and Angelo helped situate the baby in Viki's arms as she sat on the bed with him. He was swaddled snugly in a blanket. It was giving him security and protecting Viki, should another alter suddenly emerge in an agitated state. Rolled up blankets on either side of Viki, for her arms to rest on, helped her hold his upper body. Viki rocked him and sang softly to him. It calmed him and got an occasional smile out of him. Viki tenderly kissed the baby's forehead every few minutes. She fed him. He was obviously hungry and drank almost two bottles of Similac. Viki was worried about Sam. She had not been able to reach him on his cell phone. He said he was going to turn it on. Viki didn't know that Sam had let the battery run down. Sam could not remember to do many of the routine things he had always done.
Bo and Nora waited at the hospital. They wanted to be there when Sam came back. Nora wanted to face whatever Sam was going to dish out and get it over with. Bo wanted to do his best to calm Sam, if Sam's initial reaction to what Razor told them was what he thought it would be. Téa and Kevin went to the cafeteria to get everyone some coffee and something to eat.
After trying to bring Todd or another adult or one of the older child alters to the front several more times, Susannah headed for her office to write up her notes on what had transpired. She told the staff to let her know the second Sam returned or if there were any changes with the baby.
Bo was using the phone at the nurses station. If Garret were still a guard or in any kind of position that would allow him to abuse prisoners, Bo wanted to know it, now.
Nora felt a strong need she didn't understand. She needed to see the baby again. She needed to see with her own eyes that he was all right. She kept telling herself it was guilt or perhaps morbid fascination. She could not admit that she was deeply concerned about this child. She could also not admit that she felt an attachment to him, an attachment she could only describe as a maternal bond. This was not something Nora wanted to feel for any part of Todd.
Nora saw that Bo was still on the phone. She quietly walked over to Todd's room and slowly opened the door. She peered in. Nora’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of Viki holding the baby. He had finally fallen asleep a few minutes before Nora looked in on him. The blanket had been loosened. He sucked his thumb as he slept. Nora noticed again how young and innocent the baby's face looked. She noticed a roundness about it that was not evident in Todd's face and was not as prominent in Timmy's or Adam's.
Viki noticed Nora and placed her finger to her lips.
Nora nodded. She understood.
"Let us take him from you," Angelo whispered to Viki.
Frank and Angelo worked as a team and gently removed the baby from Viki's arms so she could get up. Tenderly, they laid him on the bed.
The baby made a small sound and turned over on his stomach. He continued to suck his thumb as he slept peacefully.
Viki stroked his head and kissed it. She then headed for Nora.
"Rachel could turn over at that age too," Nora said before she realized what she was saying. "I'm sorry. I know it's not the same thing. This is all new to me. Please forgive me in advance for any stupid remarks I make."
Viki smiled and took Nora's arm. She walked her out of the room and back to the lounge. "In some ways it really is the same thing. Developmentally, the baby is about five months old. Susannah hopes to help him age in an accelerated way."
Nora stared at Viki. "You mean overnight he can just become Todd's age?"
Viki smiled and shook her head. "No, nothing that dramatic. It will take a long time for the alters to age, but hopefully not as long as it would a typical child. The closer in age to Todd the alters become, the easier it will be for them to integrate. Each of them needs to work through his or her own issues at his or her own developmental level and each of them needs the nurturing they never received. Eventually they will give all the love they feel back to Todd when they become a part of him again. I'm not sure what Susannah has in mind for the baby. The only time he was out for long, he was very sick." Lips that trembled in an attempt to hold her tears at bay replaced Viki's smile. "The baby got pneumonia shortly after he first came out. Todd's body was in a very weakened condition then and this very young alter had even less resistance to things. We thought we were going to lose him. They even asked me to sign a DNR order."
Nora took Viki's hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you and Sam and Téa and everyone have gone though such anguish over these past months. I'm sorry that baby had to suffer that way too."
"He was unconscious for most of it," Viki stated and then asked, "Nora, I'm very happy to see that you have compassion for some of the alters. What about Todd? Does your compassion extend to Todd?"
Nora took a deep breath. "I'm working on it."
Viki squeezed Nora's hand. "Thank you. I can't ask for more than that."
************** "Mel!" Dorian laughed as Mel pulled her toward him as they passed in the hallway outside their bedroom. Mel had just taken a shower and had nothing on but a towel around his waist. "I swear I don't know what's gotten into you."
"I like this side of you, the side that isn't plotting and scheming and obsessed with Viki," Mel confessed. He nuzzled Dorian's neck. "And I like this side of you," he nuzzled the other side of her neck, "and this side is my favorite." Mel kissed Dorian with enough passion to make her legs feel like they were melting.
Mel had come home from his business trip and hit the roof when he overheard Dorian talking to Blair about helping her get Todd out of the hospital. Mel knew Dorian did have some real feelings of compassion for Todd. He also knew it was her need for revenge on Viki that drove her to help Blair far more than her compassion for Todd. Mel told Dorian straight out that he would not live in the same house as anyone cruel enough to bring more grief to Todd and his family than what had already been heaped upon them by Todd's illness. "If there is anything at all to Blair's belief that the hospital is not the right place for Todd, let her work that out with Viki or though the courts. You stay out of it, Dorian!" Mel had said firmly.
After denying anything but the best of motives for wanting to help Blair to help Todd, Dorian finally agreed to "stay out of it," as Mel had put it. "For now," Dorian had said to herself. As it stood, there was nothing more Dorian could do right now until the time was right and then she could lead Blair in the right direction.
With that settled, for the last couple of days, Dorian did take her mind off of Viki, Todd, and Blair and her problems. Without her obsession with Viki eating away at her, Dorian became the woman Mel fell in love with all over again. He and Dorian had not been able to keep their hands off each other.
Mel had already undone the buttons of Dorian's blouse and unfastened her bra. Dorian pulled off her own skirt and then pulled the towel off of Mel.
"The bed or the floor?" Dorian whispered.
"Don't think I'll make it to the bed," Mel whispered back.
Dorian looked down and smiled. "My, but you are . . . um . . . standing at attention."
Mel pulled Dorian too him. "And waiting for my orders, General."
Dorian pressed against Mel. "Tell the troops to report to the General's headquarters, at once!"
Mel and Dorian sank to the thick carpet in their bedroom. Mel kicked the door shut. He was about to take Dorian's nipple into his mouth when the phone rang.
The machine picked it up after a couple of rings. "It's Blair . . . pick up Dorian . . . it's important . . . it's about Todd . . . I need to talk to you . . . Dorian! . . . are you there? Damn," Blair said under her breath. "Call me as soon as you get this message. Please!"
Mel noticed Dorian listening intently to Blair's message. "Don't do it Dorian," Mel warned. "Forget about Viki, just think about us."
"Viki! Viki has nothing to do with this. That was a message from Blair about To . . ."
Mel covered Dorian's mouth with his before she could finish what she was saying. Their tongues penetrated deeply into each other's mouth. Mel's mouth traveled once again to Dorian's nipple, as his hand traveled down to the spot that always made Dorian gasp and took her breath away. For now, Blair, Todd, and Dorian's insatiable need to get back at Viki were forgotten by both Dorian and Mel.
*****
Blair was not only upset because she couldn't discuss what had just happened with Dorian, she was upset because of the things Sam threw in her face. In her heart, she knew Sam's words were true. That didn't stop her from feeling angry and hurt and scared . . . scared that perhaps, even in his unstable frame of mind, Sam was right? Perhaps she was no good for Todd? In the past, they were toxic to each other. Blair knew she had changed. Todd's illness . . . seeing him almost die before her eyes . . . learning about his past . . . meeting the fragile and sweet children that lived inside him . . . had changed Blair. What she wondered was if, sooner or later, she would revert back to the kind of woman who would deliberately do things to hurt and destroy Todd. "No matter what, he's still better off with me than with Téa Delgado!" Blair said out loud and firmly, as if she were trying to convince herself.
Blair was too upset to go home. She didn't want Starr to see her that way. She knew the nanny would stay until she got home, or all night if necessary. There was something else Blair was feeling . . . loneliness . . . emptiness . . . the kind of loneliness that even a much loved child couldn't fill.
It was still much too early for Club Indigo to be in full swing when Blair got there. She sat at the bar and ordered some white wine.
RJ stayed back and watched Blair for a few minutes. She looked lost and as lonely and unhappy as she felt. RJ was well aware of Todd's breakdown. He wondered if that had something to do with it. He also knew Blair was no longer involved with Max Holden. So he wondered if it was Todd Blair was so upset over or Max. RJ had only heard good things about Téa, especially where Todd was concerned. He heard how devoted she was to his recovery and to him. In the few times RJ had run into Téa, since Todd's hospitalization, Téa's face would light up at the mere mention of Todd. RJ had also seen Todd and Téa together, before Todd became so ill. RJ knew what the look in a man's eyes looked like when he loved a woman with all his heart and soul. He had seen that look in Todd's eyes when he looked at Téa.
"Blair, hello, it's been a while?" RJ said, startling Blair.
"Oh, hi." Blair smiled sadly. "I don't really go out that much anymore. I have the paper and my daughter to take care of."
"Well, I'm all for being conscientious on the job and I'm certainly for motherhood." RJ smiled and looked into Blair's eyes. "That doesn't mean I'm not happy to see that pretty face and smile of yours brighten up the place."
Blair smiled, a little more happily this time. "What did I do to rate this personal attention?"
"Nothing . . . just felt like saying hello . . . asking how you are. How are you?" RJ asked and laughed.
Blair drank some more of her wine. "Couldn't be better," Blair said bitterly and downed the rest of what was left in the glass.
RJ poured her another and stated, "On the house."
Blair held the glass up as if she were toasting with it. "Well, thank you, Mr. Gannon. To what do I owe your kindness?"
"You look like you could use a present," RJ admitted.
A tear cascaded down Blair's cheek. "You're the only one who thinks so." Blair drank this glass of wine down just as quickly. "You tell me. You tell me RJ Gannon. Am I such a horrible person? Am I really someone who is incapable of loving someone unselfishly and putting them first? Am I someone who can only be turned to when you need some shit done that everyone else is too good for? Is there something so wrong with me that I can't be thought of like a daughter too? Am I someone who will always end up hurting the people I think I love? Do I only think I care about and love people, when the truth is that I can't really love anyone but myself?" Blair laughed. "Oh, yes! Oh, yes indeed! I really love myself!"
"You should love yourself. We all need to love ourselves Ms. Cramer."
"Manning," Blair corrected him. "Blair Manning."
"Oh," RJ nodded knowingly. "So you and Todd are back together?" RJ asked, knowing it was not true.
Blair looked down at the bar. "Not exactly."
"Blair, you are much too fine a woman to wait around for a man who's with someone else."
"Todd is not! . . . Todd is too sick to know what he wants."
"If you say so," RJ commented.
"Who the hell are you to talk? I don't see you parading around with anyone since Jakara left town."
"Touché," RJ conceded gracefully. "But what I'm not doing is waiting around for her to come back. I'd be more than open to a new relationship, if the right woman came along."
"Don't you believe that there is only one person that we're meant to spend our life with . . . one person who is truly our soulmate?"
"There was a time you thought you and Max were soulmates. You two couldn't get enough of each other." RJ looked down. "When Max's kids were kidnapped, you were the only one who could give him comfort. It was you who Max turned to." RJ felt guilt wash over him at the memory of his part in that kidnapping.
Blair heard Sam's words. She heard him accuse her loving Max more than Todd again. "What the hell is this . . . Memories of Max Day! Max and I are history! And what's going on with Todd and me is none of your business!"
RJ held his hands up so his palms faced Blair, to indicate he was backing off. "Fair enough. You came here for some smooth booze and good music." RJ poured Blair another drink. "I'll let you enjoy both of those."
"Wait!" Blair called out as RJ started to walk away. She hesitated before she spoke. Her chin trembled. "Do you really think I'm not such a terrible person?"
"Most people in this town see me the same way they see you. They wouldn't think I was in any position to judge that, but since you asked . . . I don't think you're terrible at all . . . not at all."
"Thanks," Blair whispered. She forced her tears back.
"Any time, Mrs. Manning," RJ said the name with no hint of sarcasm, only understanding. He knew Blair needed to think of herself as that right now, "any time."
Blair managed a small smile. After RJ went back to tend to his business, Blair finished her drink and left for home, where she would spend the better part of the night trying to call Dorian. Finally Blair carefully slipped into Starr's bed, as the little girl slept. Blair didn't want to be alone. As she fell asleep, she thought about RJ's words and the kindness and attention he showed her.
*****
The baby had only been asleep for forty minutes when he woke up crying again. He was wet. Frank and Jeff changed him. He was cooing and gurgling by the time they finished. He seemed to be getting back to his joyous self.
A Geri-chair was brought in for the baby. A shoulder vest and a pelvic belt were used to keep him from toppling out of it. As he had the other times he was out, the baby started to cry when he was first placed in the chair. Once he was distracted by toys and peek-a-boo, his smile and laugh returned.
Viki looked at her watch. Sam had been gone for hours. Bo and Nora had gone to the cafeteria and come back and there was still no sign of Sam.
"Do you want me to go out and look for him?" Bo offered when he saw Viki looking at her watch again.
Viki thought for a few seconds. "No. I think it would upset him even more. He'd feel like I was checking up on him."
Bo patted Viki's forearm and stood up. He was anxious for the return call from Statesville to come in.
Kevin had a date with Rachel. He told Viki he was going to cancel it and wait around for Sam to come back. Viki would not hear of it. She insisted Kevin keep his date. "Bo and Nora will be here, and frankly, I think Sam may feel ganged up on if everyone is here when he gets back," Viki told Kevin.
Reluctantly, Kevin left the unit to meet Rachel. *****
Téa had gone in to be with the baby as soon as they had him set in his chair. Téa thought back to how terrified she had been to meet any of the alters in the beginning, especially the child alters. She didn't believe she could handle seeing Todd this way. Now she longed to be with every one of them. In each of them she could still find a part of the Todd she knew, even in the baby. In the baby, Téa found the brief split seconds of trust Todd would give her on rare and cherished occasions. Todd's trust was something Téa treasured. It was not won or given easily. When it was won, it was fleeting. Fear would soon replace it. Even so, Téa was not discouraged. That, given his life, Todd would allow himself to be vulnerable to her and trust her, even for a few brief shining moments now and then, gave Téa the hope that someday Todd could learn to truly trust, always.
While Téa had been out, she stopped by the gift shop. She bought the baby a toy piano with large colorful keys. It had animal levers that announced their names when pulled up or down and buttons that announced what color and shape they were when pressed. It had a switch that changed the musical sounds to announcements of the letters of the alphabet and numbers. As soon as she put it down on the table that was placed in front of the baby's chair, he reached for it. The look of wonder on his face and the joyful laugh he gave them when he heard the musical note brought huge smiles to Téa, Frank and Angelo's faces. The baby continued to hit the toy and laugh each time a sound was heard. He made eye contact with Téa almost every time he was able to get a sound from the piano. He wanted her to be in on the fun.
"Yes! Music! You're making music, pequeño uno," Téa stroked his cheek and said.
The baby banged on the keys again. He picked up the small piano and banged it on the table. That sound made him laugh too. His happiness was contagious. Everyone in the room felt good just being with him. The baby banged the piano on the table again and then let it drop to the floor. Téa picked it up and placed it back on the table. The baby picked it up and dropped it again and laughed his sweet laugh.
Téa realized he had discovered a new game. She picked up the toy again and handed it to him.
The baby cooed loudly and dropped the toy and laughed again. He looked into Téa's eyes. He was obviously proud of himself.
Téa clapped her hands. "What a great game! You like this game don't you, pequeño uno?"
The baby clapped his hands and cooed. He laughed with joy as he looked into Téa's eyes. It was obvious he was very bright.
Téa's heart felt like it would burst with love.
The baby banged the keyboard to make a musical sound again and then picked up the whole thing and let it drop to the floor. He clapped and laughed. He was totally pleased with himself.
"He's doing great with social and communication skills," Frank remarked.
Susannah popped in to see how the baby was doing. She was very pleased to see how well he responded to the medication. The rash was nearly gone. His temperature was back to normal. The reaction to the Benadryl had passed as well. He seemed to be back to his happy self.
Susannah, Frank and Angelo exchanged smiles as they watched the baby play with Téa. Susannah could see that he made some developmental advances since the last time he was out. She wondered who took care of him when he was inside. The baby's caregiver, inside the system, was obviously doing a great job.
Susannah addressed Angelo and Frank. "It may be that he's ready to start crawling. Eileen is preparing some rice cereal thinned with formula for him. We want to see how he does with solid food. After he eats, I want him placed on the floor on his stomach. I'll get a rolling toy for him to play with. His fine and gross motor skills are perfectly normal. So he needs some activity toys."
"Ooh," Téa exclaimed. "I know just the kind of toy. I saw it in the gift shop. I didn't think he was ready for it. I'll go down for it now. I'll see if Viki would like to go with me. She might enjoy shopping for the baby."
Susannah told her Viki had gone to the lounge to put her feet up for a while and freshen up. She also mentioned that Viki was worried sick over Sam.
Téa didn't want to disturb Viki so she went to the gift shop by herself.
*****
Nora stopped Téa before she left the unit. "Is he all right?" Téa smiled. "He's doing so well. The rash is nearly gone. His temperature is normal. He's very playful. I'm going to the gift shop now to get him a new toy. Doctor Hanen thinks he might be ready to start crawling." Téa's mood became more somber when she asked Bo, "Did you hear anything from Statesville yet?"
"No. They know to call me here."
Téa nodded. "I want Garret and anyone else who hurt Todd punished, Bo."
"They will be. I promise you. They will be."
Téa hoped Bo could make good on that promise. She left for the gift shop.
Nora and Bo were anxious to see the baby. They wanted to see he was all right with their own eyes.
When Eileen passed by with the cereal Nora asked if she and Bo could go in to visit the baby.
"I don't see why not," Eileen stated.
