"Yes. I'll be there with you every step of the way and so will Frank, Jeff and Sam." Susannah answered in response to Todd's question about being scared.

Todd nodded. His body relaxed. He rested his head on Susannah's shoulder and snuggled into her.

Inside, Goodone smiled sadly. As he had promised, Goodone was watching over Todd. His arms ached with longing. He wanted to hold Todd and feel Todd snuggle up to him. However, he knew what was best for Todd was to begin to feel these things with those in the outside world. Goodone kept quiet and stood back. He allowed Todd to feel all of the comfort and safety he was feeling with Susannah. Goodone's eyes shone with love for Todd and pride in him.

Sam had hoped, at the mention of his name, Todd would have called to him and asked him to help him if he became scared. He wondered if Todd even remembered that he was the one who got them to allow him to see Téa. Sam wasn't looking for gratitude. He wanted Todd to know he loved him. He wanted Todd to believe in his love and to feel it.

"Would you like us to help you stand up now?" Susannah asked as she rubbed Todd's back. She kept one arm around his shoulder as she continued to hug him to her.

Todd nodded.

"Todd, I'm going to hold onto your left arm," Jeff let him know so he wouldn't be startled.

Susannah continued to hold onto to his right arm.

"Okay, buddy. Up you go," Jeff announced as he and Susannah assisted Todd in standing up.

"We're going to walk back to the doors that lead off the unit. If you want to stop just let us know and we'll stop. No one will force you to do anything. Okay?" Susannah assured him.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

Todd brushed his hair back with his hands. He straightened his pants and shirt. "Yeah. I'm ready. I want to go to Delgado."

Once again they headed for the doors.

*****

"Starr, you are going to be late for school. You can wear a different barrette in your hair. I'll look for that one after you've left and you can wear it tomorrow." Blair looked at her watch again. She knew the school bus would be in front of the building soon. Blair didn't have the time to drive Starr to school if she missed the bus. Blair was expecting Dorian at any minute and then she had an appointment with Matthew Allen. She had all her evidence and hopefully a list of doctors and nurses that Dorian was going to supply. Also, she wanted to fill her attorney in on the latest developments with Sam. She wanted to let him know that Sam Rappaport might not be as much of a problem as they feared. Blair knew this would be her last chance to meet with Matthew for at least a couple of weeks. He told her he had to be in court right after their meeting and that he was leaving for a vacation right after that.

"No, mommy! Daddy gave me that barrette! I'm not going to school without it!" Starr stamped her foot, stuck out her little chin and crossed her arms in defiance.

More and more these days, Blair noticed Starr was acting out. She was having temper tantrums and being defiant. Starr's teacher had asked Blair to come in for a meeting the week before last. She said that Starr's grades had fallen some and she was starting fights with some of the other children. While the teacher had no proof of it, another little girl accused Starr of stealing a special pen she had that her father had given her. Blair was worried sick over her little girl. She knew every day Todd was in the hospital and away from Starr, her child was getting angrier and angrier. Blair had explained the situation to Starr's teacher. She was sympathetic, but her concern had to be for the class as a whole and Starr was becoming disruptive.

"Starr, Auntie Dorian will be here any minute and she and mommy have some very important business to talk about and then mommy has a very important appointment. I don't have time to drive you to school." Blair tried to reason with her daughter.

"I don't care about your stupid appointment. I want the barrette that daddy gave me! It was here and now it's lost and I'll never see it again!" Starr started to cry.

Blair took Starr in her arms. "I'm sorry. Starr . . . sweetie . . . shhhh. I know it's very important to you because daddy gave it to you. Everything daddy ever gave me is very important to me too. Baby, I promise you we'll find it." Blair heard the downstairs buzzer. The doorman was ringing to let her know she had a guest. "God! Dorian must be early," Blair mumbled to herself. Blair gently pulled Starr away from her so she could look into Starr's eyes. 'They are so much like Todd's eyes . . . no, more like Timmy's eyes' Blair thought to herself. "Starr, mommy has to go tell Tony that it's okay to let Auntie Dorian up. Why don't you keep looking for your barrette for just a little longer while Auntie Dorian and I talk? Then you have to get to that bus. Please baby, I promise. If you don't find it before you go to school I will look all over the house for it when I come home from my appointment. I'll tear the house apart looking for it if I have to."

"All right," Starr agreed sadly and begrudgingly.

Blair headed downstairs.

"What took you so long? That doorman was starting to think you weren't home?" Dorian asked the second she walked through the door.

"Starr was upset because she can't find a barrette Todd gave her. She's very protective over everything and anything that is connected to Todd." Blair sighed. "Oh Dorian. This is so hard on her. She loves Todd so much. I know she loves me, but she has such a special relationship with him. He is the one who raised her most of her life."

"Only because he and that baby and husband stealing bitch he's married to took Starr from you."

"That's not the point right now, Dorian! The point is that Todd was the one to raise Starr. She's her daddy's girl. She and Todd have a connection that she and I don't . . ."

"Blair! That's not true at all. You and Starr have a very specia . . ."

"Dorian, I'm not telling you this so you can tell me what a great mom I am. The truth is the truth. Starr wants to be with Todd. She hasn't seen him in months and no matter how much she is able to intellectually understand that he is sick and that is why he can't be with her, her little heart is breaking. She thinks she lost her daddy forever. And, as much as I hate to admit it, she does miss Téa and Viki. She was very happy when Téa came to see her, a few weeks ago. Oh look, I don't have time to get into all of this right now. I have an appointment with Mr. Allen in less than an hour. He's going on vacation and I can't wait another two weeks to hear his opinion on all that has happened. I know he won't wait around if I'm late. I want to show him the rest of the pictures I have of Kevin and Téa and I want to fill him in on Sam's . . ." Blair tried to think how to best phrase it. "Sam's new attitude."

"Sam's new attitude!" Dorian looked as if Blair had to be kidding. "That man is a basket case. Oh, I'm sure having to deal with Viki did this to him. You tell your attorney that he has nothing to fear from Sam Rappaport."

"Don't be so sure Dorian. Don't underestimate Sam. He may be confused, but he loves Todd with all his heart. He'd die for Todd. I have to keep making sure that Sam stays on my side. I have to make sure he sees that what I want for Todd is best. Now did you get that list of doctors, nurses, technicians, medical supplies and medical equipment suppliers?"

Tears of frustration streamed down Starr's little cheeks. She held Fred the Frog in her hand. "Fred. Tell daddy I didn't lose his present on purpose. Daddy's sick and I don't want to upset him." Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Starr saw something sparkling stuck to the edge of one of the blankets on her bed. She rushed over and saw it was the small diamonds on the barrette that Todd had given her. Starr realized it must have come loose from her hair at some point and caught onto the blanket. She freed it and clutched it to her chest. "Daddy, I found it! I found it!" Starr kissed it gently. She walked to the mirror above her dresser. She pulled back some strands of her hair and put the barrette in its place. "Fred, maybe daddy won't be lost forever either," Starr hopefully told her frog.

Starr heard her mother and Dorian's voices. She couldn't make out what they were saying. She hated that Blair always sent her from the room when she would talk to Dorian. "I'm not a baby! I know they're talking about daddy," Starr complained to Fred. Usually Blair was on the lookout and made sure Starr stayed in her room when she and Dorian spoke at the penthouse. Most of the time Blair went to Dorian's to make sure Starr would not hear their conversation, but on days like today, when time was short, Dorian would come to the penthouse.

Today Blair's mind was on a million different things. Neither she nor Dorian noticed Starr tiptoe to the top of the stairs and eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Dorian, are you 100 percent positive that these are the very best doctors and nurses there are? I want only the best for Todd."

"I know that. Blair trust me. These are the kind of medical people who will help Todd the most. I made sure of that." Dorian did not want to tell Blair that, even though she cared very much about Todd and deeply about Timmy, her first priority was keeping Blair and Starr safe, if by some chance Blair did manage to bring Todd home. The staff on Dorian’s list was from state run mental hospitals and units where they kept mentally ill prisoners. Dorian's first questions to them were about controlling Todd should he become violent and not about their medical expertise or if they had any experience working with DID patients and child alters. Both the men and women on Dorian's list were physically large and strong, like most of the psych techs that currently worked with Todd. While this staff shared size in common with Frank, Dave, Carl, Jeff, Dan and some of the others, they did not share expert training, education, caring or gentleness.

Starr wondered if her daddy was getting some new doctors. While Blair had mentioned it to her causally, she did not tell Starr she really had hopes of bringing Todd home. She did not want to get Starr's hopes up, only to have them crushed.

"Thank you Dorian," Blair said as she took the list, folded it and placed it in her purse.

"If you have a few more minutes, I have some news." Dorian had been bursting to tell Blair what she found out.

"Dorian, I really don't. I have to get myself and Starr ready to leave."

"It's about Todd," Dorian informed her.

"Todd! What about Todd? Oh my God! Has something else happened to him?"

Starr clutched the banister tightly. Her little heart was pounding as she listened to her mother and Dorian. She bit her lip to keep from crying out loud and making her presence known. She was terrified that Dorian was going to say her daddy had died.

"No. Blair, calm down. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frightened you. No, as far as I know Todd is fine. It's Téa. She was brought into the ER and then taken to the ICU last night. It seems that she fell and sustained quite a serious head injury . . . a subdural hematoma. For a while there they thought she was going to need surgery."

'Tee! Tee's hurt!' Starr thought and panicked 'Oh not Tee too.' Big tears made their way down Starr's soft cheeks.

"How did you find out?" Blair asked Dorian. She was shocked.

"I still have some connections at Llanview Hospital. Thank God Susannah Hanen is only in charge of Todd's unit. She wouldn't tell us the time of day without Queen Victoria's consent."

Blair was almost afraid to ask this. "How did Téa get hurt?"

"She was arguing with Todd. I don't have all the details. I'm not sure what happened. I don't know if he pushed her or what."

'No! No! Auntie Dorian's lying! Daddy wouldn't hurt Tee. Daddy wouldn't push Tee and make her fall down,' Starr thought frantically.

"Is Todd all right! Oh my God! He thinks he loves that woman. If he thinks he hurt her it could set him back to . . . oh my God! Tell me! Is Todd all right?"

Blair's words, and the fear in her voice as she spoke them, terrified Starr.

"Blair, I'm sorry. I have no information on Todd. As I said, no one is forthcoming on Todd's unit. They all take patient confidentiality to the extreme. No word on Todd ever leaves that unit unless they feel there is some medical necessity . . . some reason to tell us that will benefit Todd."

Blair was torn. She desperately wanted to go see Todd, but she did not want to miss the chance to see her attorney. Then a horrifying thought occurred to Blair. "Dorian! What if this is some plot concocted by Kevin and Téa? What if they staged this to make sure Todd never gets out of the hospital? You know how much Kevin hates Todd. I know what Téa is capable of. Look at how she purposely pushed all my buttons until she had me so upset that I accidentally pushed her out that window. She never thought that would happen. Maybe she did the same to Todd? Maybe she kept at him, never thinking she'd really get hurt?"

'Mommy pushed Tee out a window?' Starr's mind was spinning. She was far too young to actually remember this event. 'But Tee said Kevin likes daddy now and that he wasn't being mean to him anymore. Now mommy said Kevin hates daddy. If Kevin hates daddy then I hate Kevin! Starr tried to make sense out of some of the other things Blair said. 'Tee would never hurt daddy on purpose and daddy would never hurt Tee. Would they?' Starr's young mind was filled with fear and confusion. Starr looked at her watch. She knew Blair would be coming for her at any minute to take her to the bus. Starr quickly gathered her school bag and jacket. She went to her sock draw and took the money she had stashed away from her allowance. She kept it taped to the back of the draw. She looked down at the assortment of singles, fives and a few tens. She hoped it would be enough money for a taxi. Starr quickly shook out some coins from her piggy bank. Starr was smart enough to realize that a cab might not stop for a kid, so she was prepared to take public transit if she had to.

Starr had been to Llanview Hospital often. She went there for the checkups and blood work she needed because of the aplastic anemia and bone marrow transplant she had as a baby. Although she had always gone by car, she knew the way. If she had to, she could walk. Starr figured her mother was eager to talk to Dorian without her being there and even more eager to leave for her appointment. Like her daddy, Starr was willing to take risks.

"Mommy," Starr called out loudly as she came down the stairs. She wanted to make sure Blair and her aunt didn't think she had been listening to them. "Look!" Starr pointed to her hair. "I found the barrette daddy gave me."

Blair smiled. "I'm so happy baby. I know how much that means to you. Mommy will take you down to the bus in two minutes. Just let me get my bag and . . ."

"Starr, aren't you going to give your Auntie Dorian a big hug and a kiss?" Dorian prompted the child.

Starr reached up and hugged Dorian and kissed her on the cheek. She hid the anger she was feeling. She was furious with Dorian for telling lies about her daddy and Tee. "Mommy, the bus is here. I saw it coming down the block from my window. I have to leave now. You don't have to come with me. I can get on it by myself."

"Starr Manning. I will not have you standing out on the street all by yourself. It's not safe for a little girl to be out all by herself."

Starr hated that her mother thought of her as a baby. She was not about to argue that point now. "Mommy, the doorman can wait with me. Tony's nice. He won't let anything bad happen to me."

Blair did trust Tony. He was a sweet grandfatherly man who had been a doorman in that building ever since Todd bought the penthouse. Blair did want to ask Dorian a few more questions and then leave for her appointment with Matthew. "All right. We can do that. Let me call down to Tony and tell him he needs to see to it that you get on the bus."

"I'll do it mommy," Starr offered. Before Blair had a chance to respond, Starr pulled a chair over to the intercom that connected to the lobby. Starr climbed up on the chair and took the phone off the hook. She turned her back to Blair and she made sure her small body was in a position that would block Blair and Dorian's view of the button that alerted the doorman, with a buzz, to pick up house phone. Starr only pretended to press the button. "Tony, mommy said it's okay for me to wait for the bus and get on it without her if you stand and wait with me until I'm safe on the bus. Okay, thanks. I'll be right down." Starr hopped off the chair and turned back to Blair. "It's okay with Tony, mommy. He'll make sure I get on the bus safe." Starr quickly grabbed her backpack and kissed Blair on the cheek and before Blair could say another word Starr was out the door.

Starr knew if she went out the main entrance Tony would question her and probably call upstairs to check with her mom to see if it was okay for her to go out by herself. Starr took the service elevator to the basement and snuck out the back way. Starr was frightened and excited all at the same time. "I'm gonna get to see daddy! I'm really gonna get to see daddy and I'll get to see Tee again too," Starr said to herself, once she was on the street. Starr realized she didn't know what room or floor her daddy was on. "ICU. Auntie Dorian said Tee is in some place called ICU. I'll find Tee first. Tee knows where daddy is. She'll help me find him."

Secrets 107, Page 3