From where they stood in the doorway, Nora and Rachel's eyes opened wide when they heard the child in Steve, Jeff, and Susannah's arms shriek with pain and start screaming for them not to touch him.

*****

"OHHHHH! IT HUUURRRRRTS! STOOOOP! PLEEEEEASE! YOU'RE HURTING ME! LET GO! OHHHHH! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA FELL! MAMAAAAAA! MAMA, PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY AND DIE! MAMA! MAAAAMAAAA! DON'T LEAVE US! IT HURTS! MAMA, PLEASE! IT HURTS SO MUCH! MAMAAAA! DON'T LEAVE US! I'M SORRY! I'LL HELP YOU, MAMA! I WON'T LET HIM HURT YOU THIS TIME! MAMAAAAA, PLEEEEEASE! DON'T DIE! MAAAAMAAAA!"

More staff had rushed to the dayroom at the sound of Jimmy's shrieks. They now had him in a hold on the floor.

Nora and Rachel had unconsciously linked arms and huddled together. Jimmy's screams tore into their hearts. They had never heard such raw agony emitting from anyone before. This young boy's screams seemed to come from the depth of his soul.

"Jimmy! Jimmy, look at me. It's Doctor Hanen. Jimmy, Téa is fine. She just tripped. She didn't fall. Look at her, Jimmy. Téa is not your mama and she is not hurt."

"YOU'RE HURTING ME! TOUCH HURTS! OHHHHHH! I LET MAMA DIE! I LET HIM HURT HER! SHE KNOWS I DIDN'T HELP HER! I WANNA DIE! PLEASE LET ME BE WITH MY MAMA! PLEEEEASE! I WANNA BE WITH MY MAMA!"

Téa, Viki, Kevin and Sam wanted desperately to help Jimmy. They had no idea how. They stood by helplessly as physical and emotional pain consumed him.

"Jimmy, I know it's hurting you to be touched. We can't let you go unless you show us you can stay safe and will not hurt yourself." Susannah spoke firmly, yet there was a gentleness to her tone. She understood that the pain he felt at their touch was very real to him. Susannah ordered heavy sedation, in case he could not calm. She was worried about him going into shock from the pain he was experiencing.

"Jimmy, you did not hurt mama or let her get hurt. Todd's father did. Your mama loved you. She did not want to leave you."

"SHE FELL! I JUST SAW HER! SHE FELL! HE PUSHED HER AND I DIDN'T HELP HER! MAMA! MAMA, I'M SORRY! HE HURT YOU BECAUSE YOU CAME TO SEE US. YOU GOT HURT BECAUSE OF US AND WE DIDN'T HELP YOU! MAMA! WAIT FOR ME! DON'T GO WITHOUT ME! MAAAMAAA! LET ME DIE! I WANNA BE WITH MAMA! LET ME DIIIIIIIE!"

Téa rushed to Jimmy and stood in front of him. "Jimmy, I didn't fall. I'm fine. Please, look at me. I'm fine. I'm Téa. I'm not your mama. I didn't get hurt."

Jimmy was too lost in his suffering to make sense out of what anyone was saying to him.

"Susannah, his skin is starting to feel clammy," Steve called out.

"Get ready to roll him," Susannah ordered.

Eileen stood by with the sedative. When they rolled him on the count of three, she exposed his thigh and injected the sedation.

Jimmy's screams continued for another few minutes before they turned to whimpers and moans. His breathing became heavy for a few minutes before he completely succumbed to the medication, and fell into a deep sleep.

They did vitals on him. His pressure was a little lower than was average for most of the alters or Todd. However, he was not in any danger. His pulse was regular. There was no seizure activity. Everyone watched in silence as a gurney was brought in and Jimmy was placed on it and covered with a blanket. Susannah ordered them to start an IV once he was settled in his own bed. She wanted to make sure to keep him hydrated and she wanted quick access to medicate him, with minimal touching. Susannah did not want mechanical restraints used on him if it could be avoided. She ordered him on two-to-one status. Jeff and Steve sat by his bedside they were within arm's reach should it become necessary to keep him safe.

After Jimmy had been taken to his room, Susannah asked everyone to join in a debriefing, including Nora and Rachel. She saw they were in as much need to talk about what just happened as the staff and Todd's family. Susannah would speak with Jeff and Steve later.

*****

Chairs had been placed in a circle. Everyone sat silently for the first few moments. Of them all, Sam was the most shaken. He looked pale and drawn.

Nora was the first to speak. "Susannah, what the just happened here? What happened to that little boy? Why did Timmy change like that and start shrieking those things?"

Susannah turned to Viki and Sam. "Do you have any objections to me explaining the situation to Nora and Rachel?"

Viki thought for a few seconds. She didn't see the harm in them knowing. In fact she wanted Nora to know some of the suffering Todd had been through. Viki rested her hand on Sam's arm. "Is it all right with you if we speak in front of Nora and Rachel?" Sam did not even hear the question. He was on autopilot when he nodded in agreement.

Susannah began. "That wasn't Timmy. The dream Timmy had and seeing Téa trip triggered a switch. The boy you saw is Jimmy. Jimmy is fourteen. The day before she died, Todd's mother tried to see him. She knew she was dying and wanted to see Todd one last time. Todd had been severely beaten by his father the night before. Peter kept him home from school that day so the teachers wouldn't see the bruises. He was there when his mother showed up. Neither she nor Peter knew that Todd was hiding at the top of the stairs. He saw his mother begging Peter to allow her to see him more time. He saw how bad she looked. He heard Peter refuse to let her to see him. He heard her mention the letters she wrote to him. Todd saw his mother get down on her knees and beg Peter to let her see him. He saw Peter grab the mother and push her out the door, causing her to fall. At this point Jimmy came out. He immediately went into Peter's bathroom and tried to kill himself with an overdose Peter's sleeping pills. Peter caught him and forced him to vomit. Barbara Manning died the next day. Todd repressed the entire incident. He has no conscious memory of the last time he saw his mother. Jimmy holds a tremendous amount of grief. He is severely depressed and suicidal."

Nora knew her sister well enough to see that underneath Susannah's calm and matter-of-fact explanation of Jimmy's behavior, Susannah's heart was breaking for Todd and his mother.

Nora glanced in Viki's direction and then in Téa's. She saw that despite prior knowledge of this, they both had tears spilling down their cheeks as they listened to Susannah talk. Nora's eyes shifted to Sam and Kevin. Tears had welled up in Kevin's eyes. He bit his lip to keep them from spilling. Sam sat stone-faced. He stared off into space. Rachel wiped some tears from her eyes. Nora felt detached. She appreciated the horror of what Peter Manning had done to a dying mother and her child. Still, she felt nothing. She quickly told herself that what Todd had done to her had killed any real sympathy she would have ordinarily had for someone with his history. Nora had already pushed aside the tug in her heart that she had felt for Timmy. It had confused the hell out of her.

"Does anyone have any problems or comments about the way the restraint was handled or with medicating him?" Susannah asked.

They each thought for a moment. They all understood that it was necessary. Jimmy was beyond being able to calm himself or keep himself safe. He was suffering. They all either shook their head or said "no."

"Susannah, do you think he's at risk for suicide?" Viki asked. "Yes. I'm afraid I do. He'll be placed on suicide precautions. He will continue to be on two-to-one status. I'll access him when he wakes up. I may need your consent to increase his medication for as long as Jimmy stays out. He may need to be kept moderately sedated around the clock."

Viki nodded and wiped away another tear as it slid down her cheek.

"It's a difficult image to get out of your head," Janet remarked.

"I know. I can't help thinking what it would be like to be dying and not allowed to see my child one last time," Eileen commented.

"Peter Manning took sadism to new heights, that's for sure." Mark grit his teeth. "My brother and I have always been close to my mom. When I think of Todd living all these years with that memory locked inside his brain . . . man! . . . I . . . damn!" Mark hit his fist into his palm.

"Why does Jimmy react that way to touch?" Rachel asked.

"I'm not sure yet. Jimmy has not been out often and when he is out it usually ends the way it did today, with him being sedated."

"Is it the same as Brina, that young girl who's afraid of being contaminated by germs if we touch her?" Téa asked.

"Brina?" Nora asked. "She's a twelve-year-old alter who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and fears germs." Viki explained. She added nothing about her twin, Angel. Viki was too exhausted to get into it.

"No, I don't believe Jimmy has OCD or any fear of germs. I believe Jimmy associates pain with touch for several reasons, the primary one being that Peter grabbed him and held him until he forced the sleeping pills out of him. Not only did he cause him physical pain by doing this, he also kept Jimmy from dying. Jimmy associates death with his only way to escape the intense emotional and physical pain he feels. I also believe that when he found out his mom died, the next day, he saw death as his only way to be with her again and make things up to her. This reinforced touch causing him great pain because it kept him from being with his mom. Another reason may be that any good feelings of love and caring he gets from being touched cause him pain because he doesn't feel he deserves it." Susannah sighed. "I won't know if any of these theories are true until Jimmy is able to participate in more sessions."

Susannah noticed Téa rubbing her temples. "Téa, I think you need to go home and rest now. You have been through much too much today. Even if Jimmy wakes up, there is nothing you can do for him. Jimmy has no special attachment to any of us."

This time Téa didn't argue. Not only did she know Susannah was right about Jimmy, her head was throbbing and her nausea had increased. "I think I could use a warm bath and a long nap in my own bed."

"Honey, I agree. Please. You heard what the doctors said. You need to take care of yourself. If you won't do it for you, than do it for Todd," Viki coaxed.

"Besides, I'd like to see what my digs for the next few days looks like." Rachel tried to make light of the situation. She walked over to where Téa sat. "Come on, girlfriend. I'll help you get your things together and we'll go back to your hotel."

Téa nodded. She stood up. She held onto Rachel's arm for a moment when she felt slightly dizzy.

"You okay?" Kevin asked.

Téa saw they were all staring at her with anxious looks on their faces. The last thing she wanted was to have to stay in the hospital as a patient or go for more tests. "I'm fine. I'm just tired and I lost my footing. Don't forget, I only have slippers on."

Except for Susannah, they all seemed to accept that. "Téa, you need to tell your doctors if you do continue to experience symptoms like dizziness, nausea, more than a mild headache or anything unusual."

"I know. I will. Don't worry. I'm okay. Really. I just slipped." Téa turned to Rachel. "They brought all my things to this floor and Viki had some clothes sent over. I'll just be a few minutes and then we can get going."

"Great! I'll help you," Rachel offered. "Mom, we’re okay with everything for now, right?"

Nora stoked Rachel's hair. "Go take care of Téa."

Rachel and Téa headed off to get Téa's things.

Kevin remembered his reason for coming to the hospital in the first place. Morning and Adam being out seemed like a hundred years ago. "Mom, I have some papers I need you to look over. It's quite a bit and it was too much to fax over. That's why I came here this morning."

"Sure, honey. Give me a few minutes. I want to look in on Jimmy. Why don't you go to the cafeteria? It won't be crowded at this time. I could use some coffee and I think you could too."

Kevin went to get his briefcase from the nurses station and Viki and Sam headed off to see Jimmy.

Susannah was walking Nora to the elevator when Angelo told her Bill was on the phone and wanted to know if she could talk. Nora appreciated that he didn't call her cell phone. He always made sure she was not in the middle of something important.

"Go ahead," Nora encouraged. "Don't forget to ask him if he and his kids want to come over for the first seder night," Nora called out as she waited to be buzzed out of the unit. Nora was happy to leave. This had all become too much for her. She didn't want to think about any of the things she had seen today or the things she learned about Todd.

*****

"Rough day?" Bill asked as soon as he heard Susannah's voice.

"You could say that. You could definitely say that," Susannah confirmed.

"Any chance you'll be able to leave for dinner or should we plan on eating in your office?"

Susannah knew she really needed to recharge and she also knew Jimmy would be asleep for hours. It always took a strong dose to put him out. "I think I can manage an early dinner at some quiet little place."

"How about the kitchen of what I hope will be my new home?"

"You found a house?" Susannah was excited.

"Maybe. Do you think you have time to swing by and have a look at it?"

"Yeah! Does it have all the bedrooms and the big yard you were looking for?"

"And a great big kitchen with new appliances. Now while that might not seem too impressive to you . . ."

Susannah smiled at the light tone of Bill's voice and cut him off. "Hold it. That impresses me too. How can you cook those fantastic meals for me if you don't have a great kitchen?" Susannah heard Bill laugh. "Speaking of fantastic meals, short of a crisis here, do you think you and your kids might like to go to Nora and Bo's for a Passover Seder?" Before Bill had a chance to respond, Susannah added, "I promise neither Nora nor I will be doing any of the cooking. She will have it all sent in."

"Whew, you did have me worried there for a minute," Bill kidded back.

"I didn't want you think I was trying to land you and your kids in the hospital to drum up some business for us."

Bill's voice became serious. "I think my kids will like that very much and that's not the only thing I think they will like very much."

Susannah sighed. "Let's hope."

"You're really nervous about meeting them, aren't you," Bill stated.

"I've had a few anxious moments thinking about it," Susannah confessed.

"I know my kids. I know what kind of people they like and don't like. They'll love you. And I know they will have great respect for anyone who keeps at least four different flavors of ice cream in her freezer at all times."

Susannah laughed. She felt less anxious. "If I can get away for the day or overnight, I'd love to show them the Amish country. It's the best place for kids."

"I hope we get to do that too. I like exposing my kids to other ways of life. I want them to know there's more out there than what they see in their own neighborhood." Bill paused for a moment. "What would be a good time for me to pick you up? If you can, I'd like you to see the house while there's still daylight."

Susannah looked at her watch. She knew that even after Jimmy or whoever woke up, he or she would be groggy for at least another hour or so after that. "Now would be a good time. This way we can take our time and then have an early dinner, if that's okay with you?"

"See you in about twenty minutes."

Susannah could hear the eagerness in Bill's voice.

*****

Viki and Sam sat on either side of Jimmy's bed. Jeff and Steve sat at the table in the corner of the room to give them some space. They knew Jimmy would not be waking up and it was safe for them to be more than arm's length from him right now. Jimmy had been given his regular meds. The wound on his leg had been cleaned and the dressing changed. Eileen came in to give him a feeding. Even in a sleep this deep, his face wore a pained expression. "Do you think he's having a bad dream?" Viki asked Sam.

"His entire life is a bad dream," Sam snapped. "I'm going to the lounge for a while."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Viki was worried about him.

"No!" Sam realized how harsh his tone had been. He took Viki's hand. "I let Todd suffer and now I'm making you suffer. I'm sorry."

"No, Sam. I love you. You're not . . ."

"I don't want to talk about this now. I need to be alone for a while. I'm going to go lie down." Without another word, Sam let go of Viki's hand and walked out of the room.

*****

Rachel and Téa had gone to the empty exam room so Téa could get dressed. Téa did not feel like walking all the way to the family lounge. Once Téa had herself together, she sat back in a chair. She could not believe how a simple act, like getting dressed, could exhaust her. "Do you mind if I just sit here for a few minutes before we go to your car?" she asked Rachel.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to Susannah for a few minutes. How about I go do that and then bring my car around to the front and come back for you?"

"That sounds like a plan," Téa sighed and sunk back into the comfort of the chair.

*****

Susannah was on her way to Todd's room to tell Sam and Viki she would be going out for a few hours, but that she would be able to get back quickly if she were needed. She also wanted to check on Jimmy one last time before she left the hospital.

"Aunt Susannah," Rachel called to her. Rachel caught Susannah halfway between her office and Todd's room.

Neither of them saw Sam walking down the hall. When he saw them, he held back and didn't turn the corner. He was not in the mood to face either of them. The moment Sam walked out of Todd's room, tears began falling. He could not keep himself from crying. He would wait until they went on their way and then continue to the family lounge.

"Hi, honey. Would you like to talk about the things Pete said?" Susannah asked.

"No, I spoke with Kevin. He helped me to feel a little better about things. I might take a rain check though."

"Anytime you want to talk to me about anything you just let me know," Susannah offered.

"There is something I did want to ask you about," Rachel began.

Susannah could see Rachel felt awkward and it was difficult for her to get it out.

"Aunt Susannah, I know how much Téa loves Todd, but I also know that Todd is very sick and has been for a long time. People get lonely . . . they . . ." Rachel paused for a moment and took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to ask is if there's anything going on between Téa and Kevin?" Rachel finally asked bluntly. She said the words quickly before she stopped herself from asking.

Susannah knew the answer to that was an absolute "no" as far as Téa's feelings went. She also knew that she could not honestly say "no" as far as Kevin's feelings for Téa went. However, Susannah would not betray what Kevin had told her in confidence.

"Have you spoken with Kevin or Téa about this?" Susannah asked.

"No. I'm not trying to sneak around behind their backs. They're both going through so much with Todd and his alters now. I couldn't bring myself to bring up something like this. I'm sure it's probably my imagination anyway. It's really none of my business. It's not like Kevin and I are seeing each other."

Susannah looked into Rachel’s eyes. "Did you see something that caused you to believe this?"

"No. No, not at all. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. If there's anything going on between Téa and Kevin, it is none of my business," Rachel repeated.

"Rachel, tell me what's going on. Did Téa or Kevin say or do something to make you believe this?" Susannah needed to know if there was a problem. It wasn't out of concern for her niece's love life. It was out of concern for her patient.

"I'm sure it's my imagination," Rachel prefaced her statement by repeating that. "Téa seemed a little . . . I don't know . . . cool to me . . . or even angry with me . . . I . . . I don't blame her if she still feels angry about me letting Todd get blamed for Georgie. I don't think it was that. It seemed to happen when I was with Adam and Kevin. And I noticed how close Téa and Kevin were when they were working with Timmy. They connect. It's like they don't even have to speak . . . it's . . . oh look, I'm being ridiculous. Of course they've become close and connected. I can see how that can happen in the short time I've spent with two of Todd's child alters. Aunt Susannah, please forget I said anything. The only reason I asked is if there is something going on between Téa and Kevin is that I don't want to put myself in the middle . . . not that I think Kevin feels that way about me . . . I . . ." Now Rachel was really embarrassed.

"Honey." Susannah interrupted to save Rachel more embarrassment. "I can't speak for Kevin. All I can say to you is be honest with Kevin. Sometimes we have to take chances. If you can, let him now how you feel and what you're thinking. Kevin is struggling with a lot of issues, but he is trying to be honest with himself. Or you can speak with Téa."

"I'll see. Right now I think they've both been through a lot today. I think Téa is feeling worse than she's letting on. She barely had the energy to get dressed."

"I'm happy that you'll be staying with her. If you see any signs that Téa is in trouble I want you to call her doctors, even if she protests."

"I will. Don't worry. I know how Téa can be when she wants to be there for Todd," Rachel reassured Susannah.

"I'll be leaving the hospital for a few hours after I check in on Jimmy. You have my beeper and cell phone number if you or Téa need me, right?"

"Yes." Rachel pulled back and took a long look at Susannah. "Are you going to meet Bill?"

"Does it show?" Susannah asked. She felt slightly embarrassed and as if she were a schoolgirl.

Rachel grinned from ear to ear. "It shows, and it's very flattering. You look beautiful, Aunt Susannah."

Susannah blushed slightly. "If you're still around when Bill gets here, I'll introduce you. If not, don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll meet him very soon."

"I'm looking forward to meeting the man who put that look in my Aunt Susanna's eyes and that glow on her cheeks."

Susannah smiled and shook her head slightly. "You'd better get Téa home and into her own bed. Make sure she rests," Susannah called out as she walked away from Rachel and toward Todd's room.

Rachel headed for the doors. She was going to get her car as she promised Téa she would.

Neither of them was there to see Sam walk out of his hiding place. They didn't see the look in his eyes as the suspicions Blair had placed in his mind were renewed and reinforced by what he had just overheard. Sam's hands were clenched into fists as he continued on his way the family lounge.

*****

"This is perfect! I think they'll love it." Susannah walked through the large, light filled living room again.

"My daughter's gonna love that big walk-in closet in the bedroom at the end of the hallway and having her own bathroom," Bill commented.

"I can imagine sharing a bathroom with her brothers is not her favorite thing. The master bedroom and the master bath are beautiful. I can't believe the size of that tub and all the closet space." Susannah's face was shining with awe. "Bill, it's a great house. Your patience paid off."

Bill walked up to Susannah and took her in his arms. "I told you long ago that patience is one of my best qualities." Bill looked deeply into Susannah's eyes. "I don't mind waiting for the important things in life. It makes me appreciate them more when I finally do get them."

"Do you always get what you've waited so patiently for?" Susannah asked with a smile on her lips.

Bill smiled back. "My record's been pretty good. Do you think it will continue to be?"

"I would certainly hate to see patience like yours not be rewarded," Susannah stated.

"Did you have any particular reward in mind, Doctor Hanen?"

"A yellow M&M," Susannah quipped.

Bill laughed. He knew all about Adam. "I'm partial to the red ones."

"I do have something that I think you might enjoy even more than that," Susannah teased him.

"I think you have a lot of things I would enjoy more than that," Bill replied.

"Well, this one is in my bag." Susannah gently pulled away and headed for the front hall, where she had left her bag when she walked into the house. Susannah came back with a CD player.

Bill looked at it. "Well, that wasn't exactly what I expected."

"I remember you told me that you would not be happy until you found a house with a living room large enough to do some decent dancing in. So let's test this one out."

Susannah started the music. She walked back to where Bill stood. She placed her hand in his.

"Slow dancing. You've always been a woman after my own heart, Susannah."

As the music filled the large empty room, Susannah and Bill held each other tightly. They could feel each other's hearts beating. Susannah rested her head against Bill's shoulder as they danced. The smell of Bill's aftershave was intoxicating. Bill gently turned Susannah's face up toward his. He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek. He liked that she wore no makeup. Her skin was soft and flawless. When their lips met their kiss quickly turned to a deep exploration of each other's mouth. Susannah felt her nipples become hard. They were startled by the sound of a cell phone. Susannah was relieved when they realized it was Bill's phone. She feared a problem with Jimmy when she first heard the ring.

Susannah straightened her clothes. "I'm going to have another look at that fantastic back yard," Susannah whispered. She wanted to give Bill privacy.

*****

When Bill came out into the yard, he saw Susannah was looking up at a large tree. He came up behind her. "Bird watching?"

"No." Susannah laughed. "I was just thinking that this would be a perfect place for a tree house. Do you think that's something your youngest would enjoy?"

"I think Josh will love it! And we can ask him tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Susannah was surprised. "I thought your kids weren't coming in until the day after tomorrow."

"That was my ex. She has a chance to go to this seminar she thought she was closed out of. The problem is she has to leave first thing tomorrow. She asked if she could send the kids a day early and I said 'sure.'"

"Wow." Susannah wiped her palms on the side of her pants. "I've never been this anxious about meeting kids before."

"I've told them about you. You won't be a shock to them."

"What did you tell them?" For some reason, hearing this made Susannah even more anxious.

"The truth . . . that you're special to me."

Susannah smiled nervously. "Did they have any problems with that?"

"They didn't seem to. Tracy asked me if we were in love?"

Susannah smiled. She understood that would be important to Bill's twelve-year-old daughter.

"I'm always honest with my kids." Bill paused for a few moments.

Susannah looked into his eyes.

"So I had to tell her we were." Bill put his hands around Susannah's waist and pulled her to him. Both his lips and eyes were smiling. "In your professional opinion, was my answer a good one?"

Susannah nodded. "A very good one."

"What about in your private opinion?" Bill teased.

"A very good one," Susannah repeated.

Bill took a long, deep breath. "There's nothing like breathing in the smell of your own land. I have an option to buy this place if things work out." Bill put his arm around Susannah's shoulder. They walked a few steps. "A guy could get used to this place . . . great house . . . big ol' lawn . . . kids . . . a wife." Bill felt the muscles in Susannah's shoulders tighten. He glanced to the side. He saw Susannah bite her lip. He turned her face up and saw tears in her eyes. He knew it saddened her to not be able to make a commitment to him now. "Like I said, Susannah, patience is one of my best qualities."

Susannah hugged Bill tightly. She knew he understood that it was lack of time and not lack of love that kept her from committing right now.

Bill once again placed his arm around Susannah's shoulders and hugged her to him. He looked up at the tree Susannah had been staring at. "So you think this would be a good tree for a tree house for Josh?"

Secrets 111, Page 2