Another large tear rolled down his cheek. "No! You can't! Terrible things are gonna happened to all of you. Delgado is wrong. She said it was safe to touch her. Viki is wrong. She said it was safe to touch Starr. All of you are wrong. There is no forgiveness for me. Even the couple that saved me in Ireland was wrong. There is no redemption for Todd Manning. I'm cursed. I was born cursed and I destroy everyone. If I love them, they die. If I touch them, they die. Horrible, terrible things will happen to them first and then they'll die." Todd turned his head away from Susannah again.

"Do you feel like you have a lot of power and control over everything?" Susannah posed.

"Huh?" Todd turned his head and looked into Susannah's eyes.

"Do you feel like you are a very powerful person and have some kind of superhuman control over everything and everyone?"

"I don't have any control over anything. Do you think I'd let all of you get hurt if I did! Do you think I'd want my life like this if I did! I hate the way everything is," Todd answered.

"Well, then, I don't understand. If you have no power and control over anything, how could everyone getting hurt be your fault?"

Todd looked into Susannah's eyes again. He quickly turned his head away. "Shut up!"

"You feel powerless. Does believing your love and your touch can hurt and kill people help you to feel powerful?"

"Shut up! Shut up! You shut up!" Todd tugged on the restraints. "This is different. I'm not mad at Delgado and Sam and Viki and everyone here. I don't wanna make them sorry. I don't wanna show them that I'm a man and they can't hurt me and boss me around and make fun of me. I'm not mad at them because I thought they liked me and I was really nothing to them."

"Who did make you feel like that?" Susannah asked.

Some more tears fell from Todd's eyes. His chin and lower lip trembled. He didn't respond.

"Did Marty make you feel like that?"

"She begged me to stay with her and she didn't mean it. She didn't ask me because she liked me." Todd emphasized the word me. "I could have been anyone. She didn't even like me. She was just like those women my dad would bring home. None of them cared about him. Then she made fun of me. She always put me down in front of everyone. She treated me like I was worthless dirt. She thought I was stupid. She told everyone I was stupid. She was supposed to help me pass Calculus and she made sure I failed and got kicked off the football team. She made my dad think I was even more of a loser. Being good at football was the only thing he ever liked about me. Marty took that away from me."

"So you feel that Marty had a lot of power over you," Susannah verbalized Todd's feelings.

"She thought she did . . . all of them thought they did. Marty . . . Nora . . . Luna . . . I showed them I was a man. I showed them who was in control and who had the power. I showed them they couldn't dump me or dump on me. I sho . . . oh God!" Todd squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh God! I don't wanna feel that way. Please kill me. Please don't ever let me do that to anyone again. I don't wanna be like him. I don't wanna do that to anyone. I hate me! I hate me! I know how I made Marty feel. I deserve to be punished for what I did. There's never enough punishment for a rapist. I knew what a woman looks like when she's being raped. I knew the way she screams and cries and begs for it not to happen. I knew how broken and hurt she is afterward and how it makes her so scared all the time. I knew! I knew! Oh God! I knew and I did it anyway. I'm just like him. I'm just like him."

"You saw someone get raped?" Susannah pressed.

Todd tugged hard on the restraints. "Let me go! Let me go!"

"Whom did you see get raped?" Susannah pushed.

"LET ME GO! I DESERVE TO BE HURT!" Todd screamed.

"Do you want your hands free so you can hurt yourself?"

"YES! I HATE ME! I WANNA RIP MY SKIN OFF. I WANNA STAB MYSELF. I WANNA BURN MYSELF. I WANNA HIT MY HEAD IN THE WALL UNTIL ALL THE THOUGHTS STOP. I WANNA SCRUB ALL THE DIRT OFF. I HATE ME! I'M FILTH. I'M DISGUSTING! IT'S ALL OVER ME! THE CURSE IS ALL OVER ME AND I CAN'T GET IT OFF AND IT GETS ON EVERYONE. I DO WHAT HE DID. HE DID THAT TO HER OVER AND OVER AGAIN."

"Your dad raped your mom over and over again and you saw it?" Susannah stated.

"YES! HE WANTED ME TO SEE IT!" Todd gasped for breath. "Oh God." Todd mouthed those last two words. No sound came out of his mouth. Then he began to speak in little more than a whisper. "He wanted me to watch him do things to her. He wanted to watch me do things to her. He liked to do things to me while he watched me do things to her. He'd hurt her and me a lot worse if I didn't. I was so scared. I'm such a coward. I should have let him hurt me worse. My own mom. I did things to my own mom. She hated me. She thought I was disgusting and she was right. I saw how she felt when he did things to her and then I ended up doing the same. I knew what it was like and I did it to Marty and to Carol and . . . oh God! Please let me end it. Please. You'll be saving everyone . . . Viki . . . Sam . . . Téa . . . Starr . . . please . . . don't let me hurt my little girl. It's too late . . . oh, God. It's too late. Starr's gonna find out what her father is. Some day she's gonna find out about everything I did and everything I am, if I don't end up killing her first. How can she love me? How can anyone love me? THEY CAN'T! I can't be loved. You leave! I'll make you leave. You leave, you fucking bitch! You leave! You leave before I hurt you. You leave like everyone else or you kill me. You can do it. You have drugs here. You can do it. You fucking kill me. No one will blame you. They'll thank you. They'll throw you a fucking parade down Market Street. You kill me or you make them send me away. If they're not already hurt and dead they will be. I'll get it on them. I'll do things to them."

"They're all okay Todd. They're waiting to see you. Do you want to see Viki, Sam or Téa?"

"No! Not unless they're here to say goodbye."

"Sorry, honey. They love you. They would never willingly allow themselves to be separated from you."

"I can't be loved." Todd said each word loudly and deliberately.

"No one agrees with that. You are very much loved."

Todd tried to raise his hands to his ears again. When he couldn’t, he shouted, "SHUT UP!"

"You are very much loved," Susannah repeated. "You are deserving of that love. Your family is not stupid or naive and neither is the staff and I. We know when someone deserves to be loved and cared about."

"I HATE YOU!" Todd screamed in Susannah's direction. He tugged on the restraints again. "You let me out of this and I'll show you how much I deserve it. I'll hurt you! Don't think I won't! I'll show you!"

Susannah understood that the safety of the restraints enabled Todd to make that threat. He knew he couldn't follow through with it. Susannah knew, with the same certainty that she knew her own name, that Todd would never deliberately hurt her.

"You are loved," Susannah repeated again, firmly.

"FUCK YOU!" Todd screamed.

"Why does it upset you so much to hear that you are loved?"

"Because it's a lie! You're a fucking, lying bitch!"

"Do all of us treat you like it's a lie?" Susannah pressed.

Todd began to sob. "It has to be. You'll all get hurt and killed if it's true."

"No. Loving you and being with you makes everyone feel good. Your family is always at their happiest when they're with you. The staff loves to spend time with you. I love to spend time with you."

"No! You shut up. Leave me alone! I hate you! I hate you!" Todd's teeth were clenched in anger.

"What does it mean if everyone loves you?"

"It means they’re as good as dead!"

"What does it mean Todd? I think you know. What does it mean if you are loveable and worth sticking around for?"

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!" Todd screamed in frustration. He tugged as hard as he could against the restraints. They wouldn't give an inch. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"What does it mean Todd? Tell me what it means and I'll leave you alone."

Todd's breathing was becoming erratic. Dan and Mark exchanged looks with Susannah. She knew they were wondering if she was pushing Todd too hard.

"That maybe they were wrong," Todd whispered. "Maybe my dad and mom were wrong."

"How were they wrong?" Susannah asked gently.

"My dad was wrong to treat me the way he did and my mom was wrong to let him and then to leave me and send me away."

"How does it make you feel to think that maybe they were wrong?"

"Scared," Todd said softly.

"Scared of what?"

"That I'll be so angry . . . angrier than I've ever been. Angrier than anyone in world's ever been. Something terrible will happen. I'll wanna hurt them and everyone . . . everyone . . . even Shorty." Todd began to sob. "Please, I don't want to. Please. No more. Please. Just tell them to send me away. It'll make it better for everyone. Please."

"Okay, honey. You did such a good job today. Shhhh. Okay. No more therapy today. You rest."

"Please untie me. I'll be good."

"No hurting yourself or pulling or touching any tubes or IVs?"

"No," Todd whimpered. "I promise. I'm not a liar."

"I know you're not," Susannah said tenderly.

Susannah motioned Mark over. The two of them had the restraints off in seconds.

Todd moved his arms and legs slightly. It was as if he wasn't sure the restraints were really off. He curled up on his side. He was shivering. Dan brought another blanket over. He covered Todd with it.

Susannah pulled her chair away from the bed. "You rest honey. I'll be here if you want to talk. Sam, Viki and Téa are here if you want to see them."

As Susannah was starting to walk away from Todd's bed, he asked. "I wanna see Nora. Did she say she'd come to see me?"

Susannah knew Todd's desire to see Nora had to do with much more than having her get him transferred to another hospital or to jail. It was true. Todd wanted that. However, most likely unbeknownst to Todd's conscious mind, he wanted a confrontation with one of his victims. He wanted the redemption and forgiveness he thought wasn't there for Todd Manning.

"Nora said she'd think about it," Susannah leveled with him.

Todd pulled his knees up closer to his chest. At the same time he pulled the blanket tightly around him. "She still hates me."

"She's confused about how she feels about you. She's trying to figure that out."

"Do you hate me because I hurt your sister?" Todd asked. His face was almost buried in the pillow. It slightly muffled his voice.

Susannah wanted to gather Todd in a hug, or at the very least stroke his head. She didn't. She knew her touch would set him off. "No. I don't hate you. Not at all."

"How come?" Todd asked, still without looking at Susannah.

"Because I know that everyone has reasons for what they do."

"Even if that reason is that you're born bad?"

"Nope. That can't ever be one of the reasons, because no one is born bad."

"That shrink talk to make crazy people feel better?"

Susannah, Dan and Mark smiled.

"No, honey. That's shrink talk for a fact that I know to be true," Susannah said tenderly.

"I hope you're not gonna feel like an idiot when you find out your wrong," Todd quipped.

"And I hope you feel very good when you realize I'm right," Susannah replied gently.

"You always got an answer for everything."

Todd tried to feign annoyance in his voice when he said that, but those in the room could hear the respect and fondness he had for Susannah. They also heard exhaustion in his voice. Todd's eyelids were getting heavy. He held his pillow as a child would a stuffed animal. The need to sleep was overpowering him.

"I guess you gotta go do some kind of important doctor stuff now." Todd's voice was little more than a whisper. His speech was becoming slurred again as he relaxed and gave into the medication and his exhaustion.

"There's lots of things I gotta do, but I think I'm going to be nice to myself and do something I want to do instead," Susannah answered as she pulled her chair close to the side of Todd's bed again. "I want to sit here with you for a while. Quietly . . . no questions . . . no therapy . . . I just want to spend some more time with you."

Todd lifted his eyes until they met Susannah's. He saw the love and caring in her eyes. Todd's eyes welled up with tears. "Can you put gloves on?" he whispered.

Susannah had forgotten to keep some gloves in her pocket. She motioned to Dan. He pulled a couple from the dispenser on the wall and handed them to her.

Todd watched as Susannah put them on. His hand trembled as he slowly reached out. Susannah took Todd's hand in her right hand and gently stroked his head with her left. No further words were exchanged between them. Despite his attempt to stay awake for fear of dreaming, Todd fell into a deep sleep in less than two minutes.

*****

Susannah stayed with Todd for a while longer. When she left to find Todd's family and let them know what had occurred, Frank came in to sit with Todd. Dan and Mark went on their lunch break. When they made sure they could move Todd into a good position for his feeding, without waking him up, Janet came in and administered it, along with some of Todd's medication.

Susannah was surprised to hear that Sam had left the hospital. Viki told her Sam said he wanted to go for a walk. He firmly said, "No" when Viki asked if he wanted her to go with him. Susannah filled Viki and Téa in on what she learned about Todd's nightmare and on the session she had with him.

"Oh, God! I thought he was over wanting to run away from us. I thought he was over his fear of harming us. This is all my fault," Téa declared.

"Honey, I thought we settled that," Viki said. "You did not abandon Todd. You kept a doctor's appointment, an appointment that Todd desperately wanted you to keep."

"Téa," Susannah began. "Todd's issues run deep, especially with you, Téa, because sexual issues come into play. Todd has a tremendous amount of confusion over sex. There is very little likelihood that any of these issues will disappear just like that. There will always be times when Todd seems to be over one or another of his issues and then something will act as a trigger and it will seem he's back at step one. That's the way mental illness is. The thing is Todd does not go back to step one. Yes, he regresses, but each time when he comes back, he's a little step ahead of where he was the last time. I think you've both seen that. It took almost thirty years for this much damage to be done to Todd. Despite that, Todd has made excellent progress. He's actually progressed faster than I believed he would. Today alone he made some amazing disclosures and progress. I know setbacks are disappointing, frightening and painful. Todd's abuse was very severe. Todd is still very ill. He has a long road ahead of him. Even with that, I believe with all my heart that Todd will get his life back and each of you will get back your life with Todd."

"How long will Todd be in pain from his injuries?" Téa asked.

"Probably just another few days. I've changed the order to round the clock pain medication for the next twenty-four hours. I'll change the order back to prn after that. I've also ordered light sedation round the clock for the next forty-eight hours. I want to avoid having to put Todd in a physical restraint or another mechanical one."

"Will he be able to talk to us and walk around, or will he be too out of it?" Viki asked. She hated to see Todd drugged up to the point where he was zombie like.

"He should have no problems understanding what's said to him or expressing himself, nor should he have any problems getting around. You shouldn’t notice much of a change. He may seem a little slower and he may need an extra nap or two. It's very mild sedation, just enough to take the edge off."

"Can we see him?" Téa asked.

"Just for a minute. I don't want to chance him getting agitated. If he asks for you when he wakes up then you can go in. If he should awake, don't touch him unless he initiates it. It would be a good idea to have some gloves handy. Todd might accept and even crave physical contact if he doesn't have to be afraid of harming you by touching you. Oh, I also need to let you know that he's still asking for Nora. I told him that Nora wasn't sure how she felt and she was thinking it over. I don't want to give him false expectations."

Viki nodded. "I understand that this is a difficult decision for Nora."

"Does she know why Todd wants to see her?" Téa asked.

"Yes. She also knows that Todd's need to see her goes deeper than getting her to help him get out of here."

"Please let Nora know that I will understand whatever her decision is," Viki requested.

"I will," Susannah assured her.

*****

Viki and Téa went in together. Dan and Mark had gone to lunch. Frank was sitting right by Todd's bed.

Todd was sleeping soundly. The color of his skin was almost back to its normal paleness. This made the deep scratches stand out even more.

"How is he doing?" Viki asked.

"He's much better. He's seems to be comfortable now. Susannah left orders to take out the IV as soon as this bag finishes. That should make it easier on him when he wakes up. We'll be keeping Todd at arm's length for the next day or so at least."

Téa glanced in Todd's direction. "He's not going to like that," she whispered sadly.

"I know," Frank admitted. "Todd hates it when we hover. I imagine now that he can see he'll hate it even more. It's for his own safety."

Viki patted Frank's arm. "We know. I think you know that in his own way Todd appreciates that all of you are there for him."

Now Frank glanced in Todd's direction and smiled. "Yeah. I know. We all do."

Téa and Viki looked Todd's way one more time. Both women ached to hold Todd and take away his pain. They exchanged looks of sorrow. Viki told Frank that she and Téa would be in the cafeteria having some coffee if they were needed.

*****

"Yes," Susannah said into the phone when her secretary buzzed her. She took a deep breath. "Please send them in."

"I hope you don't mind me tagging along," Bo said as he and Nora sat down in Susannah's office.

"I asked Bo to come with me. If that's a problem then let me know right now," Nora said before Susannah had a chance to respond.

"Yes and no. Does this mean you're willing to meet with Todd?"

Nora didn't like the sound of this. "I'm not sure. What do you mean by yes and no?"

"Todd has some very big issues with Bo as well as with you. I think Bo's presence along with yours would overwhelm Todd right now. If it's all right with both of you, Bo can wait for you nearby, as long as Todd doesn't see him. If having Bo nearby, but not right next to you, when you meet with Todd will help you feel safer, it's not a problem at all."

Nora hated feeling like a weak little girl that needed protection. She hated that Todd brought out that side of her. Part of the reason she was close to agreeing to this was that she wanted to finally be able to let go of the fear and anger that would overpower her at times, ever since the day at the beach house. The day Todd almost raped and killed her.

"Bo being nearby is enough. So, yes, for reasons I still don't understand completely, yes. I'll meet with Todd. I'm sorry I didn't call first. I was afraid I'd lose my nerve if I didn't get over here the second I made up my mind."

Susannah looked into her sister's eyes. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. You and Todd's family may end up hating me if I make him worse."

Susannah smiled.

"That wasn't meant to be a joke," Nora proclaimed.

"I know. Todd was worried about you still hating him. You both share similar concerns."

"What did you tell him?" Bo asked.

"The truth. Nora is not sure how she feels about him."

Nora wiped the palms of her hands on her pants. "I'm liking this less and less the more I'm here."

Bo turned toward Nora. "Red. Are you changing your mind?"

"I don't know! I know you and half this town had this amazing epiphany where Todd is concerned. I'm sorry if it disappoints you, but I don't know if I can go through with this."

"I'll be right here. I'll be just a few steps away," Bo reminded her.

Susannah held her hand up. "I appreciate you're being here, Bo, and your desire for Nora to help Todd, but she has to want to do this. It won't help Todd or Nora if she does it to please you or me."

Bo took Nora's hand. "Susannah's right. You know I'm on your side no matter what your decision. If you don't want to do this, I understand. I kinda get the feelin' Todd will too."

"Before either of you get any more worked up, there is a problem," Susannah began. "Todd has had a very difficult day already. I hate to make this harder on both of you, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come back tomorrow or some other time."

"Difficult?" Nora asked. She looked at Susannah anxiously.

"Todd had a nightmare. It propelled him into a dissociative state. He was also hallucinating. He hurt himself and had to be sedated and restrained. He's very fragile right now. He's dissociating easily. More memories and feelings are coming to the surface than he can handle. He had a good day yesterday, so Viki, Sam and Téa are very upset that Todd's had this setback."

"How badly did he hurt himself?" Bo asked.

"He has a mild burn from standing under the hot shower. It's not serious. He scratched himself and dug his nails into his skin quite deeply. Those wounds are more serious. He had to be put on pain medication and antibiotics."

"A nightmare caused him to do this to himself. Man!" Bo was obviously shaken.

"Did he hurt anyone else?" Nora asked.

"No." There was a touch of annoyance in Susannah's voice. "It was his fear of hurting others that was one of the triggers that caused him to hurt himself."

Nora's eyes met Susannah's. She shook her head in disbelief and looked away. Todd hurting himself to keep from hurting others? Nora knew this did not fit the image of Todd that was stuck in her mind, no matter how hard she tried to believe that he was not the monster she feared.

"Is he still in restraints?" Bo asked.

"No. He is sleeping. He should be . . ."

Susannah, Bo and Nora all looked up when Sam came bursting into Susannah's office with Susannah's secretary just behind him.

Sam was surprised to see both Nora and Bo there. He stood silently for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Susannah. I told him you were with someone and he needed to wait," Judy apologized.

"That's all right," Susannah said calmly.

Bo and Nora exchanged quick glances. Both noticed how much worse Sam looked than the last time they saw him. He looked like he'd aged ten years. Worry creases had deepened across his forehead and on either side of his mouth. His clothes and hair were slightly rumpled. There was a sadness in his eyes that broke their hearts.

"Hey Sam," Bo stood up and held his hand out.

Blair's suspicions that the Buchanans were out to get Todd, and using Susannah to do it, immediately popped into Sam's mind.

Sam pushed past Bo without the slightest acknowledgment. He rushed toward Susannah's desk. "What the Hell is going on in here? Does this have anything to do with Todd?"

"Nora came here to see Todd, at his request," Susannah answered calmly.

"You're not really going to allow that!"

"Sam. You need to sit down so we can discuss this. Todd is sleeping. No one is going in to see him right now," Susannah assured him.

Sam turned to face Nora. "Hasn't enough damage been done to him? Are you going to make him pay for what he did to you for the rest of his life!"

"He's never paid for what he did to me!" Nora proclaimed bitterly. Sam had just pushed the wrong button.

Sam grabbed Nora by the upper arms. "So you see this as your chance to make him pay?"

Bo quickly pulled Sam away from Nora. "Sam! Take it easy. Nora's here because Todd wants to see her. She went through Hell trying to decide whether to do this or not."

Sam looked into Bo's eyes. "What about you! Did Todd ask to see you too! What about Asa? Is he here somewhere? Did Kevin give you the all clear because he found out I wasn't around?"

"What the Hell are you talking about?" Nora asked as she rubbed the spot on her arms that Sam's fingers had dug into.

"Sam. Come on," Bo kept his voice calm. "Let's do like Susannah said. Let's sit down and talk about this. If you have a problem with Nora visiting Todd then . . ."

"You're damn right I have a problem with that!" Sam cut Bo off.

"I don't need this," Nora declared angrily. She headed for the door and then motioned to Bo. "Let's go!"

"Red, wait!" Bo moved close to Nora. "Don't take Sam's attitude out on Todd."

Before anyone had a chance to say anything else, Susannah's secretary buzzed her again.

"Send her in," Susannah said into the phone. "Viki's here," Susannah announced.

Viki instinctively knew there would be trouble when Susannah's secretary told her that Sam burst into Susannah's office. Viki could see Sam was distraught the moment she walked in. She headed directly for him. With her hand gently resting on Sam's arm, Viki asked, "Honey, what's going on?"

"Did you know they were coming here today?" Sam asked.

"No. I did know Susannah talked to Nora about coming to visit Todd. Honey, you knew that too. Remember? You were there when we all discussed it."

"You're okay with this?" Sam asked accusingly.

"Todd and Nora need to work out what happened between them," Viki answered softly.

"Todd wants her to act as his attorney and help him leave Llanview," Sam pointed out.

"Oh for God's sake Sam! Do you really believe that's what I'm here for?" Nora spat out.

"Nora would never do that, Sam," Bo stated firmly.

"Honey, Todd needs to hear Nora tell him she won't do that or he'll believe she wants to help him leave and we kept her from it. He also needs to know that Nora . . . that . . ."

"That she forgives him?" Sam's tone was sarcastic. Sam turned to Nora again. "Do you Nora? Is that what you came here to tell Todd that you forgive him . . . no hard feeling . . . let bygones be bygones . . . you're now his best friend?"

"No! I'm not here to say that because I don't forgive him. I may never forgive him."

"Red," Bo placed his hand on Nora's shoulder.

"Don't stop her Bo. At least she's being honest. You don't really forgive Todd either. Why don't you just admit it," Sam accused.

Nora took a deep breath. "Sam! Stop this! My God! What's happened to you?"

Sam looked around the room, at everyone looking at him. He saw the worry, fear and sadness etched in Viki's face. Tears welled up in his eyes. He took a deep breath through his nose. His body shuddered as he let it out through his mouth.

"Nothing's happened to me," Sam said in the calmest tone he'd used since he barged into Susannah's office. "I'm fine." Sam took Viki's hands in his and looked into her eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry. I didn't protect Todd when he needed me to. I won't fail again this time. I promise you."

"Protect him from what?"

Sam didn't respond to Viki's question. Instead he turned to Susannah. "Can we be in the room with Todd when he speaks to Nora?"

"If it's all right with Todd and Nora," Susannah replied.

They could hear Nora's anxiety in her laugh. "It's all right with me. The more people in the room with us the better."

"You're definitely not planning on allowing them to see him today?" Sam asked.

"I've explained to Nora and Bo that Todd has had a very difficult day. She's agreed to do this tomorrow or another day," Susannah answered.

"Then I'm going out for a while. I'll leave my phone on. If Todd asks for me tell him I'll be right there," Sam announced. Before anyone had a chance to say another word to him he left Susannah's office.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. Nora and Bo exchanged quick glances with Viki, each giving her a small smile of understanding.

Viki approached them. She had too much respect for Sam to apologize for him. "Thank you both very much for agreeing to see Todd. Nora, I know this wasn't an easy decision and I will always be very grateful to you." Viki faced Susannah. "Téa went in to see Todd again. Kevin should be here soon. Will you please tell them both I went to the family lounge to lie down for a while?"

Susannah rubbed Viki's arm reassuringly and nodded in agreement.

A few seconds after Viki left, Nora couldn't contain her worry. "Someone has to get some help for Sam. This is destroying him."

*****

Téa had once again been sitting quietly by Todd's bed. She kept watch, determined to chase away his demons should they haunt his sleep again. Frank sat on the other side of the bed. He had explained to Téa that if he asked her to leave, at some point, she needed to trust his judgment and go without question. Téa and Frank exchanged looks when they heard Todd stir. They both stood.

Todd's eyes slowly opened. Téa's face came into focus. Todd smiled sleepily. "Delgado," he said softly.

Téa smiled back. Todd's reaction flooded her with relief. "I'm here, mi amore."

As he became fully awake, Todd's smile was replaced by a look of fear and panic. Todd sat up quickly. He moaned as dizziness overpowered him.

"Todd, you got up too quickly. Hold your head down," Frank instructed.

Todd's head cleared in a few moments. He raised his eyes slowly and stared at Téa. "Turn around," he ordered.

"Turn around?" Téa didn't understand.

"I wanna see if you're okay all over."

Téa understood. She knew this must have something to do with Todd's dream. She turned around slowly.

"Am I dreaming you're okay or are you really okay?" Todd asked Téa.

"You're awake and I'm really okay. I promise."

"No! Don't promise! You promised I couldn't hurt you and I did."

"You didn't. That was a nightmare Todd. It was just a bad dream. You didn't hurt me."

"Why won't you believe me? Why won't any of you believe me! You may not be hurt now, but you will be. I hurt everyone. You know that. I hurt everyone in my life. You try to list everyone I've hurt and there won't be enough paper in this whole hospital to get everyone written down."

"I believe you won't hurt me because you love me," Téa stated simply. "I know you don't believe that right now. Do you think you can trust my word on it until you do?"

Todd looked upward and laughed. "Love . . . trust. What is it with you people and love and trust? You think love and trust makes everything that's rotten and evil and bad and dangerous go away? You think love and trust can fix everything? You think love and trust can protect you? It can't! You're gonna have to trust my word on that, Delgado." Todd spat out the word trust as if it were vile. "My loving and trusting someone has never kept them safe. It's never kept me from hurting them. It's never kept them from getting hurt. All it's ever done is curse them and all loving and trusting has ever gotten me is kicked in the teeth."

"Do you think I'm going to end up kicking you in the teeth?" Téa asked softly.

"Yes!"

"In what way?"

"Oh what is this . . . twenty fucking questions?"

"Maybe. Let's start with the first one. In what way do you think loving and trusting me will get you kicked in the teeth?"

Todd looked Téa in the eyes and then quickly looked away. "You'll end up hating me. Everyone I've ever loved and trusted ended up hating me and leaving me."

"You want me to leave you anyway, so what's the problem?" Todd glared at her. "Smart ass lawyer," he muttered under his breath.

Téa and Frank both tried hard to keep themselves from smiling. They knew Todd was not in the mood for that.

"You still haven't answered question two," Téa pointed out. "If you want me to leave you anyway, what have you got to lose by loving me and trusting me?"

"You're the one who's got something to lose, your life!"

"You're always saying you should have the right to do what you want with your own life. Don't you think I should have the same right?"

"Yes . . . no . . . you're confusing me!"

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to do that. But you're confusing me too. I'm assuming from what you say that you want me to be happy and healthy. Being with you makes me happy. Being without you makes me sad and miserable. It makes me cry myself to sleep at night and leaves me feeling alone and abandoned. You know what that feels like Todd. We both know what's it's like to be abandoned by someone. Why would you want that for me if you love me?"

"It's not the same thing! I don't want you to go away because I stopped loving you. I wanna save you. I don't want you getting hurt and I know I'll hurt you! I know it Delgado."

Téa knelt down to be at eye level with Todd. "Do you know what Starr once pointed out to me? She said maybe my mother left because she was afraid she'd become so angry that she'd hurt me. I believe Starr is right and that is why my mother left or at least one of the reasons why she left. Realizing that helps me understand, but it doesn't take the pain away. It doesn't take away that empty place in my heart. Do you think I'd be any less hurt if you abandon me because you don't want to hurt me?"

*****

Nora and Bo had stayed in Susannah's office for a while. At first they continued to express their shock and concern over Sam's reaction to them and to Sam's general state. Then they took some time to calm down. Bo and Nora were more than happy when Susannah took the conversation in a different direction. She told them how Bill's new house was coming and told them about the e-mail and phone calls she got from Bill's children. Bo told Susannah to tell Bill he'd be more than happy to be an extra pair of hands if he needed them. Nora also mentioned that Rachel had come home humming happily to herself after her date with Kevin. Before they left her office, Susannah checked to make sure Todd was still in his room so he wouldn't see them.

"I'm sorry Todd had such a bad day, but I can't say I'm not relieved that I don't have to have my little visit with him today," Nora confessed to Susannah and Bo.

"After the way Sam acted, I'm not sure if Nora visiting Todd is such a good idea," Bo admitted. "If something should go wrong, and I pray it doesn't, Sam will place all the blame on Nora."

Susannah sighed. "I can't promise you that won't happen."

Nora looked at Bo and then Susannah. "No! I said I'd do it and I will. I don't want Todd believing his family is lying to him. He needs to hear me tell him that I won't be the one help him get out of here so he can live a life alone or no life at all. I'm just very happy it doesn't have to be today. I don't think I could handle seeing Todd today after what happened here with Sam. I'm afraid that whatever I'd say would just make things worse for him."

Susannah put her arm around Nora's shoulder. "I agree. I think Sam hit on some sensitive issues and you need a chance to cool down. If you think you're up to it tomorrow let me know, and if Todd is up to it as well I'll try to prepare him for your visit."

"Do you think it would upset Todd if you told him I hope he feels better?" Bo asked.

"I don't know," Susannah answered truthfully. "He may not believe it."

Sadness filled Bo's eyes. "I know he didn't ask to see me, but I hope someday I can get him to believe it. I hope someday I can face him and let him know that I was wrong about a lot of things."

Susannah looked into her brother-in-law's eyes. "I think that could go a long way in helping Todd. I hope you get to tell him that someday too."

Susannah left her office with Bo and Nora, to walk them out.

As they approached the nurses station, Nora remembered she wanted to ask Susannah if she and Bill wanted to attend a fair the police department was throwing the following weekend. She turned around to face her sister.

*****

Todd stared into Téa's eyes as he thought about her last statement. "You'll get over me, Delgado. You're better off with hurt feelings than having . . ." Todd stopped talking as he fought to hold back the tears that began to fill his eyes at the memory of his dream and what his love and touch did to his beautiful Téa. "Having . . . I won't! I won't do it to you. All your belief in love and trust and in me won't save you, Delgado. You leave. You leave here and you go find someone who deserves all that love and trust. You find someone who can give you what you want. I never could and I never will. You face it. You face it now and walk away while you still can."

"Todd, lis . . ."

"NO!" Todd shouted, cutting Téa off. He was terrified that her words mixed with his love for her and desire to have her near him would keep him from doing what had to be done. Suddenly Todd thought of someone he was sure would help save Téa from him. Perhaps not the rest of them, but he was sure that at least Téa would be saved. "NO MORE LISTENING!" Todd charged out of his room. He wanted to use the phone. Frank and Téa rushed after him.

*****

"Case of nerves or not, I'll call you tomorrow before I come here," Nora promised. She and Bo turned to head for the doors. Nora gasped in shock when she walked straight, face-to-face, into Todd.

TO BE CONTINUED