To Get Me To You by Lila McCann

Well, I still remember times,
When the night seemed to surround me
I was sure the sun would never shine on me
And I, I thought it was my destiny
To walk this world alone

But now you're here with me
Now you're here with me

And I don't regret the rain
Or the nights I felt the pain
Or the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way
Every road I had to take
Every time my heart would break
It was just something that I had to get through
To get me to you
To get me to you

Well, I, I still can recall the days
When I had no love around me
Makes me glad for every day I have with you
And I, I look in your eyes and know
I'm right where I belong
And I belong with you
Always belonged with you

chorus

And if I could I wouldn't change a thing
Wouldn't change a thing baby
Because your love was waiting there for me
Waiting there for me baby

And I don't regret the rain
Or the nights that I felt pain
Or the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way
Every road I had to take
Every time my heart would break
It was just something I had to get through
To get me to you
To get me to you

Todd Manning rolls over on his back and stares at the all too familiar ceiling. Over a two and a half years now, he had stared at that ceiling...every bump...every crack..now etched in his brain. But it had been worth it...at least he hoped it had. When all of his alters had confronted him on his flight out of Llanview...it had scared him...scared him worse than anything before in his life. He had ignored it for a while, hiding out in New York City. But shortly after Christmas, it had happened again...only worse. He had been alone in his small apartment...and suddenly...he wasn't alone...they were all there. Laughing...mocking....sympathizing...even threatening. Pete had been the worst...threatening to go back to Llanview....and hurt Starr and Téa. That had clinched it for Todd...he knew he needed help. In one of his more cognizant moments, he had tracked down Dr. Susannah Hannon, who had been Viki's doctor, and arranged to go to Switzerland to get help. Over two years of intensive therapy and a grueling and painful integration, and Todd was much better. Everyday was still a struggle...people still generally ticked him off...he still has a quick temper....but the memories were becoming bit by bit a little easier to deal with.

He turns his head on the pillow, and looks at his pictures of Starr and Téa. He runs his fingers slowly over his precious daughter's smiling face. Wondering what she looks like now. The last time he had had contact with her was the Christmas right before he had come to Switzerland. He had sent her a beautiful star charm to wear around her neck. It had killed him to be away from her...to not have news of her. But when he came to Switzerland and met with Dr. Hannon, it had been a condition of his that she not contact anyone about his whereabouts. He had told her if she did...he would walk out. And the truth was...once the therapy started, he was so out of it most of the time, he didn't know which end was up. Before he had left for Switzerland, he had contacted Viki one last time in a letter, along with a huge package, of gifts and letters to give to Starr while he was gone. He had sent her many, not knowing how long that time would be. Viki had pressed him on where he was going...but he couldn't bear to let anyone know...he just assured her he would be safe.

His eyes drift to the picture of Téa. The last contact he had had with her was the key. He wondered if she ever figured it out. He smiles slightly, knowing Téa, she did. Todd takes the picture off of his nightstand and stares at it. Wondering what she's doing now....and...if there's someone else. He knew she didn't know the whole story....and not knowing where he was...she had every right to move on with her life. But his heart ached at the thought of her moving on....she was his and he was hers. The last he had heard of her...she had taken a job as ADA. He had purposefully shut himself off from Llanview life...with one exception. When he had gained more control over the alters...he began to make one phone call a week..disguising his voice...to different places...to check up on Starr...just to make sure she was healthy. He would call her school....her day care...sometimes even over to Blair's. But when he did that..he wouldn't talk...just wait to hear his beloved Shorty's voice in the background. It had been easier just to shut out his life in Llanview....so he could get better. Besides...he didn't want anyone to know where he was. He also couldn't bear to hear about Téa moving on.

He runs his finger along her picture slowly.
"It doesn't matter," he says softly, "whoever you're with now...doesn't matter....we belong together Delgado...always."

"Mommy...look!"
Téa grins as her adorable young son ripped open yet another present. She spoiled him..she knew it...but she couldn't help it. He smiles broadly as he holds up a big teddy bear.
"Oh...he's cute," she says, smiling. The teddy bear is forgotten as little Jay rips into another present. The living room floor of her house is covered in ripped wrapping paper. But she didn't care....she had plenty of time to clean up before everyone came over to celebrate. She looks around her house, almost wistfully. After months of searching....Todd's key had finally led to this beautiful house. Upon debating and debating with herself, she finally moved in. She couldn't resist, and it sure beat the Palace. But it was strange...she and Todd had never lived here together...but she could still feel him here. She clenches her fist tightly as she tries to will herself not to think about Todd...where he is..if he's okay. For over two years, she has looked for him...but no luck. It was devastating to her...she was so worried. The anger that had consumed her the morning after their wedding....after the tape had played... after they had argued the better part of the night...had given way to intense worry after she had calmed down enough to listen to the whole tape. That had cinched it in her mind that Todd was indeed ill. Everytime she thought about it...it made her so mad at herself that she hadn't listened to him that night in the cabana...but she had felt so hurt and betrayed...especially after....