Susannah shook her head. "No. Oh, no. Of course not. When I feel Todd is ready, I will let him know that this is an option. It will be his decision. If he wants to meet the alters that way, he can. I will make it clear to him that it's his choice and he will never be forced. I would also like to have Frank and some of the other male techs start doing some sexual education with Todd. I want to begin at a very clinical and biological level and make sure that Todd understands the body's natural physical response to sexual stimulation. Todd's anorexia also needs to be addressed and so does his continued refusal to take his meds. These are extremely critical issues. Todd will not be able to progress to an outpatient program if he will starve himself to death as soon as he leaves here. Since, in all probability, Todd will be on some medications for many years to come and possibly for the rest of his life, he needs to agree to take them willingly. Forcing meds is not the long term answer. Once he leaves here, he'll stop taking them. Suddenly stopping some of the meds, like his antiseizure med, can have dire results. So, I'd like to begin medication and nutrition sessions with Todd as well. I believe if Todd could see slides and pictures of how the body . . . the brain . . . our whole system works, it would mean more to him than just our words. I also want him to engage in activities with each of you . . . fun things . . . anything that he'd like to do, as long as it can be done on the unit and it's safe."
"Do you mean like watching a movie or something like that?" Téa asked.
"Yes. Todd might want to throw a football or baseball around with you, Sam. Viki, perhaps you and Todd can work on an article for the Sun or the Banner together or Blair can do that with him. You might try to interest him in playing board games with you . . . things like that."
"Todd likes to play Money Hungry," Téa announced.
Susannah smiled. "We can make sure to have that game here. Part of this will be Todd and each of you planning this activity. Todd needs to start having some structure in his day. He needs a routine."
This all sounded too much like Adam's program to Sam. "Do you plan on rewarding him with M&Ms?"
They all heard the sarcasm in Sam's tone.
"Hopefully Todd's reward will be the realization of progress," Susannah answered sincerely. "He will start to feel better. Todd can be stubborn. He has amazing will power. I fully expect him to get into a contest of wills with us and attempt to sit, just as we left him. We can't force him to engage with us. I'm hoping that as soon as he realizes he will not be allowed to isolate, he will see cooperation as a much more pleasant alternative to spending his days sitting still and staring. I don't expect anything big. Even a few minutes of doing some preferred activity with someone will be encouraged. While Todd is isolating, he will be instructed to walk, run in place, jump . . . do something physical. That will help with his depression and it will help build his stamina. When he's ready, he'll be taken to the gym. As I once told you, we have an open-air gym too. It's fenced in and safe. You can go up and check it out for yourselves if you like."
"I can't imagine what it would be like to finally feel fresh air on my face after being indoors for so long," Téa said sadly.
"I'm sure the first time or two will be somewhat traumatic and overwhelming for Todd. I think he will begin to crave it after that."
"He always liked to be outdoors when he was upset or wanted to be alone and think. He'd walk down by the docks or through the park," Viki remembered.
Sam surprised them by saying, "Physical activity would be good for him. I tried to encourage him to exercise."
"Yes. It is very important to his well-being," Susannah confirmed. She was happy that Sam finally agreed with some part of Todd's treatment plan.
"Do you think Todd is ready for all of that . . . I mean that he will be able to truly understand what you are telling him?" Viki asked.
"I do," Susannah affirmed. "The latest medications seem to have begun to restore the normal functions of Todd's nerve cells. Todd's depression is beginning to lift. His thoughts are more organized. His lucidity has increased, as has his ability to concentrate. For the most part, he's in touch with reality. His awareness about his condition is slowly growing. He's more aware of his surroundings. I believe he is stable enough for this. Even though he is still very ill, it was his physical condition and blindness that were holding this next level of treatment back, not his emotional fragility."
Téa sighed. "I don't think Todd is going to be too happy with any of this."
"No, I don't think he will be either," Susannah admitted. "I'm sure he will resist, possibly quite strongly, at the beginning. I don't expect immediate cooperation. Todd is not used to having demands placed on him. He hates being, what he calls, 'bossed around.' He hates therapy. I can't say that I blame him. No one wants to subject himself or herself to something they know will be very painful and frightening. Please understand that this won't all be thrown at Todd at once. I don't want him overwhelmed. Slowly . . . little by little . . . we will let him know what is expected of him. I will discuss all of Todd's treatment goals and programs in detail with you before I approach him with them. He will never be asked to do anything that is too much for him. He may think it's too much, but I promise you it won't be. If Todd has a big problem with any of the therapy goals we set for him, we will discuss it. If he has a valid reason for not wanting to do it, we will listen to him and reevaluate his treatment if necessary. Even with this, Todd will most likely be angry and disgruntled at the beginning. If you agree with the treatment plan we set for Todd, after I've gone over it with you in detail, it's very important that you all remain firm. I can almost guarantee you that Todd will try his best to get out of each and every step. He will try to manipulate each of you into telling me and the staff to leave him be. Even before he became this ill, Todd handled most aspects of life by manipulating people to get what he wants."
"What do we do about Nora?" Viki asked.
"We call her and see if she will agree to a meeting with Todd."
Sam stood up. "You're not really going through with that! Nora hates Todd. She can't be trusted to do what's in his best interest!"
"Honey, I think Nora will be honest enough to let us know if she can't be objective."
"Providing she's not out to punish Todd in some way!"
They all stared at Sam for a second. Viki, Téa and Susannah realized he was being irrational. They knew, especially given Nora's reactions when she met Adam and Timmy, that she would not try to hurt Todd. She might not try to help him, but she would not hurt him.
"Honey," Viki began. "I'm not thrilled with the idea either. Todd wants Nora. I do feel under some obligation to at least approach her with this."
"What if Todd wanted to jump out of the window again? Would you feel obligated to allow him to do that too!" Sam snapped.
Téa spoke up. "Sam. Todd does have a right to an attorney of his choosing. If he doesn't want us to represent him any more and he wants Nora than I think we need to follow his wishes. I don't like the idea either . . . if it's what Todd wants. . . ." Téa's voice trailed off.
"As one of Todd's guardians I say keep Nora and Bo and all the Buchanans the Hell away from Todd," Sam protested.
"Does that include me?" Kevin asked.
None of them heard him open the door to Susannah's office.
Viki remembered telling Nancy and Susannah's secretary to tell Kevin to come straight to Susannah's office when he got there.
"Your relationship is with Timmy and Adam, not Todd," Sam replied. His tone told them that he was not sorry Kevin just heard what he said.
"I don't know about that. Todd seemed to handle my being around him better than I'd expected. He seems to trust that I won't lie to him. Granted, that is trust is based on Todd believing that I hate him too much to lie to him just to protect him," Kevin admitted.
"I'm not so sure Todd's wrong about that!" Sam said angrily.
"What the Hell is that supposed to mean!" Kevin snapped.
Sam walked over to where Kevin stood. "It means that all that hatred you felt for Todd couldn't have just gone away. Todd is not a four-year-old who idolizes you or a three-year-old you can play with and cuddle. He's a man you have hated for a very long time. I haven't forgotten the way you and your family tried to pin Georgie's murder on him. You wanted it to be him so bad you could taste it. All of you wanted it to be Todd! I haven't forgotten the way you took Todd out of Asa's lodge, at gunpoint. You wanted to kill him that night, didn't you!"
"Sam!" Viki called out. She placed her hand on Sam's arm. "You know that was before Kevin realized what drove Todd's behavior all this time. It was before he knew the damage Peter did to Todd."
"I'm not saying Kevin doesn't genuinely care for Timmy and Adam. It's Todd we're talking about," Sam defended himself.
Kevin took some deep breaths. He knew that he cared very much about Todd in addition to the children. Yet Kevin recognized some truth in what Sam said. He thought about some of the very same things Sam mentioned whenever he thought about forging a relationship with Todd. Kevin always wondered if there was still some part of him that could not forgive Todd and resented his relationship with Viki.
"Mom, I honestly don't know how I feel about Todd . . . not 100 percent anyway. I can swear to all of you that I will never deliberately hurt Todd again."
Kevin faced Sam and looked him in the eye. "Todd has suffered ten fold . . . a thousand fold . . . for the pain he caused me and everyone else. I don't want him to suffer anymore. I can't swear that something I inadvertently do will not hurt Todd, any more than you or anyone else in this room can swear that. I admit I can be more selfish than anyone here. And I'm the only one here who has hated Todd. So, when I deal with Todd, I will have to be more careful and examine my motives more closely than any of you. I know that."
Sam saw Kevin's eyes fill with tears.
Kevin looked up as he tried to keep his emotions at bay. He ran the fingers of both hands through his hair.
"Sam, I promise you I will never try to hurt Todd. He's my family. If Todd is willing, I want to have a good relationship with him . . . or at least one where we don't try to hurt each other . . . for mom . . . for Todd . . . for me . . . I want to get to know the real Todd . . . the one under all the damage."
Sam looked into Kevin's eyes. He wanted to believe him. Sam thought he saw the truth in Kevin's eyes. Sam no longer trusted his instincts. He prayed Kevin was being honest. Sam nodded. He went back to his seat.
Viki, Téa and Susannah filled Kevin in on all that had happened.
"Oh my God!" Kevin smiled. "Todd can see again! That's fantastic!"
Like the others, Kevin was upset to hear Susannah's theory on Michelle and the night she died. He had hoped that Todd regaining his vision meant that Todd had realized that, on that long ago night, he was as much a victim as Michelle was. Kevin was horrified by Ritchie's disclosure. He could not imagine the kind of pain Todd felt when he heard Ritchie.
"I don't understand," Kevin began. "Why isn't Goodone protecting Todd? How could he allow him to hear what Ritchie disclosed?"
"Goodone understands that Todd has to face what was done to him," Susannah explained. "He is a better judge of how much Todd can handle than I am. I'm sure it killed Goodone to allow Todd to hear that. Nevertheless, he knew Todd was strong enough now. Goodone acts only in Todd's best interest. I trust Goodone's instincts. He will know when Todd has had enough and either pull him inside or allow Todd to go inside."
Kevin sighed. "I don't know how anyone can face that much pain. I don't think I could."
"Todd's a survivor," Téa said with admiration in her voice. "He knows what he has to do to get his life back. In some ways Todd is stronger than all of us put together."
"I know that," Kevin responded with sadness in his voice. "Maybe it's because I know I never would have been strong enough to have survived Todd's life that I wonder how he was able to."
Viki took Kevin's hand. "You come from the same stock as Todd and I do. You survived a lot more in your life than most people."
Kevin looked into his mother's eyes for a moment. He became uncomfortable. He didn't believe for a second that he could have survived life with Peter Manning. Kevin didn't want to discuss this, especially in front of Téa and Sam. He turned to Susannah. "Do you think I should stay away from here now that Todd can see?"
"I think we should wait for Todd's reaction. I'll ask him if he wants you to visit. Kevin, you do understand that Todd getting his vision back will not put an end to your relationship with Timmy or Adam."
Susannah's words made Kevin blush. That was exactly one of the things he was worried about. Kevin was embarrassed that his need to be with those children was so transparent. What Kevin was not sure they realized was that it was becoming increasingly important to him to work things out with Todd. Kevin needed to know if, when he spent enough time with Todd, he would revert back to the same person that only wanted to see Todd suffer . . . that came close to killing Todd.
Viki saw her son was uncomfortable again, so this time she changed the subject. "Are you going to call Nora and tell her Todd wants to see her or do you want me to do it?" Viki asked Susannah.
"I'll call her, if that's all right with you?" Susannah answered.
"Nora!" Kevin was shocked. "Todd wants to see Nora!"
After Viki explained things to Kevin he protested as vehemently as Sam did. "Nora hates Todd, Mom. Why on earth did you agree to that?"
Now it was Sam's turned to be shocked. He never thought Kevin would respond that way. Sam realized he believed Kevin and possibly Téa were out to get Todd more than he thought he did. This blew a hole in his belief. If it were true, Kevin would have jumped at the opportunity to give Nora a chance to hurt Todd. Then Sam quickly wondered if Kevin was feigning that reaction to throw him and Viki off the track. God! What is wrong with me? Sam thought to himself, anxiously.
"Honey. Todd wants Nora to be his attorney."
"Instead of Sam and Téa?" Kevin couldn't believe it.
Viki shook her head. "Yes. I'm afraid so."
"And you approve of this?" Kevin asked Susannah accusingly.
"Todd has certain rights. An attorney of his choosing is one of them. If I truly believed Nora would hurt him I would not allow it," Susannah stated.
"We're not even sure if Nora will agree to see Todd, nevertheless become his attorney," Téa pointed out.
Kevin turned to Viki. "I don't like it. Téa and Sam have been handling all of Todd's legal needs." Something occurred to Kevin. He turned back to Susannah. "You're not going to tell Nora about Michelle or the bat are you?" Kevin's tone was accusatory.
Sam couldn't believe that this hadn't occurred to him. "No, she's not!" Sam announced loudly. Sam's eyes traveled from Susannah to Viki. "Please tell me neither of you has any intention of telling Nora what happened with Michelle. Bo has managed to keep it from her all these months, as far as we know."
"I don't see that anything that happened the night of Todd's fourteenth birthday has any bearing on whatever he wants to talk to Nora about. She won't hear anything about that night from me," Susannah promised.
Viki felt Sam's eyes on her. "No, of course I didn't plan on saying anything to Nora about that. How could you even think I would?"
"I'm not sure what you'll agree to anymore. I wanted to be sure."
They all felt the tension in the room. "Do you think Nora will agree to see Todd?" Téa asked Susannah and broke the silence.
"Honestly, I have no idea. A couple of weeks ago I would have said unequivocally no. Now, I'm not sure." Susannah remembered Nora's reaction to Adam and Timmy. She knew they got to her sister.
"I suppose there's only one way to find out," Téa sighed.
"Yes," Susannah agreed, knowing Téa meant that Nora needed to be called. "I want to check on Todd and then I'll come back here and call Nora."
"Can we see Todd?" Téa asked.
Susannah saw hope in Téa's eyes. She knew Téa was hoping that Todd had let go of the self-punishment he was putting himself through and that he would once again allow her in his life. She knew how difficult Téa's confrontations with Todd had been for her. "Let me see how he's doing first. I'm sure he's not in crisis or I would have been called. Just give me a few minutes with him."
Viki, Sam, Téa and Kevin headed for the lounge near Todd's room. They stayed away from the dayroom area, in case their presence upset Todd.
*****
"When did he go down?" Susannah asked when she saw Todd curled up in the chair, fast asleep.
"About forty minutes ago," Terry answered.
"Did he talk to any of you or respond to you in anyway?" Susannah asked.
"Nope. Not one word." Frank began to fill Susannah in on the rest. "He sat as you left him, arms folded, staring straight ahead. He didn't budge until he started to nod off. He tried to keep himself awake, but he's worn out. Once he fell asleep, we put the pillow under his head and made sure his neck was in proper alignment. Then we covered him with the blanket. He didn't stir at all."
"He's going to test us . . . all of us. He's going to try everything he knows to get us to reject him and walk away," Susannah cautioned.
"We know," Eileen confirmed. "At the same time he's scared to death he'll be left alone. He did all he could do to keep himself from crying when all of you walked out of here."
Susannah and the staff looked at Todd with deep affection in their eyes. They wanted to help this tortured young man more than they wanted anything else.
*****
Todd saw himself walking into the dayroom. He saw Sam, Viki and Téa standing near the dining area, talking to Susannah and some of the staff, some of the staff that he cared for the most . . . Frank, Dave, Jeff, Terry, Connie, Carl, Marcia . . . staff that had been with Todd since he'd been admitted.
Todd felt overwhelming feelings of loneliness wash over him as he headed for them. He stood next to them. He hoped they would notice him and talk to him. No one seemed to be aware of his presence.
"Viki," Todd called out.
She didn't turn around.
"Sam," Todd tried.
No response.
"Delgado," Todd called softly.
Téa continued her conversation as if he weren't there.
Todd felt hot tears stream down his cheeks.
"Delgado. Please! I'm sorry. Don't hate me," Todd begged. "Frank. Terry. Come on! Please! Doctor Hanen. Viki. Sam. Why won't any of you answer me! What'd I do? Please tell me. I'll fix it. I won't do it anymore. I'll be good. Please! I'm scared. Tell me what I did!"
"Do you want me to tell you what you did?"
Todd jumped. His heart pounded wildly. He felt himself break into a cold sweat. He was afraid to turn around.
"Look at me!" the voice commanded.
Todd slowly turned in the direction of the voice and looked up. Todd felt very small and extremely vulnerable.
"Are you man enough to hear it?"
"Yes, sir," Todd answered his father.
"You did to them what you've done to everyone since the day you were born. You made them hate you. You made them want to walk away and leave you. You disgust them. They know you'll only bring them disappointment, misery and heartache."
"But I love them." Todd tried desperately to keep himself from crying.
"Look at you . . . sniveling like a little girl. Stand up straight!"
Todd stood as straight as humanly possible. Still, his father towered over him.
"Look at them. Look what your love did to them."
Todd turned back toward those he loved and cared about. They were all on the floor. They appeared to be unconscious. Todd smelled the odor of liquor.
"It's because of you, Todd. They hated being around you so much that they'd rather be drunk and dead to the world. Maybe it killed them? Maybe this time they'll never wake up?" Peter taunted Todd with the same words he used to taunt him about his mother.
Todd rushed to them. "Wake up! Please wake up! I'm sorry! Oh God! I didn't mean to hurt you. Please wake up! I'm scared! Please don't leave me! Wake up! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"
"You know what you have to do now," Peter said to his son.
"No, Daddy. Please. Please don't make me."
Todd saw his father take his belt off. Todd knew he would be willing to feel the metal of the buckle cut into his flesh if that kept him from having to go through with it. Todd stood still. He stared straight ahead. He was prepared for the beating that he knew would come.
Todd's blood ran cold when he heard Peter's laughter.
"Your turn will come Todd. First you're going to have to watch me hurt them." Peter took his gold cigarette lighter out of his pocket. "You're going to have to watch me beat them and burn them until the flesh falls off of their bodies. Then you'll watch me pour salt on them. You know what that feels like, don't you Todd?"
Peter's voice was calm and cold. It was always more frightening when he spoke this way than when he yelled.
"Do it!" Peter ordered.
Suddenly Todd felt cold air all over his body. He looked down and saw he was naked. His first instinct was to cover himself with his hands. He knew that would infuriate his father even more. Todd was glad that everyone he cared about and loved was asleep. He didn't want them to see him.
"Do it now, Todd. You know what the next step will be if you don't."
"Yes, sir," Todd whispered.
Todd slowly approached Sam first. "I don't want to. Please help me. Please take me away with you. I'll be good," he whispered.
Todd heard Peter slap the belt across his palm. He heard the flick of the lighter.
"I'm sorry." Todd's mouthed, with his back to his father.
"No! Not him. You start with her." Peter pointed to Téa.
Todd looked up at his father. He saw that gleam in Peter's eyes. He knew that Peter would enjoy hurting all of them if he refused to do as he asked.
Todd reached out toward Téa. He gasped when he saw his own arm and hand. They were covered with filth and slime. He knew it was poison. Todd couldn't bear the thought of getting it on Téa. He looked around for something to wipe the poison off with. There was nothing. He desperately tried to clean each arm and hand with the other. It would not come off. He looked down and saw it covered his entire body.
"There's no way out of it Todd. It won't come off. It's part of you. You were born with it. You're evil. You're poison to everyone you have ever loved. It's what makes people want to hurt you and leave you. You make me discipline you. I have to get the poison out of you. I have to make a man out of you. You're very stupid Todd. I'm so ashamed of you. I don't know what I ever did to be cursed with a son like you."
Peter held up a piece of paper. He waved it in Todd's face.
"It's a good thing you can see now. Look at this. It's a petition. It's a petition to demand that you go back to jail."
"No Dad. Please. Don't sign it. Please! You’re my dad. You can't hate me that much."
"It's not just I Todd. It's everyone who knows you. They all want you out of their life. They all want you put away somewhere and punished. You have to be punished Todd. Look at you! You're garbage! You're filth!"
Todd looked down at the poison that covered his body again. He felt shame wash over him. He knew his father was right. He had to be punished.
"They all hate me," Todd whispered.
"Be a man and face it! Look at the petition. They've all signed it." Peter held the petition close to Todd's face.
Todd saw everyone he loved and cared about had signed it. Viki, Sam, Blair, Susannah and every staff member, Todd saw the two signatures that hurt the most. They were written larger and bolder than the others . . . Téa's, and in block letters he saw Starr's signature. Todd felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. He tried to hold back his tears with all his might, yet they flowed copiously.
Peter's laughter filled the room. "They couldn't wait to sign Todd. They know what you are and they want you out of their life, just like your mother wanted you out of hers. She'd rather go be some man's whore than stay with you."
Todd’s self-hatred became intense. "Please, sir. May I take a shower first?" Todd's voice trembled.
Peter's laughter once again filled Todd's being. "It won't come off. You can shower from now until the day you die and it won't come off. Enough of this stalling, Todd. You know what you have to do. I've let you . . ." Peter pointed to Todd's unconscious loved ones . . . "and them have as much time as you're going to have. Do it Todd. You start with Téa. You start with Téa, Todd . . . or I will!"
Todd moved closer to Téa. He felt hot shame wash over him as he stood over her with his filth covered naked body. He felt terror, not for himself but for Téa. Todd knew what he had to do. He couldn't. Not to Téa . . . not to Téa. Todd felt Peter in back of him. He felt Peter press against him. He felt his father's hot breath on the back of his neck. Todd felt nauseated from the cigarette and liquor odor that always lingered on Peter's breath.
"No Dad! Please! Not Téa! Please! I'll do anything. You can do whatever you want to me. Please, not Delgado."
"YOU DON'T GIVE ME PERMISSION TO DO WHAT I WANT WITH YOU. YOU'RE MINE! I OWN YOU! EVERY DISGUSTING PART OF YOU BELONGS TO ME!"
Todd heard the fury in Peter's voice. He knew, as always, he said the wrong thing and only made everything worse.
Peter pointed to Téa. "Take her clothes off!" Peter commanded.
Todd squeezed his eyes shut in anguish. He tried to hold the tears back.
Todd felt Peter manipulate his hands until they were touching the dress Téa was wearing. Todd tried to pull his hand back. He heard a click. He saw the shine of the sharp pocketknife Peter was holding to Téa's throat.
"You're forcing me to do it Todd. You're forcing me to hurt her. Take her clothes off," Peter whispered in his son's ear.
Todd tried to gently lift the dress off of Téa without touching her body.
"Not like that!" Peter barked. "Like this!" Peter ripped the dress off in one swift movement. "And like this! And like this!" Peter proclaimed proudly as he ripped off Téa's panties and bra.
Todd felt his father's body push him down, hard, on top of Téa. "NOOOOOO!" Todd screamed as he felt his naked body press against Téa's soft skin.
Peter's laughter began again. It became deafeningly loud.
Todd looked down and saw Téa's body was now covered with the same filth and slime that his body was covered with.
Téa's eyes opened. She screamed in pain. She looked at Todd with terror in her eyes. "Why?" Téa whispered.
"Oh God! Delgado. I'm sorry! Please! I never meant to hurt you. I didn't want to. Please don't hate me! Don't leave me! I love you! I love you! Please don't want to send me away. I'm sorry. Oh God! Look what I did to you! Oh God, Delgado. Please, I'm sorry!"
Todd felt Peter turn him around and lift him until they were face to face. "'I love, you. Don't leave me. Oh please don't send me away,'" Peter mocked Todd's pleas. "It's too late, you stupid little bastard." Peter laughed in Todd's face. His breath assaulted Todd. "You did what you do best! You destroy people and make them leave. Look!" Peter turned Todd around. Téa was gone. "You destroyed her Todd, just like you've done to everyone you have ever loved. The rest of them are next Todd, all of them, one by one."
"TÉA! TÉA! TÉA! TÉA!" Todd began to scream.
