I walked to Amy’s house, a million things going in my mind. I was torn between the man I knew as my father - the good man - who had never a raised a hand to us in an act of violence - who collected football cards with me and Tyler and who went to all of Terri’s open houses - and who bought all of Taylor’s stupid chocolate bars she had to sell for school fundraisers - and the man that my father had been. An angry man - who had done horrible things - seeing in my mind the romantic kiss I saw the other day between my parents and trying to imagine them so angry at each other that words of hurt and acts of violence were exchanged between them. Why had my father done such terrible things? And my mother? What changed between them? How could they love each other so much…? What is love? I didn’t understand…

Amy lived in a modest area. Not too fancy, not too run down. Her father was a manager of a local store. I walked up to the door and knocked, running my hands through my hair in gesture very remincient of my father. Amy’s father answered the door.

“Is Amy here Mr. Kalariotes?” I asked politely but nervously.
“No,” he said abruptly.
I was surprised, “But…Amy said…she’d be home…”
“Amy doesn’t want to see you,” added her father firmly crossing her arms.
Something was wrong, “That’s not right. Amy said…Amy said…she wanted to see me…”
“All right - I’ll spell it out for you. I don’t want you to see Amy,” said her father firmly.
“Why did you lie? Why don’t you want me to see Amy now?” I asked clearly upset, “Is it because…of my hemophilia?”
His face softened a bit, “No. It’s because I don’t want my daughter associating with a boy whose father is accused of a crime…” said Mr. Kalariotes firmly.
“But! My father has done nothing wrong! He loves my mother! He took her away on a romantic getaway last weekend!” I protested.
“Your father is a violent man. I don’t think it’s a good idea that Amy spends time with you. You might have picked up some of your father’s violent habits…” said Mr. Kalariotes shutting the door in my face. I was stunned.
I began pounding on the door, “I want to see Amy now!”
Mr. Kalariotes threw open the door, “Stop pounding on my door or I’ll call the police.”
I backed away, sneering at him and he shut the door again. I looked at my fists. Thankfully, they weren’t bruised. Simply stunned, I walked around the house to Amy’s window but it was dark. She wasn’t in her room. Did Amy want to see me or was her Dad just being a jerk? It wasn’t right to assume the kind of man my father was! But wasn’t I doing just that? I needed to talk to someone who could help me sort my confusion out. I walked down to the corner to the payphone and made a phone call.
“Starr? It’s me…Trevor…”
“Trevor. Tyler and Taylor just came over here…”
“Are they o.k.?” I asked. They must have left after I did. Did mom and dad know where they were at?
“Yeah. They’re upset. Why don’t you come over and we’ll talk about it o.k…”
“And Terri?”
“She’s sleeping. I put her to bed after helping her with her spelling words…”
“I’ll be there shortly,” I said. I hung up the phone and made my way to Starr’s apartment.

Starr lived in a modest apartment in downtown Llanview. She was attending Llanview University and her major was in journalism. She was attending part time while holding down a full time job at the Sun as one of my father’s reporters. She was very good at her job. I went into her apartment building, found her door and knocked on it. She opened the door instantly.
“C’Mon in and be quiet. Terri’s sleeping in my spare bedroom,” said Starr firmly.
I walked in and Starr closed the door. We walked into the living room. Tyler was pacing the living room - letting his anguish seep out of him. Taylor stared blankly at him while sitting at a stool on Starr’s bar.
Starr crossed her arms and looked at us firmly, “Well, let’s talk about it.”
“You know, don’t you?” said Tyler glaring at her.
“I know about Dad’s past. I know about the man he was,” said Starr sitting down on a chair propping her feet up on her coffee table. I sat down on the couch.
“How did you find out?” asked Taylor softly.
“Archived newspaper clippings. I had gone to work for the Sun my senior year of high school and had to do some research on a story and came across…some disturbing articles. I confronted Dad - in much the same way you did - anger and shock and disgust. And he was honest with me…” explained Starr, “No doubt as he was honest with you.”
“How could he? Do something…so despicable?” spat Tyler continuing to pace.
“There’s a lot about our father you don’t know…” said Starr, “And quite honestly you aren’t prepared to hear it.”
“Mom told us…she’d struck him as well…with a shovel…” said Taylor flatly.
“Yeah…she did. And did your parents tell you about the counseling and the therapy they went through…to get better?” added Starr.
“Not really,” I said perking up as I listened to Starr intently.
“Yeah, well they did. They realized that both of them - had issues - and they both attended therapy and counseling sessions to work through them…” explained Starr.
“So, that’s what changed…” I muttered.
“No, Trevor - they realized they had to change because they were in love only they didn’t know how to express it - their love - in a healthy way. The counseling and therapy showed them how to do it…” added Starr finding all of our eyes looking for understanding.
“Why did they have issues?” asked Taylor, “Why didn’t they know how to express their love in a healthy way?”
“Because…” began Starr looking intently at Taylor, “They had issues because both of them grew up in a pretty shitty home environment. They grew up in homes the exact opposite of what you’re growing up in now - what I grew up in…And when you don’t know what love is - how can you express it…?”
“So how did they know they were in love if you claim they didn’t know what it was?” asked Tyler. I think I understood what Starr was getting at.
“Love is out there Tyler. It’s a feeling. One day you’re gonna wake up with this…feeling…and you can’t explain it but you’re gonna feel it. It’s an uneasy awkward feeling in the pit of your stomach that says, “I want to see her today. She makes me laugh.” They felt that love for each other but neither of them had ever felt that feeling before - let alone how to express it…when you grow up getting beaten for the stupidest things or put down for the dumbest things…by people who are supposed to love you - that’s what you think love is…” explained Starr, “And that’s what our father and Téa knew about love before they got counseling…”
“Our parents didn’t have a happy childhood…” I remarked.
“No, they didn’t. What you don’t know and honestly it’s not my business to tell you but I’m going to so you’ll understand, is that our father was physically abused as a child and Téa was always getting put down because she was the only girl in a family full of men. She never felt like she measured up,” finished Starr.
Tyler, Taylor and me exchanged glances of recognition and acknowledgement.
“Our father…loves Téa deeply. And he loves us just as deeply as well,” said Starr.
Tyler shook it off, confused, maybe now more than ever, “No! He’s a liar!”
“No!” said Starr firmly, “He’s changed!”
“Why…did he allow the counseling…to help him?” asked Taylor quietly. Like her mind, mine was processing the information Starr was giving us and it was starting to make a lot of sense.
“Because…he wanted to be a good father to me…and a good husband to Téa…” said Starr.
There was silence between us. Tyler continued to pace.
“Tell me - does our father hug you or hit you? Has he ever hit you?” asked Starr firmly.
“He’s never hit us,” I said.
Tyler, upset, picked up a potted plant.
“Tyler, put the plant down. Whatever you do, don’t throw it…” said Starr firmly.
Tyler disregarded Starr and threw it across her apartment, shattering the pot. It’s a wonder Terri didn’t wake up.
Starr shot out of her chair and aggressively approached Tyler placing her hands on his arms, her eyes blazing with fire.
“What did I tell you?” she said. She was pretty pissed.
“Don’t throw it,” muttered Tyler in shock.
“But you threw it anyway, didn’t you? Don’t you know it was that same rage - that same uncontrollable rage that possessed our father all those years ago?” spat Starr.
“I…” muttered Tyler.
“You’re a violent kid Tyler and I don’t know how you got that way. Is it the football? The hockey you play? You’ve been suspended from school for fighting! In a fit of anger you went to hit Brady Buchanan and struck your own brother instead. And “I” know that you didn’t learn how to be violent from our father…or Téa…” spat Starr letting go of him and backing away.
My mouth dropped at her truthful observation.
“All of you! All three of you! Trevor! Tell me our father…or Téa…doesn’t love you…!” insisted Starr turning to me, “Tell me they haven’t spent hours over your bed at the hospital worrying over your health.”
I made a face, a tear rolling down my cheek, “Yeah - they’ve spent hours there with me - they love me!” I muttered disappointed in myself. In my reaction over Dad’s past.
“Taylor…” said Starr turning to her.
Taylor swallowed, her own tear apparent, “Dad and Mom…they love us…” she muttered.
“Tyler…” said Starr firmly turning to him.
Tyler collapsed to the floor - to his knees - tears falling from his eyes as well, “I’m sorry Starr…So sorry…I don’t want to…to be violent…but I am…I am…” he lamented letting out his hurt and his pain. He looked up into Starr’s eyes, “I love him Starr…I love my father so much…and my mother… I do…I love them a lot…” he cried.
“I know…” said Starr softening.
Slowly, I got up and walked next to Starr, giving her a hug.
“It doesn’t matter anymore to me Starr…” I said, “The man I call father is someone I admire for who he is now - not all those years ago…I’m not going to stop loving him because of his past…I just can’t turn off those feelings…” I said clinging to her.
“Taylor!” cried Tyler realizing she wasn’t at his side.
Taylor got up and dropped her knees in front of him. Slowly, she took a hand and lifted up his head, making eye contact with him. Then she held up her palm, her own lips trembling. He extended his palm to hers…connecting physically with her.
“Share it with me…” she whispered, so “into” him.
It was weird watching them connect on a level that only twins…connect on…I guess…
“You realize…not only have you hurt yourselves, you’ve hurt Dad and Téa today…” said Starr with your reactions.
“We should say we’re sorry…” I muttered, “Mom and Dad don’t need this now - not with Dad a murder suspect…it just hurts knowing Dad was so mean you know…”
“Yeah, but what matters now is that he’s not like that now and hasn’t been for quite awhile…” reinforced Starr.
“You’re right Trevor. We need to come together as a family,” said Taylor standing up and helping Tyler to stand up, “Mom and Dad don’t need their family torn apart from the past…”
“So, Starr, you gonna take us home so we can make things right?” asked Tyler calmly.
Starr smiled, “I’d love to take to you home.”

TO BE CONTINUED…