Todd's attention was focused intently on the emotions he felt radiating off of her, although he was having a harder time than he would ever admit trying to swallow past his own feelings. He wasn't used to the concept of hope, and definitely was not accustomed to this strong form that made him want something so bad his chest ached. He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the ads hanging around the room which he had practically memorized by now.

Tea sighed deeply, and then she leaned forward in her chair and rubbed her aching temples. Todd realized that there was still no sign of the doctor or any other soul around, and so he moved closer to her and began to rub her back gently, sensing her need for some reassurance. She looked up at him with grateful eyes, and a small smile full of her own hope.

Todd jumped slightly as the doctor walked into the small office at Llanview General with Tea's growing file in his hand. He sat down slowly, folded his hands, cleared his throat and shook his head silently in response to the question etched so deeply in both of their eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Manning. The test is negative. Tea, you aren't pregnant."

Tea stared hard at her hands, folding and unfolding them nervously. She opened her mouth to speak, and then she closed it again. Todd stood in for her.

"You have to do the test thingey again. Delgado…she's got all those signs! She can't eat in the mornings, she's weeks late, and I've caught her…" He stopped in mid sentence and glanced at her. "I've caught her being real emotional."

Tea's head snapped up. He'd seen her crying? She had tried so hard to hide it! It seemed like he noticed everything about her, including all she thought she kept safe from him. She didn't want him to worry.

"Mr. Manning….Todd….that can all be attributed to stress over the situation, I'm afraid. It is obvious how much you both want this baby at this time in your lives."

Todd reached under the desk and took her hand silently.

He remembered the night she had stood behind him, as he sat beside Starr's bed until she fell asleep after a nightmare. He was deep into a magical story, the kind he could weave only for her. When he turned around, Tea was trying to brush tears off of her cheeks.

"Tea? What is it?" He had asked her, worry overtaking him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." She said and then laughed, feeling stupid and sentimental. "Everything is so right. Seeing you with your daughter…you are the most tender and wonderful father Todd. Seeing you with her, I love you so much more than I could ever admit, and…."

"And what?" He asked her, still somewhat nervous.

"And I realize how much I want to have your baby. I want to add to our family Todd. I want it so badly I ache inside."

Todd's face flooded with relief.

"I want that too, Delgado! I wanted that all along, but…I just didn't know how to ask. I know that you are sort of unsure sometimes…the thing with your mother…"

"None of that matters, Todd. That's in the past. You are my future…and the baby we could have…I want that to be in our future too. I want that more than anything."

From that night on, the dream was no longer silent. It took a strong hold of both of them, and a year of hoping and trying to have a baby had followed.

Todd asked the doctor what he knew was on Tea's mind. She used to speak his heart and mind when he couldn't find the words or the courage, or both. Now he could return the favor.

"So, the other tests….is it possible? Um, can Tea get pregnant? Or is there something wrong…something that can be fixed?" He squeezed her hand under the desk.

"I know this is frustrating to hear, but for the most part, the tests are all inconclusive. There is neither an apparent problem…"

"Which is a good thing, right?" Todd interrupted with a smile he couldn't hold back.

"Yes, right, but they also do not indicate why you have not been able to conceive up to this point. Todd, your tests yielded very positive results, if you remember. To a point, Tea's results still leave us with a mystery. It might just be that these things take time, that you need to reduce your stress, Ms. Manning. Or, there might still be some unforseen roadblock. There are some further tests we could do, but they become a little more intrusive, and they will start to carry some risk…"

"No, I will not have Tea treated like a lab rat!"
"Todd, maybe it is something we should think about a little…" Tea interjected softly.

He looked at her, looked deep in her eyes, and they were dull and lifeless. Todd would have moved heaven and earth right at that moment to have their roles in this reversed.

"Look, we'll be in touch in a few days. For now, I want to take my wife home." He sensed that she needed to escape.

Tea got up slowly and turned to thank Dr. Kirtley. The doctor stood up, and gave her a sympathetic look.

"Folks, in no way does this mean the possibility of pregnancy is hopeless. Mrs. Manning, try to relax. Stress is just another factor thrown into the mix that will slow things down. Don't give up now. There are other routes, if need be, that we can start to discuss."

Todd nodded, and turned to Tea, placing his hand on her back to lead her out of the office. They rode the elevator in silence down to the garage. When the doors opened, she bolted out ahead of him.

He doubled his pace, and caught her by the shoulders.

"Delgado….stop….don't run away from me." He wrapped his arms around her from behind and held her against him. He knew without looking into her face that she was crying. She turned in his arms, and buried her head in his chest. He continued to hold her tight as she sobbed. This time, he didn't care who was watching. His heart broke as she repeated the same phrase, as if the words could change things.

"I was so sure….I was so sure, Todd….so sure…." He just stroked her hair.

"Todd, I feel it in me so strong…I never thought I could be a mother…not with the role model I had…in a lot of ways, maybe its because I don't deserve to be…"

"Don't you say that Tea…"

"….but I have this drive in me. I want to have your baby. I want to know the feeling of carrying a life inside of me created by you and I and what we share. I want to know what our child would look like, with your eyes…."

"…Or with yours," he said so quietly she could barely hear him. His was an understanding so deep, she knew he felt it too, and that hurt almost as much. It killed her to think it might be something wrong with her…or some punishment towards her…which kept them from ever knowing that answer.

"Am I being punished, Todd?"
"You??" he asked incredulously. "What for Tea?"
"I don't know…whatever happened between me and my own mother…whatever I did to make her leave? Why did she feel she had to?"
"Delgado, that was her fault, and her loss! If you ask me, only a real loser could abandon their kid."
"What if that is a part of me? What if I will never be given a child because I wouldn't know any better than my mother?"

Todd grabbed her by the shoulders and looked into her face.
"That's not like you, Delgado. That's crap and you know it."
Tea stared down hard at the ground, and he softened his approach.
"Look, let's just put all this behind us for today, ok? Let's go home. Let me figure something out to make you feel better. Hell, I'll even cook!….Um….I can make rice! Well, ….the kind in the baggie, at least…."

She smiled at his efforts, and let him lead her to the car. She would have to work extra hard to hide her heavy heart. She didn't want him to know.

It seemed that she was already falling down on the job. Halfway home, in the car, he glanced at her, and whispered softly, "It's gonna work out like it should, Tea. It will be okay."

*****************************************************************

Rhiannon O'Hara turned and smiled as her children made a game out of climbing in and out of the legs of the old desk she had just bought at a local yard sale. It needed a lot of work, but she looked forward to restoring it. It was such a beautiful find. And her kids were obviously getting a kick out of it too.

She was scrubbing the dishes in the kitchen when the sounds of an argument broke out in the other room. Barbara had something in one tight little fist that Kelly wanted to get her hands on badly.

"Barb, what have I told you about sharing with your sister?"
"But I found it Mommy," came the plaintive reply.
"What is It? Let me see." Her children had an endearing way of getting into everything and coming up with all sorts of things.
Barbara stuck out her tongue at Kelly and unfolded a greasy hand in front of her mother.
"It's a key to secret buried treasure, Mama, and the gold is all mine, cause I found it hidden under the desk."
"I helped!!" yelled Kelly.
Rhiannon's attention was captured by the oily little gold key.
"Girls, we might have more than we paid for with this old desk! It must unlock some secret compartment. Help me look!"
The game was afoot!

In just minutes, Kelly came out from under the desk sporting a look of victory. "I found this thingey that pulls down and it has a keyhole!" she announced in a singsong voice.
She stuck her tongue out at her sister triumphantly.
Rhiannon began to grow as excited by the mystery as her children.
"Well, let's find out if there really is any treasure in this old thing!"
Both children grew wide eyed with excitement as the key turned in the lock.
The drawer slid open, and three sets of eyes peered into its depths.
Rhiannon leaned forward, and blew a couple of layers of dust off of the top of the contents, which appeared to be a stack of books. She took them out carefully, and turned the top one over in her hand.
Barbara scowled in disappointment.
"It's no treasure! It's just some old dusty books!"
Rhiannon decided to educate her daughter on the power of books later. She had opened the front cover of the first one and was reading the inscription. "I'm not sure about that. I think this would be a treasure to someone."

In shaky handwriting, the inscription read,

~To my dearest Tea,
So many things I longed to tell you, so many things I never got a chance to share with you, they are all recorded here. I could not go on thinking that you never knew that you were my heart and my joy, for the short time we had together. I probably did not deserve your love, but it was the one thing in this life that kept me going, and I treasured it like you can never understand. It is beyond words, and yet I reach for them anyway. I knew who you were from the moment I felt you growing inside me, getting so strong. You made me so proud. But do you know who you are, my Tea? How special you are? And do you know who your mother was, and how much I have loved you and will always love you? I write this for you, so you will be sure, and so you will never lose sight of yourself or how much I loved you, cara mia.

All my love,
Mother

"To someone out there, my darlings, I bet this would be more valuable than all the gold in the world." She turned the book over, and in small letters on the back, Ana Maria Delgado was inscribed on the back.
"Come here you two…Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

****************************************************************

Todd glanced at Tea from the doorway, curled up on the couch in a sound sleep, exhausted from all the emotions of the day. He was about to turn and leave the room, when she bolted upright, still dazed from her dream.

With the plea of a child in her voice, she cried out:

"Mother???!!! Where are you? I'm here!!"