And so ladies and gentlemen, some of my amateur poetry ... yeah yeah, so i was a love-struck fool every so often

 The Dream Wanderer

I wonder ...
Just how the world lives?
How I come to exist?
And make a purpose in life.
Is it a question of religion?
Of Love ?  Of Sanity ?
Are we just a portion
Of Reality ?
Or the center of the Universe ...
I wonder ...
How I am able to feel
The warm touch of an ember
Or the chill of a foggy night
Or an overflowing emotion --
Of a heart,
Hiding behind a curtain of defense ...
Away from pain,
And thinking,
Just how I am able to sense
All the various fragrances,
Of blooming roses and weeping jasmins
Or how I come to breathe
A reminiscing scent ...
That cries back
All the many sorrows,
And simple joys
Past a span of moments
And still absorb pictures of fleeting smiles

I wonder
Why trees tend to rustle
When the wind presses its hand
And give spirit to the singing leaves
Or why the children of the earth
Continue to fulfill
The paradox of creation
And the cycle of Life and Death
All standing in Balance and Unity ...
Or, is it ?

I wonder
Am I important
To the existence of the world ?
Am I important
To the making of the world
As the Deluge ?
Shaping the earth in my wake ?
Am I a bridge between
The roots of my family
And the stem of future descendants ?
Am I what generations of heroes and wise men extol ?
Or ...
Am I as insignificant ...
As the lives lost when wars took place
Like drops of rain
Disappearing into the ocean
Like a dew drop under a leaf of grass
Waiting to be merged with clouds
High up in the sky
With many others like me
No ...
Perhaps not ...
No because ...
I have wondered
If I can be a teardrop
To signify Joy, or Sorrow, or Hope
Or to be a gliding tuft of silk
Exploring a planet
Of Blue, of Green, of Rainbowed colours
Forever wondering ...
Forever seeing ...
And then just settle down
To sleep with dreams
Of distant castles
Of exotic lands
Of beautiful people
And then I'll wander again
Then wonder again
And wandering still
Wondering
How great God is
And how simple I am
And yet ...
We're supposed to sway ...
In eternal rhythm
In eternal harmony
In eternal life
And I shall wonder and wonder ...
Until I can no longer stop wondering
God help me ...
I can't stop wondering.

Hello Mia

nice to see you again
it's been a pretty long while
since i left this place

do you remember what it once was?
those warm afternoons at your home
i know you know

but tell me, how's it been?
will you not smile for me now?
do you have a reason to hate me?

please, let me hold your hand
cradle your head on my shoulders
i'll tell you what's in my heart

it's not our fault
we left each other at the same time
but please don't let go

i wished i never grew up
and see the reality of unrealities
but it was fun dreaming it with you

but now i look at you
not with a child's little heart
but with a guy's foolish dreams

so you step back
and deny me yourself
 because of someone else

i smile, i knew i've grown
understood what you have shown
it's not hard to tell

why does it have to take
a lifetime to forget a person
all the memories that went with it?

sorry, i've confused you
please don't be angry at my heartlessness
and my sudden change

it seems you're still the same
full of girlishness, perpetually naive
but i like the way you are

you bring me closer to you
without you knowing it
so here i am

saying my last goodbye
to my first love, the one who taught me
to be sweet, and caring, and thougthful

i turned my back
let the breeze pass behind my neck
imagining it's your whisper

may you always be happy
and sweet, and caring, and thoughtful
and all the love that comes with it

and let love fill your life
 but let me tell you once more
i love you so much, it hurts

goodbye mia.

piece 19991118

i sit here, thinking of what to say
afraid that you'll get mad or walk away
there is nothing i can do to stop you
but to tell you how much i'm in love with you

please listen to what my heart is shouting
it is saying, "please be mine, my love, my darling"
If you agree to that, you'll see
how my life has more meaning when you're with me

do not worry of our tomorrow
it will always be filled with happiness or sorrow
i promised my love will always be there
to warm you, to protect you, to tell you i care

but please be patient, and please be mine
you'll never know what will come in time
so please be patient, and please be true
and remember this, I LOVE YOU !

Prom Night

kahit hindi ako lumingon
nandyan ka, malapit sa akin
alam kong tinitingnan mo ako
at may nais kang sabihin

kinunwari kong di kita napapansin
para saktan ka ng kaunti
ngunit alam kong nakikita mo
ang lubos kong pagkukunwari

unti-unti lumapit ka
iniisip kung ano ang sasabihin
para namang hindi mo ko kilala
pakikingan kita, at diringgin

alam mo, minahal na rin kita
kahit na ganyan ka
siguro, hindi ko lang sinabi
para di ka sa 'kin umasa

hindi ko na rin ipagkakaila
na masaya ako pag kasama ka
nagustuhan ko ang ngiti mo e
saka ang tawa sa yong mukha

pero eto ka ngayon
nasa harap ko at nagmumuni
nagkwento ng kaunti
hanggang sa umabot ang gabi

ano ba talaga?
marami pa kong gagawin
kung titingnan mo lang ako
e ? di yun na lang tanawin

napatingala tayo, tapos, may bituin
nahulog sa dilim ng langit
nginitian mo ko ng 'yong mata
kinuha 'ng kamay ko ng pilit

"isang sayaw?", tanong ? sa 'kin
"sige na nga", dahil gusto ko rin
nalambing ako ng yong hiling
sinabayan ang kumpas ng tugtugin ...

Unprofessional

all what we're doing now is pretending to love somebody else
when all along, in ourselves, that there is something there for us
we hide because it is something we thought of us unprofessional
it is something to be denied, something not worth taking note

we punish these notions by loving that somebody else more
and it did help erase what is supposed to have been nurtured
funny how we like these game of denials, makes everyday so undull
well so it is the way it's been, and the moss continues to grow

oh that glance, "no meaning to me", we say to ourselves
nothing but that instinct to greet, the way it has been many times
the root of it all, nothing but gestures to tell ourselves all's ok
never let these things grow, because it will be so unprofessional

and then, uninvited from all dreams, it knocks and knocks
not to deny kindness as to deny its presence, we look to see
what would happen if all things were different and tides rolled the other way
let feelings creep a little, since our someone has all the hold

we thought our minds and thoughts were strong, calm enough
after all, humans will be humans, and mistakes will always be both a need and a rule
let us not bleed these things anymore, it will be so unprofessional
forget all, regret all, whatever happens, never be unprofessional

we're so perfect in this world
watched the roaming of clouds ...
you all were my wing, my sky
my view of the world unshrouds

we could've gone places
won the hearts of a multitude
i almost never cared for myself
with us there is always solitude

i used to smile as fearlessly
until one of you, my angels, died
my heart stopped for a moment
fearless still, though i almost cried

but there're enough smiles
to let me live another day
unchanged, and still heartless
my tears will dry anyway

i've tried forgetting that moment
and let my sorrow pass by
then i hinted the unlasting of things
as one by one, my angels, died

all that has a lasting value
seeped away, and faded
until one angel is left with me
i`m left feeling so unguarded

before i let anguish drown
i stopped sobbing and looked up
should i let sorrow overcome me ?
or should i let misery stop ?

even though i am almost alone
each event in my life made me strong
with each passing of my angels
they had left, in my heart, a song

"know in your heart these words
that this life calls for courageousness
be calm, face the storm and you'll see
be the someone that you can be"

i think i know what they want me to see
it is by being a lantern in someone`s sky
i could be that angel at your side
i can be the angel of your life

Why Want Me ?

why want me?
when there are lots of others around
who could've given you what you wanted
and made you happy the way you most desire
they have all the good looks
they have all the right moves

me? i am just me
that's all i am good at
just being me

why want me?
when there are lots of others out there
another person to smile and laugh with you
someone who can cherish your personal dreams
love you the way you are
love you for the sake of loving you

me? i can do it too
not really great at it
but i always try

why want me?
when there can be others better than i am
sweeter, or gentler, or more charismatic
a heart that can win the hearts of many
is it because i am here for you now?
is it because i am sincere with what i feel?

me? you still want me?
if love is behind that wanting
then i`ll let you
if not then ...
then let it go